19 month old waking up hysterical in the middle of the night

OREGATO · 03-07-2019 07:42AM #1

Hey all,

Was hoping to get some wisdom and advice.

My 19 month old daughter has been an ok sleeper, not the best but the past few months she's been ok.

In the past week, she's started to wake during the night and cry/scream in her cot. She will throw her blanky and soother out of the cot and stand at the side of the cot and roar her head off. She's not in pain or teething but we're out of ideas on how to settle her.

Any advice/tips on getting her back on track? We do keep a good routine with her but we're just at our wits end. Last night she went down at 630pm, woke up at 10 and screamed until 1130. We tried to go in every 5/10/15 minutes to comfort her but as soon as we left the room, she was off again. This morning, she woke at 430 and pretty much screamed until we got up with her at 6.

We are reluctant to put her into our bed as we don't want make a bad habit of it. We did it maybe 3 or 4 times when she was sick or whatever but we really don't want this as an option.
She's not hungry, her nappy is fine and generally during the day she's in good form.

Sorry for the long post! Hoping someone can share their experiences or offer up some advice!!

Be right back · 03-07-2019 08:34AM

OREGATO wrote: »

Hey all,

Was hoping to get some wisdom and advice.

My 19 month old daughter has been an ok sleeper, not the best but the past few months she's been ok.

In the past week, she's started to wake during the night and cry/scream in her cot. She will throw her blanky and soother out of the cot and stand at the side of the cot and roar her head off. She's not in pain or teething but we're out of ideas on how to settle her.

Any advice/tips on getting her back on track? We do keep a good routine with her but we're just at our wits end. Last night she went down at 630pm, woke up at 10 and screamed until 1130. We tried to go in every 5/10/15 minutes to comfort her but as soon as we left the room, she was off again. This morning, she woke at 430 and pretty much screamed until we got up with her at 6.

We are reluctant to put her into our bed as we don't want make a bad habit of it. We did it maybe 3 or 4 times when she was sick or whatever but we really don't want this as an option.
She's not hungry, her nappy is fine and generally during the day she's in good form.

Sorry for the long post! Hoping someone can share their experiences or offer up some advice!!

Is she having nightmares? How about a small nightlight in the room?

cyclocross! · 03-07-2019 08:35AM

Check her for worms.

Scotty # · 03-07-2019 08:38AM

When I read the title of your post I presumed it was 'Night Terrors' but they usually only last a few minutes so maybe not. My young lad used to suffer with terrors a lot but he's grown out of them now. Sorry, can't offer any other advice.

fits · 03-07-2019 08:50AM

Could you stay with her until she is sound asleep again? Just try to put yourself in her shoes. she is distressed and needs your support.

jlm29 · 03-07-2019 09:10AM

cyclocross! wrote: »

Check her for worms.

Yup, definitely.

fits · 03-07-2019 09:22AM

OP would you leave her for 5/10/15 minutes before comforting her during the day when she is distressed?

Bunnyslippers · 03-07-2019 05:32PM

She's obviously distraught and is still very much a baby needing comfort, you won't 'spoil' her, I hate that phrase as how can showing a basic human need of comfort be seen as spoiling a child I'll never know! My little fellow had a good few night terrors at this age and I just stuck him in my bed distracted him with a bit of youtube, as nothing else would snap him out of it as you can't reason with them when they're like this, it worked fine and within a few mins the crying stopped and he was sound asleep, it only happened a few times and he grew out of it, by leaving a baby in distress you'll only reinforce the fact she's on her own and it will make it worse.

The only way babies can communicate when they're this small is by crying and it is normal for them to need their parents, sleeping in your bed is totally normal too and does not mean they will still be in your bed at 18! My little fellow used to sleep fine on his own until about 2 in the morning then he'd come into bed with me and sleep away, he obviously needed it and he now sleeps all night in his own bed no bother since he was about 2, knowing you are there and not just going to leave them distraught is far more important than the supposed inconvenience, as some see it, of your child in the bed with you, it's normal behaviour and in a couple of years time they'll be totally independent and you'll be missing the time when they wanted to be with you!!

