Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

1…1718202223…36

Comments

  • #572
    Cryptopagan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 419 ✭✭Cryptopagan


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    If you're choosing to live in the middle of nowhere, neglect your appearance, neglect your social skills... obviously you're going to have problems meeting people.

    Figure out what your priorities are. If playing video games and **** to anime are more important to you than socialising, that's fine, but don't be surprised you're single.

    Ok, none of that applies to me at all, but thanks.

    To use that dreaded internet phrase, you are strawmanning. Clearly there are singletons in the world who are not anime-obsessed hermits with bad skin and terrible breath, and yet are struggling to find a partner.


  • #573
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    ArchXStanton wrote: »
    And yet they themselves but so much emphasis on it.... Fake nails, fake hair, heels, push up bras

    Some women do. And some men buy unnecessarily expensive cars, watches and shoes to try and signal something about themselves to the world.

    It’s all about the company you keep.


  • #574
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Plopsu wrote: »
    Y'really didn't.

    Yes... I did. You asked if he should change himself, I said yeah.


  • #575
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    should note that any advice to a fella in the OPs position that he should approach women out of the blue is probably misreading the room

    there is a very small subset of lads who can do this with the required first-glance looks or style to make it welcome, or who have failing that the requisite charm or confidence to prevent it turning awkward.

    im no longer in the game but just walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation is, for me as a fella with a face like a bike crash, always going to be a step id feel unwelcome taking.

    add in the explicit context that we're aiming to transmit attraction and set that tone, its a bigger ask than a lot of women seem to realise i think

    add in the changing dynamics in the age of #metoo, which an awkward type of fella is always going to be more susceptible to pondering (whether the interaction ever approaches a situation that could come under the bracket or not) and i just think the "go up and talk to her, buy her a drink" advice is fairly naive

    and to be clear, and you can probably tell, im well fit to chat to ppl

    What do you think is going to happen if you walk up to a woman in a bar and say “I’m snoopsheep, what’s your name? Can I buy you a drink?”

    What’s the worst case scenario?


  • #576
    Cryptopagan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 419 ✭✭Cryptopagan


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    What do you think is going to happen if you walk up to a woman in a bar and say “I’m snoopsheep, what’s your name? Can I buy you a drink?”

    What’s the worst case scenario?

    It’s awkward every single time you do it, and it erodes your confidence, as you come to associate expressing an interest in someone with embarrassing public rejection.


  • Advertisement
  • #577
    Plopsu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Yes... I did. You asked if he should change himself, I said yeah.

    The bit with the question mark was me expressing disbelief at what you'd previously said, not me asking a question. I thought that was fairly obvious form the context.I then went on to clarify what I had said (that you were replying to). You ignored this and came out with some guff about nobody being entitled to a partner, which I'd never even remotely suggested. So, no, you didn't address what I said.


  • #578
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Cryptopagan wrote: »
    It’s awkward every single time you do it, and it erodes your confidence, as you come to associate expressing an interest in someone with being embarrassing rejection.

    Dig deeper though - *why* is it awkward for you? You’re making a friendly gesture towards a woman you hardly know - if she says yes, great - if she says no, water off a duck’s back.


  • #579
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Plopsu wrote: »
    The bit with the question mark was me expressing disbelief at what you'd previously said, not me asking a question. I though that was fairly obvious form the context.I then went on to clarify what I had said (that you were replying to). You ignored this and came out with some guff about nobody being entitled to a partner, which I'd never even remotely suggested. So, no, you didn't address what I said.

    Maybe you’re single because you’re a bit of a pain in the ass and seem obsessed with being right?

    Why doesn’t Georgina want George? Why should she?


  • #580
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 12,694 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Online is probably a gift to the lazy and dose alow the illiusion that they can skip sorting any issues and still met someone, face to face meeting its much harder to hide, or even if there are no issues as such there are an awful lot of people who jut go to work then watch TV and spend a lot of time in bed nothing going on in their lives.

    This is a slight aside, a young person played rugby and were big in to rugby they moved somewhere in Ireland with little rugby so they took an interest inthe premier league because as they said they would have nothing to talk about in the pub if they did not.

    Online is not a panacea its just another way of meeting people.


  • #581
    Cryptopagan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 419 ✭✭Cryptopagan


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Dig deeper though - *why* is it awkward for you? You’re making a friendly gesture towards a woman you hardly know - if she says yes, great - if she says no, water off a duck’s back.

