Not enough these days?

LegacyUser · 13-09-2019 12:55PM #1

Hi all,

Need advice.
I’m 29 F, single, never had a proper relationship.
I can’t seem to relate to men my age and a bit older. From my observations and talking to friends/co workers and even some interactions with men, it seems you have to have a interesting CV or instagram at the ready to interest men in their 20s and 30s these days.
I won’t lie - I haven’t travelled a lot (the odd holiday once a year) and I don’t do group sports or party hard etc..
Sure I understand you have to have a few things going for you.
I’m a normal girl with a professional career who keeps fit. I live a clean lifestyle and may drink occasionally. I would say I’m good looking, calm, thoughtful, kind and funny - But this isn’t enough these days..

The men I do encounter treat me they are half interested.. I’m barely given a chance to actually demonstrate my character before I’m wrote off..
It seems men I’ve met are more consumed with instagram and dating apps then interested in getting to know more about a woman in real life in front of them who is actually attracted to them..
I’m always told how beautiful and stunning I am by family, friends and colleagues but I just do not believe any of it anymore..

I’m 29 and miserable. I do feel depressed over this and feel like I’ll never meet anyone..
All I want to do is have fun, laugh and be desired by a man. It seems to be a lot to ask for nowadays.

Is it just me?

LegacyUser · 13-09-2019 02:18PM

I'm mid 30s male, no dating experience. I don't use social media, so don't really get that part of you've said. I don't drink much or party. Are you being too pessimistic here? I'm attracted someone at the moment, but haven't told her yet, even though we've chatted a good few times. Yes, I've searched her online, but it's how she comes across in real life that matters. You've listed off things about yourself around your lifestyle, etc. I don't really see you mention communication. What are you doing on that front? Why not do a group sport?

Porklife · 13-09-2019 04:30PM

Reallifegirlhere wrote: »

Hi all,

Need advice.
I’m 29 F, single, never had a proper relationship.
I can’t seem to relate to men my age and a bit older. From my observations and talking to friends/co workers and even some interactions with men, it seems you have to have a interesting CV or instagram at the ready to interest men in their 20s and 30s these days.
I won’t lie - I haven’t travelled a lot (the odd holiday once a year) and I don’t do group sports or party hard etc..
Sure I understand you have to have a few things going for you.
I’m a normal girl with a professional career who keeps fit. I live a clean lifestyle and may drink occasionally. I would say I’m good looking, calm, thoughtful, kind and funny - But this isn’t enough these days..

The men I do encounter treat me they are half interested.. I’m barely given a chance to actually demonstrate my character before I’m wrote off..
It seems men I’ve met are more consumed with instagram and dating apps then interested in getting to know more about a woman in real life in front of them who is actually attracted to them..
I’m always told how beautiful and stunning I am by family, friends and colleagues but I just do not believe any of it anymore..

I’m 29 and miserable. I do feel depressed over this and feel like I’ll never meet anyone..
All I want to do is have fun, laugh and be desired by a man. It seems to be a lot to ask for nowadays.

Is it just me?

You may come across as a bit dull if this post is anything to go by!

Princess Calla · 13-09-2019 05:01PM

Porklife wrote: »

You may come across as a bit dull if this post is anything to go by!

That's abit mean.

Tbh I could have wrote the same Op. Though I've been in and out of relationships since I was about 15/16, some good, some bad.

I met mine through a hobby or friends. I was always very flirty though.

It's advice that's always rolled out here but it does hold true for more long term relationship success pick up a hobby, let them get to know you as a person with no pressure of forming a relationship.... If there's a spark there it will happen. If you don't meet someone at least you are doing something that you have an interest in and your broadening your friendship circle.