OREGATO · 03-07-2019 06:46PM

Thanks for the replies.

Already have a night light/mobile that senses when she wakes and will play music and project onto the ceiling.

No nightmares that we're aware of or night terrors. It seems like she has set up a routine of waking around the same time each evening at 11pm and then at around 4/430am.

I don't think it's worms either..

Completely understand about the co sleeping but we're expecting number 2 in a few months and really don't think that having her sleep in the same room with us when number 2 arrives will be easy, hence why we don't want to get into that habit.

The thing about staying with her in the room is she won't settle, she'll want to play or just sit up and start chatting with us which I believe in turn will make her more awake and alert.

FastFullBack · 03-07-2019 06:54PM

OREGATO wrote: »

The thing about staying with her in the room is she won't settle, she'll want to play or just sit up and start chatting with us which I believe in turn will make her more awake and alert.

We had similar issue for about a month with our son. He was around 21 months at the time. Staying with him till he slept was the fix for us. For a few days it might have taken an hour but slowly he got better. We followed the same approach putting him to bed, staying in the room. Every 2or 3 days move further away from the cot but still in the room. Eventually out into the hall but still there to reply if he calls. There's a section in Lisa Wolfes book that describes it.
Right now at 25 months he goes down very easy and we can leave the room right away. He's also sleeping right through the night.

In relation to the her chatting or sitting up while you're in the room. Try not to engage too much. Ask her to lie down. Tell her your lying down and yer lying down together. She'll eventually ignore you, do her own thing and in time will settle

jlm29 · 03-07-2019 06:55PM

Can I ask why you don’t think it’s worms?? I’m not saying it is, obviously, but it’s definitely one thing that would explain a lot. They come out at night, and the itch is enough to drive a child insane. I’d definitely treat for them anyhow, just to rule it out

jamesbondings · 03-07-2019 07:00PM

I am shocked by the amount of posts saying she needs comfort. Honestly.

I'm sure almost every parent has had this happen at some point. So OP you and your partner are not alone. We had this for months before we took action. It came to a head when me and the better half were going toe to toe because we were both shattered from being up and down all night. He had began putting his hands down his throat to make himself sick so that we HAD to go into him. Clever boy!

We used the 3/5 minute sleep routine.
Before bedtime ensure there are no electronics in the room. No night lights or lullaby music players. Then we put him to bed as usual. When he wakes up crying the first time we would wait 3 minutes to see if he would settle himself. If he didn't we would go in, (do not pick her up) fix the blankets/pillows. Said "time for bed sweetheart" kiss on the head and night night, and then walked out. Even if he was screaming.
Wait 5 mins. If he wasn't settled we then went in again. This time, no talking. Just in, fix the blankets etc and lie him back down. Walk away.
Then wait 3 minutes. Rinse and repeat.

No gonna lie it was horrific. It lasted 6 hours! But honestly, it's the biggest "win" of our parenting lives.
It stopped that night. He sleeps through the night 100% of the time (bar if he is sick).

About 6 months later we reintroduced a nightlight with clock (Mr Sun comes up when it's time to wake up). He now will lay in bed and wait until the like changes from night to day before he starts calling us.

Seriously - on this one,teamwork is key. It was a very long 6 hours but it was well worth it.

Ps; if she is making herself sick then go in change the sheets and leave. Don't entertain the circus!
Love to hear if you try it and if it works!

All the best!

Blaizes · 03-07-2019 07:02PM

The nights are quite warm recently. Could your toddler be too hot?

OREGATO · 03-07-2019 07:12PM

jlm29 wrote: »

Can I ask why you don’t think it’s worms?? I’m not saying it is, obviously, but it’s definitely one thing that would explain a lot. They come out at night, and the itch is enough to drive a child insane. I’d definitely treat for them anyhow, just to rule it out

We've checked and she's not itching, no skin irritation/rash/redness. She's not waking up at random times but like clock work at 11pm and 4 or 430am.

