Parents who continue sending their kids to a school knowing they are being bullied

v638sg7k1a92bx · 30-04-2019 09:46PM #1

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Charles Ingles · 30-04-2019 09:50PM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

c.p.w.g.w · 30-04-2019 09:50PM

Unfortunately we have a society were both parents are required to work to just about pay their way, in many cases with debt levels that are barely serviceable.

So parents can't just take their kids out of school. Move to another school, again not enough Schools places in many areas.

Larbre34 · 30-04-2019 09:51PM

Because the alternative is to stay home from work so...

Yes bullying is dreadful, but so is the decreasing resilience and resourcefulness of many kids in a sedentary online world. People can only do their best for their kids, socialise them, encourage them in sport, fitness, self defence, life skills, problem solving etc.

They are going to meet far worse bullies in the adult world, so removing them from a level of threat or challenge is counterproductive in the long run.

Hal3000 · 30-04-2019 09:53PM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Schools are the same as the judiciary here. Both are afraid to tackle the issue. Principal's have no backbone in dealing with this. Bullying should be immediate expulsion

McMurphy · 30-04-2019 09:57PM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

I dunno OP I've a few nippers in school, and I have to give the school it's dues, bullying allegations are taken extremely seriously indeed.

Kids being bullied are encouraged wholeheartedly to go and speak to an adult, be it a parent or a teacher, and tell them what exactly is happening, whether physical bullying or mental bullying. The allegations of concerns will be investigated, and appropriate actions taken should they deem it necessary.

Most schools nowadays have a zero approach to it these days, what with social media etc and a child theoretically being a potential target, long after the bell goes.

I have no idea of what school you have experience with, but it would not be the norm these days I would say.

the_syco · 30-04-2019 09:58PM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

Bullying doesn't only happen in school. It'll happen in any interaction with human beings.

Hal3000 wrote: »

Bullying should be immediate expulsion

No. I was bullied as a kid, but I couldn't fight back. Not because there was 20 of them; but because they were smaller than me. If I openly retaliated, I'd be called the bully, and I'd be expelled.

Bullying is rarely black and white.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 30-04-2019 10:01PM

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

Allowing your kids to brush against the guard rails of failure and the general rough and tumble of life is one thing, allowing them to be subjected to continuous bullying and torment is not something parents should turn a blind eye to because they don't want to be stuck in traffic.

Funny how in any other instance where there is a hint of children being ill treated particularly when it comes to stage or religious organisations, parents will scream blue murder but when the parents responsibility is questioned then the kids need to learn to toughen up...

v638sg7k1a92bx · 30-04-2019 10:05PM

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Unfortunately we have a society were both parents are required to work to just about pay their way, in many cases with debt levels that are barely serviceable.

So parents can't just take their kids out of school. Move to another school, again not enough Schools places in many areas.

It's a matter of priorities. Sending your kids to school to be tormented v sitting in traffic doing 9 - 5 to earn the average industrial.

Charles Ingles · 30-04-2019 10:05PM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

Allowing your kids to brush against the guard rails of failure and the general rough and tumble of life is one thing, allowing them to be subjected to continuous bullying and torment is not something parents should turn a blind eye to because they don't want to be stuck in traffic.

Funny how in any other instance where there is a hint of children being ill treated particularly when it comes to stage or religious organisations, parents will scream blue murder but when the parents responsibility is questioned then the kids need to learn to toughen up...

Do you children yoursel

v638sg7k1a92bx · 30-04-2019 10:06PM

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Do you children yoursel

Again please ???

Charles Ingles · 30-04-2019 10:08PM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

Again please ???

Do you have any kids

wakka12 · 30-04-2019 10:09PM

Larbre34 wrote: »

Because the alternative is to stay home from work so...

Yes bullying is dreadful, but so is the decreasing resilience and resourcefulness of many kids in a sedentary online world. People can only do their best for their kids, socialise them, encourage them in sport, fitness, self defence, life skills, problem solving etc.

They are going to meet far worse bullies in the adult world, so removing them from a level of threat or challenge is counterproductive in the long run.

I dont know if I agree, theres something uniquely awful about being bullied in school. Being trapped there, the entire day, you are just growing up as a person and it destroys your self esteem for long after you leave the school

cannotlogin · 30-04-2019 10:15PM

I don't think it's as simple as that. I don't believe many parents willing allow their child be bullied or make no effort to address it.

Children need education too and removing them can cause them more difficulty too. A lot of schools are more proactive now in addressing it now too. It also depends on the severity too - kids can be very cruel but at the same time kids need to build resilience too.

