Parents who continue sending their kids to a school knowing they are being bullied

v638sg7k1a92bx

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Charles Ingles

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

c.p.w.g.w

Unfortunately we have a society were both parents are required to work to just about pay their way, in many cases with debt levels that are barely serviceable.

So parents can't just take their kids out of school. Move to another school, again not enough Schools places in many areas.

Larbre34

Because the alternative is to stay home from work so...

Yes bullying is dreadful, but so is the decreasing resilience and resourcefulness of many kids in a sedentary online world. People can only do their best for their kids, socialise them, encourage them in sport, fitness, self defence, life skills, problem solving etc.

They are going to meet far worse bullies in the adult world, so removing them from a level of threat or challenge is counterproductive in the long run.

Hal3000

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Schools are the same as the judiciary here. Both are afraid to tackle the issue. Principal's have no backbone in dealing with this. Bullying should be immediate expulsion

McMurphy

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

I dunno OP I've a few nippers in school, and I have to give the school it's dues, bullying allegations are taken extremely seriously indeed.

Kids being bullied are encouraged wholeheartedly to go and speak to an adult, be it a parent or a teacher, and tell them what exactly is happening, whether physical bullying or mental bullying. The allegations of concerns will be investigated, and appropriate actions taken should they deem it necessary.

Most schools nowadays have a zero approach to it these days, what with social media etc and a child theoretically being a potential target, long after the bell goes.


I have no idea of what school you have experience with, but it would not be the norm these days I would say.

the_syco

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

Bullying doesn't only happen in school. It'll happen in any interaction with human beings.

Hal3000 wrote: »

Bullying should be immediate expulsion

No. I was bullied as a kid, but I couldn't fight back. Not because there was 20 of them; but because they were smaller than me. If I openly retaliated, I'd be called the bully, and I'd be expelled.

Bullying is rarely black and white.

v638sg7k1a92bx

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

Allowing your kids to brush against the guard rails of failure and the general rough and tumble of life is one thing, allowing them to be subjected to continuous bullying and torment is not something parents should turn a blind eye to because they don't want to be stuck in traffic.

Funny how in any other instance where there is a hint of children being ill treated particularly when it comes to stage or religious organisations, parents will scream blue murder but when the parents responsibility is questioned then the kids need to learn to toughen up...

v638sg7k1a92bx

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Unfortunately we have a society were both parents are required to work to just about pay their way, in many cases with debt levels that are barely serviceable.

So parents can't just take their kids out of school. Move to another school, again not enough Schools places in many areas.

It's a matter of priorities. Sending your kids to school to be tormented v sitting in traffic doing 9 - 5 to earn the average industrial.

Charles Ingles

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

Allowing your kids to brush against the guard rails of failure and the general rough and tumble of life is one thing, allowing them to be subjected to continuous bullying and torment is not something parents should turn a blind eye to because they don't want to be stuck in traffic.

Funny how in any other instance where there is a hint of children being ill treated particularly when it comes to stage or religious organisations, parents will scream blue murder but when the parents responsibility is questioned then the kids need to learn to toughen up...

Do you children yoursel

v638sg7k1a92bx

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Do you children yoursel

Again please ???

Charles Ingles

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

Again please ???

Do you have any kids

wakka12

Larbre34 wrote: »

Because the alternative is to stay home from work so...

Yes bullying is dreadful, but so is the decreasing resilience and resourcefulness of many kids in a sedentary online world. People can only do their best for their kids, socialise them, encourage them in sport, fitness, self defence, life skills, problem solving etc.

They are going to meet far worse bullies in the adult world, so removing them from a level of threat or challenge is counterproductive in the long run.

I dont know if I agree, theres something uniquely awful about being bullied in school. Being trapped there, the entire day, you are just growing up as a person and it destroys your self esteem for long after you leave the school

cannotlogin

I don't think it's as simple as that. I don't believe many parents willing allow their child be bullied or make no effort to address it.

Children need education too and removing them can cause them more difficulty too. A lot of schools are more proactive now in addressing it now too. It also depends on the severity too - kids can be very cruel but at the same time kids need to build resilience too.

