Residing in one area but living in another.

mariaalice · 15-07-2019 10:44am #1

Came across this at the weekend its interesting around the changes in irish society.

A couple who are priced out of where they want to be they buy about 20 to 25k away and with good roads its about a 20 min Journey from where they want to be. The reside/Sleep in one area but their whole lives are orientated towards where thy grew up, socialising, weekend recreational activities, even shopping sometimes, family etc. They rarely use the facility of the area they have moved to now maybe the will change when they have chidlren and they go to the local school and join local sprots clubs but maybe not. It comes across as putting their life on hold.

Creamy Goodness · 15-07-2019 10:54am

If they're happy with it, what's the problem?

katiek102010 · 15-07-2019 10:57am

We are in the exact same position, even with a child.

He even goes to school where we "reside" but our home is 40 mins away.

It's not good to move children's school continuously but we have no choice to live where we are as we have to rent.

Our child has SEN and as a result its impossible to move school as waiting lists for places with his needs are horrendous.

mariaalice · 15-07-2019 10:59am

Creamy Goodness wrote: »

If they're happy with it, what's the problem?

There is no harm in it, its just an interesting observation about what is happening.

30/40 years ago as outer suberbs were built people moved out it was alway happning the diffeence is that 30/40 years ago they less choice about makeing their live where they had purchased road and transport were not as good lifestyles were different.

jlm29 · 15-07-2019 11:15am

I live about 20 min (18 miles) from my home town, but I live in my OHs home village. We couldn’t both live in our home, one of us had to compromise, as would be the story with many couples. I work in my home town, and our kids don’t go to school where we reside as a result, he goes to school close to where I work. But the distance is nothing, compared to what it might have been considered 30-40 yrs ago. We both have cars, we can come and go as we please, without relying on public transport or lifts etc. Sometimes it’s a bit of a nuisance, like if I have a day off but still have to bring my kids to school, but I just get on with it.
I think that a lot of people think they should have everything exactly as they wish. The art of compromise is important.

Eric Cartman · 15-07-2019 11:56am

This actually causes huge problems .
Many dublin commuters still actively live their lives in the city and just sleep in their adopted towns, do all the shopping in the city etc..

It leads to the creation of 9-5 ghost towns and makes it unviable for businesses to operate locally, means an increased reliance on transport and overall hurts an area as the councils dont get enough money from rates to maintain infrastructure, hurts the environment with increased use of road travel, means there are no facilities and less integration among the children living there, creates a trap where people of lower incomes have to spend more to visit larger towns to access shops and services and eventually the under investment will lead to antisocial behaviour and a lowering of property values.

Regardless of if you like your ‘hometown’ or city restaurant or shops, give your local newsagent, butcher, barber and local restaurants a bit of business, you’d complain when they all shut up shop and you end up living in a giant housing estate where the nearest place to get milk is a garage 10km away.

mariaalice · 15-07-2019 1:00pm

jlm29 wrote: »

I live about 20 min (18 miles) from my home town, but I live in my OHs home village. We couldn’t both live in our home, one of us had to compromise, as would be the story with many couples. I work in my home town, and our kids don’t go to school where we reside as a result, he goes to school close to where I work. But the distance is nothing, compared to what it might have been considered 30-40 yrs ago. We both have cars, we can come and go as we please, without relying on public transport or lifts etc. Sometimes it’s a bit of a nuisance, like if I have a day off but still have to bring my kids to school, but I just get on with it.
I think that a lot of people think they should have everything exactly as they wish. The art of compromise is important.

Do your children play for any sprots teams where you live or where they go to school what about having friends from school over.

LirW · 15-07-2019 2:36pm

We're all over the place and it can be tough.
So we live in a village in Mt. Backarse 20 minutes from Gorey. Himself works in Wex town. I work in the inland SE Leinster area with plenty of travel. Big kid goes to school in the village up the road. Plays football locally, for rugby we have to travel to Tullow, 25 minutes.
Small kid goes to crèche in Gorey because we couldn't find an available place suiting our needs closer to home.
His family lives on the Northside of Dublin, they're the only support we have, mine lived abroad. His friends live in Dublin too.

