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Heartbroken and scared.

1235

Comments

  • #122
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    I am in work so it's not easy for me update. I don't feel it was in the least a mistake to meet him. I would not have gone if I didn't feel able for the meeting. I have lost weight, I have a new hairstyle, I look and feel better than I have for years. I have an air of confidence and contentment about me i thought i would never have again.

    Yes, I was gobsmacked he asked me to come back but it has not thrown me in the way people here think. I was just amazed that he thought I would. I thanked him for the ring and the tea but told him I didn't want him bsck. He asked was there someone else and I told him that it was better if we didn't discuss our private lives with each other.


  • #123
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I hope you blocked his number and have decided that you never want to meet him again.


  • #124
    Virgil°
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,516 ✭✭✭Virgil°


    KathleenGrant wrote: »

    Yes, I was gobsmacked he asked me to come back but it has not thrown me in the way people here think. I was just amazed that he thought I would. I thanked him for the ring and the tea but told him I didn't want him bsck. He asked was there someone else and I told him that it was better if we didn't discuss our private lives with each other.

    I legit breathed a sigh of relief reading that. Glad my suspicions were misplaced.
    Well done Kathleen. It takes more strength of character than you know to do what you did. So many people fall into this easy trap(myself included in the past). So its nice to see you held out.
    I guarantee you your resolve here will pay you back tenfold in future if it hasn't already.


  • #125
    Sephiroth_dude
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 81,134 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sephiroth_dude


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    I am in work so it's not easy for me update. I don't feel it was in the least a mistake to meet him. I would not have gone if I didn't feel able for the meeting. I have lost weight, I have a new hairstyle, I look and feel better than I have for years. I have an air of confidence and contentment about me i thought i would never have again.

    Yes, I was gobsmacked he asked me to come back but it has not thrown me in the way people here think. I was just amazed that he thought I would. I thanked him for the ring and the tea but told him I didn't want him bsck. He asked was there someone else and I told him that it was better if we didn't discuss our private lives with each other.

    Fair play to ya!


  • #126
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,658 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    You'll be so relieved when your Mr Right shows up that you gave the ex his p45.

    To thine own self be true



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  • #127
    dmm82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 595 ✭✭✭dmm82


    First time posting in this thread but I just wanted to say fair play to you Kathleen, it shows how strong you have become. You'll look back on this and be so proud of yourself!


  • #128
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Purple Mountain wrote: »
    You'll be so relieved when your Mr Right shows up that you gave the ex his p45.

    I don't even know if there is such a thing as Mr. Right but I don't even mind. 6 months ago the future terrified me. Now I feel content as I am and if someone comes along it will be a bonus.


  • #129
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    You legend. :D

    This is the best revenge on an ex ever - you turning up all fabulous and gorgeous and politely turning him down. You've been nothing but classy and dignified from the start despite the callous way he dumped you. You were always better than him, but you just didn't see it before.


  • #130
    ToxicPaddy
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,763 Mod ✭✭✭✭ToxicPaddy


    I'm very impressed with you Kathleen. I've been following this thread for a while and it's great to have such an update.

    I have to say one thing, you're amazing. :)


  • #131
    sportsfan90
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 652 ✭✭✭sportsfan90


    Well done Kathleen..

    I won't lie I was fearing the worst when you said you met up with him but I'm delighted for you that you were able to turn him down. And all while maintaining your class.

    We all have character forming experiences in our lives - You'll look back on this in years to come as one of those.


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  • #132
    Hannibal_Smith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,426 ✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Did he break up with the girlfriend?

    Delighted it's all going so well Kathleen. That's a fantastic way to leave things


  • #133
    Goodigal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 488 ✭✭Goodigal


    Long time follower of this thread. So happy to hear you played a good hand and didn't encourage any chat, and didn't listen to his rubbish. It shows how time heals you, and you have grown as a person, and you KNOW you don't need him. Ex DH destroyed me emotionally but 18 months on, I am the strongest person I can be. He can see it and doesn't like it. Stay strong, and like you say, meeting a new person would be lovely, but it's not the be all and end all. Keep going as you are. The new you!
    PS Am cringing that he thought bringing the ring would be some kind of excuse. Sad little man!


  • #134
    RhubarbCrumble
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,174 ✭✭✭RhubarbCrumble


    Oh Kathleen, I'm absolutely delighted for you that you told him where to go. Well done you. You've been doing so well the last few months so delighted to hear that you're not going to take him back after he came crawling!

    Onwards and upwards Missus :D


  • #135
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Hannibal_Smith wrote: »
    Did he break up with the girlfriend?

