Do Irish people have an unhealthy fascination with funerals?

Pauliedragon · 12-07-2019 11:40PM #1

I've been thinking about this recently and looking at peoples behaviour I find it strange. I live in a large town where there would be 2-3 funerals a week. Every time someone dies the whole conversation amongst people (mostly the older generation) is finding an excuse to attend the funeral. "Poor Johnny, I went to school with his cousin in the 1950's I better go pay my respects". My old man and his friends trawl through the death notices daily as if they're hoping they might have a funeral to attend. When I die unless you know me or my immediate family personally stay away. In other countries unless you're formally invited you don't go.

12-07-2019 11:45PM

I only tune into local radio for the obituaries. Bit of gossip for the market.

Birneybau · 12-07-2019 11:46PM

Dying is about as unhealthy as it gets

Rubberchikken · 12-07-2019 11:48PM

its not unhealthy if you're fascinated

corner of hells · 12-07-2019 11:48PM

Pauliedragon wrote: »

I've been thinking about this recently and looking at peoples behaviour I find it strange. I live in a large town where there would be 2-3 funerals a week. Every time someone dies the whole conversation amongst people (mostly the older generation) is finding an excuse to attend the funeral. "Poor Johnny, I went to school with his cousin in the 1950's I better go pay my respects". My old man and his friends trawl through the death notices daily as if they're hoping they might have a funeral to attend. When I die unless you know me or my immediate family personally stay away. In other countries unless you're formally invited you don't go.

When You're Dead, You Don't Know You're Dead. It's Only Difficult For Others. It's The Same Way When You're Stupid .
Anon or Ricky Gervais , you're not stupid OP , I just wanted to use that quote.

Still waters · 12-07-2019 11:49PM

Pauliedragon wrote: »

In other countries unless you're formally invited you don't go.

Well op we just didn't realise we had to do it like the other countries, which country had you in mind so i can spread the word to do it like them

TheValeyard · 12-07-2019 11:53PM

I think we do it very well. Give the deceased a good send off and give our best and support to the grieving family.

12-07-2019 11:53PM

Pauliedragon wrote: »

I've been thinking about this recently and looking at peoples behaviour I find it strange. I live in a large town where there would be 2-3 funerals a week. Every time someone dies the whole conversation amongst people (mostly the older generation) is finding an excuse to attend the funeral. "Poor Johnny, I went to school with his cousin in the 1950's I better go pay my respects". My old man and his friends trawl through the death notices daily as if they're hoping they might have a funeral to attend. When I die unless you know me or my immediate family personally stay away. In other countries unless you're formally invited you don't go.

There's no honour in a small funeral. When I finally shuffle from this mortal coil, I want the whole town and his dog at the funeral. Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone. Let no traffic pass on the road to Athlone.

Really, it's a compliment to our society that we mark the passing of each member of our communities, even if we had barely interacted with them.

It's a symbol of our social cohesion, and it crosses all class, religious and social boundaries. It's something to be celebrated, not condemned.

Now pull yourself together, put on your funeral coat, let's get ourselves some free sandwiches.

dudara · 12-07-2019 11:58PM

I think we have a very healthy obsession, if you could say that.

My gran would start reading the paper at the Death notices. Then she’d tune into RnaG at 1pm for the latest deaths. From that, the next few days activities were planned out. She didn’t drive so my uncle, my mother and later I (when I got my first license) were called into service. She always bought me lunch when I drove her and I loved spending the time with her.

Funerals were a big part of staying connected. When my Gran passed, I wasn’t sad, well I was, but also happy because so many people turned out to see her off. She’d have loved it. I made sure there was good cake available with the tea, including apple tart. That was her favourite .

nuyil simp · 13-07-2019 12:01AM

think of the bereaved, for god sake, their poor hands would be shook off them by the end of it, sorry for your troubles...

