How assertive are you?

ginandtonicsky · 19-07-2019 07:55PM #1

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?
If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?
If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?
If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?
If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?

I'm going through some training at the moment that is highlighting how passive aggressive I can be when faced with annoying behaviours. I'm also realising that I've probably taken the lead from a lot of the people around me growing up, who can be equally bad at calling a spade a spade with this stuff.

So AH, are you assertive? When's the last time you asserted yourself?

*Awaits multiple pages of aggressive responses*

19-07-2019 07:57PM

YES.

lbc2019 · 19-07-2019 07:59PM

I can be on occasion

mad muffin · 19-07-2019 08:02PM

I’m very assertive. Sometimes. Maybe? I don’t know…

Autecher · 19-07-2019 08:05PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

*Awaits multiple pages of aggressive responses*

See now that you said that I can’t do it, it’s too obvious. You ruined it for me ginandtonicsky. I am calling you out on that you big ruiner!! :mad:

Rubberchikken · 19-07-2019 08:07PM

ive 'reminded' people that the queue was behind me in the past.
i dont have money to loan.
if someone has a grudge against me, thats their problem.
ive no issues at work
and ive no idea what 'ghosted' is thank goodness.

Badly Drunk Boy · 19-07-2019 08:09PM

I'm not very assertive, even though I'm a formidable size. I'm not even sure I'd ask somebody to move their bag if I needed a seat on a bus.

Autecher · 19-07-2019 08:16PM

And taking it seriously now, I used to be like you ginandtonicsky but just getting older and seeing the effects of not saying anything has made me change a lot. Only with some things though, my local shopping centre for example has the handicap parking spaces right in front of the off license and I have long since stopped saying anything to clearly physically able bodied people because of the sheer amount that do it and the fact that the type of people that do that in my experience are also the type to go crazy and start shouting when anything is said to them even if it is said politely or respectfully.

Assetbacked · 19-07-2019 08:17PM

I'm not sure.

Pinch Flat · 19-07-2019 08:18PM

mad muffin wrote: »

I’m very assertive. Sometimes. Maybe? I don’t know…

I used to be indecisive. Not too sure now.

freshpopcorn · 19-07-2019 08:20PM

I think it depends on the circumstances.
I was queue jumped one day by a woman from a rough enough family. I'd have no intention on call her on it but I'd be relaxed enough about queues.
If somebody was being funny with me. I'd generally say something about it if it continued.

I do try and avoid confrontation.

Galwayguy35 · 19-07-2019 08:21PM

I'd be very assertive with the bollix that owes me money if I could find him.

Samuel T. Cogley · 19-07-2019 08:21PM

Potential-Monke · 19-07-2019 08:29PM

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it? Yes, every single time. Hate Q jumpers.
If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it? Woulnd' thave to, don't loan to people I don't trust to pay it back. Plus I'm usually the one looking for the loan...
If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it? Nah, just stop talking to them/dealing with them. Their loss.
If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up? Yes
If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it? Delighted, smoke a fat one and play games for the evening.

Usually I just let everything go, try not to let it hassle me but sometimes you just can't let some things go.

Church on Tuesday · 19-07-2019 08:29PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?
If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?
If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?
If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?
If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?

I'm going through some training at the moment that is highlighting how passive aggressive I can be when faced with annoying behaviours. I'm also realising that I've probably taken the lead from a lot of the people around me growing up, who can be equally bad at calling a spade a spade with this stuff.

So AH, are you assertive? When's the last time you asserted yourself?

*Awaits multiple pages of aggressive responses*

Pretty assertive, then again you'd want to be if you're going to survive in this world.

If someone skips the queue they will be reminded.

I'd chase a fiver if it was owned me.

If someone has a grudge I will call them out on it, not a fan of pussyfooting around.

Depends on the work situation but once you get a feel for the work dynamics I'd certainly speak up.

Ghosted? if it's a date then it's their loss. If it's a mate or something I'd give them the benefit of the doubt, once is becomes a regular thing I'd lessen my contact and see how that then plays out.

It's vital you are able to stand up for yourself and call people out on their BS. You'll never be universally popular for it but you will be respected.

