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What's the etiquette here??

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    #1202
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Bad way today after a couple packets of Super noodles last night. I've no sense.

    Woke to the smell of rotten meat and eggs in the room, obviously i had been letting rip all night. Wife said nothing though, she must have been taking small sniffs.

    Then the rumbling started. Noises, like limstone rock freefalling down a cliff face from a distance of one half mile away, were rumbling away in my guts. I chanced one last ripper, and it was a bridge too far. The familiar feeling of liquid warmth was now between the cheeks. Had to immediately stop feeding the baby to attend to this incident. I think she was secretly delighted herself, the smell was putting her off her food, and i'm pretty sure her eyes were watering too. No use telling her take small sniffs, sure she hadn't a notion of what i was saying


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    #1203
    Lil Sally Anne Jnr.
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 600 ✭✭✭Lil Sally Anne Jnr.


    On my forth mug of Nescafe.


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    #1204
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »
    On my forth mug of Nescafe.

    Jesus


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    #1205
    safeasparagus
    Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭safeasparagus


    Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »
    On my forth mug of Nescafe.

    Christ on a bike . A dormant volcano will have nothing on you shortly.....

    Enough lava will be sprayed to wipe out a small village.

    God speed Lil Sally , God speed.


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    #1206
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Had a normal movement this morning in the office jacks, but the f*cking FENT!
    Jaysus, would've killed a field of nettles ...
    Felt like putting one of these up on the door

    8000755.jpg


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    #1207
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    I thought some of the stuff in this thread was made up.


    Then I visited a toilet on a camp site between the hours of 10 - 11 am on a Sunday morning.


    Good lord, i'll never forget that.


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    #1208
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,758 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    I thought some of the stuff in this thread was made up.


    Then I visited a toilet on a camp site between the hours of 10 - 11 am on a Sunday morning.


    Good lord, i'll never forget that.

    Festival toilets, that's where you find the real gold. By Sunday the place looks like you have brown-tinted contacts lenses in.


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    #1209
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    I thought some of the stuff in this thread was made up.


    Then I visited a toilet on a camp site between the hours of 10 - 11 am on a Sunday morning.


    Good lord, i'll never forget that.

    Ward, McDonagh, or Joyce?


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    #1210
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    Festival toilets, that's where you find the real gold. By Sunday the place looks like you have brown-tinted contacts lenses in.

    Electric Picnic, 2007. I'll never forget the piles of glowing orange shyte in the portaloos following 3 days of pies, pizza and noodles. Fcuking bang off it would strip paint. I remember holding mine in until the following morning when the shyte truck came in and sucked all the stuff out, so I had a clean bowl to use. And I pissed in the woods as well.


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    #1211
    Doctors room ghost
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Doctors room ghost


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    Electric Picnic, 2007. I'll never forget the piles of glowing orange shyte in the portaloos following 3 days of pies, pizza and noodles. Fcuking bang off it would strip paint. I remember holding mine in until the following morning when the shyte truck came in and sucked all the stuff out, so I had a clean bowl to use. And I pissed in the woods as well.




    You should have shat in the woods aswell.bad job housing a lodger against its will.bad for the release springs on the back plate.
    Strain them and by the time you reach nursing home age the staff there will have to double nappy you to keep it contained.


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    #1212
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Jesus holding it that long!!! Did you not have the turtles head peeking out, touching cloth constantly? No worse feeling than getting caught short.

    Its even worse when ya have to do the old spagetti sucking trick to get it back up into the leather cheerio


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    #1213
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    ‘The first two inches are cold’ is not a good feeling. Physically or emotionally.


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    #1214
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Doctors room ghost wrote: »
    You should have shat in the woods aswell.bad job housing a lodger against its will.bad for the release springs on the back plate.
    Strain them and by the time you reach nursing home age the staff there will have to double nappy you to keep it contained.
    Don't plan on living that long :D. Also Guinness tends to firm things up. Too many people around to curl one out in comfort in those woods. I favour silence, plenty of bog roll and some reading material. Hard to go back to my tent with dangleberries for company.
    I have a farmer friend who regularly drops one in a ditch when he's out on the land. I'd say his underpants are like Jackson Pollock paintings.


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    #1215
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    Electric Picnic, 2007. I'll never forget the piles of glowing orange shyte in the portaloos following 3 days of pies, pizza and noodles. Fcuking bang off it would strip paint. I remember holding mine in until the following morning when the shyte truck came in and sucked all the stuff out, so I had a clean bowl to use. And I pissed in the woods as well.

    Animal.


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    #1216
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »
    Animal.

    What?! I was marking my territory! :D

    Walking the Camino de Santiago I sometimes spot a tree out on the meseta and I think 'that's a nice spot for a break in the shade.' I get closer and I see it's littered all around with logs, piles of paper and an overarching miasma of piss. I struggle on....In Galicia there are actually signs up asking people not to sh1t on the trail.
    Guidebooks recommend you bring a small shovel and bury the evidence.

