neighbours abusive and threatening behaviour

RobAMerc · 16-07-2019 11:47PM #1

dunno if this is the right place but....

I was outside cutting the grass verge this eve, I decided as I often do to cut both mine and my neighbours - most of the neighbours do ( its joined to mine and an extra 1 mins work )

My neighbour arrives out with a foot long file type object ( he'd clearly picked up ) and started hurling abuse at me - who the fook asked you to cut my side you little prick? etc etc

he was literally foaming at the mouth as he said it and threatened to kick the **** out of me, and waved the file in my face.

he then started abusing me for putting a flower arrangement round the tree outside ( lots of neighbours have done similar ) and it was part of the neighbourhood drive to spruce up the place with flowers

I told him I thought I was being neighbourly, and he starts again going on, "you wouldnt know what it means to be neighbourly you little prick"

wtf is wrong with this clown?

I went to the Gardai who filed a report and said I am entitled to go down the formal route - I dont really know what to do ... I dont want this nut job near me, my kids or my wife.

bigpink · 16-07-2019 11:49PM

What was the relationship like before this?He a scummer or normal?

RobAMerc · 16-07-2019 11:53PM

he'd previously been quite aggressive when he came in to complain about an extension we were building. I agreed to do only what the council allowed, the council were out and we complied with the regs, nothing major. I have tried since to be cordial with him and always say hello. We've had 1 or 2 chats - not much, but I have tried.

RobAMerc · 16-07-2019 11:55PM

bigpink wrote: »

He a scummer or normal?

Neither I would say. He seems like a respectable chap, its a respectable neighbourhood - but this is the behaviour of someone who isnt normal !

xabi · 16-07-2019 11:57PM

Sounds like a prick, ignore him and let him cut his own grass.

Baron Kurtz · 16-07-2019 11:57PM

RobAMerc wrote: »

Neither I would say. He seems like a respectable chap, its a respectable neighbourhood - but this is the behaviour of someone who isnt normal !

Maybe he developed some degenerative mental condition recently.

bigpink · 17-07-2019 12:09AM

Mental breakdown?

Pretzill · 17-07-2019 12:11AM

A longshot OP but would be have been leaving his verge to go wild? In a biodiverse sense. That's all I can think of that would garner that reaction.

17-07-2019 12:18AM

id follow up, thats far beyond whats acceptable and he needs to be on notice that youre not afraid to have the gardaí in

Andrew00 · 17-07-2019 12:21AM

He might be suffering from depression and anxiety or something

Twenty Grand · 17-07-2019 12:27AM

Bad day in work, argument with the missus, kids being a pain, who knows. Move on, give him a pass, but don't take any sh*t in the future.

antix80 · 17-07-2019 09:28AM

He's probably still annoyed over the extension.

If he threatens you again you can look into filing a police report, getting a restraining order, etc. But you really need to keep away from the guy and not antagonise him. You have no business cutting his grass or being on his land.

RobAMerc · 17-07-2019 10:13AM

antix80 wrote: »

You have no business cutting his grass or being on his land.

Just for clarity, this is not belong to either of us. It's the grass strip between the path and the road outside our houses. Council land I would assume.

antix80 · 17-07-2019 10:17AM

Then leave it for the council to cut. There's no need for you to be parading in front of his house. He's already asked you to stop, you obviously have a history.. I'm not saying you're in the wrong, but if you do it again you'd be in the wrong.

Turbohymac · 17-07-2019 10:25AM

If he had complained in the past about your extension ..well that would certainly have been enough for me to steer well clear of his property.. might sound neighborly but if my neighbor cut some of my grass I wouldn't b too happy with it either.. unfortunately theres 3 sides to every story.. and there might even be some issues that might clearly be annoying this neighbor... simply cutting a small portion of his grass certainly shouldn't have sparked such an outburst . Just stay civil and distant with no good reason for him to complain...

RobAMerc · 17-07-2019 10:32AM

antix80 wrote: »

Then leave it for the council to cut. There's no need for you to be parading in front of his house. He's already asked you to stop, you obviously have a history.. I'm not saying you're in the wrong, but if you do it again you'd be in the wrong.

Are you trying to justify his behavior or condone it ?
He never asked me to stop this was our first interaction over it.
I am not "parading" anywhere, all the neighbours take turns to cut theirs.
I thought I was being neighbourly by helping out !

Turbohymac wrote: »

If he had complained in the past about your extension ..well that would certainly have been enough for me to steer well clear of his property.. might sound neighborly but if my neighbor cut some of my grass I wouldn't b too happy with it either.. unfortunately theres 3 sides to every story.. and there might even be some issues that might clearly be annoying this neighbor... simply cutting a small portion of his grass certainly shouldn't have sparked such an outburst . Just stay civil and distant with no good reason for him to complain...