HelgaWard · 13-09-2019 05:07PM

I agree, a club/society is a brilliant way to meet people. You mention you keep fit, how do you do that, as in is it solo exercise? It might work well to do some fitness with a club, or group class. Do something you enjoy, have fun doing it, and you may well meet someone along the way! Where do you currently try to meet men?

woodchuck · 13-09-2019 05:11PM

Mod note:

Porklife, your post falls well below the standard expected here. You've been around long enough to know better. Anything more along those lines and you'll get a card.

lawred2 · 13-09-2019 05:16PM

Why are you being so hard on yourself?

Social media is a cesspit of fakery. A cover for mundanity. The vast majority of stories people put up are a cover for their own insecurities.

A professional healthy woman would be right up my street if I hadn't already found one.

Try and find an arena for similar like-minded people. Work related meet ups. Sports clubs etc

LegacyUser · 13-09-2019 05:44PM

To answer questions above:
I keep fit solo - gym, walking, running etc yes I agree i should join a group sport.

I did the nights out when I was younger. It was the shallow and drunk carry on in pubs and clubs which turned me off. Too messy.

I meet men through work mostly at the moment cause I’m full time.

I suppose something I’ve noticed is you have to be extraordinary these days - perfect figure, involved in everything, travelling all over the world 6 times a year, mad night outs ..
Maybe it’s just as well men don’t chat long enough with me - they’d be disappointed to find out I’m a normal person.

I thought I had a mutual attraction with someone a few months ago at work but he seems to prefer shopping online on the apps... but look, it’s not specifically about him, this seems to be a bigger problem across the board amongst my age group.

Kidchameleon · 13-09-2019 06:17PM

What is the nature of your professional career? Does it take much of your time? I ask this because men in your age bracket are (generally) looking to settle down with the mother of their children and start a family. They want a woman who is going to look after the kids and be there for them while he works. This is a role that is hard to fill if you have a career that requires much of your time/traveling etc. I realize that some may call it sexist or whatever but that is the reality of nature. Everything else in your post paints you as a great catch but that is one thing that did jump out at me. Now I could be reading too much into it, your career might be a 9-5 or whatever but it may be something for you to consider.

Daisy78 · 13-09-2019 06:35PM

What type of men do you generally go for? Where do you meet them? Do you think that you gravitate towards certain men who would be players or who think they have plenty of choice? Do you express interest strongly enough?

Calypso Realm · 13-09-2019 07:34PM

Reallifegirlhere wrote: »

Hi all,
I’m 29 and miserable. I do feel depressed over this and feel like I’ll never meet anyone..

From you wrote OP, you sound as if you have a hell of a lot going for you-I mean this- BUT this is what stood out to me in your post. I do wonder if this might (in part at least) be one of the reasons you're having problems. You may not even by aware of it-subconsciously it maybe coming across to others and of course,I could be wrong here but, all the same, something for you to think about !We all give off a certain 'vibe' whether we're aware of it or not!

People, by and large prefer to be around happy, positive people! It's human nature to gravitate towards what feel good. Folk who are miserable (for whatever reason) can be rather draining, to say the least. I once dumped a friend of sorts, simply because she was so negative and pessimistic about everything, it was just getting me down when I was around her! Others felt the same given the 'vibe' she gave out.

I remember I once worked with a stunningly beautiful girl, who was more than well able to attract admirers, but she did have a problem keeping them, owing to the fact she always looked so miserable! On the other hand, less attractive but happier individuals had no problem, something she found difficult to understand.

In addition, I met all my exes (including OH) when I least expected it! Each and every occurrence was when meeting someone was the last thing on my mind! I was just out doing something I enjoyed..........

lainey_d_123 · 13-09-2019 08:52PM

I've found since dating apps became a thing that it's desperate out there. People just refusing to commit and waiting for something better to come along. Whereas they might previously have given it some time, now the illusion of endless choice means they jump back on the apps at the first hint of any kind of things not being 100% easy and fun.

I've travelled all over the world, OP. Speak several languages, have hobbies, can find something in common with just about anyone I meet. I think I'm considered pretty attractive, wear nice clothes and make-up, slim figure. I don't think I'd ever be called boring or dull. I don't have a problem attracting attention, but literally since dating apps took off, I've found it almost impossible to maintain it. Men are all over me at first and then the interest drops off within a few weeks or months - generally the very moment I expect anything from them or need to rely on them for something.

