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How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

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Comments

  • #332
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,239 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    There is not someone for everyone. Some people will remain single.


  • #333
    Tell me how
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 23,225 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Why on earth would your confidence be in tatters?

    If you get chatting to a woman and she's not interested, who cares? :confused:

    The individual who approached her hoping that they wouldn't be rejected.

    Yes, it shouldn't matter if one person isn't interested in them.
    Yes, they might not have been rejected per-say, she may already be in a relationship
    Yes, they shouldn't be approaching someone thinking this is it, do or die.

    But, some do, think this way. Why they think like this is a whole other question but to say you're confused is surprising. It's like telling someone with social anxiety to just go ahead to that concert in a strange venue on their own.

    (It's not just males who feel this way, fear of rejection is gender fluid)


  • #334
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,583 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    ArchXStanton wrote: »
    It's not a level playing field at all, same in reality, men have to approach and walk away with their confidence in tatters, they get to walk away with a nice big ego boost, it's a cosy little arrangement..

    Your talking about someone chancing their arm and failing, if their ego and confidence gets thorn to tatters became of that the rest of life is going to kill them outright.

    You'd swear it's only lads in this generation who got turned down on a regular basis, ask your dad if it was any easier in his day.


  • #335
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,239 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    DubInMeath wrote: »
    You'd swear it's only lads in this generation who got turned down on a regular basis, ask your dad if it was any easier in his day.

    I think its harder for some men than it is others and so these two types can't relate at all.

    It's not generational etc. Its individual. Its a high level of sensitivity etc. Its fragility.

    Which is quite sweet really.

    We don't know what other people feel.


  • #336
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,816 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Mr Xit wrote: »
    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    There is not someone for everyone. Some people will remain single.

    Like my housemate. Ugly as sin and socially akward. Poor guy isn't going to make it. He's not even a bad lad but he is repulsive.
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.
    He may well find his match one day.

    To thine own self be true



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  • #337
    lab man
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,837 ✭✭✭lab man


    jimjangles wrote:
    Nope.


    Why ?


  • #338
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,239 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Mr Xit wrote: »
    Odds are he won't.


    Fine. Now stop being horrible.


  • #339
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 13,937 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    There does seem to be a lot of anger and frustration among young men over the way women are choosy. Of course women are going to be choosy, they are usually looking for Mr Right and the possible father of their children so they want to be discerning and picky. Most guys get over rejection but some just get bitter.

    And then some people are very shallow...women and men alike.

    Is it really true the saying that a guy who can make a woman laugh or is a good singer is a big attraction for the ladies?

    Being a gay man, I know only too well just how shallow people can be on hookup apps...it’s pretty easy to get laid, much much more difficult to find someone who you can share the rest of your life with.


  • #340
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,239 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    JupiterKid wrote: »
    There does seem to be a lot of anger and frustration among young men over the way women are choosy. Of course women are going to be choosy, they are usually looking for Mr Right and the possible father of their children so they want to be discerning and picky. Most guys get over rejection but some just get bitter.

    And then some people are very shallow...women and men alike.

    Is it really true the saying that a guy who can make a woman laugh or is a good singer is a big attraction for the ladies?

    Being a gay man, I know only too well just how shallow people can be on hookup apps...it’s pretty easy to get laid, much much more difficult to find someone who you can share the rest of your life with.

    Yes i see this too.


    But ...
    Whatever about people not having a certain look etc. At least they are more than that.


    If you are a beautiful girl/guy then you are but its up to you to be more than that.

    If you are a rich girl/guy then you are but its up to you to be more than that.


  • #341
    kowloon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 13,900 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Mr Xit wrote: »
    Oh wow. The soy is strong in this one.

    ?:confused:?


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  • #342
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Tell me how wrote: »
    The individual who approached her hoping that they wouldn't be rejected.

    Yes, it shouldn't matter if one person isn't interested in them.
    Yes, they might not have been rejected per-say, she may already be in a relationship
    Yes, they shouldn't be approaching someone thinking this is it, do or die.

    But, some do, think this way. Why they think like this is a whole other question but to say you're confused is surprising. It's like telling someone with social anxiety to just go ahead to that concert in a strange venue on their own.

    (It's not just males who feel this way, fear of rejection is gender fluid)

    Ah look, you can't compare social anxiety with fear of rejection; one is a genuine mental affliction, the other is just a straight up lack of confidence and self esteem.

    Some lads get so hung up on this stuff; there are loads of women out there, just move on to the next one if the lady you are trying to chat up isn't interested.