But will definitely check again just to be 100% sure.

FastFullBack wrote: »

We had similar issue for about a month with our son. He was around 21 months at the time. Staying with him till he slept was the fix for us. For a few days it might have taken an hour but slowly he got better. We followed the same approach putting him to bed, staying in the room. Every 2or 3 days move further away from the cot but still in the room. Eventually out into the hall but still there to reply if he calls. There's a section in Lisa Wolfes book that describes it.
Right now at 25 months he goes down very easy and we can leave the room right away. He's also sleeping right through the night.

In relation to the her chatting or sitting up while you're in the room. Try not to engage too much. Ask her to lie down. Tell her your lying down and yer lying down together. She'll eventually ignore you, do her own thing and in time will settle

Thanks for the advice, we followed Lucy Wolfe and this technique months ago and maybe it's time to retry it. The sitting up and chatting is tough as she won't ignore us and will just stand with her arms out looking to be carried to our bed. Like, we tried lifting her and she just has her arms out and if you follow where she's pointing - she goes to our bed!!

jamesbondings wrote: »

I am shocked by the amount of posts saying she needs comfort. Honestly.

I'm sure almost every parent has had this happen at some point. So OP you and your partner are not alone. We had this for months before we took action. It came to a head when me and the better half were going toe to toe because we were both shattered from being up and down all night. He had began putting his hands down his throat to make himself sick so that we HAD to go into him. Clever boy!
...

Really appreciate your reply and advice. We had been doing this and it appeared to be working. Just to clarify for the other readers that we'd in no way leave her screaming and hysterical for long periods. When we go into her and leave again, she just stands at the end of the bed and shouts, she's not hysterical/scared.

When we get her up in the morning, she's in top form as well, she's not scared or cranky or anything like that, she's smiling, laughing and wants to play.

We may try this and the sun clock is a good idea and something we will look into.

Blaizes wrote: »

The nights are quite warm recently. Could your toddler be too hot?

Her room is above the normal temperature but not way too warm, we've let her sleep in her vest and have made sure that she's never too warm or cold.

TheQuietBeatle · 03-07-2019 07:14PM

Our daughter was the same but it was teething. The gum and teeth creams you can buy helped a lot.

Hedgelayer · 03-07-2019 07:17PM

Above normal temperature for this time of year is too warm.

I wouldn't be able to sleep in a room in the summertime without a bit of circulation.

When my boy was really young id open the window slightly, and also being mindful he's not in anyway going to fall out of the window or anything.

linpoo · 03-07-2019 07:22PM

jamesbondings wrote: »

I am shocked by the amount of posts saying she needs comfort. Honestly.

I'm sure almost every parent has had this happen at some point. So OP you and your partner are not alone. We had this for months before we took action. It came to a head when me and the better half were going toe to toe because we were both shattered from being up and down all night. He had began putting his hands down his throat to make himself sick so that we HAD to go into him. Clever boy!

We used the 3/5 minute sleep routine.
Before bedtime ensure there are no electronics in the room. No night lights or lullaby music players. Then we put him to bed as usual. When he wakes up crying the first time we would wait 3 minutes to see if he would settle himself. If he didn't we would go in, (do not pick her up) fix the blankets/pillows. Said "time for bed sweetheart" kiss on the head and night night, and then walked out. Even if he was screaming.
Wait 5 mins. If he wasn't settled we then went in again. This time, no talking. Just in, fix the blankets etc and lie him back down. Walk away.
Then wait 3 minutes. Rinse and repeat.

No gonna lie it was horrific. It lasted 6 hours! But honestly, it's the biggest "win" of our parenting lives.
It stopped that night. He sleeps through the night 100% of the time (bar if he is sick).