I always thought I'd get married and have kids and am wondering if it's time to just give up and find a reliable fcukbuddy (I don't like casual sex because of STI risk) and build my life on my own, just finding interesting people to hang out with and doing stuff that makes me happy and aiming to maybe adopt or even try to have a kid alone in 2-3 years. Because this dating stuff makes me utterly miserable and just not sure it's worth it anymore. It's headwrecking. I'm purposely not dating at the moment and my stress levels are so much lower.

It's not just you, it's dating. sorry I can't offer any more advice, but just know that it isn't personal, most likely. It's the way things are now.

lainey_d_123 · 13-09-2019 09:00PM

Daisy78 wrote: »

What type of men do you generally go for? Where do you meet them? Do you think that you gravitate towards certain men who would be players or who think they have plenty of choice? Do you express interest strongly enough?

But since dating apps took off, it feels like this is almost everyone who uses them. I was dating a guy whose own friends told him he'd found a good one with me and that he was punching. I'd say I was objectively the better looking one by quite a long way, and I got on with his friends and had a laugh, all really good and happy at the beginning. Then he obviously started feeling afraid to commit and ended up back looking at the apps, thinking he might be able to do a bit better. I eventually told him to go and find someone better then, because I was fcked if I was hanging around waiting to be 'chosen' over a bunch of photos on apps of people who might not even be real.

Last I heard, he hasn't had one date since we broke up and barely even any matches or conversation. His friends (I still talk to a couple and go out for a pint every now and then) think he's an idiot and are really frustrated with him. He's 38 with a receding hairline, beer belly and is a workaholic (despite having a pretty mediocre job) and he threw away a promising relationship because he thinks he's going to have a chance with some hot 22-year-old blonde on Tinder.

What do you do with that?

redfox123 · 13-09-2019 09:00PM

I would agree with the above, you have to actually be happy in yourself, as in not give a s*** whether you are ‘enough’ or are approved by others. You are the one who gets to decide this, not any randomer who knows nothing about you. Your insecurities are coming across and that is why people are losing interest. Stop caring what others think.

Princess Calla · 13-09-2019 09:10PM

I'll be honest the dating apps were only kicking off when I met my OH. Though I was on POF before that and I agree it was a bit of a headmelt coming home from a date that went well and seeing them online (even though I was doing the same..oops) . I've no experience of Tinder and I don't feel like I'm missing out.

That said there are still people out there meeting each other and settling down so all hope is not lost

Becareful with your attitude though try not to be negative which is why I suggested a new hobby, it will distract you if nothing else. Plus I do think when you are happy in yourself you do attract people.

You mention that you like running... Have you ever tried Park runs?

Also and this is the second time tonight I've suggested this....I'm not affiliated with any of them....but secondary schools often run evening hobby type classes starting at this time of year... Might be worth a visit.

Princess Calla · 13-09-2019 09:16PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

But since dating apps took off, it feels like this is almost everyone who uses them. I was dating a guy whose own friends told him he'd found a good one with me and that he was punching. I'd say I was objectively the better looking one by quite a long way, and I got on with his friends and had a laugh, all really good and happy at the beginning. Then he obviously started feeling afraid to commit and ended up back looking at the apps, thinking he might be able to do a bit better. I eventually told him to go and find someone better then, because I was fcked if I was hanging around waiting to be 'chosen' over a bunch of photos on apps of people who might not even be real.

Last I heard, he hasn't had one date since we broke up and barely even any matches or conversation. His friends (I still talk to a couple and go out for a pint every now and then) think he's an idiot and are really frustrated with him. He's 38 with a receding hairline, beer belly and is a workaholic (despite having a pretty mediocre job) and he threw away a promising relationship because he thinks he's going to have a chance with some hot 22-year-old blonde on Tinder.

What do you do with that?

