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How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

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Comments

  • #992
    SharpshooterTom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,017 ✭✭✭SharpshooterTom


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    Why aren't you still in therapy?

    The therapist ended it suggesting she couldn't really take it much further as there is only so much she can say, and ultimately the work is down to me from there on in. I am planning on buying more CBT related books fwiw, and to try and help myself this summer. There are still plenty of improvements that can me made to my life sure.


  • #993
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    I do not agree.

    As a teenager I was very shy, awkward (due to shyness, I was not physically awkward - I was good at sports), introverted (again, shyness), abusive childhood.

    I don't have the autism bit, but I'm definitely "different" - wild, "maverick", mad, aggressive. Definitely not a "normal" person.

    Now, I did hook up with a large amount of women in my teens, but it took effort. Perhaps that is the big difference between me and other quiet guys - I put in the effort. I was a horn bag and didn't want to solve it via ****, so I put in the effort - #1 being around women; #2 talking to them.

    I'm none of those things anymore (still a horn bag). I'm very talkative, very confident (people here might think it's arrogance, but really it's just complete self-assurance), I've never solved the abusive parents part (I've done lots of therapy about this), but if you met me in real life you'd think I'm charming and fun.

    The reason I'm posting here is because I have empathy for the posts, and know you can also climb out of the hole you're in. You may not be exactly like me, but you can certainly improve your current situation.

    Getting a partner (woman) is not difficult. But you have to cover the basics. Don't look like ****. Do have some ambition. Do appear to be someone who can support a family.

    The other things like being funny, good looking, juicy dong, are bonuses. Cover the basics and you can meet women.

    Women are not complicated.

    Now, get yourself a little bit of muscle, dress well, learn how to have a conversation (GOOD LISTERNER) and you'll do very well.

    I'm married, I've had a few long term relationships, and in the few months between those relationships I slept with over 100 women. And I'm just average looking although I dress well and look strong.

    I'm not showing off, I'm trying to explain it's doable.

    :rolleyes:


  • #994
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    ThomasFlynn wrote: »
    Well its one thing to be perpetually single for a lot of your life and another to never have ever kissed, dated, had sex or experienced any form intimacy with another human being in your 30s. I'd say the latter isn't that common.

    Am I personally bothered by it? Well, I'd say I've learned to live with it. I'm not a popular person, a bit of a loner, I can talk to people and can do small chat but I have no close friends or people to hang out with, in fact I've never had any in my adult life, just acquaintances at best. I'm like the guy everyone describes as "a nice guy," but for some reason, is never a part of any social gatherings.

    Because I don't do social interactions well, I don't know therefore if I'm capable of making another person happy. And if I try to dabble in a relationship or a fling it will end badly and I'll come off worse for it.

    I mean sure, in a perfect world, I would like to get married, have children and live happily ever after but life doesn't work like that of a romcom story.

    Therefore I think there's every chance given the nature of my personality and who I am that I may have to live like this for the rest of my life. I've never sought escort services because I find the concept fake, but if I'm in my 40s and still a virgin (which is fairly likely) then perhaps I have never other choice because of dying a virgin given my current lifestyle is very real.

    You are correct to say there are advantages to being single. I have misanthropic tendencies so feel safer and more secure alone a lot of the time, but it is a quiet life without risks.

    Trust me you would be surprised.

    Who cares if you're still a virgin? if and when the right lady comes along she really won't give a toss.

    Also, A LOT of people massively exaggerate how much sex they are having.

    To be blunt, unless you put yourself out there and meet people that have similar interests to you, your situation won't ever change, that's of course if you'd really like it to change.


  • #995
    Prominent_Dawg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 986 ✭✭✭Prominent_Dawg


    1000 replies later.. I'm curious if op has met someone?!


  • #996
    SharpshooterTom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,017 ✭✭✭SharpshooterTom


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    To be blunt, unless you put yourself out there and meet people that have similar interests to you, your situation won't ever change, that's of course if you'd really like it to change.

    I'm fully aware of that, I blame myself for this situation and nobody else, I never listen to all the crap from MRA/MGTOW about blaming women and others for it. The onus is on me. I don't know whether I am capable of it though and so for me the primary target is just to be happy and content regardless of what my relationship status is.

    I wouldn't mind my relationship status changing but I'm afraid of changing it incase I come off worse.


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  • #997
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    ThomasFlynn wrote: »
    I'm fully aware of that, I blame myself for this situation and nobody else, I never listen to all the crap from MRA/MGTOW about blaming women and others for it. The onus is on me. I don't know whether I am capable of it though and so for me the primary target is just to be happy and content regardless of what my relationship status is.

