How often do you see your parents?

RicketyCricket · 29-06-2019 11:51PM

Not often enough. I've been home to see them only once this year. My parents are amazing, always believed in me no matter what I've tried, never judged, always there for a chat when I've made a ****e of things. I honestly dread the day they're not around to talk to anymore. I'm lucky to have them, some people don't have that. I just wish we had more time to spend together.

29-06-2019 11:52PM

I see my dad almost every week and spend one to three nights with him. He is by himself but the visits are as much for me as they are for him. My mam usually I visit for an hour in the nursing home when I'm down but there are weeks when I don't.

I said to a friend of mine last night how, when I was little I used to ask her to promise not to die. Miss her. Still have that childlike place inside where I want both of them to live forever.

corks finest · 29-06-2019 11:54PM

Both dead- go see yours FFS every day if possible whilst still living

Ken. · 29-06-2019 11:56PM

Mother- 5-6 times a month.
Father- once a month but would talk on the phone once a week.

29-06-2019 11:58PM

Nosnon wrote: »

Mother- 5-6 times a month.
Father- once a month but would talk on the phone once a week.

Oh yes. Even when I'm not home I'm on the phone to daddy *embarrassedface*

One eyed Jack · 29-06-2019 11:59PM

corks finest wrote: »

Both dead- go see yours FFS every day if possible whilst still living

I would, but the last few times my mam acted like I was the tv inspector and pretended she wasn’t in :pac:

30-06-2019 12:01AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I would, but the last few times my mam acted like I was the tv inspector and pretended she wasn’t in :pac:

I don't know whether to laugh or say sorry!

Ken. · 30-06-2019 12:04AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I would, but the last few times my mam acted like I was the tv inspector and pretended she wasn’t in :pac:

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't know whether to laugh or say sorry!

I was going to go with, me and your mom were busy that day Jack. Ring ahead in future. But that would be unbecoming:p

One eyed Jack · 30-06-2019 12:07AM

Nosnon wrote: »

I was going to go with, me and your mom were busy that day Jack. Ring ahead in future. But that would be unbecoming:p

Ahh no jaysis lads I didn’t mean that in a bad way, just I suppose I’m used to her being a bit like that, I don’t take it badly, we’d meet up on the odd family occasion like, but we’re just not a close family anyway

theteal · 30-06-2019 12:18AM

Video call most Sundays. They’re over here probably every 2-3 months, we get over there 3-4 times a year. Thankfully we’re just the next island over, plenty don’t have that luxury

Mrs OBumble · 30-06-2019 12:40AM

corks finest wrote: »

Both dead- go see yours FFS every day if possible whilst still living

Also both long since dead.

If you like your parents and its feasible then this is lovely advice.

But if they're not nice people, then it's rubbish advice.

Make your own decisions based on your own family situation. Ignore what other people think, especially ones who don't know your situation.

Jellybaby1 · 30-06-2019 12:54AM

I'm going to venture some advice for those who have lovely mams and dads and don't mind visiting them. If you haven't already done it, ask them all the questions now before its too late. I'm especially interested in family history myself, and I have a lot of information but I'm still missing so much stuff from my parents youth I'll never know now as they are both gone. You might think you're not interested, but one day you will be. I'll go now, sorry to intrude! I just think its important.

andekwarhola · 30-06-2019 12:54AM

Couple of times a week.

Plumbthedepths · 30-06-2019 01:02AM

I used to call in to my parents almost every day, on my way to work. My brother and his wife ( whom I detest) moved in with my parents 4 years ago .He lost his job couldn't pay his rent so my Mum stepped in. His wife wouldn't work to warm herself. Their presence in my parents home caused endless rows between my folks and I. I felt in their retirement they should enjoy the privacy and peace of their own home. Instead they have two wasters practically owning their home. So not to row with my parents I removed myself, I know I will miss the chats with my parents and banter. I won't miss the rows, they don't need it and I certainly took no pleasure in it. Just venting I don't want a lecture. Thanks.