Sounds like he has his own issues and you probably dodged a bullet.

I know it's as frustrating as hell, but don't let anyone steal your sparkle. Xx

BnB · 13-09-2019 09:35PM

<snip>

Mod warning:

Personal abuse is not tolerated in PI.

LegacyUser · 14-09-2019 01:01AM

Kidchameleon wrote: »

What is the nature of your professional career? Does it take much of your time? I ask this because men in your age bracket are (generally) looking to settle down with the mother of their children and start a family. They want a woman who is going to look after the kids and be there for them while he works. This is a role that is hard to fill if you have a career that requires much of your time/traveling etc. I realize that some may call it sexist or whatever but that is the reality of nature. Everything else in your post paints you as a great catch but that is one thing that did jump out at me. Now I could be reading too much into it, your career might be a 9-5 or whatever but it may be something for you to consider.

Cant get into specifics on here but it’s medical and shift work.
Well, that’s what I want. I want to meet the right person, settle down, get a house and have children..I want to build a life with someone and have meaning to it.
I just cannot believe it will ever happen for me. Not when I can’t even get a date these days or a man to chat to me even.. I’m embarrassed for myself- how could a 29year old woman with “a lot going for me” be left on the shelf in favour of dating apps.. boggles the mind!

Kidchameleon · 14-09-2019 07:12AM

It will happen, everyone finds someone. Stay away from negativity though. The dating apps are not working for you so don't use dating apps, people managed without them for hundreds of years. You say you have hobbies, well keep doing them, its only a matter of time before someone comes along.

lainey_d_123 · 14-09-2019 10:45AM

Reallifegirlhere wrote: »

Cant get into specifics on here but it’s medical and shift work.
Well, that’s what I want. I want to meet the right person, settle down, get a house and have children..I want to build a life with someone and have meaning to it.
I just cannot believe it will ever happen for me. Not when I can’t even get a date these days or a man to chat to me even.. I’m embarrassed for myself- how could a 29year old woman with “a lot going for me” be left on the shelf in favour of dating apps.. boggles the mind!

And that's totally normal. There are plenty of women who do medical work and work long/weird hours who have partners and families. I for one would not want to be in a relationship with someone so sexist that they thought a woman's place was at home looking after the kids while the man works. I've found it true that it's been easier to find partners at times in my life when I've been the most vulnerable and financially insecure but the type of man who searches out women who they think need 'looking after' and 'protecting' can very easily turn abusive later, or the dynamic can get very toxic when there is such a power imbalance (and I've never been financially supported, but have had men almost laud it over me that they're more successful in life). Isn't it better to be self sufficient and able to look after yourself?

Aside from the negative talk about not believing it will ever happen (this can become a self fulfilling prophecy), is there a way you can get to the point of being OK if it doesn't happen? So much about relationships is down to blind luck. You can certainly increase your chances of meeting men by going out more, being more social (hobbies/clubs maybe, especially things where you get to chat to people properly like hiking), but it is really hard for some people to find someone they click with AND who likes them back AND who wants/can handle a serious relationship. Is there a way you could be happy even if you didn't meet someone?

bitofabind · 14-09-2019 11:36AM

Stop seeking validation from men. It can make you needy and too dependent on someone you meet that you like from the get-go.

My experience of relationships is that they happen when you’re out there living a busy life being totally grand and happy in your own skin without feeling “less than” or “not enough” or waiting for a guy to come along and give your life meaning. Then someone really sees YOU and wants to get onboard. Not living through Instagram posing and posting fake news about your life in order to be validated.

Learn to flirt if you don’t already. Do what you need to do personally to be able to bring joy and lightheartedness into your daily life. For me it’s trips away with friends, long calls with my sister, burning off stress in fitness classes, staying well groomed and pampering myself! Your energy is a real, tangible thing to the opposite sex and if it’s giving off “I need a man to be ok” and “I never meet anyone why am I not enough?” You’re already on the back foot.