A friend of mine is a junior infant teacher and very conscious of it, possibly as her little one is in the same age range. I know she tries to ensure all of the kids as happy as can be and uses the seating plan to move the kids around so that the quieter less sociable kids are sitting nearer than nicer kids who are more likely to involve them at play time etc, or put kids together who have similar interests so that they mix best.

Snow Garden

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

Was Laura bullied in the Little House on the Prairie?

Gimme A Pound

My friend's son was being bullied so, so badly that when he eventually begged her and his dad not to make him go back there (after two years of it, and he trying his best to deal with it and not complain; he's a quiet boy) the worst outcome possible flashed through her mind (because children HAVE committed suicide due to bullying) and she told him he didn't have to go back. Then it was a frantic search, but a much nicer school took him and he's a lot happier. Best decision ever.

There was a bunch of sh1tbags at the school he left but gross mismanagement too. It wasn't in a tough area and his new school attracts a similar demographic yet it's well run with zero tolerance for bullies.

He was skipping school most of the time and his work was suffering anyway. And he had zero friends there (because of being "uncool"/fear of the bullies). It was of no benefit to him.

I agree children should be shown that you can't take the easy way out of everything, but severe bullying... all bets are off. Plus I don't like when responsibility is taken away from the bullies and placed on the bullied.

v638sg7k1a92bx

Walter Rough Nag wrote: »

My friend's son was being bullied so, so badly that when he eventually begged her and his dad not to make him go back there (after two years of it, and he trying his best to deal with it and not complain; he's a quiet boy) the worst outcome possible flashed through her mind (because children HAVE committed suicide due to bullying) and she told him he didn't have to go back. Then it was a frantic search, but a much nicer school took him and he's a lot happier. Best decision ever.

There was a bunch of sh1tbags at the school he left but gross mismanagement too. It wasn't in a tough area and his new school attracts a similar demographic yet it's well run with zero tolerance for bullies.

He was skipping school most of the time and his work was suffering anyway. And he had zero friends there (because of being "uncool"/fear of the bullies). It was of no benefit to him.

I agree children should be shown that you can't take the easy way out of everything, but severe bullying... all bets are off. Plus I don't like when responsibility is taken away from the bullies and placed on the bullied.

Unfortunately the focus always shifts onto the kids being picked on because management will never admit to bullying as they feel that if they do so then they admit liability and ultimately leaving themselves vunerable. So the tend to make a few mealy mouth soft touch attempts to appear they are trying to deal with the situation and at the same time will suggest that the kid being bullied has social or personality issues.

Without going into details, there is a case being reported on at the moment and everyone knew that this teenager was going through both, parents and teachers, and yet the marched her off to school every day.

Tacklebox

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

Unfortunately the focus always shifts onto the kids being picked on because management will never admit to bullying as they feel that if they do so then they admit liability and ultimately leaving themselves vunerable. So the tend to make a few mealy mouth soft touch attempts to appear they are trying to deal with the situation and at the same time will suggest that the kid being bullied has social or personality issues.

Without going into details, there is a case being reported on at the moment and everyone knew that this teenager was going through both, parents and teachers, and yet the marched her off to school every day.

I heard about that case on the radio the other day, absolutely horrific.
I consider myself relatively emotionally mature and of course I have my rare moments of emotional torment like every one else.
Listening to the radio and what those monsters did to her was horrific.

I felt sick and had that feeling on the top of my brow of crying.
I remember there was a few very tall girl in school and some of the girls gave her an awful time of it, she gentle, never wore nice clothes but the lads in my year liked her as she was great at hockey and basketball.

I haven't seen her in years, hopefully she's doing well.

Schools have to have an anti-bullying policy yes I do think thy should be move if it is not resolved however they sould give the school some chance to sort it.

VinLieger

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Hilarious that you think its that simple and easy to just move a child from school to school

Apiarist

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one....

Sure you would. If you had children and a ready access to schools who are just eager to get your kid at a moment's notice. You do know that some parents enroll their child into their preferred school as soon as the child is born? Do you think you would just walk into any school and they'd say, 'sure, your kid can start tomorrow'?

Let me give you a choice -- work with the principal to hopefully deal with the bulling in the current school, or leave your job to stay at home with your child until the next academic year when there is a space in a school 30 minutes drive away?