andekwarhola · 30-06-2019 01:06AM

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

I used to call in to my parents almost every day, on my way to work. My brother and his wife ( whom I detest) moved in with my parents 4 years ago .He lost his job couldn't pay his rent so my Mum stepped in. His wife wouldn't work to warm herself. Their presence in my parents home caused endless rows between my folks and I. I felt in their retirement they should enjoy the privacy and peace of their own home. Instead they have two wasters practically owning their home. So not to row with my parents I removed myself, I know I will miss the chats with my parents and banter. I won't miss the rows, they don't need it and I certainly took no pleasure in it. Just venting I don't want a lecture. Thanks.

Mean this in the best way but don't punish your parents - or yourself - because they feel that they need to help one of their children. Life is too short to miss time with your mum or dad.

TitianGerm · 30-06-2019 01:42AM

I see them 5-6 times a week usually.

I live five minutes away and bring the dogs up when I visit two or three of those times a week.

Mam always maintains she hates dogs. They go out and beg off her for twenty or so minutes while she tells them to stop following her around and then she keeps giving them little treats when she thinks I'm not looking and telling them they are good dogs :pac: Then we go for a walk with Dad.

Play golf twice a week with my dad as well. Nice to get out and just spend a few hours together doing something we both enjoy.

Mean Laqueefa · 30-06-2019 02:12AM

When i lived in the UK it was about every 3-4 months on average.

My mam has since past very young, my wife and i dropped good jobs iwth a 10 month old and moved home within 10 days, alot to sort out !

My sister and husband and 3 kids (Moved back home after mam died), father and brother all live under the same roof and i was lucky enough with there help to get a place less than 2mins walk from them in dublin of all places (Sisters old place)

I see them everyday for hours on end, its heartwarming and the best decision i ever made.

ChikiChiki · 30-06-2019 02:24AM

Back living at home for now after being away abroad for a few years so see my mum every day. I resented my mam for a long time as she was a bad alcoholic and did/said some hurtful stuff. But I've decided to stay at home for an extended period at least and she seems to be making an effort this time. Im always wary of getting my hopes up. We even did the garden together today.

TerrorFirmer · 30-06-2019 08:08AM

Usually once a week, if not twice, as they live nearby.

30-06-2019 08:13AM

Aarav Thankful Body wrote: »

What about yourself?

It doesn't apply to me, as mine are long dead, but tell us your own situation.

In all seriousness, how does it feel to have both parents long dead due to the passage of time? Do you think of them everyday or does the memory fade? I am raising two little boys right now and I sometimes think that one day they'll be two men on their own and I and my wife will be dead. It fills me with sorrow that I will miss so much of their lives.

Also, do you ever think of your grandparents? Do you ever try to tell your grandkids about your parents or grandparents?

lawred2 · 30-06-2019 08:14AM

Once every three/four months or so. Three young kids and a four hour drive out of Dublin.

Plus my old man doesn't do well with kids. You can see with every noise his agitation levels grow.

He's not really got any relationship with any of his grandkids. Mine or my sister's. He'd rarely visit Dublin outside of needing a bed for Croke Park. So it's not like we're massively encouraged to take the trip on.

Badly Drunk Boy · 30-06-2019 08:43AM

My father died two months ago, but I'd usually see my mother once or twice a week, with a call or two during the week too (usually from her, rather than me). I only live 850 metres away (as Google Maps has just told me) so I could up the number of visits, but she's grand with my brother still living at home.

893bet · 30-06-2019 08:47AM

Daily. I live next door to my dad.

My wife’s parents live in a granny flat we purposely built on our house.

I wasn’t sure of her parents coming when we built but they have proven to be great company for my father when we are at work.

_Kaiser_ · 30-06-2019 08:48AM

Iliana Shrilling Diesel wrote: »

At least 5 days a week and often every day.

Not sure I’d agree with that but even if so what’s wrong with it*? I couldn't imagine not being very close to my parents (being very lucky to have them both of course).

*as in how you see it as having an ill effect on their enjoyment of life?