    I wouldn't mind my relationship status changing but I'm afraid of changing it incase I come off worse.

    What? because you had mental health struggles?

    That's not your fault. At all. And fair play for seeking help because that takes serious balls.

    How do I know? because I've been there myself.

    Being happy and content is actually the first building block to self improvement; a lady won't and can't fix your problems for you she can only support, that has to come from you first and you're actually doing that.

    Find something you have an interest in either in real life or online, strike up a rapport with people via your interests and basically see how it goes.


  • #998
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    1000 replies later.. I'm curious if op has met someone?!

    Well he certainly has plenty to read through :D


  • #999
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    ThomasFlynn wrote: »
    The therapist ended it suggesting she couldn't really take it much further as there is only so much she can say, and ultimately the work is down to me from there on in. I am planning on buying more CBT related books fwiw, and to try and help myself this summer. There are still plenty of improvements that can me made to my life sure.

    My advice to you is two things:

    * Therapy, and you take your therapists advice (you need to work on yourself too).

    * Gym five days week (Monday: Chest, Tuesday: Back, Wednesday: Shoulders, Friday: Arms, Sunday: Legs).

    You only have one life. You've been dealt a bad hand. Force yourself to make the effort.

    Don't listen to the crabs in a bucket. This website is full of them. They want you to fail too.


  • #1000
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    My advice to you is two things:

    * Therapy, and you take your therapists advice (you need to work on yourself too).

    * Gym five days week (Monday: Chest, Tuesday: Back, Wednesday: Shoulders, Friday: Arms, Sunday: Legs).

    You only have one life. You've been dealt a bad hand. Force yourself to make the effort.

    Don't listen to the crabs in a bucket. This website is full of them. They want you to fail too.

    Let me see, you've kissed over 500 women, slept with over a hundred women, you run a large software company with offices in Japan, South Korea and China... and yet you still have time to dish out dating advice on boards to lonely men.

    You mightn't be a crab in a bucket but my spidey sense is telling me that you're most likely a complete spoofer.


  • #1001
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Let me see, you've kissed over 500 women, slept with over a hundred women, you run a large software company with offices in Japan, South Korea and China... and yet you still have time to dish out dating advice on boards to lonely men.

    You mightn't be a crab in a bucket but my spidey sense is telling me that you're most likely a complete spoofer.

    I'm in a bar right now in China. I travel a lot and spend a lot of time alone. I'm married so I don't have a lot of alternatives.

    I travel most of the week.


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  • #1002
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    I'm going to elaborate on this.

    Business in Asia is based on drinking (KTV) and I want no part of this because it means prostitution.

    So my alternative is alone. It is what it is.


  • #1003
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    ThomasFlynn wrote: »
    Its worth noting that when I was a child, a lot of my best friends after a few years often ended up becoming my school bullies, and I moved school a few times and it kept happening. So I have strong fear of getting too close to people as they often end up abusing me, or taking advantage of me, because I 'weak' and 'easy'.

    Tbf your better alone anyways


    If yous are happy/content with it,your probably mentally in alot healthier place than most people commenting on this


    Your right to be wary of letting people too close aswell....but so long as your not actively rude/off putting to sound people its all good....but that can be a tough tightrope to walk


  • #1004
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,195 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    great advice, absolutely some of the top advice, the best!


  • #1005
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    _blaaz wrote: »
    Tbf your better alone anyways


    If yous are happy/content with it,your probably mentally in alot healthier place than most people commenting on this


    Your right to be wary of letting people too close aswell....but so long as your not actively rude/off putting to sound people its all good....but that can be a tough tightrope to walk

    Don't take this advice.


  • #1006
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    Don't take this advice.

    Why?


    If the lad is happy,let him.be??



    Life is too short to be living someone elses


  • #1007
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    _blaaz wrote: »
    Why?


    If the lad is happy,let him.be??



    Life is too short to be living someone elses

    He's not living someone else's life.

    He's anxious, depressed, withdrawing from society.

    No one here thinks he needs to become George Clooney, but he can become a guy with a partner.

    https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health
    A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood.


  • #1008
    Wanderer2010
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,743 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    I'm in a bar right now in China. I travel a lot and spend a lot of time alone. I'm married so I don't have a lot of alternatives.

    I travel most of the week.

    You aren't in a bar in China at all. Not happening.


  • #1009
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Wanderer2010 wrote: »
    You aren't in a bar in China at all. Not happening.

    Yeah I am.

    Why do you follow me around boards disagreeing with me?