A friend of mine is a junior infant teacher and very conscious of it, possibly as her little one is in the same age range. I know she tries to ensure all of the kids as happy as can be and uses the seating plan to move the kids around so that the quieter less sociable kids are sitting nearer than nicer kids who are more likely to involve them at play time etc, or put kids together who have similar interests so that they mix best.

Snow Garden · 30-04-2019 10:35PM

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

Was Laura bullied in the Little House on the Prairie?

Gimme A Pound · 30-04-2019 10:50PM

My friend's son was being bullied so, so badly that when he eventually begged her and his dad not to make him go back there (after two years of it, and he trying his best to deal with it and not complain; he's a quiet boy) the worst outcome possible flashed through her mind (because children HAVE committed suicide due to bullying) and she told him he didn't have to go back. Then it was a frantic search, but a much nicer school took him and he's a lot happier. Best decision ever.

There was a bunch of sh1tbags at the school he left but gross mismanagement too. It wasn't in a tough area and his new school attracts a similar demographic yet it's well run with zero tolerance for bullies.

He was skipping school most of the time and his work was suffering anyway. And he had zero friends there (because of being "uncool"/fear of the bullies). It was of no benefit to him.

I agree children should be shown that you can't take the easy way out of everything, but severe bullying... all bets are off. Plus I don't like when responsibility is taken away from the bullies and placed on the bullied.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 01-05-2019 09:42AM

Walter Rough Nag wrote: »

My friend's son was being bullied so, so badly that when he eventually begged her and his dad not to make him go back there (after two years of it, and he trying his best to deal with it and not complain; he's a quiet boy) the worst outcome possible flashed through her mind (because children HAVE committed suicide due to bullying) and she told him he didn't have to go back. Then it was a frantic search, but a much nicer school took him and he's a lot happier. Best decision ever.

There was a bunch of sh1tbags at the school he left but gross mismanagement too. It wasn't in a tough area and his new school attracts a similar demographic yet it's well run with zero tolerance for bullies.

He was skipping school most of the time and his work was suffering anyway. And he had zero friends there (because of being "uncool"/fear of the bullies). It was of no benefit to him.

I agree children should be shown that you can't take the easy way out of everything, but severe bullying... all bets are off. Plus I don't like when responsibility is taken away from the bullies and placed on the bullied.

Unfortunately the focus always shifts onto the kids being picked on because management will never admit to bullying as they feel that if they do so then they admit liability and ultimately leaving themselves vunerable. So the tend to make a few mealy mouth soft touch attempts to appear they are trying to deal with the situation and at the same time will suggest that the kid being bullied has social or personality issues.

Without going into details, there is a case being reported on at the moment and everyone knew that this teenager was going through both, parents and teachers, and yet the marched her off to school every day.

Tacklebox · 01-05-2019 09:52AM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

Unfortunately the focus always shifts onto the kids being picked on because management will never admit to bullying as they feel that if they do so then they admit liability and ultimately leaving themselves vunerable. So the tend to make a few mealy mouth soft touch attempts to appear they are trying to deal with the situation and at the same time will suggest that the kid being bullied has social or personality issues.

Without going into details, there is a case being reported on at the moment and everyone knew that this teenager was going through both, parents and teachers, and yet the marched her off to school every day.

I heard about that case on the radio the other day, absolutely horrific.
I consider myself relatively emotionally mature and of course I have my rare moments of emotional torment like every one else.
Listening to the radio and what those monsters did to her was horrific.

I felt sick and had that feeling on the top of my brow of crying.
I remember there was a few very tall girl in school and some of the girls gave her an awful time of it, she gentle, never wore nice clothes but the lads in my year liked her as she was great at hockey and basketball.

I haven't seen her in years, hopefully she's doing well.

01-05-2019 09:57AM

Schools have to have an anti-bullying policy yes I do think thy should be move if it is not resolved however they sould give the school some chance to sort it.

VinLieger · 01-05-2019 09:58AM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Hilarious that you think its that simple and easy to just move a child from school to school

Apiarist · 01-05-2019 10:03AM

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one....

Sure you would. If you had children and a ready access to schools who are just eager to get your kid at a moment's notice. You do know that some parents enroll their child into their preferred school as soon as the child is born? Do you think you would just walk into any school and they'd say, 'sure, your kid can start tomorrow'?

Let me give you a choice -- work with the principal to hopefully deal with the bulling in the current school, or leave your job to stay at home with your child until the next academic year when there is a space in a school 30 minutes drive away?

Church on Tuesday · 01-05-2019 10:58AM

It's the schools responsibility to have zero tolerance approach to bullying. If that isn't or won't be the case (and in a lot of cases that is not the case, pride comes before the fall with a lot of schools) then it's the parents responsibility to find a new school for the child in severe cases.