As I said, there's nothing wrong with having a good relationship with your parents (and I mean in general, the following isn't aimed at you specifically - merely answering your question), but if someone is continually running back to the nest (and I'm not counting situations where maybe they're caring for elderly or sick parents) then they never truly become independent, make their own decisions, and live their own lives in my experience.

It can't be much fun for a partner either - especially a new one - unless they're the same way. The relationship effectively becomes a triangle between them, their other half and the parents. So much free time is spent travelling back and forth to visit, and if one side doesn't like the other for whatever reason then that can easily cause tension in the relationship too.

I guess I just think that when you move out, get your own place, and maybe meet someone then living that life should be your priority, I've been in the situations I'm referring to above and your weekends are taken up by visiting the "in-laws" or decisions are made so that ye are never too far from them (even though it holds ye back in other ways), and their approval or not can encroach on what should be choices made solely between the couple concerned.

But that's me and just my opinion. I was never close to my mother/parents and she raised us to be independent and support ourselves (also because her illness and subsequent effects meant she wouldn't be there as a "safety net" anyway), and so I've moved around several counties as opportunities have come up, been in relationships without any consideration as to whether she would like or approve, and my free time was/is my own to be spent with that person in whatever way we wanted or however I like.

Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly (it's early on a Sunday after all

). I'm not saying that people should cut their parents out of their adult lives altogether, but if its so much that you might as well be still living there, then it's too much IMO.

30-06-2019 08:50AM

Once a month as I live 3 hours away and have a family of my own. My dad died a few years ago and my mum lives in a one off house in the middle of nowhere. My brother lives an hour away but his wife fell out with my mum years ago so he visits on his own or with his kids. My mum says she doesn't know why and my brother won't say. Probably because my mum said something hurtful to her - she is very direct and says whatever is on her mind, and that can be understandably hard to take for some people. She isn't a mean person though, just brutally honest. It made me the person I am today, I hate lies, even small ones.

I worry about her as she would have to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the house but she doesn't trust home help and is a very independent woman, currently on good health but is 83 now so don't know how long that is sustainable.

Eggs For Dinner · 30-06-2019 08:53AM

I live 150kms away. My father died in 2016. I visit my mother for the weekend every 5/6 weeks, always go up for her birthday, my Dad's anniversary etc and I phone her for a chat every day

OldMrBrennan83 · 30-06-2019 08:55AM

Once a week or so if I can, they're a good spin away. If ring every day though.

30-06-2019 08:56AM

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

As I said, there's nothing wrong with having a good relationship with your parents (and I mean in general, the following isn't aimed at you specifically - merely answering your question), but if someone is continually running back to the nest (and I'm not counting situations where maybe they're caring for elderly or sick parents) then they never truly become independent, make their own decisions, and live their own lives in my experience.

I agree. I lived close to my wife's parents for a while and at least once every weekend we visited. Now I got on well with them but it becomes grating and more like a chore very quickly. And they WILL naturally give "advice" on how to live your life. Personally once a month should be plenty, once you have a family of your own. And I say this from the other side as I have an adult daughter who I love to bits and meet up with regularly, but I wouldn't think it healthy of she dragged her husband and kids to see me every day (she doesn't have either yet but just making the point)

Sugar Free · 30-06-2019 09:10AM

About twice in a calendar year. They’ll both be retired in a couple of years though so hopefully between them flying to me and me to them, it’ll be more frequent.

_Kaiser_ · 30-06-2019 09:11AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I agree. I lived close to my wife's parents for a while and at least once every weekend we visited. Now I got on well with them but it becomes grating and more like a chore very quickly. And they WILL naturally give "advice" on how to live your life. Personally once a month should be plenty, once you have a family of your own. And I say this from the other side as I have an adult daughter who I love to bits and meet up with regularly, but I wouldn't think it healthy of she dragged her husband and kids to see me every day (she doesn't have either yet but just making the point)

Yep this is exactly what I was getting at - you just put it a lot shorter and better than my ramblings

How often do you see your parents?

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