First date in a good while. Advice wanted.

RCK1 · 28-04-2019 11:15PM #1

Hey everyone,

Long time boards.ie member but only getting into posting more recently. Sorry if simular has been asked before or

In recent times my social life wasnt the best with a few personal problems(minor nothing major,) Working on improving things at the moment. Im on some online dating sites. I've been messaging one girl for a month+a half(a few gaps due to both been away etc..) and are meeting for drinks. I'm excited for it but also getting v.nervous as I havnt been on a date in good while.

I would love any advice,partially from a female perspective, on what to say and do(or not to)? Just some tips- how to flirt (not the best at this)topics or questions to ask etc... as well as practicalitys.

I plan to arrive early and get a seat then text her.
I often hear people describe me as the nicest possible guy and could talk pleasantly all evening but I just want to be sure it dosnt end up beig platonic. So far she seems great(from whatever amount you can tell though a screen)so wanting it to go well.

Thanks in advance.

qwerty13 · 29-04-2019 04:21AM

Figure out what connected you two online, and repeat in person. Ask more questions about stuff you two discussed online.

Don’t be too intense on your first date. Not sure if you’ve told her about your personal problems. If you haven’t, a first date is too soon to bring that up. If you have, don’t go into every detail of it.

On a superficial level, have fun and enjoy the date. On a deeper level - make it reasonably obvious if you are genuinely enjoying yourself with her, ie don’t let her go away thinking you just thought if was ok / grand / platonic if you want more.

The best of luck! I hope the date goes well

RCK1 · 29-04-2019 10:33AM

qwerty13 wrote: »

Figure out what connected you two online, and repeat in person. Ask more questions about stuff you two discussed online.

Don’t be too intense on your first date. Not sure if you’ve told her about your personal problems. If you haven’t, a first date is too soon to bring that up. If you have, don’t go into every detail of it.

On a superficial level, have fun and enjoy the date. On a deeper level - make it reasonably obvious if you are genuinely enjoying yourself with her, ie don’t let her go away thinking you just thought if was ok / grand / platonic if you want more. I'm just going to try relax and be myself.

The best of luck! I hope the date goes well

Thanks for the advice! Going to read back through the messages again before hand. By putting a term and saying "problems" I probably made things sound worse then it is. Just a few small things(starting to work on) which I won't really mention yet either way. Thanks the last paragraph is good. I 'll aim to just actually enjoy it and be relaxed.

Yellow pack crisps · 29-04-2019 05:20PM

You can’t plan these things. Both of your will be nervous at the beginning and that can be a nice thing. You have already built a platform through chatting for over a month. Just be yourself, listen to her and go from there. Don’t build up the first date as the be all and end of things, Be a gentleman and keep things positive. Eye contact and not eyeballing. You don’t have to tell your life story and hopefully after the initial awkwardness things should flow more smoothly after a little while. Don’t worry about flirting or touching, these things come naturally if they are meant too. Have no expectations other than meeting someone who you might be interested in. Best of luck

RCK1 · 30-04-2019 12:26AM

Yellow pack crisps wrote: »

You can’t plan these things. Both of your will be nervous at the beginning and that can be a nice thing. You have already built a platform through chatting for over a month. Just be yourself, listen to her and go from there. Don’t build up the first date as the be all and end of things, Be a gentleman and keep things positive. Eye contact and not eyeballing. You don’t have to tell your life story and hopefully after the initial awkwardness things should flow more smoothly after a little while. Don’t worry about flirting or touching, these things come naturally if they are meant too. Have no expectations other than meeting someone who you might be interested in. Best of luck

Thank you for the above! Helpful. I was getting wrapped up in it being the be all and end all that I have to make something had to happen. Like you said I have the platform so just going to try relax and enjoy see how it goes.

worded · 30-04-2019 12:34AM

Tell her you have to be back by 10 as it’s lights out then or they won’t let you out again

Or

Tell her you have an industrial sized barrel of Nutella back at her place and you were wondering .... give a wink

General tip ....

If you are a guy duct tape your thingy around your leg Incase you get excited

That’s it ....best of luck

Tomw86 · 30-04-2019 11:39AM

worded wrote: »

Tell her you have to be back by 10 as it’s lights out then or they won’t let you out again

Or

Tell her you have an industrial sized barrel of Nutella back at her place and you were wondering .... give a wink

General tip ....