FFred · 19-07-2019 08:33PM

Sorry to impose on this thread. My opinion doesn’t count anyway because of my various body dysmorphia issues I have.

Sorry for responding OP. Sorry.

Please don’t hate me.
I’m worthless.

TIA

One eyed Jack · 19-07-2019 08:37PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

So AH, are you assertive? When's the last time you asserted yourself?

This evening, about two hours ago. There’s a couple of major projects going live this weekend and up to about two hours ago it was a given that I’d be able to cope with it on my own. Had to tell my boss straight up I need support, I wasn’t confident doing everything on my own. Boss was great about it, major relief on my part!

It really depends upon the circumstances whether I’d assert myself or hold my tongue, but passive aggression drives me nuts - I’m straight up if I object to something or I have an issue with someone or something. I’ll try and be tactful and respectful in most cases, but sometimes, just sometimes, something or someone is just so plain out and out stupid or gotten on my wick that I get straight to the point as opposed to beating around the bush and trying to be nice about it.

_blaaz · 19-07-2019 08:37PM

Id be no way assertive with que jumpers etc,forever too shy

Even regards collecting money,id not be great (im owed thousands

).

But then if i taught someone was taking the piss and well able to pay but wouldnt or someone who known me and taught they could walk all over me,because im perceived as quite/odd id lay down a complete over top marker just as easily again

Fcuk knows what way im wired

Hammer89 · 19-07-2019 08:41PM

The whole queue jumping thing depends on who's jumping the queue.

Every second Tuesday I'd see three or four travellers skip a queue of about 70 people on sign-on day. I'm not even exaggerating. If you didn't know it was a Social Welfare building you'd think it was a line for tickets or something. The queue started about a 60-second walk from the hatch, and every week these lads would saunter in, in their wellies no less, and not once did I see anybody assertively say, 'Here lads, you can't be doing that like'. It's not because there was no assertive people in the queue - it's because of who they were!

dellas1979 · 19-07-2019 08:49PM

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?
I had a woman (try) eat me alive recently in Lidl. I was in start of queue to pay - about 3 items. *Ding Dong* "Checkout 3 is open" comes on the intercom. I walked over to checkout 3. A woman pushes infront of me and starts wagging her finger in my face "no, no, no". I says to her "whats your problem-they announced it to the WHOLE supermarket, not just you fcuk wit".

If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?
Depends on situation. If I seen them go on holidays, and my money isnt paid back, I wouldnt be long letting them know.

If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?
No - if someone has a grudge against me, that is their problem. If you want to speak up, God/evolution gave you a mouth.

If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?
Absoutely, yes. I would shame the sheit out of them while am at it.

If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?
I wouldnt get upset about it. Again, says more about them as a person - and do I really want that in my life.

I've been told many many times, one never needs to guess what I'm thinking. I get it out and then move on. Most of the time its not what you want to say, its how you say it "You make me so angry" is different to "I feel really upset because..."

mad muffin · 19-07-2019 08:52PM

Pinch Flat wrote: »

I used to be indecisive. Not too sure now.

I may be that too?…

Church on Tuesday · 19-07-2019 08:52PM

Hammer89 wrote: »

The whole queue jumping thing depends on who's jumping the queue.

Every second Tuesday I'd see three or four travellers skip a queue of about 70 people on sign-on day. I'm not even exaggerating. If you didn't know it was a Social Welfare building you'd think it was a line for tickets or something. The queue started about a 60-second walk from the hatch, and every week these lads would saunter in, in their wellies no less, and not once did I see anybody assertively say, 'Here lads, you can't be doing that like'. It's not because there was no assertive people in the queue - it's because of who they were!

Good point, the OP I guess was talking about semi normal productive people, not scum. Was there no security?

Bobblehats · 19-07-2019 08:55PM

mad muffin wrote: »

I may be that too?…

I’m finding that difficult to ascertain

Bobblehats · 19-07-2019 08:56PM

Assetbacked wrote: »

I'm not sure.

Don’t be so sure of yourself.

harry Bailey esq · 20-07-2019 12:32AM

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

I'm not very assertive, even though I'm a formidable size. I'm not even sure I'd ask somebody to move their bag if I needed a seat on a bus.