    Mods are welcome to confirm my IP is China.


  • #1010
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    He's not living someone else's life.

    He's anxious, depressed, withdrawing from society.

    No one here thinks he needs to become George Clooney, but he can become a guy with a partner.

    https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health
    A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood.


    The lad literally said he deosnt mind not having a parthner??

    Yes,he needs get out and not withdraw too much.....but its hardly end of world stuff not having a partner??




    Yous telling him to.move to asia and ride all around him....will you be there to pick up the pieces when it all geos to shte(gets cheated/dumped,happens to everyone)...the chap is happy,let him make his own way through life


  • #1011
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    _blaaz wrote: »
    The lad literally said he deosnt mind not having a parthner??

    Yes,he needs get out and not withdraw too much.....but its hardly end of world stuff not having a partner??

    Yous telling him to.move to asia and ride all around him....will you be there to pick up the pieces when it all geos to shte(gets cheated/dumped,happens to everyone)...the chap is happy,let him make his own way through life

    His comments were more like he's given up.

    I never told him to move to Asia and ride all around him, so your third paragraph is fantasy. I'm happy to talk to you but you need to try to stay on topic.


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  • #1012
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    His comments were more like he's given up.

    I never told him to move to Asia and ride all around him, so your third paragraph is fantasy. I'm happy to talk to you but you need to try to stay on topic.
    OK. So here's my angle.

    Come to Asia. And work here.

    You'll be drowning in women.

    I can help you. I run a fairly large software company in Japan. We have offices in Japan, South Korea and China.



    Why lie when you posted this 2 pages ago??


  • #1013
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    _blaaz wrote: »
    Why lie when you posted this 2 pages ago??

    Where did I say he should move to Asia and ride all around him?

    Point out the exact sentence.


  • #1014
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    Where did I say he should move to Asia and ride all around him?

    Point out the exact sentence.
    Come to Asia. And work here.

    You'll be drowning in women.



    Play these word games all you want mate....but perhaps you could clarify the above


  • #1015
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    _blaaz wrote: »
    Play these word games all you want mate....but perhaps you could clarify the above

    In Asia he'll be surrounded by women who're interested in him.

    His value will be high.

    You're the one who interpreted that as riding women all around him.

    You think a guy should sleep around when he's popular? Says more about you than me.


  • #1016
    SharpshooterTom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,017 ✭✭✭SharpshooterTom


    _blaaz wrote: »
    The lad literally said he deosnt mind not having a parthner??

    I have mixed feelings on it, I've learned to live without one for now, that's not say that I wouldn't be full of regret by time I hit my 50s if I'm still a kissless virgin by then.

    I have doubts about whether I'm good enough to make someone else happy in a relationship. A relationship isn't just about me and fulfilling some validation of self worth its about someone else too.

    Given that I don't have the ability to connect well with people, certainly not on a long term basis, I'd fear it would break down very quickly.

    I'm not saying I'm entirely happy being a loner, I'm probably not, but I fear I might be even more unhappy in a set of bad relationships and that's the problem.

    Its really the fear that holds me back.


  • #1017
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    In Asia he'll be surrounded by women who're interested in him.

    His value will be high.

    You're the one who interpreted that as riding women all around him.

    Meh...like i said play word games all yous want


    Zzzz


  • #1018
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    _blaaz wrote: »
    Meh...like i said play word games all yous want


    Zzzz

    It's not a word game.

    You interpreted being popular with sleeping around.

    I can tell you my personal opinion on this:

    Sleeping around just hurts people.

    But there's nothing wrong with being popular.


  • #1019
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    ThomasFlynn wrote: »
    I'm not saying I'm entirely happy being a loner, I'm probably not, but I fear I might be even more unhappy in a set of bad relationships and that's the problem.

    Its really the fear that holds me back.

    Theres only one person thatll change this for you


    But surely with therapy etc,yous can see/help identify whats making you unhappy and if its crap relationship....you can just pull plug and walk away at any time.... as you know its not world ending stuff to be single


  • #1020
    Wanderer2010
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,743 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    Yeah I am.

    Why do you follow me around boards disagreeing with me?

    Mods are welcome to confirm my IP is China.

    China my a%%. You are here night and day pretending to know every nugget of wisdom to impart on us "grateful" public. :D:D:D


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  • #1021
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Wanderer2010 wrote: »
    China my a%%. You are here night and day pretending to know every nugget of wisdom to impart on us "grateful" public. :D:D:D

    Mods are welcome to share my IP.

    Not everyone here is in Longford, angry at the world.


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