If you are a guy duct tape your thingy around your leg Incase you get excited

That’s it ....best of luck

Leg???? Surely you mean ankle

OP - Just be yourself, listen and make conversation about what you know about her and shared interests.

Once you've been honest with her then it will flow easily.

Don't ask her about a 2nd date until this one is done. Essentially don't put her on the spot about it.
If you want to kiss her, ask her can you but the moment has to be right.
Be a gentleman and make sure she gets home ok after.

Just some tips I think all women appreciate.

RCK1 · 30-04-2019 07:32PM

worded wrote: »

Tell her you have to be back by 10 as it’s lights out then or they won’t let you out again

Or

Tell her you have an industrial sized barrel of Nutella back at her place and you were wondering .... give a wink

General tip ....

If you are a guy duct tape your thingy around your leg Incase you get excited

That’s it ....best of luck

What about the dunnes own brand or just the actual stuff?ðŸ˜‚

worded · 30-04-2019 07:49PM

RCK1 wrote: »

What about the dunnes own brand or just the actual stuff?&#55357;&#56834;

Also having a big paint roller for the nutella can aid good fast even coverage :-)

RCK1 · 30-04-2019 07:58PM

Tomw86 wrote: »

Leg???? Surely you mean ankle

OP - Just be yourself, listen and make conversation about what you know about her and shared interests.

Once you've been honest with her then it will flow easily.

Don't ask her about a 2nd date until this one is done. Essentially don't put her on the spot about it.
If you want to kiss her, ask her can you but the moment has to be right.
Be a gentleman and make sure she gets home ok after.

Just some tips I think all women appreciate.

Thank you! I not going to mention another date until causally near the end(once it's going well). Just something like might so it again I 'll message you tomorrow etc...so that there's zero pressure. A few shared interests so reading back over the messages. I don't know if I'm brave up to actually ask for a kiss straight out but if the right moment arises will see. And of course plan to be a gentlemen.

joeguevara · 01-05-2019 06:21AM

Firstly you cannot get advice on flirting. Each interaction is different and what works in one will bomb in another.

Also location is important. You say you are going for drinks. Does she drink or what type of pub does she like and also important you.

An activity is good. Something like a comedy club. Laughing is such an aphrodisiac. I also read from your op that people say you are ultra nice. I think sometimes that is a back handed compliment.

Be yourself. She obviously like chatting if you have been doing so for a month and a half. Don’t look back and rehash conversations. Don’t mention a next date until the next day at least. There have been hundreds of threads here where a next date was agreed immediately and then never happened.

Don’t be afraid to give a kiss goodnight. Be a gentleman but if you think the mood is right then have confidence. Hope it is a great night.

Nikki Sixx · 01-05-2019 07:01AM

joeguevara wrote: »

Firstly you cannot get advice on flirting. Each interaction is different and what works in one will bomb in another.

Also location is important. You say you are going for drinks. Does she drink or what type of pub does she like and also important you.

An activity is good. Something like a comedy club. Laughing is such an aphrodisiac. I also read from your op that people say you are ultra nice. I think sometimes that is a back handed compliment.

Be yourself. She obviously like chatting if you have been doing so for a month and a half. Don’t look back and rehash conversations. Don’t mention a next date until the next day at least. There have been hundreds of threads here where a next date was agreed immediately and then never happened.

Don’t be afraid to give a kiss goodnight. Be a gentleman but if you think the mood is right then have confidence. Hope it is a great night.

Women don’t like too nice, so don’t act that way. Too nice/ too polite can be creepy. They might feel like a fly in a spider’s web.

RCK1 · 01-05-2019 02:01PM

joeguevara wrote: »

Firstly you cannot get advice on flirting. Each interaction is different and what works in one will bomb in another.

Also location is important. You say you are going for drinks. Does she drink or what type of pub does she like and also important you.

An activity is good. Something like a comedy club. Laughing is such an aphrodisiac. I also read from your op that people say you are ultra nice. I think sometimes that is a back handed compliment.

Be yourself. She obviously like chatting if you have been doing so for a month and a half. Don’t look back and rehash conversations. Don’t mention a next date until the next day at least. There have been hundreds of threads here where a next date was agreed immediately and then never happened.

Don’t be afraid to give a kiss goodnight. Be a gentleman but if you think the mood is right then have confidence. Hope it is a great night.

Thanks for the above. Yes I was getting hung up on flirting/saying the right thing but it will just let it come naturally as it does depend on the situation/person. More relaxed and confident now about the whole thing now . Location wise I choose it already but checked the type of place she likes and she does drink so that's grand. Will do something different if I get a second one. I won't ask for a second date until after but may make a vague reference when saying goodbye to show I want to.

