How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Exactly, you’ve made up a ridiculously dramatic scenario in your head that would never happen to give yourself an excuse not to take risks.

i think you're misreading my tone, understandable as a few posters are taking a bit of a hounding after you.

I've agreed with your posts throughout thread and i think youll find my posts are themselves broadly aligned with yours

i set out a fair (imo) and reasonable lengthy post about why a lot of guys -the majority, ime- aren't going to start approaching women in bars like sitcom/film noir characters

im sorry that youve taken issue with that post but tbh i dont think you in any way engaged with the sincere points i made and i think im maybe catching a bit of blowback that rightly sits with some other posters who are irking you.

my response you're quoting is clearly not serious but ive set out already- and others have too- that the ideal "go get em" chillaxed chat em up approach is as much a female fantasy in context as the femme-fatale who swoons at my CoD tales is for some of the fellas

its not valuable instruction to a guy already lacking in confidence, and i think you should accept that in the same way that some of the more bitter/passive fellas should be willing to do likewise in their ideals

Elisa Warm Ball wrote: »

I work in a wine bar and honestly, I can tell you that worst case scenario is pretty bad. Doesn't happen often at that end of the scale but I wouldn't expect anyone to open themselves up to that humiliation if they've been burnt once. Now very often the guy getting that response has decided that the two women deep in conversation with each other sitting in the corner must want to be chatted up but not always, not at all.

I also can't count past one hand the amount of times I've been approached in a bar where my reaction has been anything other than "sh1t how do I end this quickly and politely and safely"

If someone is struggling with this and their confidence has taken a bit of a knock I think cold approaching strangers in bars is probably the worst possible approach.

"hi there, electrobitch isnt it? i *couldnt help* overhearing your last post and thought it was so bang on that i said to myself, hey i just have to buy that girl a drink.

im snoopsheep by the way"

~cue screams~

Deleted User wrote: »

If these are the only messages you get, then no. However I assume you get some normal messages too?

Well as someone said earlier in the the thread the "normal messages" tend just to be a "hi" and nothing else.

To compare - one of my girlfriends uses a chat room on occasion. Mainly when she is working form home she leaves it open in the background. Sometimes forgets it is there - sometimes lets it distract her. Same chat room every time. It is a chat room that color codes you on gender so guys and girls can spot your location and sex really quickly.

Anyway I asked her recently to compile the "opening messages" she gets in one single day from other Irish users on that chat room. I did it for a thread on After Hours but by the time the results came in the thread was dead. So I never pasted them. But here they are for this thread.

52 guys contacted her in 8 hours on the site. Of them the opening first messages from each were:

Is this place ****e or what? x1
If I was 6 inches tall - were would you put me? x1
Ever kick a guy in the balls for fun? x1
Would you be my mom for real if I would be your son? x1
Interested to make some money? x5
What are you looking for here? x7
Do you like younger guys? x3
Do you like older guys? x8
Wanna see me cum on cam? x4
Gruveo? x3
What's your fantasy? x1
What's the naughtiest thing you ever done sexually? x1
Do you have any daughters? x3
Hi. x13

So make of that what you will I suppose Chat rooms and dating apps are of course different animals in many ways. But if the above is even remotely representative - I think I can understand the concerns women here are raising.

The last time a thread like this came up though I installed "Tinder" for the fun of it. Put up a profile with all the details filled in and a short not rambling cover of my basic interests. And decent pictures of me taken in social situations by semi to professional photographers on good cameras. So not grainy or me dressed like a slob. The pictures were me at my best.

I swiped like on everyone.

In 4 weeks of it I got zero matches.

So I do not know how important looks are in life - but it seems mine do almost nothing for me in online situations. I am actually ugly as sin like a middle aged partially balding retired milky bar kid look-a-like turned computer nerd and going slightly ginger as I bald.

Seems when women actually show interest in me it is in real life not in photographs. If I believed in leagues - which I don't - I would think I am in one of the lowest ones and somehow I have managed to punch many levels way beyond what I should have.

look out

here come the pua boys