Church on Tuesday

It's the schools responsibility to have zero tolerance approach to bullying. If that isn't or won't be the case (and in a lot of cases that is not the case, pride comes before the fall with a lot of schools) then it's the parents responsibility to find a new school for the child in severe cases.

If an adult is severely bullied in the workplace, which does happen, he or she will leave.

Bottom line is that in most schools there will be some kind of aggro of a surface level. Kids need to learn how to deal with this and develop resilience because they will need those skills in the real world. It's a kind of unofficial subject on the school curriculum in a way.

Floppybits

This is the biggest fear I have for my daughter when she goes to school. From reading things here it always seems to be the victim of the bully that needs to find alternative schools, what ever happens to the bully? Is there any stigma of being labelled a bully?

There seems to be no consequences for the bully, a friends kid has just started in secondary school and she says the things that she has to do to check that her daughter is not being bullied or doing the bullying is a full time job. She said the social media is a nightmare.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Bottom line is that in most schools there will be some kind of aggro of a surface level. Kids need to learn how to deal with this and develop resilience because they will need those skills in the real world. It's a kind of unofficial subject on the school curriculum in a way.

Depends on how you define "deal with it" - a lot of kids have delt with it in a somewhat serious and often terminal way.

When you say developing "resilience", this sounds a bit like condoning the bullying to me: as long as its someone else's kid being bullied, who cares?

If you want to sort out bullying, you deal with the bully. Not the victim.

Charles Ingles

I believe the children are the future,
We should teach them well them well and let them lead the way

The_Honeybadger

I find at primary level the worst type of bullying is social exclusion. Bullies are often smart and know that if they physically bully another child they will be rumbled in no time. Instead they use their social status to ensure that their target is excluded from games and from having friends.

This is very difficult to deal with as it’s virtually impossible to catch the bully in the act and they will strenuously deny the allegations if questioned. It’s also not treated as seriously as physical aggression even though it is arguably much more damaging.

Church on Tuesday

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Depends on how you define "deal with it" - a lot of kids have delt with it in a somewhat serious and often terminal way.

When you say developing "resilience", this sounds a bit like condoning the bullying to me: as long as its someone else's kid being bullied, who cares?

If you want to sort out bullying, you deal with the bully. Not the victim.

I don't condone bullying.

It's a fact of life. Bullying has been going on since the dawn of mankind. It's essential that kids develop a thick skin and a toughness, otherwise how are they going to strike out on their own in life?

Ideally you kick the bully out of the school in severe cases. But most cases of bullying aren't severe, hence the need to toughen up a little and give as good back.

marieholmfan

Fine the headmaster and expel the bullies.

Calltocall

The_Honeybadger wrote: »

I find at primary level the worst type of bullying is social exclusion. Bullies are often smart and know that if they physically bully another child they will be rumbled in no time. Instead they use their social status to ensure that their target is excluded from games and from having friends.

This is very difficult to deal with as it’s virtually impossible to catch the bully in the act and they will strenuously deny the allegations if questioned. It’s also not treated as seriously as physical aggression even though it is arguably much more damaging.

I have to agree, the scars of exclusion last far longer than physical wounds, it’s a horrible thing to do, kids can be very cruel but from my own experience when I was younger my best form of defence was to confront the bully head on, I got in a few scuffles and came out the worst but it did diffuse it, once I was having bullying problems years ago in school instigated by one ringleader who tormented me for months, spat on my head etc when going down stairs in front of him just a horrible little ****, I eventually broke down and didn’t want to go back to school, I told my older brother about it and one day he waited outside the school for this lad and two of his friends, my brother threatened him and put the fear of god into him, I don’t know exactly what he said to him but I never had a problem again, I know people will gasp at that as a suggestion but I had a much easier life after it.

Gimme A Pound

VinLieger wrote: »

Hilarious that you think its that simple and easy to just move a child from school to school

My friend did, out of a duty of care to her son whose mental wellbeing was concerning her. It's not like he was benefitting academically anyway.

Gimme A Pound

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I don't condone bullying.