About 6 months later we reintroduced a nightlight with clock (Mr Sun comes up when it's time to wake up). He now will lay in bed and wait until the like changes from night to day before he starts calling us.

Seriously - on this one,teamwork is key. It was a very long 6 hours but it was well worth it.

Ps; if she is making herself sick then go in change the sheets and leave. Don't entertain the circus!
Love to hear if you try it and if it works!

All the best!

Is that post a joke as it is the most cruel thing I've ever heard. I can't believe you left your child screaming for 6 hours.

They are babies that want comfort from their mammy/daddy they aren't animals!. They want to feel secure by having their parent near.

I bring my toddler into my bed now and then if he is upset, it certainly does not ruin them! He will happily sleep in his cot then the other times.

OP there is a sleep regression around 18 months if you want to look this up. There is a huge growth happening at this time with lots of brain development. Have you got the wonder week app?

jamesbondings · 03-07-2019 07:51PM

linpoo wrote: »

Is that post a joke as it is the most cruel thing I've ever heard. I can't believe you left your child screaming for 6 hours.

They are babies that want comfort from their mammy/daddy they aren't animals!. They want to feel secure by having their parent near.

I bring my toddler into my bed now and then if he is upset, it certainly does not ruin them! He will happily sleep in his cot then the other times.

OP there is a sleep regression around 18 months if you want to look this up. There is a huge growth happening at this time with lots of brain development. Have you got the wonder week app?

They want to feel secure by having their parent near.

Which is why you go in every 3/5 minutes to let them know you are there and aware and that they are safe.
Wasn't a joke. At all. Nothing cruel about letting a child self sooth (but not just leave the child scream for hours on end without any support of any description). You have lived a truly sheltered life if that's the most cruel thing you have ever heard!

If you can't allow your child cry because it's "cruel" best of luck raising a teenager.

SaveTheBees · 03-07-2019 07:55PM

It doesn't look like she has an infection because she's fine during the day. Otherwise I would start with checking her ears and doing a routine urine test.
She might be teething- you can check it by tapping her gums with a metal spoon.
She could be too hot- try to dress her lighter for the next few nights.
I would also check her for worms, especially if she goes to creche. They tend to be very active at night and cause huge discomfort.

It could be just a developmental phase very common for this age.
If she wakes up at night don't switch on the light or any musical toys with lights and sounds. Gently stroke her head, slowly help her to lie down and cover with a blanket. Keep stroking the head and maybe try humming Twinkle twinkle etc. If she gets up- repeat as many times as necessary until she calms down. It worked with my three children:) They were never in my bed unless they were seriously sick.
Try to avoid bringing her to your bed because she'll learn quickly

fits · 03-07-2019 08:30PM

Six hours. I feel sick I really do. And him throwing up as well. I hope in Time sleep training goes the way of smacking. What is so difficult about responding to your children and giving them a cuddle when you need it. They’re only little people.

Blazer · 03-07-2019 08:31PM

fits wrote: »

Could you stay with her until she is sound asleep again? Just try to put yourself in her shoes. she is distressed and needs your support.

Worst thing you can do.
When they wake up they instinctively look for you and scream when you’re not there.
It’s a bad habit for them.

Graham · 03-07-2019 08:35PM

linpoo wrote: »

Is that post a joke as it is the most cruel thing I've ever heard. I can't believe you left your child screaming for 6 hours.

That's not how I read the post.

6 hours of repeating the process.

Anne_cordelia · 03-07-2019 08:50PM

fits wrote: »

Six hours. I feel sick I really do. And him throwing up as well. I hope in Time sleep training goes the way of smacking. What is so difficult about responding to your children and giving them a cuddle when you need it. They’re only little people.

It’s disgusting. I feel sick too. Sometimes I get so disillusioned with this board when I hear things like this.

Graham · 03-07-2019 08:52PM

Where did anyone say they left a child screaming for 6 hours?

Which post?