Also agree with Lainey, do whatever it takes to be ok and content on your own. You can still feel like you’d love to meet someone but stop letting that desire consume you. Right now you’re not with someone so you have to find a way to be at peace with that, otherwise your energy is all wrong and you’ll keep attracting men who can never give you this “approval” you need from them - self fulfilling prophecy.

Are there things from your childhood or early experiences that could be standing in your way? For example, my parents were pretty emotionally absent growing up and had a pretty bad relationship so I’ve identified I can have a pattern of repeating that experience in my dating life and going for emotionally unavailable men. Be brutal with yourself abs get some therapy if it’s something you think you should address.

15-09-2019 08:42AM

<Mod snip - off topic>

To address the OPs point, I think many men are coming to the same conclusions as I have. Back in my day men could have this romantic idea of what long term relationships and women were like which quite frankly bore no resemblance to reality. Once they married it was too late. Sex wasn't on tap like it is now. Now they see from their own experiences and the likes of tinder and Instagram models what many women are actually like, and tbh it's pretty depressing. So a rational choice is to play the field for as long as possible.

The looking for lots of interests thing might be a way of filtering out women whose hobbies are drinking, looking for attention on social media and sleeping with different men with washboard abs. I am not saying you are like this OP, but a man looking for a LTR would be wondering what you are going to do all day if you have no hobbies and interests. He can find plenty of women like you on tinder or the like.

LegacyUser · 15-09-2019 09:25AM

Deleted User wrote: »

To address the OPs point, I think many men are coming to the same conclusions as I have. Back in my day men could have this romantic idea of what long term relationships and women were like which quite frankly bore no resemblance to reality. Once they married it was too late. Sex wasn't on tap like it is now. Now they see from their own experiences and the likes of tinder and Instagram models what many women are actually like, and tbh it's pretty depressing. So a rational choice is to play the field for as long as possible.

The looking for lots of interests thing might be a way of filtering out women whose hobbies are drinking, looking for attention on social media and sleeping with different men with washboard abs. I am not saying you are like this OP, but a man looking for a LTR would be wondering what you are going to do all day if you have no hobbies and interests. He can find plenty of women like you on tinder or the like.

I’m not being clear so apologies. I want to have a chat, a laugh, a flirt with a man I find attractive and there’s a mutual attraction.
Of course I would like to settle down later if I meet the right person.
Nothing wrong with playing the field either - but I can’t seem to get the opportunity to play the field myself and have fun.
What I’m saying is I can’t seem to engage with fellas in my age group these days as they are either distracted, too busy or consumed with women online..
THEREFORE in the long term I feel like I will never meet someone to build a life with because right now, it feels like having a conversation, a laugh and/or interaction is asking a lot these days..

Actually I find men I meet are pursuing women who’s hobbies are partying/ attention seekers on social media.. And that’s not just men my age it also seems to be men who are older.

Yeah if the conversation went as far to actually establish if I do have any hobbies.
Just to be clear, I’m serious when I say men I’m talking to do not get that far in the conversation.

Maybe it really is just me..

Princess Calla · 15-09-2019 11:04AM

I think dating has always been a minefield... Well in the last few decades anyway.

Look back on any sitcoms etc and someone's lovelife is always a disaster. You'll have the "unlucky in love" character and the "player" along side the smug married.

My opinion of dating apps these days from what I've heard is of a nightclub on steroids. Go out someone catches your eye spend the night chatting /dancing have a kiss, swap numbers...await the call that never comes.

The difference being nightclubs were usually a Friday /Saturday affair and expensive.

Dating apps now allow constant interactions with no expense. Unlike nightclubs you can be interacting with a number of people at a time.

However success from nightclubs was also fairly limited... The whole "I was drunk " line was rolled out so many times to flat out completely blanking you if you crossed paths the following week. Similarly success from apps is also fairly limited. Both scenes will attract the major players of the game.

I do however think that the majority of men and women (there are exceptions) do want a significant other in their lives.