RCK1 · 01-05-2019 02:03PM

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

Women don’t like too nice, so don’t act that way. Too nice/ too polite can be creepy. They might feel like a fly in a spider’s web.

Thanks! I 'll be make sure to try and balance it a bit

blue note · 01-05-2019 06:06PM

If you're hoping for the dinner date to turn into a breakfast one if you know what I mean (sex), then make sure to have your room messy, bed unmade, old underpants on, etc. I don't know why this works, but you never end up scoring on the nights when the room is set up for minimum embarrassment. I think it's a form of karma payment, that to get what you want you have to pay in embarrassment.

I know people will think I'm joking, but I was single for a while and any time I cleaned my room before a night out I ended up just doing it for myself. Those nights I didn't have time and still had a monstor munches share packet on my pillow were the ones I got lucky.

Nikki Sixx · 01-05-2019 06:17PM

blue note wrote: »

If you're hoping for the dinner date to turn into a breakfast one if you know what I mean (sex), then make sure to have your room messy, bed unmade, old underpants on, etc. I don't know why this works, but you never end up scoring on the nights when the room is set up for minimum embarrassment. I think it's a form of karma payment, that to get what you want you have to pay in embarrassment.

I know people will think I'm joking, but I was single for a while and any time I cleaned my room before a night out I ended up just doing it for myself. Those nights I didn't have time and still had a monstor munches share packet on my pillow were the ones I got lucky.

Because when you didn’t want them to come back they wanted to jump your bones!:-)

Augme · 01-05-2019 06:31PM

I wouldn't ask for a kiss. Most women I've spoken to find it a turn off as it displays a lack of confidence/awareness - now there will be women who do prefer but my experience is that it's not great. You should have a good idea at the end of the date if she wants to kiss or not. That doesn't mean you have to go for it though. Sometimes the moment just doesn't suit right so don't force it.

joeguevara · 01-05-2019 06:32PM

RCK1 wrote: »

Thanks for the above. Yes I was getting hung up on flirting/saying the right thing but it will just let it come naturally as it does depend on the situation/person. More relaxed and confident now about the whole thing now . Location wise I choose it already but checked the type of place she likes and she does drink so that's grand. Will do something different if I get a second one. I won't ask for a second date until after but may make a vague reference when saying goodbye to show I want to.

I am glad you found advice useful. My advice is don’t even talk about a second date until at least the next day. No one is going to look you in the eye and refuse a second date if you allude to it as you are saying goodbye.

Fair play for choosing a date that interests you both. One thing I saw last night (I was watching football in a pub but was full of first dates) was a bar that had board games. Now each couple had a different interest but was chatting to a girl who was saying it was one of the best dates she was on. They were playing ‘cards against humanity’. I have played it a few times and she said it suited both their sense of him out and she laughed with him from start to finish. She said it made sure that there was no awkward moments. Now I would have thought before that going to a bad and playing board games would be a disaster but everyone seemed to love it.

That’s what I was saying about an activity. Also, don’t get twisted. Easy thing to do as drinks flow but may be a disaster. Lastly if things go well don’t be scared of a goodnight kiss. Talked to a load of girls and they all said that they found it a bit of a turn off of a date went well and the guy was too scared/shy/awkward to give a smooch. I’m not saying full on score but a nice kiss if the signals are right is a perfect end.

Text hope she got home alright but don’t bluff out too much even if your on a high. Also the 3 day rule is bs. If you had a good time tell her the next day and ask her out again. Have something to suggest. I would suggest 1 text rule. Ie don’t text multiple times if no reply. Wait for a response. Hope all goes well. Relax. Be yourself and you will rock it.

RCK1 · 03-05-2019 03:38PM

So... went on the date last night and it went well! Any intinal nervousness/awkwardness between us went soon enough.Had a few drinks then afterwards I walked with her to a busier area to make sure she got a taxi ok and kissed good night etc.. Texting today to organise another date possibly next week. There wasnt a major spark/firework etc... but nothing overly concerning.

Thanks for the advice! I got a little too worked up/ nervous leading up when there was no real need. Regardless of what does/dosnt happen next it was a nice evening and a good confidence boast that I know I'm able.

woodchuck · 03-05-2019 03:49PM

Hi OP, I'll close the thread now as the issue has been resolved.

First date in a good while. Advice wanted.

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