Anne_cordelia · 03-07-2019 08:53PM

Please respond to your baby. Even if you do not understand the reason she is waking, it is clear she needs support and comforting. Babies are not going to conform to a checklist and have needs other than a clean bum/thirst etc. It really is such a short phase when they need you so much so please give the child what she needs. My oldest slept in my bed every night for 13 months, then it reduced to a few nights a week. Now at 5 years old, I can’t remember the last time and slept in my bed so she’s certainly not ruined or in a habit.

Abba987 · 03-07-2019 08:59PM

Anne_cordelia wrote: »

Please respond to your baby. Even if you do not understand the reason she is waking, it is clear she needs support and comforting. Babies are not going to conform to a checklist and have needs other than a clean bum/thirst etc. It really is such a short phase when they need you so much so please give the child what she needs. My oldest slept in my bed every night for 13 months, then it reduced to a few nights a week. Now at 5 years old, I can’t remember the last time and slept in my bed so she’s certainly not ruined or in a habit.

+1 comfort her. They are not babies for long. Let her in the bed. Hug her and cherish her cos it doesn't last long.
I've not left babies to cry and I've raised wonderful teenagers. This fad will pass

If your dead against letting baby in to your bed lie down in their room .

jamesbondings · 03-07-2019 11:32PM

Graham wrote: »

Where did anyone say they left a child screaming for 6 hours?

Which post?

Good god!

Yeah I left my toddler scream himself to sleep which took 6 hours..... All the while I let him get sick everywhere and sit in it.....
People read what they want to read.

I think I was misunderstood, my post was misread, misconstrued or blatantly twisted to suit someone's agenda.

Both myself and partner entered and lay our son back down every 3/5 minutes for a total of 6 hours for one night of his life. It was horrible as a parent, but it was required.
Sometimes as parents you have to do things you don't like doing for your kids. He did not get any quality sleep and now he gets 11 hours uninterrupted (mostly).

I actually worry about the snowflake parents and their children trying to make me out to be a bad parent. There was nothing wrong with him. He was just being a child. He gets loads of cuddles and is rarely sad. He does get sad when I don't allow him sweets when he wants but by some of the posters in this thread that is likely child neglect and starvation.

fits · 04-07-2019 04:49AM

jamesbondings wrote: »

. He had began putting his hands down his throat to make himself sick so that we HAD to go into him. Clever boy!
!

This kind of thinking is that a baby /toddler is manipulating their parents to get more cuddles. They are not capable of this manipulation until much older. A child getting sick like that is very distressed. I feel so sad that children are treated like this

What’s such a bad habit about responding to your child? They grow up and become independent soon enough.

fits · 04-07-2019 04:58AM

OP have you considered putting a bed in your daughters room? That way you could lie with her until she settles and you wouldn’t need to worry about her coming into the other bedroom when the baby comes. It’s the approach I used and it’s been really great. She will probably be through this phase quite soon. Both my twin boys are in double beds. One of them sleeps through fully. The other doesn’t but he’s quite easy to settle when i lie beside him and then I go back to my own room if I don’t fall asleep myself.

04-07-2019 05:27AM

fits wrote: »

This kind of thinking is that a baby /toddler is manipulating their parents to get more cuddles. They are not capable of this manipulation until much older. A child getting sick like that is very distressed. I feel so sad that children are treated like this

What’s such a bad habit about responding to your child? They grow up and become independent soon enough.

The poster said it never happened again. Do you genuinely feel sad that this poster and his wife repeated a process for one night that seemingly ended the child's distress?

Seems to be that the child was treated fine. You are imagining a kid all alone crying I suppose, even though the parents were in every few minutes.

fits · 04-07-2019 05:35AM

He said it was ‘horrific’. What are readers supposed to think - that the child was gurgling away the whole time?

And what they did was teach the child to stop signaling for them. He might still feel the distress.

19 month old waking up hysterical in the middle of the night

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