We definitely want to sell and move as soon as we're in the position to but can't agree where. I don't want to live in Dublin, and even though he works in a very secure job, he would like to have the prospect of progressing even further in his career and that's a lot easier in the capital.

So for now that's the status quo, it works, days are just long and busy. And funnily enough we're not the only ones where we live because that's what you have to do when the infrastructure is generally quite little where you live.

LirW · 15-07-2019 2:48pm

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Regardless of if you like your ‘hometown’ or city restaurant or shops, give your local newsagent, butcher, barber and local restaurants a bit of business, you’d complain when they all shut up shop and you end up living in a giant housing estate where the nearest place to get milk is a garage 10km away.

Shops are one thing but service providers are another. I won't go to the local hairdresser if they're not doing a good job. If the food isn't good in the local restaurant I won't go there for the sake of it. Eating out us expensive as it is, at least I want to enjoy it.

The local fruit and veg shops are horrendous, full of imported, overpriced produce that has seen better days. I tried, I really really tried to give them business but I wasn't satisfied with the quality.

The issue is people nowadays are required to be as mobile as you can, the good jobs are very concentrated to a few areas where everyone has to go. We all have long days, we all want it as convenient as possible after a full day + commute. Honestly I can't blame consumers for not choosing to spend their money locally because many it simply doesn't suit (hairdresser closed, shops close before you get home etc).

Eric Cartman · 15-07-2019 7:37pm

LirW wrote: »

Shops are one thing but service providers are another. I won't go to the local hairdresser if they're not doing a good job. If the food isn't good in the local restaurant I won't go there for the sake of it. Eating out us expensive as it is, at least I want to enjoy it.

The local fruit and veg shops are horrendous, full of imported, overpriced produce that has seen better days. I tried, I really really tried to give them business but I wasn't satisfied with the quality.

The issue is people nowadays are required to be as mobile as you can, the good jobs are very concentrated to a few areas where everyone has to go. We all have long days, we all want it as convenient as possible after a full day + commute. Honestly I can't blame consumers for not choosing to spend their money locally because many it simply doesn't suit (hairdresser closed, shops close before you get home etc).

The problem is , many never try. If more people were willing to do business in their village and the services just werent up to scratch, there would be scope to make money as a competitor, but nobody gives them the chance. Similarly enough your complaint about times, if the demand was there a business worth half its salt would adjust to the demand.

I know people living in towns just into meath for years who have not spent a cent in the county beyond their local petrol station.

Mrs OBumble · 15-07-2019 7:51pm

Is it really new? There's an amazing number of people going to sleep over at the mammy's house every weekend, even after they're married and have a kid: it seems to be the 2nd kid which slows things down.

I even know a lad in his 50's who still says that his parish is the mammy's one even though she's long since buried and he's lived across town for 20+ years.

AulWan · 15-07-2019 8:27pm

I don't see a huge problem with this really. 20 minutes away is nothing. I was fortunate enough to be able to house myself within walking distance from where I grew up, but on the other side of the coin, my job is a good distance away. Of five siblings, I am the only member of my immediate family who is still living in the area, the others are dispersed around the county.

If I need something in the shops I will usually stop and pick it up somewhere along my route home from work as my local shops are terrible - limited range of stock and usually very over-priced. I can drop into any Lidl or Aldi on the way home for a Brennans sliced pan costing €1.50, but in the local shop I will be charged €2.40, and its usually a day or two old. And they've always been that way. I'm not going to give them my business just because its local. I don't frequent the large shopping centre 2 kms away from my home either as I don't like it, so at weekends I do travel to shop, or eat out, or go to the cinema. Again, I don't see a huge problem with it.

If you were travelling 2+ hours each way to stay over with parents every weekend, then I think its a case of not settling. I couldn't do that either, but 20 mins? No big deal.

15-07-2019 9:03pm

Not really unusual, I spent close to 10 years working a 3 hour drive from home for work and renting a room in a houseshare for during the week but my life was still at home. Went back nearly every weekend, majority of my holidays, Christmas etc were spend at home. My main group of friends are my school friends most of whom still live around home, I never even changed my address on anything like bank accounts etc and give my home address for everything. Even after getting married it didn’t change much.