Which is why I think meeting through a hobby /friend/work etc is the way that tends to be more successful as generally there's zero expectations, just two people having a chat over a common interest. Slowly building foundations of something that may turn into a friendship and then relationship.

LegacyUser · 15-09-2019 11:41AM

Kidchameleon wrote: »

What is the nature of your professional career? Does it take much of your time? I ask this because men in your age bracket are (generally) looking to settle down with the mother of their children and start a family. They want a woman who is going to look after the kids and be there for them while he works. This is a role that is hard to fill if you have a career that requires much of your time/traveling etc. I realize that some may call it sexist or whatever but that is the reality of nature. Everything else in your post paints you as a great catch but that is one thing that did jump out at me. Now I could be reading too much into it, your career might be a 9-5 or whatever but it may be something for you to consider.

I really don't think men are generally looking to settle down at that age. On other threads where women are struggling to find men or to progress something casual into something that's a bit more serious, they are pretty much always told the opposite, that men that age are more cautious of seeing women close to 30 or older as they themselves think the woman wants to settle down and start a family and that the men don't want that, which is why they go for younger women, or even older women!

lainey_d_123 · 15-09-2019 12:08PM

Princess Calla wrote: »

I think dating has always been a minefield... Well in the last few decades anyway.

Look back on any sitcoms etc and someone's lovelife is always a disaster. You'll have the "unlucky in love" character and the "player" along side the smug married.

My opinion of dating apps these days from what I've heard is of a nightclub on steroids. Go out someone catches your eye spend the night chatting /dancing have a kiss, swap numbers...await the call that never comes.

The difference being nightclubs were usually a Friday /Saturday affair and expensive.

Dating apps now allow constant interactions with no expense. Unlike nightclubs you can be interacting with a number of people at a time.

However success from nightclubs was also fairly limited... The whole "I was drunk " line was rolled out so many times to flat out completely blanking you if you crossed paths the following week. Similarly success from apps is also fairly limited. Both scenes will attract the major players of the game.

I do however think that the majority of men and women (there are exceptions) do want a significant other in their lives.

Which is why I think meeting through a hobby /friend/work etc is the way that tends to be more successful as generally there's zero expectations, just two people having a chat over a common interest. Slowly building foundations of something that may turn into a friendship and then relationship.

100% agree with you there. Every one of my successful relationships have started like that...just chatting, then acquaintances, then friends, then dating. You can build up a pretty good picture of the person like that, seeing them interact with others, etc. The trouble is it gets harder to randomly bump into people who are also single, the older you get. I meet people all the time through work and hobbies and every last one of them seems to have a partner already. It's super frustrating. I guess this is why people use apps - at least people on there are (supposedly) single and looking.

Thelonious Monk · 15-09-2019 12:41PM

Kidchameleon wrote: »

It will happen, everyone finds someone

No they don't, I hate when people say this. I know people who've never had and probably never will have a partner.
Also lots of marriages and relationships are shams anyway, but people stay in them because they're too insecure to be single. F*ck that sh*t.
Being on your own is not the end of the world OP, and it may be a cliche but it's eternally true, if you're not happy on your own you wont be happy with someone else.
Oh and I'm 39 and met someone amazing recently, on bumble, having been single for pretty much 5 years, but I made sure I'd enjoy my life anyway. The apps have been nothing but good to me, make the most of them.

Princess Calla · 15-09-2019 01:56PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

100% agree with you there. Every one of my successful relationships have started like that...just chatting, then acquaintances, then friends, then dating. You can build up a pretty good picture of the person like that, seeing them interact with others, etc. The trouble is it gets harder to randomly bump into people who are also single, the older you get. I meet people all the time through work and hobbies and every last one of them seems to have a partner already. It's super frustrating. I guess this is why people use apps - at least people on there are (supposedly) single and looking.

I agree, I was "older" when I met my OH, a mutual friend introduced us and we just hit it off, we didn't get together for a while after introduction.