It's a fact of life. Bullying has been going on since the dawn of mankind. It's essential that kids develop a thick skin and a toughness, otherwise how are they going to strike out on their own in life?

Ideally you kick the bully out of the school in severe cases. But most cases of bullying aren't severe, hence the need to toughen up a little and give as good back.

That's the ideal but if the kid is on their own against a gang, with zero backup from either other children or the school... well I don't like those odds.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I don't condone bullying.

It's a fact of life. Bullying has been going on since the dawn of mankind. It's essential that kids develop a thick skin and a toughness, otherwise how are they going to strike out on their own in life?

Kind of contradicting yourself here.

Saying it's "been going on since the damn of Mankind" is most certainly condoning it.

Church on Tuesday

Walter Rough Nag wrote: »

That's the ideal but if the kid is on their own against a gang, with zero backup from either other children or the school... well I don't like those odds.

Yup, in which case in a severe scenario like that, it's best to take the kid out.

Church on Tuesday

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Kind of contradicting yourself here.

Saying it's "been going on since the damn of Mankind" is most certainly condoning it.

There is a big difference between was is accepted fact and condoning something.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

There is a big difference between was is accepted fact and condoning something.

Firstly, I'd argue against your word of the use of "fact"; secondly, fact is irrelevant. You are accepting of the concept of bullying and justifying it be saying it's always happened. That is the very definition of condoning.

VinLieger

Walter Rough Nag wrote: »

My friend did, out of a duty of care to her son whose mental wellbeing was concerning her. It's not like he was benefitting academically anyway.

Did i say it was impossible? Its simply very very difficult and not a simple decision and action as the OP seems to think or is implying

Hyzepher

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I don't condone bullying.

It's a fact of life. Bullying has been going on since the dawn of mankind. It's essential that kids develop a thick skin and a toughness, otherwise how are they going to strike out on their own in life?

Ideally you kick the bully out of the school in severe cases. But most cases of bullying aren't severe, hence the need to toughen up a little and give as good back.

This is one of the most naive statements i've ever seen. Kids are bullied/singled out for a reason and for the most part that reason is that they are the types of kids that find it hard to fight back.

Not all kids have the capacity to "deal" with bullying and to state that the onus is on them to "adapt" to the bullying is ridiculous and actually dangerous.

iamwhoiam

The victim blaming has to stop . It seems the victim in many cases is removed while the bullies carry on and suffer no consequences.

Church on Tuesday

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Firstly, I'd argue against your word of the use of "fact"; secondly, fact is irrelevant. You are accepting of the concept of bullying and justifying it be saying it's always happened. That is the very definition of condoning.

You're simply just looking for an argument.

I'm 'accepting' of the fact that bullying can and will happen. If you think bullying can be eradicated from the human condition then you are frankly deluded and painfully naive.

Now, I have very clearly in my original post stated that schools should have a zero tolerance approach to bullying and indeed also the workplace and that in severe cases the child should be removed. In ideal scenarios the bully should be removed rather than the victim of bullying.

In fact I'm of the largely unpopular opinion that those who seek to disrupt other students should be tossed out of school altogether and made learn a trade or something after the age of 16. But that's another debate for another day.

I plan on becoming a teacher in the near future. I can assure you bullying will not be tolerated in my classroom.

So now that I have helpfully condensed my previous posts for you, where is your viable evidence of my 'condoning' bullying?

Church on Tuesday

Hyzepher wrote: »

This is one of the most naive statements i've ever seen. Kids are bullied/singled out for a reason and for the most part that reason is that they are the types of kids that find it hard to fight back.

Not all kids have the capacity to "deal" with bullying and to state that the onus is on them to "adapt" to the bullying is ridiculous and actually dangerous.

I never once said that.

If the child is the kind that can't fight back(verbally I may add) and if your school can't or won't get rid of the bully, take that child out of the school then or home school them.

Most kids who go to school are going to have unpleasant things said or happen to them at some stage in their schooling. This is a fact folks.

It happens in the adult world too.

If a child has to run to their parents over every little thing in school then the child is on a hiding to nothing in their later adult life.

LirW

Bullying comes in a load of nuances, there isn't one kind of bullying.
There's bullying that can be dealt with quite easily, there's bullying that can have a devastating impact and it's not always easy to get the help you need.