More or less moved back up now again and will be building at home shortly though so the living away part was always going to be temporary which I supposed is a bit different to someone doing it for good.

mariaalice · 15-07-2019 9:24pm

Luke Rotten Roast wrote: »

Not really unusual, I spent close to 10 years working a 3 hour drive from home for work and renting a room in a houseshare for during the week but my life was still at home. Went back nearly every weekend, majority of my holidays, Christmas etc were spend at home. My main group of friends are my school friends most of whom still live around home, I never even changed my address on anything like bank accounts etc and give my home address for everything. Even after getting married it didn’t change much.

More or less moved back up now again and will be building at home shortly though so the living away part was always going to be temporary which I supposed is a bit different to someone doing it for good.

Thats not the same thing, its couples wanting to buy in one place but cant afford there, so they buy 20k away but stay living in the other palce and live the lifestyle of the other place, a lot of it is lived hoping that they will build up equity in the house they sleep in and eventually mover back its a compromise that puts life on hold to an extent.

awec · 15-07-2019 9:32pm

AulWan wrote: »

I don't see a huge problem with this really. 20 minutes away is nothing. I was fortunate enough to be able to house myself within walking distance from where I grew up, but on the other side of the coin, my job is a good distance away. Of five siblings, I am the only member of my immediate family who is still living in the area, the others are dispersed around the county.

If I need something in the shops I will usually stop and pick it up somewhere along my route home from work as my local shops are terrible - limited range of stock and usually very over-priced. I can drop into any Lidl or Aldi on the way home for a Brennans sliced pan costing €1.50, but in the local shop I will be charged €2.40, and its usually a day or two old. And they've always been that way. I'm not going to give them my business just because its local. I don't frequent the large shopping centre 2 kms away from my home either as I don't like it, so at weekends I do travel to shop, or eat out, or go to the cinema. Again, I don't see a huge problem with it.

If you were travelling 2+ hours each way to stay over with parents every weekend, then I think its a case of not settling. I couldn't do that either, but 20 mins? No big deal.

20 minutes drive away is a big distance in this context.

As a commute it's fine, but if you had to drive 20 minutes every time you wanted to meet friends, or bring the kids to their soccer / rugby or whatever it would be an absolute nightmare IMO.

Living somewhere where you know the locality is to your taste, and the local community something you can involve yourself in, is so important IMO, in order to avoid ultimate misery and resentment at having to get into the car and drive for that length every time you want to do anything.

You are basically signing yourself up for a commute for everything in your life, not just your work.

AulWan · 15-07-2019 9:45pm

I've done it all my life. My friends are dispersed all over the county, and the country. I have never limited myself to only maintaining friendships with those who live were I do and socialising locally? Do people actually do that? My kids are adults now, but I did my fair share of ferrying too and fro from activites and matches etc when they were at that age, and again, I just don't see a 20 minute drive as such a big deal. Sorry!

awec · 15-07-2019 9:54pm

AulWan wrote: »

I've done it all my life. My friends are dispersed all over the county, and the country. I have never limited myself to only maintaining friendships with those who live were I do and socialising locally? Do people actually do that? My kids are adults now, but I did my fair share of ferrying too and fro from activites and matches etc when they were at that age, and again, I just don't see a 20 minute drive as such a big deal. Sorry!

I would think every single person in Ireland has friends dispersed all over the country, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

The OP is talking about people who live in one place, but their entire life is in another place. A 20 minute drive every single time you want to do anything is crap. Having no life or friends in your own local community is not a great way to live.

Like buying a house in Newbridge, but you work in Naas. Every single one of your friends is in Naas. Kids school in Naas. Kids clubs in Naas. Your yoga in Naas. Any time you want to do anything socially, you've to get into the car and drive for 20 minutes to Naas. No involvement whatsoever, no life whatsoever in Newbridge.

AulWan · 15-07-2019 10:04pm

We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. I honestly don't see it as a huge problem, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Residing in one area but living in another.

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