Why are there so many socially awkward people today?

TheFarrier · 22-10-2019 06:42PM

I wonder is it a case that more people would have been pushed to the point of powering through it before than now.

I would have been (still am I suppose) the type of person classed as socially awkward, but growing up I was landed into situations by my parents and friends etc that I found really difficult as I was so awkward and introverted, but the more I was landed into these situations the more I learned to handle them and the less self conscious I became.

I’m still fairly self conscious and I still find being around large crowds of people I don’t know or very well but I’m much better than I reckon I could have been.

A lot of parents today seem to think their child is more special or sensitive than all others

freshpopcorn · 22-10-2019 06:43PM

Has anybody said it's because we don't go to mass as much as we used to yet?
That used be a fair bit of socially interaction I'd say.

Fanny Wank · 22-10-2019 06:46PM

canonball5 wrote: »

more men are going MGTOW!

Who's doing what now?

TuringBot47 · 22-10-2019 06:56PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Has anybody said it's because we don't go to mass as much as we used to yet?
That used be a fair bit of socially interaction I'd say.

Well, mainly in rural locations I imagine.
Also people had large families a generation ago, that definitely helped create wide social circles.

And there's probably the Healy Raes talking about the country folk being isolated because they're not allowed to drink drive.

weemcd · 22-10-2019 07:08PM

I've a new flatmate in who I work with, he's 25, nearly 26 and I'm 31. He's only been in a short time but it's apparent he gets home, cooks something and goes into his room, eats it in bed and watches YouTube/plays computer games.

It's early days yet but he's definitely cocooning, he said when he moved in he needed to be more social but he hasn't made any steps towards this that I've seen. He's only lived away for a year or so before and has spent the rest of his time living at home. I think that's stunted him and limited his development, he hasn't lived with different people and dealt with social interactions enough.

He talks about anxiety and things but I think a large part of this is he hasn't kicked on and still largely lives as a teenager would. I'll try my best with him but I don't want to lecture him and loose patience with him either. I told him to get out and about and do yoga, gym, whatever he is interested in but he didn't respond well to that or see the point. I asked him what he was interested in or excited about but he said when he watches an episode of anime and looks forward to the next one - clearly missing the point.

stryker mcqueen · 22-10-2019 07:10PM

Social media defo has a huge part to play , I'm 34 and when I think back to my teenage and early 20 years I am a shadow of my myself , its actually quite depressing

freshpopcorn · 22-10-2019 07:12PM

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Well, mainly in rural locations I imagine.
Also people had large families a generation ago, that definitely helped create wide social circles.

.

I even think in urban locations mass would have being a big enough thing in the past and it would have involved a lot of social interaction.

tylercheribini · 22-10-2019 07:20PM

weemcd wrote: »

I've a new flatmate in who I work with, he's 25, nearly 26 and I'm 31. He's only been in a short time but it's apparent he gets home, cooks something and goes into his room, eats it in bed and watches YouTube/plays computer games.

It's early days yet but he's definitely cocooning, he said when he moved in he needed to be more social but he hasn't made any steps towards this that I've seen. He's only lived away for a year or so before and has spent the rest of his time living at home. I think that's stunted him and limited his development, he hasn't lived with different people and dealt with social interactions enough.

He talks about anxiety and things but I think a large part of this is he hasn't kicked on and still largely lives as a teenager would. I'll try my best with him but I don't want to lecture him and loose patience with him either. I told him to get out and about and do yoga, gym, whatever he is interested in but he didn't respond well to that or see the point. I asked him what he was interested in or excited about but he said when he watches an episode of anime and looks forward to the next one - clearly missing the point.

Doesnt sound like he is harming anyone else with his behaviour, live and let live, personally speaking I would take an introverts company anytime over some of the foghorn narcissists I've had to endure over the years, empty pots making most noise and all that.

Tony EH · 22-10-2019 07:22PM

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I would be one myself. No friends, no girlfriend. Pretty much regarding social interaction since 6th class 11 years ago. It seems to afflict males more than females.

I think the internet made people less connected. I spent nearly all of my life on my computer locked inside. That and being an only child contributed to this.

Or perhaps it's genetic. Some are just more introverted.

Social skills are skills to be learned, like any other. So, as someone else has already said, get out more and develop them.

tylercheribini · 22-10-2019 07:25PM

Tony EH wrote: »

Social skills are skills to be learned, like any other. So, as someone else has already said, get out more and develop them.

So much of conversation is vacous nonsense(eg the weather)just for the sake of talking. The dreaded trapped-with-a-stranger-on-public transport jibber jabber is excruciating.