Pauliedragon · 13-07-2019 12:01AM

Still waters wrote: »

Well op we just didn't realise we had to do it like the other countries, which country had you in mind so i can spread the word to do it like them

My point is why go to a funeral when you have no connection to the deceased which seems to quite common here.

corner of hells · 13-07-2019 12:02AM

dudara wrote: »

I think we have a very healthy obsession, if you could say that.

My gran would start reading the paper at the Death notices. Then she’d tune into RnaG at 1pm for the latest deaths. From that, the next few days activities were planned out. She didn’t drive so my uncle, my mother and later I (when I got my first license) were called into service. She always bought me lunch when I drove her and I loved spending the time with her.

Funerals were a big part of staying connected. When my Gran passed, I wasn’t sad, well I was, but also happy because so many people turned out to see her off. She’d have loved it. I made sure there was good cake available with the tea, including apple tart. That was her favourite .

That's a nice post.Particularly the last sentences about your Grans funeral.

Atlantic Dawn · 13-07-2019 12:06AM

I have to say I do like an Irish funeral, a big session, warts and all comments about the deceased, good chats, like a wedding without the invites.

ChikiChiki · 13-07-2019 12:13AM

Yes, my ex who was from South America remarked that Irish people seem to celebrate death and base a lot of our music around it. Its always a hot topic aswell when the family get together which she picked up on. I never really noticed before it was mentioned "Awh poor Mrs Regan died, jesus isn't it terrible"

FFs she was 98, had a good innings and you didn't even like her when she was alive.

Honourable mention to the Granny shushing everyone young and old up and turning the radio up full blast to listen to the deaths at 5pm. In fairness some of the best craic has been had at funerals.

branie2 · 13-07-2019 12:15AM

People listen in to the obituaries to find out if someone they know has died.

13-07-2019 12:15AM

dudara wrote: »

I think we have a very healthy obsession, if you could say that.

My gran would start reading the paper at the Death notices. Then she’d tune into RnaG at 1pm for the latest deaths. From that, the next few days activities were planned out. She didn’t drive so my uncle, my mother and later I (when I got my first license) were called into service. She always bought me lunch when I drove her and I loved spending the time with her.

Funerals were a big part of staying connected. When my Gran passed, I wasn’t sad, well I was, but also happy because so many people turned out to see her off. She’d have loved it. I made sure there was good cake available with the tea, including apple tart. That was her favourite .

That's very sweet.

You've just reminded me of something I experienced when my own Gran passed. All her siblings and her besties refused to join in the mourning, they made the desserts and filled everyone's glass and (I had to sit beside some of them during the service) noted everyone who had come, and everyone who hadn't.

I see in retrospect this was their way of getting through those couple of days. They knew her better than we had known her, but instead of actively mourning in the ordinary way, they seemed to prefer handing out cups of tea and listening to other people talking about her.

I'm sure my Gran was as proud of their 'spread' as yours was. Its telling that you said "she'd have loved it", because I think that's the secret to a good funeral. It's comforting to know you're doing what really mattered to your loved one, it's how some people work their way through the grief.

Blaizes · 13-07-2019 12:16AM

Pauliedragon wrote: »

I've been thinking about this recently and looking at peoples behaviour I find it strange. I live in a large town where there would be 2-3 funerals a week. Every time someone dies the whole conversation amongst people (mostly the older generation) is finding an excuse to attend the funeral. "Poor Johnny, I went to school with his cousin in the 1950's I better go pay my respects". My old man and his friends trawl through the death notices daily as if they're hoping they might have a funeral to attend. When I die unless you know me or my immediate family personally stay away. In other countries unless you're formally invited you don't go.

My parents are the same, listening to death notices on the radio and ringing me to tell me such a person has died. Same with one of my friends her Mum always listens.

JohnnyFlash · 13-07-2019 12:17AM

A good funeral is better than a bad wedding.

I love the reemergence of the traditional Irish wake in parts of the country. It’s a lovely way to celebrate the life of the person who has just died. Neighbours and friends calling over to the house to say goodbye to the deceased, then heading out to the kitchen to kindly pass on the egg sandwiches and kindly accept the large glass of whiskey.