Again, its not his property, not his grass - and again, is his behaviour justified ?
Would simple asking me to not do it again be appropriate rather than threatening me with a weapon and saying he'd kick the sh*t out of me ?

Riskymove · 17-07-2019 10:51AM

RobAMerc wrote: »

and again, is his behaviour justified ?
Would simple asking me to not do it again be appropriate rather than threatening me with a weapon and saying he'd kick the sh*t out of me ?

With respect OP, and to nearly all similar threads on Boards, none of us can say why he reacted like this

Viewed on its own it seems way over the top - but you went to the Gardao don't need advice there.

We only have your view on the history, he is not here, so no one really knows or can say why this happened. I am not sure what you can get out of the discussion only aggravation from the comments of people trying to imagine things to explain it.

RobAMerc · 17-07-2019 11:01AM

Riskymove wrote: »

With respect OP, and to nearly all similar threads on Boards, none of us can say why he reacted like this

Viewed on its own it seems way over the top - but you went to the Gardao don't need advice there.

We only have your view on the history, he is not here, so no one really knows or can say why this happened. I am not sure what you can get out of the discussion only aggravation from the comments of people trying to imagine things to explain it.

I was hoping that we'd discuss the pros and cons of me formally having a case opened with the Gardai. And whether or not I should let him know I have informed the Gardai of the incident.

harr · 17-07-2019 11:11AM

The grass on the pavement isn’t anybody’s to own and up to everyone to keep things looking ok.
He doesn’t really have the right to stop you from cutting it as it’s not on his property.
He sounds like a nut case and I definitely would be letting guards know. He made verbal threats in a public area.
As others have said I don’t know the full history but going on this incident alone the neighbor was in the wrong and went completely over the top.

Riskymove · 17-07-2019 11:12AM

You have made the report so if you go no further it is only an issue if something else happens in future and there is a record of this complaint

If he doesn't know about the report it cannot have any effect on him

I guess there is a chance it was a one off and nothing ever like it happens again

on the flip side the possible consequences of telling him you made a report are likely to be only negative

This can range from relations between you (and families) completely stop and you just ignore each other for ever (I have seen similar)

to even more aggressive reactions/scenes in public over time (have seen same)

and possibly even an actual assault/court cases

as I say we don't know the guy so cant say which is more likely

and we don't have to live in any of these scenarios, unlike you

bottlebrush · 17-07-2019 11:33AM

op do you have a residents association and if so what is the protocol about maintaining the grass verges that don't belong to the residents? one poster suggested that the council look after them but I can't see them coming in to cut a little piece of grass between you and the neighbour when the other neighbours are happy to do the rest of the verges.
it might be worth checking out with the residents association. otherwise night be best to cut just the bit directly in front of your property and leave him to do his own.

miezekatze · 17-07-2019 11:49AM

My estate is like this too, the council does not cut the grass verges, it's up to each resident to cut the bit outside their house. The way the driveways are done means that there's a joint grass verge for 2 houses at a time, I assume the OP's is like that too. It's common practice to do the whole thing when you're cutting your grass, not just the half that's right outside your house.. actually seems a bit petty to just cut half of it. So I don't understand why the neighbour flew off the handle about it, sounds a bit weird. Someone said that he's probably still pissed about the extension and I'd say that's probably right. Not much you can do I think.

bottlebrush · 17-07-2019 12:05PM

miezekatze wrote: »

My estate is like this too, the council does not cut the grass verges, it's up to each resident to cut the bit outside their house. The way the driveways are done means that there's a joint grass verge for 2 houses at a time, I assume the OP's is like that too. It's common practice to do the whole thing when you're cutting your grass, not just the half that's right outside your house.. actually seems a bit petty to just cut half of it. So I don't understand why the neighbour flew off the handle about it, sounds a bit weird. Someone said that he's probably still pissed about the extension and I'd say that's probably right. Not much you can do I think.

same as our estate. I had the same experience as the op. the verge straddles my house and my neighbours. I was cutting my own grass to the front of my house so pulled the lawnmower over and did the whole verge. neighbour came out shouting abuse at me and yelling me to get off his bit. the next time I came out I just cut the bit in front of my own and as I was wheeling back in my lawnmower he appeared beside me yelling at me that I was 'so petty' not cutting the lot. so I decided not to go near it again. the grass grew about a foot high and eventually he came out and cut the lot. and that's the way it's been since. my view is let him at it I don't need the extra work.
some people are just plain unreasonable and you won't change them. just leave the verge for the time being, it might not be nice to look at, but see how things pan out.