I'm fairly easy going but when some prick has a bag/coat on a packed bus, I'll go into work mode (shady stuff) and make sure everyone on the bus hears me so the bus wanker is exposed as the pond scum he is.

dreamers75 · 20-07-2019 12:44AM

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it? YES
If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it? NO dont lend money, if I give it I dont expect it back.
If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it? YES but also pretend I dont know and try boil their piss at every oppurtunity
If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up? No, dont give a **** about work.
If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?No, **** happens dont need an explanation wouldnt look for one.

Not sure how I scored on your course, but applying real world scenarios makes most of the above seem meh.....

You are confusing assertiveness with the assumption that whatever happened is a strike against your very soul.

ILoveYourVibes · 20-07-2019 04:11AM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?

No. I wouldn't even think about it. I think its more of a question of being chilled than assertive though.

If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?

That's never happened. People have always been good to me regarding money. But no I don't think I would.

If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?

I would just think they were stupid.

If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?

No. Actually people have legit stolen my work not from the place I work though. But used it without permission. There isn't a lot you can do about it in reality. In a way it's a compliment.

If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?

Block and delete.

Strumms · 20-07-2019 08:37AM

someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?

Yes, I’d see it all the time in airports, people who not transferring but who’d left themselves short of time by arriving late and are Q jumping the security screening Q, it’s regular enough now. Fûck them I say. A couple I’ve found down by the gates chilling over a beer after, no, sorry, pay for fast track if you are in a hurry.

If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?

It’s never happened, I’d probably do it sort of humorously after some time had passed...like if we were out for pints “I’ll let tonight be your shout, I hear you are rolling in it ! “

If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?

Yes, but if they were not forthcoming with a reasonable reason for actions and attitudes I would reciprocate it and see if that gets through. If not ...goodbye and good luck.

If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?

Yes, it happened from time to time in my last job, one lad in particular was a ‘praise hunter’ who’d like his name in lights and if someone else went over and above he’d be tagging on emails trying to prove they had been successful because of his work too. Eventually we faced him down and he was muttering on about teamwork, until it was pointed out you need to be part of a team not a me feigner before that flies...took the wind out of his sails somewhat.

If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?

Be disappointed, you don’t need people who treat you as an afterthought in your life.

Mad_maxx · 20-07-2019 08:38AM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?
If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?
If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?
If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?
If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?

I'm going through some training at the moment that is highlighting how passive aggressive I can be when faced with annoying behaviours. I'm also realising that I've probably taken the lead from a lot of the people around me growing up, who can be equally bad at calling a spade a spade with this stuff.

So AH, are you assertive? When's the last time you asserted yourself?

*Awaits multiple pages of aggressive responses*

Used to be, more laid back nowadays in aprroaching things with people , unless you are someone, your assertiveness isn't really taken seriously in this country, you either have to be dangerous or have connections for Irish people to take serious your earnest complaints

Exception is money, I never allow someone to drag their feet there.

_Brian · 20-07-2019 08:42AM

Completely inconsistent.
In general I’d let lots of rubbish slide past as mostly I couldn’t be bothered what other people are doing.

Then if i haven’t been sleeping I’d be desperately pedantic about stuff, even small stuff.

Wibbs · 20-07-2019 09:12AM

If someone tried to queue hop, would you call them on it?

Depends on how actually in a hurry I was, or by how much they were taking the piss.

If someone owes you money and keeps forgetting to pay you back, would you chase them for it?

Yep. I'd be very clear about it.

If someone seems to have a grudge against you and you're not sure why, would you pull them up on it?

Unless it starts to actually affect my life in some way I couldn't care less. If it did then I'd just ask them out straight and unless it was something I had control of I'd tell them to cop on and I'd go back to not caring.

If someone took credit for your work in the office, would you speak up?

Dunno, never worked in an office thank god. Credit meh, so long as they didn't try to take payment for it.

If someone made plans with you and then ghosted you, how would you handle it?

If it's a one off, meh, things happen, a pattern? Scrape them off.

How assertive are you?

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