Atoms for Peace · 13-07-2019 12:25AM

The west is getting far too soft, death is coming for us all might as well embrace it and celebrate.

touts · 13-07-2019 12:25AM

Free food and drink seems to be the main attraction these days. If someone close to you dies you have to entertain 50 or 60 a night in your home with an endless flow of sandwiches cakes biscuits and of course alcohol. Then after the burial you are expected to bring a couple of hundred people to the biggest hotel in town for a sit down meal. And a free drink from the bar seems to be the latest gimmick. Next thing you'll be expected to provide bouncy castles for the kids and a funeral band for some dancing. First it was weddings, then communions. Now expensive funerals seem to be the thing.

My father in law passed away a few years ago and it was ****ing rediculous the hangers on that appeared. One lad and his family sat in the funeral home for two nights and was back in the house every evening for food and drink. I asked my wife who he was and she thinks he was a 3rd or 4th cousin. Barely knew the bollocks but we must have spent close to €50 each on him, his wife and his two teenage kids between the meal in the hotel and the drink & food they guzzled over three days and nights. The only other time I've seen them is at other funerals pulling the same stunt. And they seem to be increasingly typical.

When I go to a funeral I'm in and out as fast as I can. I'll help in any way I'm asked but other than that I'll stay out of the way of the bereaved and definitely stay out of their pockets.

Notoldorwise · 13-07-2019 12:46AM

dudara wrote:

Funerals were a big part of staying connected. When my Gran passed, I wasnâ€™t sad, well I was, but also happy because so many people turned out to see her off. Sheâ€™d have loved it. I made sure there was good cake available with the tea, including apple tart. That was her favourite .

This is exactly what makes the irish obsession with funerals great. When my mother died, long lost acquaintances came to express condolences for the pain felt by the mourners. It is great comfort to meet people who either mourn the death of a person they knew and those who want to sympathise with a surviving relative. I think that we do this very well. Even the little things like the mass cards, or signing a book of condolences, tells us that a person that was important to us, had a positive impact on other people too

branie2 · 13-07-2019 12:52AM

You see politicians at removals the night before.

touts · 13-07-2019 01:01AM

branie2 wrote: »

You see politicians at removals the night before.

Apparently Mattie McGrath has been known to get into double digits for number of removals attended in a single night around Co. Tipperary.

juneg · 13-07-2019 01:04AM

Bouncy castle and a funeral band, in stitches at that one

NewRed2 · 13-07-2019 01:07AM

I think it's over done here, to be honest. I think it places massive pressure on the grieving people and ends up being a bit of a party for the ones who care the least.

igCorcaigh · 13-07-2019 01:09AM

My mam always reads the death notices on the local newspaper (echo)

That and the court cases.

NewRed2 · 13-07-2019 01:10AM

juneg wrote: »

Bouncy castle, in stitches at that one

Reincarnation, we'll all bouce back

RicketyCricket · 13-07-2019 01:11AM

NewRed2 wrote: »

I think it's over done here, to be honest. I think it places massive pressure on the grieving people and ends up being a bit of a party for the ones who care the least.

I've seen this with my family. Caring about what the neighbours think more than anything else. Being in the country, some people seem to go in the hope of a free dinner after the burial.

igCorcaigh · 13-07-2019 01:12AM

Always found it funny to be in the jacks of Sin E and hearing the prayers from the nearby funeral home.

tonycascarino · 13-07-2019 01:17AM

I think the unhealthy obsession especially in country areas stems from the fact that people are nosey and only dying for a bit of gossip (ie. Michael looked very shook, did you see what Nuala was wearing, it was a very small turnout etc.) rather than genuinely turning up to grieve for the deceased. Who knows they might even get some free food and a drink if they are lucky.

BorneTobyWilde · 13-07-2019 01:21AM

He died of death, the poor bastard. I better go or I'll be talked about for not going.

Do Irish people have an unhealthy fascination with funerals?

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