Always Tired · 17-07-2019 12:13PM

RobAMerc wrote: »

Are you trying to justify his behavior or condone it ?
He never asked me to stop this was our first interaction over it.
I am not "parading" anywhere, all the neighbours take turns to cut theirs.
I thought I was being neighbourly by helping out !

Again, its not his property, not his grass - and again, is his behaviour justified ?
Would simple asking me to not do it again be appropriate rather than threatening me with a weapon and saying he'd kick the sh*t out of me ?

Don't you realize this is boards, where the OP has always, always, always done something horribly wrong no matter what? You could literally pull a child from a burning house and the weirdos on here would admonish you for not knocking first and telling you to be glad you haven't been arrested for trespassing.

He's almost certainly annoyed about the extension. But why did he call it his grass if it is the little strip between the road and footpath, that's weird.

ted1 · 17-07-2019 12:32PM

antix80 wrote: »

Then leave it for the council to cut. There's no need for you to be parading in front of his house. He's already asked you to stop, you obviously have a history.. I'm not saying you're in the wrong, but if you do it again you'd be in the wrong.

In ever estate in Ireland it’s the residents that cut the strip.

wiggle16 · 17-07-2019 12:56PM

You filed a report so it's on record now in case he escalates his behaviour. I would leave it at that for the moment.

The best thing you can do is not react to his carry on. He sounds like a prick, you won't be able to put a foot right with him so don't try.

If you want to cut the verge and keep it looking tidy, do it if you want. Anyone can come in and cut the grass on a public pavement if they want to, you don't have to have an excuse. Or don't bother. Depends on whether you want the hassle of cutting the grass and getting grief for it! But you did nothing wrong.

Either way if he threatens you again, go to the guards and make a formal complaint that he was threatening you. The grass itself is a red herring, it doesn't matter, this isn't about the grass. He's the problem.

Give him a wide berth for the moment, and take it further if it happens again.

Granadino · 17-07-2019 04:11PM

Have an invisible line, and just cut the bits outside your house. It'll look silly then outside his with long grass. And send him a Christmas card.

AulWan · 17-07-2019 06:30PM

Its the same outside my house, I have an enterprising retired elderly neighbour who asks for 3 euro per house, per month (voluntary) and he keeps all the grass verges neat and tidy and plants and maintains the flowers around the trees. It works well for us, and looks nice.

It sounds to me like your neighbour was looking for a reason to have a go at you, and the grass verge just gave him the excuse he needed. I'd ignore him this time, but if he approaches you again on this issue, I'd go further with the complaint to the Garda, and point out to him (calmly) that he does not in fact own anything beyond the boundaries of his front garden.

DaveyDave · 17-07-2019 08:16PM

Had to laugh at this thread, someone cut the verge outside my garden yesterday then cut the grass in the garden across the road, but one door over to the left so not directly across from me. I should have went out and battered him!

In all fairness, the previous posts mentioning having a bad day is no excuse. When I have a bad day I don't grab something to use as a weapon/intimidation and get in someone's face.

At least it's on record now, that way if he loses it again there's a note of him being a possible danger to society. Reminds me of a neighbor who came out with a baseball bat and squared up to someone because their demon spawn of a child was playing in the road and ran into the side of a car driving past. He took this as his kid getting knocked down. Driver kept his cool and Gardai quickly put bat man in his place.

RobAMerc · 17-07-2019 08:32PM

thanks folks, I'm really annoyed that I've been made feel so uncomfortable, I was really practically running in and out of the place today in case I run into him again. I had forgotten that my sons ball went into his garden earlier during the year, his minder allowed him go in to get it and your man came out and shouted at them. It clearly scared the little lad and his minder said "he is not a nice man" - forgot about this till this eve. Sick to the stomach ( and before anyone says it yes, they had no right to go in there )

antix80 · 17-07-2019 08:44PM

RobAMerc wrote: »

( and before anyone says it yes, they had no right to go in there )

So there's 3 reasons why your neighbour hates you.

You have all the sympathy in the world. And no doubt you'll remember something else you or yours did that also received an unwarranted reaction from your neighbour.

Your neighbour sounds like a nut. You probably did the right thing by mentioning him to the gardai. But there are 2 sides to every story, and I'm not overly proud but i was consistently unpleasant to a previous neighbour of mine who made my life a misery by refusing to control her barking dog.

Just keep out of your neighbours hair and see how that works out.

neighbours abusive and threatening behaviour

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