    And yeah, the same for both genders.


  • #343
    Sawduck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,714 ✭✭✭Sawduck


    Irish women are usually stand offish and a bit stuck up, foreign women are more friendly and approachable, especially Scottish women


  • #344
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Sawduck wrote: »
    Irish women are usually stand offish and a bit stuck up, foreign women are more friendly and approachable, especially Scottish women

    Irish men are sex pests and usually **** conversationalists. See, I can make generalizations based on some of my bad experiences too!


  • #345
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    From what I've read about these apps 80% of women will get messages from men.whereas 80% of men will get nothing at all.

    Yup I get loads of messages so if you count “receiving messages” as the ultimate goal I suppose I am spoilt for choice.

    I’ve got the choice between the guy who opened a conversation by telling me about his foot fetish, the one who just said “your place or mine?”, the one who told me he wanted me to dominate him, loads of blank profiles that just say “hi” to me, the ones who are over a decade older, the ones who are married and openly tell me they just want “nsa fun”...

    You’re right, I never realised how incredibly lucky I am that these guys include me in their mail blasts to every woman in a 5km area.


  • #346
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,281 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Sawduck wrote: »
    Irish women are usually stand offish and a bit stuck up, foreign women are more friendly and approachable, especially Scottish women

    I love this attitude. Never thinking that foreign women probably see you as more interesting than the average bear because you're foreign and a bit exotic.

    Scotts are famously dour and pessimistic. But you are foreign (+1), Irish (+1), Irish accent (+1). Chances are when you meet foreigners either you or they are on a holiday so more likely to be relaxed and receptive to fun (+1), less likely to be worried about work and finding time to go to the gym and get the shopping in (+1).

    Theres nothing particularly warm about Scottish women as opposed to any other nationality. These things become self fulfilling prophecies and then become self perpetuating.

    If you could bottle the mindset you use to chat with Scottish women, you could sell it for a fortune.


  • #347
    FTA69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    Sawduck wrote: »
    Irish women are usually stand offish and a bit stuck up, foreign women are more friendly and approachable, especially Scottish women

    They are in their holes. This sort of stuff is nonsense.


  • #348
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Sawduck wrote: »
    Irish women are usually stand offish and a bit stuck up

    Not if you're good looking, or dress well and look like you have your **** together.

    Sawduck wrote: »
    foreign women are more friendly and approachable, especially Scottish women

    Because you're seen as a bit exotic, which adds 1 or 2 points to your "out of 10" score.

    Let me give you an example.

    I live in Japan. Japanese men think Japanese women are difficult to meet - they're, as you say yourself about Irish women, "stand offish and a bit stuck up".

    I'm an average looking Irish guy. (Maybe slightly above average because I'm fit and strong and dress well, but remove all that and I'm a regular guy).

    OK so let's work out my score in Japan.

    White skin, red-ish stubble, typical European nose, curly-ish hair, tall-ish, big green eyes, fit and strong: 8/10.

    Exotic/Interesting: +2

    Fun/White Penis: +1 (it matters)

    Parents may not approve: -1

    Don't speak Japanese: -1

    White guys are players and crazy: -1

    So overall I'm 8/10 in Japan, and could get laid continuously if I wasn't married.

    Back in Ireland I'm a 6/10?

    Hence "stand offish and a bit stuck up" vs "friendly and approachable".

    I don't think there's anything wrong with Irish women.


  • #349
    Tell me how
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 23,225 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Ah look, you can't compare social anxiety with fear of rejection; one is a genuine mental affliction, the other is just a straight up lack of confidence and self esteem.

    Some lads get so hung up on this stuff; there are loads of women out there, just move on to the next one if the lady you are trying to chat up isn't interested.

    And yeah, the same for both genders.

    You think there aren't people going to mental health professionals due to self confidence, self esteem issues?

    I'm not suggesting it is a bona fide illness but it isn't necessarily as simple, for some, as 'move on to the next one'


  • #350
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,093 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Yup I get loads of messages so if you count “receiving messages” as the ultimate goal I suppose I am spoilt for choice.

    I’ve got the choice between the guy who opened a conversation by telling me about his foot fetish, the one who just said “your place or mine?”, the one who told me he wanted me to dominate him, loads of blank profiles that just say “hi” to me, the ones who are over a decade older, the ones who are married and openly tell me they just want “nsa fun”...