    Once, yeah, but if that’s your whole approach and it fails like 100 times in a row, then what? I don’t like getting into personal stuff, but I always relied on getting to know a person first more casually, which happens in college and with friends of friends. I was always useless at the club scene. Even if you walk up to someone, offer them a drink, and they accept, you have to try to sustain an interesting conversation with a complete stranger.

    So how do I get to know people more casually? Join clubs and classes...only the people at them aren’t interested in finding partners there cause they have an app for that.


  • Advertisement
  • #582
    Plopsu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Maybe you’re single because you’re a bit of a pain in the ass and seem obsessed with being right?

    Why doesn’t Georgina want George? Why should she?

    Wow didn't take long for you to get abusive, did it?
    I suggest you stand in front of a mirror and read that first sentence over and over. :pac:


  • #583
    ArchXStanton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    Cryptopagan wrote: »
    It’s awkward every single time you do it, and it erodes your confidence, as you come to associate expressing an interest in someone with embarrassing public rejection.

    Most women wouldn't have the cajones to do it... Instead you get subtle hints


  • #584
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,286 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Ummm yeah because events down the country are more likely to be advertised in the local paper, the notice boards in SuperValu etc than on AirBnB... you’re looking in the wrong places.

    It’s just making excuses to sit at home and feel sorry for yourself instead of taking action imho.

    Ahhhh, so the OP needs to spend more time in SuperValu and not be bothered with boards.ie. Grand so. :pac:


  • #585
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    Ahhhh, so the OP needs to spend more time in SuperValu and not be bothered with boards.ie. Grand so. :pac:

    I don’t know why you’re being snarky; searching for events down the country on CouchSurfing or AirBnB is ridiculous. You would be better off looking at what’s advertised on community notice boards in the likes of SuperValu and reading the local paper.


  • #586
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    ArchXStanton wrote: »
    Most women wouldn't have the cajones to do it... Instead you get subtle hints

    Well that is true in a very literal sense...


  • #587
    ArchXStanton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Well that is true in a very literal sense...

    I know its true, that's why you'll hear "that's the man's job" "he has to feel like he's worked for it" every excuse going to cover their own cowardice and protect their egos


  • #588
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Plopsu wrote: »
    Wow didn't take long for you to get abusive, did it?
    I suggest you stand in front of a mirror and read that first sentence over and over. :pac:

    Honestly, you’re being an absolute pain in the hole. I’ve tried answering your question but you don’t actually want to engage.


  • #589
    facehugger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,902 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    Is there any possibility I could use a post in this thread to humble-brag about how many women I've bedded?


  • #590
    Plopsu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Honestly, you’re being an absolute pain in the hole. I’ve tried answering your question but you don’t actually want to engage.

    I'm being no more of a pain in the hole or obsessed with being right than you are. I've been engaging, throughout. There was no question to answer. Do you really not get that? Because I already explained it above. Answering a question I didn't ask isn't engaging.


  • #591
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    ArchXStanton wrote: »
    I know its true, that's why you'll hear "that's the man's job" "he has to feel like he's worked for it" every excuse going to cover their own cowardice and protect their egos

    Earlier on the thread there were several men advising women who feel like they have been used for sex not to give it up too soon.

    That if we do we’re just seen as “a bit of hole”.

    But if *we* say “he has to feel like he’s worked for it”, we’re in the wrong there too?

    There is no winning for women with the type of men who take this attitude.

    Women get rejected. Men get rejected. Women get their hearts broken. Men get their hearts broken. Women find love. Men find love.


  • Advertisement
  • #592
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,422 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    facehugger99 wrote: »
    Is there any possibility I could use a post in this thread to humble-brag about how many women I've bedded?

    Permission granted.


  • #593
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    Cryptopagan wrote: »
    It’s awkward every single time you do it, and it erodes your confidence, as you come to associate expressing an interest in someone with being embarrassing rejection.

    As someone who has been on the receiving end of some dubious chat up tactics on nights out, please don't underestimate how lovely & refreshing it is to be approached by a sober-ish friendly guy for a chat on a night out.

    I've said it before but I'll say it again, in my opinion most men can be split into two categories in most pubs/nightclubs.
    The shy, less confident ones who will stand on the sidelines throwing furtive glances, afraid to even try, and the inebriated messers with new found big balls who are the ones approaching the women.