It makes me quite angry to read things like "it's part of everyday life, toughen up" when there's just a high profile case in court dealing with the murder of a teenage girl where bullying got horrifyingly out of hand.

Not every child is equipped to deal with every sort of bullying. Bullies often know exactly how to get away with it and in many cases the parents simply don't give a hoot that their child is putting others down.

I went to school in the early 2000s when bullying badly affected me. I was a bit of a quiet child and had good grades but somehow I never fitted in and the other kids took that up. My materials and shoes were stolen on more than one occasion, I was excluded from everything and it went as far as having to go to hospital with a concussion because my peers were throwing hard objects at my head.
Now my mother tried to do something about it and came in on several occasions. Nothing ever happened because the teachers took a dislike to my mother because we were poor and despite her working, she barely made ends meet and often couldn't pay for things in school. So it was somehow tolerated that I wasn't treated well by my peers and even teachers, some just loved to embarrass me on several occasions.
I hated that school so much and no, I don't think this shaped me positively in any way, I just wished I could do without that.

Edit: one of the main perpetrators went on to become a teacher.

Feisar

Hal3000 wrote: »

Schools are the same as the judiciary here. Both are afraid to tackle the issue. Principal's have no backbone in dealing with this. Bullying should be immediate expulsion

However can bullying be proven beyond reasonable doubt like a criminal case?

Cryptopagan

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Kids have to learn how to fend for themselves in the world.
Supported by their parents of course.
You can't just take them out of school or remove them from confrontation.
Life is tough

What, kids need to fend for themselves against bullies, because they need to learn about confrontation or something? That is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read on here.

Danzy

Athena Wooden Succotash wrote: »

How many times do we have to this ,I cannot understand how/why how their parents go to work everyday knowing their kid is being tormented and as if they are powerless to do anything.

"oh well we spoke to the principal and they are keeping an eye on it and they moved desk"

If we have learned anything, it's that schools will never accept or admit to incidents of bullying and will try to blame the kid being bulled i.e. their shy, mild mannered, socially awkward, they need CBT.

If I had kids and they were being bullied, I would just pull them out of school and send them to another one, teach them at home or do something/anything but what I wouldn't do is march them off to be mentally and physical tormented everyday in a school that they are miserable in.

Depending on the circumstances but your approach sounds like being a disaster for the child.

Gimme A Pound

VinLieger wrote: »

Did i say it was impossible? Its simply very very difficult

It's not. When it's gone too far, you take the kid out for their safety and mental wellbeing, and work it out afterwards. Where there's a will there's a way. They'll be behind in their schoolwork anyway, but at least without the additional damage of bullying.

This of course would be after exploring all the other avenues. I agree it's not a decision to be taken lightly.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

You're simply just looking for an argument.

I'm 'accepting' of the fact that bullying can and will happen. If you think bullying can be eradicated from the human condition then you are frankly deluded and painfully naive.

QED

Now, I have very clearly in my original post stated that schools should have a zero tolerance approach to bullying and indeed also the workplace and that in severe cases the child should be removed. In ideal scenarios the bully should be removed rather than the victim of bullying.

In fact I'm of the largely unpopular opinion that those who seek to disrupt other students should be tossed out of school altogether and made learn a trade or something after the age of 16. But that's another debate for another day.

Contradicts your earlier statement, i.e. victims "should just deal with it".

I plan on becoming a teacher in the near future. I can assure you bullying will not be tolerated in my classroom.

So you won't be relying on the kids to just "deal with it"?

So now that I have helpfully condensed my previous posts for you, where is your viable evidence of my 'condoning' bullying?

Saying that kid should just deal with it and that it's always happened. Answered this before.

Some of your statements did condone bullying, as has been demonstrated. The fact that some don't, just brings me back to my original point that you are contradicting yourself.

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I never once said that.

If the child is the kind that can't fight back(verbally I may add) and if your school can't or won't get rid of the bully, take that child out of the school then or home school them.

Most kids who go to school are going to have unpleasant things said or happen to them at some stage in their schooling. This is a fact folks.

It happens in the adult world too.