    I now have images of archaeologists in the future excavating multitudes of coproliths on the Way.:D


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    #1217
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    What?! I was marking my territory! :D

    Walking the Camino de Santiago I sometimes spot a tree out on the meseta and I think 'that's a nice spot for a break in the shade.' I get closer and I see it's littered all around with logs, piles of paper and an overarching miasma of piss. I struggle on....In Galicia there are actually signs up asking people not to sh1t on the trail.
    Guidebooks recommend you bring a small shovel and bury the evidence.

    I now have images of archaeologists in the future excavating multitudes of coproliths on the Way.:D

    What is it with Spain tho and people ****ting outdoors ?
    They have an OBSESSION with crapping everywhere , go to any national park and go a little out of the way and there is lumps of sh1t and sh1tty toilet paper everywhere ... disgusting.


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    #1218
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,216 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    Don't plan on living that long :D. Also Guinness tends to firm things up. Too many people around to curl one out in comfort in those woods. I favour silence, plenty of bog roll and some reading material. Hard to go back to my tent with dangleberries for company.
    I have a farmer friend who regularly drops one in a ditch when he's out on the land. I'd say his underpants are like Jackson Pollock paintings.

    Women’s Realm lingerie pull-out Summer special?

    More like the Derby County goalmouth back in the sixties.


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    #1219
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Women’s Realm lingerie pull-out Summer special?

    .

    Sh ....Kn....itting patterns...


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    #1220
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Suffering jaysus I went out for a galanga curry at lunch.

    Currently on the pot. Hot liquid chainsaws are running out of me. It's not even a cowpat more McDonald's milkshake in consistency. Don't get me started on the smell.... I don't remember eating burnt tyres

    Edit... And now I've had a look. Black. Why? I had no Guinness. It's bad when you stand up and there's dribbles still coming out

    The Murphy & Barret apple spiced highly fragrenced candle is definitely getting lit


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    #1221
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,216 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Just after loosing out a fart that would blow a dog off a chain.

    Big heavy thumper.


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    #1222
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Just after loosing out a fart that would blow a dog off a chain.

    Big heavy thumper.

    Any follow through? Heard it’s very common in lads your age. There’s a reason they sell 7 packs of briefs in Guineys.


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    #1223
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,216 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Any follow through? Heard it’s very common in lads your age. There’s a reason they sell 7 packs of briefs in Guineys.

    No John, no shrapnel, bit of ‘rust’ around ground zero though.

    Might take a ‘boil’ to get her back to peak condition.

    I’d suggest your ‘ good set’ is like a pepperoni pizza around there.


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    #1224
    downtheroad
    Registered Users Posts: 2,935 ✭✭✭downtheroad


    Not 1 but 2 drain cleaning vans outside Doheny & Nesbitt this morning. Which one of you lads caused the blockage?


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    #1225
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,758 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    downtheroad wrote: »
    Not 1 but 2 drain cleaning vans outside Doheny & Nesbitt this morning. Which one of you lads caused the blockage?

    Retirement party in there last night. Those old civil servants wouldn't have the best diets around.


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    #1226
    Former Observer
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 474 ✭✭Former Observer


    All I ate yesterday were four packets of Hula Hoops, a packet of Bikers, a litre of Tropicana, and toast with marmalade.

    Passed no waste at all during the day but about 11.00 pm I felt a twitch. Released a long slender worm with the odd fleck of starch. Angus was wheezing and spluttering to get the little devil birthed and when it hit the pan he curled up like a spring. Slight stinging sensation. I'd say Hula Hoops even after being digested are rough on the inner lining. Felt like coarse desert sand being pushed through a straw during a tropical storm.


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    #1227
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    Retirement party in there last night. Those old civil servants wouldn't have the best diets around.

    :D
    In my previous civil service office Dyno Rod were such frequent visitors they had their own parking space. One day the ground floor toilets flooded into the hallway with a river of foul smelling watery drittle. Never saw the like of it in my life.
    Nothing like that in my current office. Newer building with OPW-spec drains designed to carry the heavier loads.


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    #1228
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,758 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    Nothing like that in my current office. Newer building with OPW-spec drains designed to carry the heavier loads.

    Lucky you! A blockage is still a common occurrence where I am. You do get to see all manner of floaters though. You could start a museum if you were into that sort of thing.


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    #1229
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    Lucky you! A blockage is still a common occurrence where I am. You do get to see all manner of floaters though. You could start a museum if you were into that sort of thing.

    A poo-seum! Believe me I saw it all in the other place. I posted on this forum some years back that it wasn't a normal day at work if I didn't see someone else's excrement, whether in or out of the bowl. Dirty kerntz.

    Going to the toilets was like Russian Poo-Lette. Except there was usually sh!t in five of the chambers and only one clean one. This was the ladies'... the gents were reportedly only marginally better....


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    #1230
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Speaking of poo museums I think there is one somewhere ...
    https://www.poomuseum.org/info/

    f*cking weirdos ..


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    #1231
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,758 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    Speaking of poo museums I think there is one somewhere ...
    https://www.poomuseum.org/info/

    f*cking weirdos ..

    This picture is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Has the eyes of a supervillain and the name to match.

    https://www.poomuseum.org/images/dave-badman-with-poo.jpg


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