    I obviously can't categorically speak for everyone woman but there is absolutely nothing attractive (imo) about someone who is so drunk they are spilling their drink, talking sh*t, and approaching everyone in a 2 mile radius with a vagina. Women absolutely notice when a lad is chancing his arm with every girl he sees.
    So the women reject these guys, and sometimes these guys get nasty.
    The women then get annoyed and probably come across as even more reserved & stuck up to anyone else approaching them that night.

    Meanwhile the shy guys are watching these "super confident" lads getting rejected and thinking why would I even bother, and it puts them off even trying...And so the cycle continues.

    If you are sober-ish and able to approach a woman for a friendly chat, believe me when I say you are already streets ahead of most other men in that bar.
    There seems to be very little middle ground, its either shy and reserved, or too drunk & obnoxious.

    I obviously believe more women should do the approaching & it shouldn't always be up to the man, but I just wanted to give you another perspective on it.
    I think you'd have more luck than you think, if you tried it.


  • #594
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    facehugger99 wrote: »
    Is there any possibility I could use a post in this thread to humble-brag about how many women I've bedded?

    Unless its Gene Simmons level numbers I wouldn't.


  • #595
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Plopsu wrote: »
    I'm being no more of a pain in the hole or obsessed with being right than you are. I've been engaging, throughout. There was no question to answer. Do you really not get that? Because I already explained it above. Answering a question I didn't ask isn't engaging.

    No, what’s happening here is that you don’t like my answer so you’re going after me like a dog with a bone.

    If you don’t feel my answer adequately addressed your question, might I suggest that you move on with your life? You’re not here to grade whether my answer was relevant enough to satisfy you.


  • #596
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,286 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    I don’t know why you’re being snarky; searching for events down the country on CouchSurfing or AirBnB is ridiculous. You would be better off looking at what’s advertised on community notice boards in the likes of SuperValu and reading the local paper.

    I'm not being snarky. The general advice to the OP so far has been to "get out and meet women" seemingly without any real understanding of (a) whether or not the OP is able to get out; and (b) if he does, whether there's anything on that he has enough of an interest to go to.

    I've looked at plenty of supermarket notice boards, and the events posted there are all much of a muchness, largely targeted at the same audience and (like I described above) if the OP goes to any one of them, he's likely to meet all the same people he met at the last one.

    For someone who "lives" online, there's absolutely nothing ridiculous about looking for events on Couchsurfing or a similar platform, because if you do find something, at least you know you're mixing with "your own kind" - people who think the internet is a legitimate social space.


  • #597
    Plopsu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    No, what’s happening here is that you don’t like my answer so you’re going after me like a dog with a bone.

    If you don’t feel my answer adequately addressed your question, might I suggest that you move on with your life? You’re not here to grade whether my answer was relevant enough to satisfy you.

    Bwahaha.
    I'm not grading anything, your answer was irrelevant. Do feel free to stop replying, though.*


    *Hint: you could have done that at any point.


  • #598
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,195 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    What do you think is going to happen if you walk up to a woman in a bar and say “I’m snoopsheep, what’s your name? Can I buy you a drink?”

    What’s the worst case scenario?

    oh, yknow, the usual- screams, rush for the exits, wailing, gnashing of teeth, libraries burnt to the ground and scattering of peoples across the failing husk of the planet that was once a land of opportunity

    as i said, im better with a bit of a lead-in


  • #599
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Plopsu wrote: »
    Bwahaha.
    I'm not grading anything, your answer was irrelevant. Do feel free to stop replying, though.*


    *Hint: you could have done that at any point.

    I could have, and I will now. So could you. I’m very sorry my answer didn’t meet your standards. I feel it answered the question in a broad sense, obviously you disagree. That’s life. I’m going to pop you on ignore now so byeee.


  • #600
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    oh, yknow, the usual- screams, rush for the exits, wailing, gnashing of teeth, libraries burnt to the ground and scattering of peoples across the failing husk of the planet that was once a land of opportunity

    as i said, im better with a bit of a lead-in

    Exactly, you’ve made up a ridiculously dramatic scenario in your head that would never happen to give yourself an excuse not to take risks.


  • Advertisement
  • #601
    Plopsu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    I could have, and I will now. So could you. I’m very sorry my answer didn’t meet your standards. I feel it answered the question in a broad sense, obviously you disagree. That’s life. I’m going to pop you on ignore now so byeee.

    I could have but it was much more amusing to watch you stamp your foot.


Advertisement