If a child has to run to their parents over every little thing in school then the child is on a hiding to nothing in their later adult life.

Schools have a legal responsibility to create a safe environment; and bullying is not something that needs to happen so that the child can learn something from it about how to adjust to when it happens in adult life (and yes, that IS what you are saying). If that was the case, why would you stop it from happening in your classroom??

(Hypothetical question)

flowerchild

As a parent, you need to act if your children are being bullied. What works best is to:

1. Document in writing in a letter to the principal each day it happens (if it is above the line of behaviour needing action);

2. Arrange professional psychological support for your child, if needed and you can afford;

3. Do not speak to the other parent or child;

4. Do not go to a meeting at the school since this generally changes nothing, costs you wages, gives the school an illusion of action even though they have done nothing, and is an opportunity for them to indicate you/your child are the problems/these things happen etc etc;

5. Do not raise your voice, yell at or threaten school staff;

6. Be loving and supportive to your child, encourage them to talk with you as soon as they get home, shower them with love then shift their attention to something else fun while you write. Do not imply they are weak.

This system really does work. Stops bullying in its tracks and prevents you as a parent being accused of being a bully as you protect your child.

It’s all over within a week.

Church on Tuesday

LirW wrote: »

Bullying comes in a load of nuances, there isn't one kind of bullying.
There's bullying that can be dealt with quite easily, there's bullying that can have a devastating impact and it's not always easy to get the help you need.

It makes me quite angry to read things like "it's part of everyday life, toughen up" when there's just a high profile case in court dealing with the murder of a teenage girl where bullying got horrifyingly out of hand.

Not every child is equipped to deal with every sort of bullying. Bullies often know exactly how to get away with it and in many cases the parents simply don't give a hoot that their child is putting others down.

I went to school in the early 2000s when bullying badly affected me. I was a bit of a quiet child and had good grades but somehow I never fitted in and the other kids took that up. My materials and shoes were stolen on more than one occasion, I was excluded from everything and it went as far as having to go to hospital with a concussion because my peers were throwing hard objects at my head.
Now my mother tried to do something about it and came in on several occasions. Nothing ever happened because the teachers took a dislike to my mother because we were poor and despite her working, she barely made ends meet and often couldn't pay for things in school. So it was somehow tolerated that I wasn't treated well by my peers and even teachers, some just loved to embarrass me on several occasions.
I hated that school so much and no, I don't think this shaped me positively in any way, I just wished I could do without that.

Edit: one of the main perpetrators went on to become a teacher.

Horrific and completely unprofessional of that school, absolutely disgusting.

Faugheen

I was once suspended for 'fighting back' after about 2 years of it.

One day it all came to a head and I snapped, and I was caught punching the bully multiple times in the face to the point where he needed hospital treatment (he needed stitches, he wasn't in any life-threatening danger).

Basically because I told the principal that I'd do it again in the circumstances, he saw that as me having no remorse and they were left with no option but to suspend me, and my case was brought before the Board of Management for possible expulsion.

Thankfully, the Board saw sense and actually listened to what me and my parents had to say. There were also parents of other lads in my class who stood up on my behalf. The suspension stood but I wasn't expelled.

I had to apologise, but the bully didn't because like a coward he and his cronies denied everything.

However, I never had a problem with bullying after that, and the school started to up its game with regards to dealing with bullying.

TL;DR - some schools bullying policy was completely backwards, I wouldn't be surprised if it's still the case elsewhere.

valoren

Part of parenting is to teach your children how to deal with bullies. That includes teaching them jabs, right hooks, uppercuts, eye gouging, kicking and a whole litany of physically violent reactions. The lesson they need to learn is that while they must treat their peers how they want to be treated themselves that if they are subjected to bullying then the best way to stop it is physically reacting. If the child get's into trouble with the weak administration then the adult get's involved suggesting that if the damn school isn't going to stop their kid from getting bullied then the kid will take it upon themselves to stop it. Extreme? Perhaps but the key point is that none of the above would happen if they weren't bullied in the first place and nothing stops a bully faster than a target who doesn't take it and is willing to dole it back.

nice_guy80

too many parents just are not prepared to punish their children and set and enforce proper rules and boundaries