If an adult is severely bullied in the workplace, which does happen, he or she will leave.

Bottom line is that in most schools there will be some kind of aggro of a surface level. Kids need to learn how to deal with this and develop resilience because they will need those skills in the real world. It's a kind of unofficial subject on the school curriculum in a way.

Floppybits · 01-05-2019 11:18AM

This is the biggest fear I have for my daughter when she goes to school. From reading things here it always seems to be the victim of the bully that needs to find alternative schools, what ever happens to the bully? Is there any stigma of being labelled a bully?

There seems to be no consequences for the bully, a friends kid has just started in secondary school and she says the things that she has to do to check that her daughter is not being bullied or doing the bullying is a full time job. She said the social media is a nightmare.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 01-05-2019 11:32AM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Bottom line is that in most schools there will be some kind of aggro of a surface level. Kids need to learn how to deal with this and develop resilience because they will need those skills in the real world. It's a kind of unofficial subject on the school curriculum in a way.

Depends on how you define "deal with it" - a lot of kids have delt with it in a somewhat serious and often terminal way.

When you say developing "resilience", this sounds a bit like condoning the bullying to me: as long as its someone else's kid being bullied, who cares?

If you want to sort out bullying, you deal with the bully. Not the victim.

Charles Ingles · 01-05-2019 11:34AM

I believe the children are the future,
We should teach them well them well and let them lead the way

The_Honeybadger · 01-05-2019 11:38AM

I find at primary level the worst type of bullying is social exclusion. Bullies are often smart and know that if they physically bully another child they will be rumbled in no time. Instead they use their social status to ensure that their target is excluded from games and from having friends.

This is very difficult to deal with as it’s virtually impossible to catch the bully in the act and they will strenuously deny the allegations if questioned. It’s also not treated as seriously as physical aggression even though it is arguably much more damaging.

Church on Tuesday · 01-05-2019 11:47AM

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Depends on how you define "deal with it" - a lot of kids have delt with it in a somewhat serious and often terminal way.

When you say developing "resilience", this sounds a bit like condoning the bullying to me: as long as its someone else's kid being bullied, who cares?

If you want to sort out bullying, you deal with the bully. Not the victim.

I don't condone bullying.

It's a fact of life. Bullying has been going on since the dawn of mankind. It's essential that kids develop a thick skin and a toughness, otherwise how are they going to strike out on their own in life?

Ideally you kick the bully out of the school in severe cases. But most cases of bullying aren't severe, hence the need to toughen up a little and give as good back.

marieholmfan · 01-05-2019 11:49AM

Fine the headmaster and expel the bullies.

Calltocall · 01-05-2019 11:49AM

The_Honeybadger wrote: »

I find at primary level the worst type of bullying is social exclusion. Bullies are often smart and know that if they physically bully another child they will be rumbled in no time. Instead they use their social status to ensure that their target is excluded from games and from having friends.

This is very difficult to deal with as it’s virtually impossible to catch the bully in the act and they will strenuously deny the allegations if questioned. It’s also not treated as seriously as physical aggression even though it is arguably much more damaging.

I have to agree, the scars of exclusion last far longer than physical wounds, it’s a horrible thing to do, kids can be very cruel but from my own experience when I was younger my best form of defence was to confront the bully head on, I got in a few scuffles and came out the worst but it did diffuse it, once I was having bullying problems years ago in school instigated by one ringleader who tormented me for months, spat on my head etc when going down stairs in front of him just a horrible little ****, I eventually broke down and didn’t want to go back to school, I told my older brother about it and one day he waited outside the school for this lad and two of his friends, my brother threatened him and put the fear of god into him, I don’t know exactly what he said to him but I never had a problem again, I know people will gasp at that as a suggestion but I had a much easier life after it.

Gimme A Pound · 01-05-2019 11:54AM

VinLieger wrote: »

Hilarious that you think its that simple and easy to just move a child from school to school

My friend did, out of a duty of care to her son whose mental wellbeing was concerning her. It's not like he was benefitting academically anyway.

Gimme A Pound · 01-05-2019 11:56AM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I don't condone bullying.

It's a fact of life. Bullying has been going on since the dawn of mankind. It's essential that kids develop a thick skin and a toughness, otherwise how are they going to strike out on their own in life?

Ideally you kick the bully out of the school in severe cases. But most cases of bullying aren't severe, hence the need to toughen up a little and give as good back.

That's the ideal but if the kid is on their own against a gang, with zero backup from either other children or the school... well I don't like those odds.

Parents who continue sending their kids to a school knowing they are being bullied

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