Tony EH · 22-10-2019 07:31PM

tylercheribini wrote: »

So much of conversation is vacous nonsense(eg the weather)just for the sake of talking. The dreaded trapped-with-a-stranger-on-public transport jibber jabber is excruciating.

This can be true, but hearing it allows you to filter what is "good" conversation and what is "bad".

Redneck Reject · 22-10-2019 07:38PM

Because the younger generation are more adept dealing with iPhone screens,tablets,and laptops.Than actually having to navigate social interactions with a real person. People now use apps to meet people, take fashion and life skills from so called influencers online. I see it everyday and it's tragic. Yes I am old and old fashioned, and I'm proud of that. And also a bit under the influence, so take my ramblings for what you will,heh.

ArchXStanton · 22-10-2019 07:40PM

stryker mcqueen wrote: »

Social media defo has a huge part to play , I'm 34 and when I think back to my teenage and early 20 years I am a shadow of my myself , its actually quite depressing

I've noticed myself my social skills have got a bit rusty and I used to be able to talk to anybody in most scenarios, I was putting it down to giving up drinking a few years ago but now I'm not so sure...

tylercheribini · 22-10-2019 07:45PM

I find so many people,both professionally and socially, are completely tone deaf to the social cues that you have absolutely zero interest in what they are nattering on about. Less talkative people, not more I say!

22-10-2019 08:03PM

cajonlardo wrote: »

When you are learning to drive you are highly likely to be somewhat anxious.

If you let that limit the amount of driving you do, that anxiety won't ever go away. If you challenge yourself and confront the anxiety your driving improves and anxiety fades.

Same goes for just about everything.
Avoid the things making you anxious and the anxiety won't ever improve.
Get out there, interact, live life. Get into evening classes, sports clubs - anything that gets you out and about.

That is one of the truest things I've ever read on here.

Too many people avoid life these days.

monkeysnapper · 22-10-2019 08:33PM

Deleted User wrote: »

That is one of the truest things I've ever read on here.

Too many people avoid life these days.

I watched this amazing documentary about people that stammered to the point they closed them selved off completly....

Some of them were very intelligent people , one was a pharmacist and didnt want to answer phone or go to the counter ....

Anyway they went off and got professional help and lived in this place for whole month .

Anyway the result was astounding.... was very emotional seeing how they were made to face their fears and meet them head on.

I cant stress enough that people should seek help for anything that holds them back from leading a happy life. It's ok to enjoy time on your own god dam everyone has that feeling ... but when you know you have a problem you really should try and seek help.

Greentopia · 22-10-2019 09:00PM

It's easier than ever for people who lack social skills to at least get by in life, if not exactly thrive.

The internet definitely is a substitute for many for real life social interaction.

We no longer depend on each other like we did when I was growing up, society is more atomised and I think there's less trust in society which is sad.

There's so much pressure on young people to look a certain way, to achieve career and relationship milestones and social media makes it all the worse when it looks like everyone else is having a great time and successful.

I was reading lately about how loneliness and isolation among young people is a problem, something I never considered really.

It all feeds into how people perceive themselves and their self esteem, and that manifests itself in some as social awkwardness and diffidence.

I'm quite the introvert myself but I'm happy being so. It might not be the most socially desirable way to be in this country but I don't care. One of the benefits of getting older.

I don't think I'm socially awkward but am definitely much happier being with only one or two people than being out in big social groups or around noisy people. And it helps I'm happy with my own company, and I have some good friends.

weemcd · 22-10-2019 09:11PM

tylercheribini wrote: »

Doesnt sound like he is harming anyone else with his behaviour, live and let live, personally speaking I would take an introverts company anytime over some of the foghorn narcissists I've had to endure over the years, empty pots making most noise and all that.

You are right, and I agree with everything you say. I'm an introvert myself and I've no problem on my own at all, but there has to be a balance. I think he's missed out a lot in some ways.

Greentopia · 22-10-2019 09:11PM

canonball5 wrote: »

Most women are crazy and more men are going MGTOW, it's no surprise really!

Incels. That's a thing too. Maybe get out and talk to real women, show them equal respect and kindness as you would expect to be treated, instead of getting your ideas about them from American emotionally stunted man children online who hate women because of their own insecurities and lack of self esteem.

scamalert · 22-10-2019 10:58PM

TheFarrier wrote: »

A lot of parents today seem to think their child is more special or sensitive than all others

quite few threads seem to have same underline issue, if you have kids 14yo carried into late 20s slobbing around pc/internet as main interaction and world, without actually stepping outside - its bound to happen more.

if you look back 40-50 years only way around someones day would been either interact or work around all hours to support oneself or become indepdendent, no sponging around tv or some other crap - which today works in reverse, when most are let go they cant handle any real world stress or solve issues and revert back to safety, as most get into real world without any skills.