    You’re right, I never realised how incredibly lucky I am that these guys include me in their mail blasts to every woman in a 5km area.

    You sound like the person with 20 job offers that doesn't suit them talking to the person with zero job offers. Not really the same?


  • #351
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    You sound like the person with 20 job offers that doesn't suit them talking to the person with zero job offers. Not really the same?

    Here are some screenshots of messages I’ve received from men. Would you advise a woman in your life to take up any of these offers?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx65bF_CJu-/?igshid=96feb95dktkc


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  • #352
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,093 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    JupiterKid wrote: »
    There does seem to be a lot of anger and frustration among young men over the way women are choosy. Of course women are going to be choosy, they are usually looking for Mr Right and the possible father of their children so they want to be discerning and picky. Most guys get over rejection but some just get bitter.
    .

    Old fart here.
    I suspect its more the fact that most women go for the same narrow type of guy and don't even give others a chance - e.g. The guy who does marathon gaming sessions.

    The truth is somewhere in between. Many young women in particular have always had ridiculously high standards when it came to looks and therefore all went after the same 5 guys in the town. The obvious result being they were very arrogant and treated them badly. Then all men were bastards.

    Also there is a big social prestige going out with one of the 5 hot guys for women.

    Gamer boy meanwhile was crying in the corner wondering why all women were bitches.

    Not everyone is like this of course but there is a large love island / grand theft auto set that are.


  • #353
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Many young women in particular have always had ridiculously high standards when it came to looks

    Where are you getting this idea? I know lots of very average looking men who have wives/ girlfriends.

    Is it possible there is something other than looks that is off putting about these men who can’t find women?

    Is it possible that men also have standards that are too high?


  • #354
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,093 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Here are some screenshots of messages I’ve received from men. Would you advise a woman in your life to take up any of these offers?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx65bF_CJu-/?igshid=96feb95dktkc

    I haven't looked but the point is you are getting offers. Eventually you will get an offer from someone you actually like. It's exactly like job hunting. You have employers chasing you - that's a good situation to be in.

    Edit - I have looked. You got a few messages from dicks. So what? Everyone gets crap online, male and female.

    Report them to the gardai.


  • #355
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I haven't looked but the point is you are getting offers. Eventually you will get an offer from someone you actually like. It's exactly like job hunting. You have employers chasing you - that's a good situation to be in.

    Go and look and then tell me if it’s a good situation to be in.


  • #356
    FTA69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    Here are some screenshots of messages I’ve received from men. Would you advise a woman in your life to take up any of these offers?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx65bF_CJu-/?igshid=96feb95dktkc

    Oh Jesus the Christian Grey one. Mother of God.

    You’d end up chopped up in a fridge with that lad.


  • #357
    FTA69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I haven't looked but the point is you are getting offers. Eventually you will get an offer from someone you actually like. It's exactly like job hunting. You have employers chasing you - that's a good situation to be in.

    Edit - I have looked. You got a few messages from dicks. So what? Everyone gets crap online, male and female.

    Do women send you creepy perverted messages regularly yeah?


  • #358
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I haven't looked but the point is you are getting offers. Eventually you will get an offer from someone you actually like. It's exactly like job hunting. You have employers chasing you - that's a good situation to be in.

    Edit - I have looked. You got a few messages from dicks. So what? Everyone gets crap online, male and female.

    Report them to the gardai.

    It’s not a few, it’s almost daily.

    Do you think I’m “lucky” to have all these “options”?


  • #359
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    FTA69 wrote: »
    Oh Jesus the Christian Grey one. Mother of God.

    You’d end up chopped up in a fridge with that lad.

    For me the breast doctor who loves big boobs was the creepiest.


  • #360
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 12,694 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I am intrigued by the mindset that sends creepy messages to woman, women who clearly do not want the messages.

    Leaving aside someone with some sort of social disorder who maybe do not get social norms

    The normal average man who does this why? how did the idea that becaue a woman is on a dating site/ap its means they are interested in complication free sex? and creepy message/ photos of his penis, there is no such thing even complication free sex is complicated.

    What is the origin of the fantasy of commitment free sex because the woman is online is immaturity or something?. What sort of family did they grown up in when did they get their ideas and beliefs about women, sex, and intimacy from?


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  • #361
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    mariaalice wrote: »
    The normal average man who does this why?

    Normal, average men don't send creepy messages to women.

    The people sending creepy messages to women are weirdos. Maybe they can hide their weirdness when they're in public, but in private they are unhealthy, potentially dangerous individuals.


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