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Single guy in 30's looking for advice

2»

Comments

  • #32
    S.G.M.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 331 ✭✭S.G.M.


    bitofabind wrote:
    The "you'll meet them when you least expect it" is frankly bollix that couples say. You have to be out there and make the effort, especially if you're not naturally a social, proactive sort. You also need to be "used" to dating IME - as in, you've got options and you know how to lead in these situations. I've met heaps of hapless men who were lovely but just didn't know how to communicate about what they wanted - the type that might ask me out and then wait for me to suggest a place to meet up. I'll generalise here - women like a guy who knows how to do the dating dance and isn't afraid to be forward and direct. If that's not you - you're probably not being clear enough with the women you meet and are giving mixed messages. Something to work on and the best way to work on it is to get out there and date, date, date.

    I agree with this. I wud have struggled in the past with the dating dance as was seen here. Asking out at the wrong time etc it's definitely something that can be worked on.


  • #33
    S.G.M.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 331 ✭✭S.G.M.


    bitofabind wrote:
    We all know those people in life who never seem to be single. I've looked at some examples in my own life, and the common factor I see is that they're out there looking every day and creating opportunities. They approach women and ask them out. They almost advertise that they're single shamelessly and are looking to meet someone. That's why they rarely are - because the opportunities are everywhere when you want to see them.

    But does advertising not put a lot of women off? That sounds very desperate. They may be in relationships but if they are in a number of one's then they aren't meeting the right people doing that.
    I do agree with your point though but I think you also have to be very careful not to come off desperate.
    You have to give off the 'Im happy with my life, convince me to let you into it' vibe.


  • #34
    bitofabind
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 938 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    It's not desperate when you're a happy guy with a good life you enjoy and are confident in what you're offering. That's the difference.

    It's just dismissing this fear of rejection we all have and taking a playful approach to women, taking your chances when you meet someone you like and being a bit flirty, testing the boundaries, as opposed to a caveman "you woman, me man" type of thing.

    It's hard to meet the right person, no question about it. But it's impossible if you're doing absolutely nothing about it. Be open, be confident, take the bull by the horns when you meet someone you like and statistically your chances are a hell of a lot higher already.


  • #35
    S.G.M.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 331 ✭✭S.G.M.


    I get ya, I thought the 'shamelessly advertising themselves' sounded desperate lol
    Yeah that way sounds like a positive way to approach things.


  • #36
    santana75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,382 ✭✭✭santana75


    OP the "You'll meet them when you least expect it" is not bollox, as someone said. It's true. But you have to genuinely and completely let go. It's not pretending, like whistling as you walk by a graveyard. Its having a clear purpose in life and pursuing that with all of yourself. When you do this you literally do not even think about dating or trying to get with someone. But the paradox is that when you are in this state of mind people come to you, without any effort on your part. You meet people and you're not even trying because you don't need them. You realise you're complete already. So you're relaxed and not performing. You can't try to synthesize this way of being, it has to be real, you can't secretly have a hidden agenda to meet someone, you have to be willing to let that go entirely. Like be ok with never being married or even meeting someone. When you get to that point then you're free and relaxed and that's when these things happen without effort. But most people wont let go that's why they think this is bollox.


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  • #37
    Daisy78
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭Daisy78


    santana75 wrote: »
    OP the "You'll meet them when you least expect it" is not bollox, as someone said. It's true. But you have to genuinely and completely let go. It's not pretending, like whistling as you walk by a graveyard. Its having a clear purpose in life and pursuing that with all of yourself. When you do this you literally do not even think about dating or trying to get with someone. But the paradox is that when you are in this state of mind people come to you, without any effort on your part. You meet people and you're not even trying because you don't need them. You realise you're complete already. So you're relaxed and not performing. You can't try to synthesize this way of being, it has to be real, you can't secretly have a hidden agenda to meet someone, you have to be willing to let that go entirely. Like be ok with never being married or even meeting someone. When you get to that point then you're free and relaxed and that's when these things happen without effort. But most people wont let go that's why they think this is bollox.

    This might happen for some but not all. I’ve seen plenty of people who spent years not looking for someone, their attention focused on other stuff going on in their life and they still end up single. I spent many years myself not expecting anything and I still ended up with nothing to show for it! It’s a nice idea but it really doesn’t work out that way for everyone.


  • #38
    worded
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,885 ✭✭✭worded


    <mod snip>

    Discussion of Pick-Up-Artists (PUA) methods and techniques are not allowed on this forum. Consider this a warning.


  • #39
    bitofabind
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 938 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Daisy78 wrote: »
    This might happen for some but not all. I’ve seen plenty of people who spent years not looking for someone, their attention focused on other stuff going on in their life and they still end up single. I spent many years myself not expecting anything and I still ended up with nothing to show for it! It’s a nice idea but it really doesn’t work out that way for everyone.

    +1 to this. Santana, that sounds lovely and all but as far as practical advice goes, it's like telling someone to "be yourself".

    IME the longer you are single, the more you get used to it so you can go off and start living your best purposeful life, but that doesn't mean you'll suddenly bump into your life partner, especially when you're out of practice with women / men and not used to spotting or seeking out these opportunities.

    Sure, create a life that you love where you're not reliant on meeting someone to validate your existence. It'll make you less likely to end up in a toxic relationship. However, it doesn't help the OP with what he wants in the short to medium term, which is a partner and a family. That starts with changing what he's currently doing that's not working, and that's being passive about his social and dating life.


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