    Delighted it's all going so well Kathleen. That's a fantastic way to leave things

    I didn't ask him if they broke up but I assume so. It's funny but I don't really care. And I don't get any satisfaction from it if they did. I don't get any satisfaction from him asking me back. I am so over him.


  • #136
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    I didn't ask him if they broke up but I assume so. It's funny but I don't really care. And I don't get any satisfaction from it if they did. I don't get any satisfaction from him asking me back. I am so over him.

    This is a great post.

    The best revenge is to simply not care what the other person is doing.


  • #137
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,967 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    ....... wrote:
    The best revenge is to simply not care what the other person is doing.


    Is revenge actually required, or is acceptance a better approach?


  • #138
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    You should have told him to post the ring to you. Or better still, tell him to give it to charity. Actually, why did you respond at all? Why isnt his number blocked? The fact you gave him the time of day shows you are not as over him as you are trying to make out. Are you considering taking him up on his offer? Honestly now, are you? Of course you got satisfaction from his offer, dont try to pull the wool over our eyes! Your on the internet boasting about it! You met him over a ring that you managed to live without for two years? Yeah right, pull the other one!

    Not trying to be harsh Kathleen, I'm trying to look out for you here. This guy is a complete looser. Cut him out of your life forever. Now he has seen you looking great and "confident" he is going to persue you big time.

    Block this guys number now, stay away from him. Do not respond to him. If you end up back with him (and I suspect this is your intention, why else would you meet someone you were "totally over") you will be miserable.


  • #139
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    You should have told him to post the ring to you. Or better still, tell him to give it to charity. Actually, why did you respond at all? Why isnt his number blocked? The fact you gave him the time of day shows you are not as over him as you are trying to make out. Are you considering taking him up on his offer? Honestly now, are you? Of course you got satisfaction from his offer, dont try to pull the wool over our eyes! Your on the internet boasting about it! You met him over a ring that you managed to live without for two years? Yeah right, pull the other one!

    Not trying to be harsh Kathleen, I'm trying to look out for you here. This guy is a complete looser. Cut him out of your life forever. Now he has seen you looking great and "confident" he is going to persue you big time.

    Block this guys number now, stay away from him. Do not respond to him. If you end up back with him (and I suspect this is your intention, why else would you meet someone you were "totally over") you will be miserable.

    Seriously?

    Just because someone meets up with an ex partner doesn't mean they're not over them. It's called being a grown-up. If someone refused to meet up with an ex that could say more about how comfortable and accepting they were with having broken up.

    If she was going to take him back she would have done so and we never would have heard from her again.

    She turned him down. She did it with class and a touch of panache. There is no reason not to take the OP's word for that.


  • #140
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    Is revenge actually required, or is acceptance a better approach?

    I think you missed the point.

    When you dont care about the other person you dont want or need revenge.

    Apologies if that particular saying and its meaning were unfamiliar to you.


  • #141
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    You should have told him to post the ring to you. Or better still, tell him to give it to charity. Actually, why did you respond at all?
    This ring was a present from my mother when I left college. It was lost for ages. I thought I would never see it again and I was so thrilled to get it back. There was no way I was chancing the post. Why would you assume he gave the ring to me?

    Why isnt his number blocked? The fact you gave him the time of day shows you are not as over him as you are trying to make out. Why block his number? He is not hassling me.
    Are you considering taking him up on his offer? Honestly now, are you?No

    Of course you got satisfaction from his offer, dont try to pull the wool over our eyes! Your on the internet boasting about it! I have given updates on this thread several times in the last few months. I often read threads here and wondered what happened to people. I posted when I was feeling lost without him and if you read back I even knew then I missed having someone more than I missed him. And no, I get no satisfaction from it. Think I am boasting all you want. My actual thought was what an absolute cheek he has to think I would take him back which is also what I post above.

    You met him over a ring that you managed to live without for two years? Yeah right, pull the other one!

    Not trying to be harsh Kathleen, I'm trying to look out for you here. This guy is a complete looser. Cut him out of your life forever. Now he has seen you looking great and "confident" he is going to persue you big time.


    Block this guys number now, stay away from him. Do not respond to him. If you end up back with him (and I suspect this is your intention, why else would you meet someone you were "totally over") you will be miserable.
    You don't know me. You can't know this is my intention. I have said I am happier than I have ever been. If you think I intend to go back to someone who treated me with no respect, who stole from me, who left me broken and terrified, then you know nothing


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  • #142
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    wiggle16 wrote: »
    Seriously?

    Just because someone meets up with an ex partner doesn't mean they're not over them. It's called being a grown-up. If someone refused to meet up with an ex that could say more about how comfortable and accepting they were with having broken up.

    If she was going to take him back she would have done so and we never would have heard from her again.