I was not long out of a long enough relationship in which he gave me "a list" of all what was wrong with me......I'm sure he felt he was helping me..... He actually wasn't a bad person, seriously he wasn't. But that list feckin hurt (it still kinda does) though some of the points were true, not that I've changed any of them.

But anyway the point I'm making is I wasn't looking. I even recited "the list" to my OH before we got together as a reason not to get together. He laughed and said F*ck it. Still together have our ups and downs, I'm far from perfect, he's not perfect, but then who is perfect?

khaldrogo · 15-09-2019 02:14PM

You are going for/attracted to the wrong type of men imo.

You sound like someone I would like to be with if I was young and single again.

Think about what you want from someone and look for that in a man above anything else(status, wealth, looks etc) and I suspect you will find a guy.

Reallifegirlhere wrote: »

Hi all,

Need advice.
I’m 29 F, single, never had a proper relationship.
I can’t seem to relate to men my age and a bit older. From my observations and talking to friends/co workers and even some interactions with men, it seems you have to have a interesting CV or instagram at the ready to interest men in their 20s and 30s these days.
I won’t lie - I haven’t travelled a lot (the odd holiday once a year) and I don’t do group sports or party hard etc..
Sure I understand you have to have a few things going for you.
I’m a normal girl with a professional career who keeps fit. I live a clean lifestyle and may drink occasionally. I would say I’m good looking, calm, thoughtful, kind and funny - But this isn’t enough these days..

The men I do encounter treat me they are half interested.. I’m barely given a chance to actually demonstrate my character before I’m wrote off..
It seems men I’ve met are more consumed with instagram and dating apps then interested in getting to know more about a woman in real life in front of them who is actually attracted to them..
I’m always told how beautiful and stunning I am by family, friends and colleagues but I just do not believe any of it anymore..

I’m 29 and miserable. I do feel depressed over this and feel like I’ll never meet anyone..
All I want to do is have fun, laugh and be desired by a man. It seems to be a lot to ask for nowadays.

Is it just me?

LegacyUser · 15-09-2019 02:24PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I've died laughing a few times at pretentious men on apps who have grilled me on whether I'm intelligent/cultured/fit enough for them. Who do they think they are, like? If we're having a nice chat and you like the look of me, invite me out for a drink and we can see how we get on. Don't fcking interrogate me to see if I meet your lofty standards like you're some kind of prize. Anyone who can't quickly figure out whether or not a woman is the type you mention through a bit of normal conversation has very poor social skills, and I say that as someone who is on the autistic spectrum myself.

You're actually making OP's point here btw in that lots of men prefer to scroll endlessly through Tinder for meaningless sex (if they even get any) than try to build a real relationship with someone.

Couldn’t of said it better myself..
I understand as I said originally yes you have to have things going on in your life but I can not understand this behaviour from men these days..
A lot of them couldn’t hold a conversation with women in real life and pursue them in person.
They think they can hide behind a phone with their mental checklist..and order online!

Exactly - who do they think they are?
More in their line to cop on and talk to women in real life!

emilymemily · 15-09-2019 06:12PM

I agree with your post, ive been in a few relationships, some long term, some short and I never had any problem meeting men but since tinder became so popular I have noticed such a difference in how men approach dating and meeting women.

Tinder gives the illusion of having lots of choice and in my experience it feels like men are constantly looking for the next best thing and wont give women a chance because they always think they can do better.

It's so draining constantly feeling like you are being compared to other people and not being accepted and appreciated for who you are.

The funny thing about it is, half these women the men are chasing wouldnt give them a chance as the men in question, often dont have much going for them or would have little to offer a relationship with these types of women.

When I hear people in their 20's adn early 30's say they have travelled the world I am not impressed by it, it depends on the circumstances but generally the first thing that pops into my head when I hear this is 'privileged' it costs allot of money to travel, it requires having little to no responsibilities and is just not a realistic option for everyone and it in no way reflects on the character of a person or how fun or adventurous they are.

Not enough these days?

Comments