How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

anewme wrote: »

Brau hof deleted his response.

Probably for the best.

Well when anyone starts going on about alpha/beta/gamma/lamda/theta/whatever one can be pretty sure of a few things. 1) they have zero clue how these terms apply to social animal interactions in general, never mind humans and 2) they've bought into the whole Yank PUA nonsense monetised by largely aiming at and taking advantage of mostly young unsocialised, often on the spectrum men. Men looking for "cheat codes" for sociosexual interactions. Some of these outfits online use cult like marketing techniques. I can fully understand why they appeal to their demographic, but jaysus can't they see they're being sold snake oil with a tiny hint of truth? Homeopathic type stuff.

Answer to the OP's question? Fcuked if I know and how long as a piece of string comes into it, but a few have touched on the basics. Rather like finding a new job, it's wise to look inwards and ask would I hire me? Ditto for dating. If you don't find yourself attractive, who else will?

Interesting, sociable men with their sh1te together are more attractive to women. Genuine True Fact™ right there. Get more interesting. For your own sake. And you can. The usual stuff about joining clubs and the like is usual because it's bloody good advice. Avoid solitary activities. You can't catch fish with your nets in the boat. The invisible man isn't going to get the leg over anytime soon. Become more visible.

Do looks matter? Yes. Are there broad "leagues" in play? Yes. Hollywood, well meaning people and the like often sell the notion that it doesn't but that's because it's an appealing idea for so many so makes bank and makes us feel better about ourselves. For the "pickup artist" fans out there anyone who claims a guy like this;

can with their "Game System 3000", get a woman like this;

is - unless his personality and charisma and bank balance were forged by Zeus himself for the lulz on humanity - peddling the purest strain of certified organic bullshite.

However men can make a difference here. They can improve their appearance with styling and fitness. Yer man in the above pic would look much better with more styled glasses, a decent haircut, maybe a bit of a beard and by relegating the kids tee shirt to the bin or as ironic night wear.

Inner world wise, try to be more sociable. Doesn't need to be full on clown extrovert either, just normal level oh how ya, being interested in people social. Fitness ditto. You don't need to be able to do an Ironman, but you don't want to gas out walking a hundred yards either. Money? Sure, rich is great, but generally you need to have enough that you're not worrying that you have to walk five miles home because you can't spring for a taxi.

Avoid tinder and the like in my humble. The odds are stacked agin you unless you're photogenic. Women get more swipes on same(though they have to filter the dick pics and propeller head fcuknuggets, so it's not all gravy there, by any means). Photogenic women will get stacks of swipes and the feeling of abundance, so hard to stand out in that queue of drooling blokes hungrily doing tricks like a performing seal for her attention. So try to engage face to face socially, better yet in a social circle maybe based around a common interest. Far better odds.

If you do get a date, don't go full Hollywood grand gesture with flowers and expressions of love before the menu is read. It doesn't work and puts Women™ right off. Leave that guff to Hallmark films and Mexican soap operas. Dial back the emotionals in general. Women™ will often say the want a man with a sense of humour and a emotional man, but they don't want a clown or a therapy patient.

Go somewhere low key, maybe have a coffee date. Pubs can work if they're more suburban/local/quiet. Don't get sloshed. A glass or three of vino may grease the wheels of rapport, but a bottle just makes you greasy. An open air walk through the city can work, if you're in a city, with stops for areas of interest and sit downs along the way. Cinema is generally a big no no. The flic you watch replaces talk. Let them talk. Don't go all weird and just natter on about yourself, or ask questions without waiting for answers. Avoid politics, religion, what your therapist thinks about your bed wetting and any of that heavy shite and for christ's sake, don't talk about exes. Indeed if she does or runs through any of the other topics, be cool, but flick the Next button in your head. Ditto if she's asking about how many kids you want and how much do you think an engagement ring should cost. Feign a sudden case of airborne and virulent ebola at that point.

And if one date doesn't go well, genuinely think and feel wishing her the best of luck with her quest, even if she was a thundering cow. It was a learning experience for you both. Realise that women make up 50% of the population, they're not going out of fashion anytime soon. There will be another, indeed others who you will gel with.

Now maybe a lady will pipe up and tell us this is all BS and that she has the man she loves and he's a one legged, Star Trek collecting, 5ft high hermit. And if so great. Though I'd bet she didn't fall through his window one night. Out of the blue. But again, great, so what's your excuse? If your goto response starts with "oh I could, if only", you're bullshitting yourself because it's safer to do so. TL;DR? Don't bullshit yourself. You'll know it, or should.

My 3cents anyway.

leahyl wrote: »

I matched with two guys from work on tinder and neither worked out - in both cases they didn’t want anything to happen even though they swiped for me? The first one he said he doesn’t have relationships with people at work....so his game was what exactly? Lol. He has left since

The second guy is still there but he had come out of a relationship and didn’t want anything serious. I had put on my profile that I wasn’t after anything casual and he still swiped for me?! Wtf!!

Maybe it's a tactic for some blokes? With Tinder it seems generally speaking women have the upper hand on quantity of matches and they then sift for quality. If I were on it as a bloke and not looking like 6'4" Clint O'Rockjaw, captain of the GAAAAAH Team, I'd swipe on every single woman that looked close enough to my range of what I found attractive. Throw a wide net and see what comes up.

Tell me how wrote: »

I think when people say they don't want hook ups, what they are trying to convey is "Don't send me d*ck pics" but if they are not open to making a connection that might be short lived yet enjoyable and rewarding on both parts then they may be closing off their own chance to make a meaningful connection.

Or and crazy notion here, they simply don't want hook ups. That has always been the problem with the sexual revolution and its aftermath, it opened up so many new options and that's great, but it also came with the assumption that everybody wants to shag, have short term flings. Indeed it can often be seen as self limiting, even prudish if one's bed post hasn't crumbled to splinters because of notches in it.

Anyone who has a definitive list of "not looking for hook ups. Wants to think long term, wants someone who knows what they want", isn't looking for a relationship per say, they are auditioning for someone to play a part in the life they want to live.

Which is what damn near everybody does anyway. You "audition" hookups too. Everybody has a basic yes/no/maybe criteria about people they meet(boundaries can be made more nebulous by drink). This usually happens within minutes if not seconds of meeting someone new.