    She turned him down. She did it with class and a touch of panache. There is no reason not to take the OP's word for that.

    Thanks, you answered it better than I did. I shouldn't have explained myself at all.


  • #143
    RhubarbCrumble
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,174 ✭✭✭RhubarbCrumble


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    You should have told him to post the ring to you. Or better still, tell him to give it to charity. Actually, why did you respond at all? Why isnt his number blocked? The fact you gave him the time of day shows you are not as over him as you are trying to make out. Are you considering taking him up on his offer? Honestly now, are you? Of course you got satisfaction from his offer, dont try to pull the wool over our eyes! Your on the internet boasting about it! You met him over a ring that you managed to live without for two years? Yeah right, pull the other one!

    Not trying to be harsh Kathleen,


    Jesus Christ! :eek: I'd hate to see you if you WERE trying to be harsh. Calm it down a bit there Kid and stop firing abuse at Kathleen. :mad:


  • #144
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    KidChameleon do you know Kathleen or have you done similar to the ex yourself? Your advice from the start has just been so very very off; oh she should have put more effort in, he probably forgot to pay his rent, poor man is sick, she should have seen warning signs ten years ago, she wants him back and she's being dishonest. If she'd presented herself as perfect and blameless or was idealising the relationship I could see the motivation for some tough love style advice but it's not the case. All you've been saying boils down to "could you be a little bit harder on yourself, and he's probably not so bad really". I'm just a bit baffled that anyone would react to this scenario like that.

    So glad to hear you're not entertaining the possibility of taking him back Kathleen, my heart sank when I read you'd been to see him. Fair play to you.


  • #145
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Kimberly Red Theorem wrote: »
    KidChameleon do you know Kathleen or have you done similar to the ex yourself? Your advice from the start has just been so very very off;

    Some posters seem to get a kick out of victim blaming in personal issues.


  • #146
    tayto lover
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 54,106 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    You’re a feckin legend Kathleen. Fair play to you girl.


  • #147
    Sephiroth_dude
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 81,134 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sephiroth_dude


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    You should have told him to post the ring to you. Or better still, tell him to give it to charity. Actually, why did you respond at all? Why isnt his number blocked? The fact you gave him the time of day shows you are not as over him as you are trying to make out. Are you considering taking him up on his offer? Honestly now, are you? Of course you got satisfaction from his offer, dont try to pull the wool over our eyes! Your on the internet boasting about it! You met him over a ring that you managed to live without for two years? Yeah right, pull the other one!

    Not trying to be harsh Kathleen, I'm trying to look out for you here. This guy is a complete looser. Cut him out of your life forever. Now he has seen you looking great and "confident" he is going to persue you big time.

    Block this guys number now, stay away from him. Do not respond to him. If you end up back with him (and I suspect this is your intention, why else would you meet someone you were "totally over") you will be miserable.

    Jesus talk about an over reaction!


  • #148
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    I didn't realise that kidchameleon was the person who wrote the negative things before. Sure maybe he/she is thinking of someone in particular and is comparing their story with mine. Maybe that person did the wrong thing and they were trying to make sure I didn't. Anyway thanks to everyone else for the lovely supportive comments. You may be all anonymous strangers but you have all played a part in building my confidence.

    Massive thanks to Ursis Horribilis who suggested the renting of rooms which not just gave me money but company and 2 massive friends that I would be lost without.


  • #149
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I'm glad to have been of some help Kathleen :) Mostly though, the person you should be thanking is you. I have to admit that my heart sank when I saw that you'd met him and were a bit cryptic about it (you devil!). I think many of us are a bit shot-shy here because we've seen people weaken their resolve and take back their exes. I just love how you handled this. Turned up looking fabulous and confident. And removed the spineless weasel's fallback option.


  • #150
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    To he fair my losing weight and having the new hairdo helped my confidence but I don't think that was the main issue for him (could be wrong) It was other stuff. He says he misses my company and the craic. He misses the sports fanatic me.


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  • #151
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    To he fair my losing weight and having the new hairdo helped my confidence but I don't think that was the main issue for him (could be wrong) It was other stuff. He says he misses my company and the craic. He misses the sports fanatic me.

    Awh bless his cotton socks, such a pity he didn't think of any of that when he went and rented out a flat behind your back so he could shack up with Miss Muffett, while all you were good for was boxing up his stuff for him.

    Their little fairy tale barely lasted six months, and it's over now. And then he had the neck to ask you to take him back, and probably thought the ring would soften you up. Having absolutely no idea, no consideration, not a thought for what he put you through. He never will. You held your head high and that's a credit to you.

    I'm so glad you are finally feeling better and more confident, genuinely. You've been a class act all the way through, and I wish you all the best for the future :)

    x


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