Wibbs · 22-10-2019 11:53PM

tylercheribini wrote: »

So much of conversation is vacous nonsense(eg the weather)just for the sake of talking. The dreaded trapped-with-a-stranger-on-public transport jibber jabber is excruciating.

You're missing the point of said "vacuous nonsense", as many do when this subject comes up. Small talk is - if one wanted to get nerdy about it - is like the handshaking of an old style modem. Maybe an irritating noise for you, but necessary. A way for people to gauge the social ease and safety of others they meet, before they might venture into deeper social waters. EG "Jaysus the weather's woeful. The nights are closing in. Oh I know, it's awful isn't it? Any complaints? Ah sure who'd listen to me"
That's the "handshake". An accepted and mutually agreed upon form of easy interaction between strangers to establish some trust in this covenant and ironically enough for the socially anxious, a way to lower social anxiety.

This I have found is a major stumbling block for those that chime in on this kind of matter and say they're "introverts", or "socially anxious/adrift" and use that as a reason for certain attitudes and social responses.

If one examines it, it can be seen as selfish; well a more useful way to view it would be it's more about the self, it's mostly about them. How they feel in social situations and largely eff anyone else. Extreme extroverts are the very same. Social interaction has to consist of at least some genuine engagement from other people.

Wibbs · 22-10-2019 11:57PM

Greentopia wrote: »

Incels. That's a thing too. Maybe get out and talk to real women, show them equal respect and kindness as you would expect to be treated, instead of getting your ideas about them from American emotionally stunted man children online who hate women because of their own insecurities and lack of self esteem.

Aye G 100%, but don't leave out the equally American emotionally stunted women children online who hate men because of their own insecurities and lack of self esteem. Much of the Yank online world is fcuked in so many ways, much like their current culture and it's best to ignore as much of that guff as is possible.

tylercheribini · 23-10-2019 12:08AM

"A closed mouth catches no flies"

tylercheribini · 23-10-2019 01:02PM

For those saying the lost art of conversation is a new phenomenon,taken by Stanley Kubrick in the 1940's.

Tony EH · 23-10-2019 01:09PM

tylercheribini wrote: »

For those saying the lost art of conversation is a new phenomenon,taken by Stanley Kubrick in the 1940's.

Nobody ever conversed on subways.

MrAbyss · 23-10-2019 01:12PM

I think a lot of people live in fear these days. The mass media has them terrified of everything from Brexit, to Trump to Warm Weather. It is an age of non stop news and the same misery every day. Therefore if people are scared of life, they are scared of other people.

The tribe was killed by the 'BREAKING NEWS' graphics.

_Brian · 23-10-2019 01:15PM

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I would be one myself. No friends, no girlfriend. Pretty much regarding social interaction since 6th class 11 years ago. It seems to afflict males more than females.

I think the internet made people less connected. I spent nearly all of my life on my computer locked inside. That and being an only child contributed to this.

Or perhaps it's genetic. Some are just more introverted.

There have always been socially awkward people.
When I think back to school there were plenty, never went out with anyone, never went out at all, never married afterwards.

Living in rural Ireland it’s full of old bachelors and spinsters who were the socially awkward of their time.

Humans have always existed on a massive scale of social ability, modern technology neither adds not detracts from it.

tylercheribini · 23-10-2019 01:23PM

Tony EH wrote: »

Nobody ever conversed on subways.

I beg to differ,see my previous post regarding public transport.

sbsquarepants · 23-10-2019 01:25PM

Greentopia wrote: »

I don't think I'm socially awkward but am definitely much happier being with only one or two people than being out in big social groups or around noisy people. And it helps I'm happy with my own company, and I have some good friends.

I'm the same. I could never understand the appeal of large groups, still don't. Groups of 20 or 30 people going off on holidays, or to football matches and so on - no thanks, i'd rather do pretty much anything else! I'm not afraid of it, it doesn't make me anxious or anything like that - i just don't find it enjoyable, 3 or 4 people is around my limit, after that i just loose interest!

23-10-2019 01:26PM

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I would be one myself. No friends, no girlfriend. Pretty much regarding social interaction since 6th class 11 years ago. It seems to afflict males more than females.

I think the internet made people less connected. I spent nearly all of my life on my computer locked inside. That and being an only child contributed to this.

Or perhaps it's genetic. Some are just more introverted.

Would you ever consider posting in some of your threads? Or better yet posting a normal thread, or joining in one you didn't start? I don't want to be mean, the total opposite actually but come on man, you post all the time about social interaction but none of your threads are in anyway social. Stop worrying about it and just join in

Why are there so many socially awkward people today?

Comments