Cheating spouse

Baz_12 · 28-04-2019 08:08PM #1

I have recently become suspicious of my wife. I have noticed little tell tale signs that she might be having an affair. Going out more, putting more make up wen she previously hardly wore any, always on her fone and never let's it out of her sight etc I'm looking for some advice to how I can find out for sure without accusing her. I'm completely paranoid about everything she does now coz my gut instinct is telling me something is not right. I've started googling tracking devices, hacking fones etc but I avnt a clue how to go about it. Can anyone whose had similar experiences please give me some advice. Also I've been onto a website called cyberghostgroup who claim they can hack a fone with only the number, has anyone heard of them? Is this even possible? HELP

punisher5112 · 28-04-2019 08:11PM

How often is she going out, it could be she is hitting the wall where Yee don't bother so she out with friends more to compensate.

Tough one to call but don't be getting weirdo on internet to crack her phone etc.

If you were really concerned hire a pi or check her friends out for example are they actually out with her.

All trust will be gone of you're caught if she isn't up to anything.

peckerhead · 28-04-2019 08:13PM

How long have you been together, and is this the first time you've noticed this?

rolling boh · 28-04-2019 08:26PM

sounds fishy alright if she goes in the evening are you at home minding children you do not have to go high tech if you hire a pi it should be more discreet and if everything is harmless nobody will find out you were checking.

Baz_12 · 28-04-2019 08:26PM

peckerhead wrote: »

How long have you been together, and is this the first time you've noticed this?

Together 12 years and married 7 years. No it's only recently I have become suspicious and paranoid and its driving me insane.

liam7831 · 28-04-2019 08:28PM

Bug the car

Baz_12 · 28-04-2019 08:32PM

punisher5112 wrote: »

How often is she going out, it could be she is hitting the wall where Yee don't bother so she out with friends more to compensate.

Tough one to call but don't be getting weirdo on internet to crack her phone etc.

If you were really concerned hire a pi or check her friends out for example are they actually out with her.

All trust will be gone of you're caught if she isn't up to anything.

Thanks for reply. Its driving me crazy everytime she leaves the house I'm paranoid. Never leaves her phone down. I just need to see it for 5 mins and it would confirm my fears or completely confirm she's innocent. Is it a bad idea to pay a phone hacker to do it?

Charles Ingles · 28-04-2019 08:35PM

Don't place tracking devices on your wife's car or spy on her.
She is your wife and marriage is based in trust, talk to her if that doesn't work try again.
Give your wife the benefit of the doubt she deserves that

Dtp1979 · 28-04-2019 08:35PM

Ask her for a loan of her phone for a few minutes. Say yours isn’t working properly or some similar excuse. If she refuses then I’d say shes up to something alright

OldMrBrennan83 · 28-04-2019 08:37PM

Charles Ingles wrote: »

Don't place tracking devices on your wife's car or spy on her.
She is your wife and marriage is based in trust, talk to her if that doesn't work try again.
Give your wife the benefit of the doubt she deserves that

If someone is a cheat then they're not going to tell you if you talk to them.

Tomas81 · 28-04-2019 08:37PM

Maybe don't take advice off the internet chum. Speak to her.

Charles Ingles · 28-04-2019 08:38PM

OldMrBrennan83 wrote: »

If someone is a cheat then they're not going to tell you if you talk to them.

I think he should talk to his wife and trust her.
Hopefully for op she isn't cheating

Caranica · 28-04-2019 08:39PM

Talk to her!!!!!

A radical thought I know but ditch the illegal tracking /hacking plans and communicate with your wife. If you go down the route of spying on her and she finds out, your marriage is over. If you want to save your marriage you need to have an open and frank conversation.

Baz_12 · 28-04-2019 08:41PM

Tomas81 wrote: »

Maybe don't take advice off the internet chum. Speak to her.

I have and she has denied it so I cant continue to been eaten alive inside with paranoia. I know its not right to hack her phone and I feel ashamed even thinking it but wat else can I do to find out?

OldMrBrennan83 · 28-04-2019 08:41PM

Charles Ingles wrote: »

I think he should talk to his wife and trust her.
Hopefully for op she isn't cheating

If you trust her and she is cheating then that's making an awful twat of yourself though.

Charles Ingles · 28-04-2019 08:42PM

Baz_12 wrote: »

I have and she has denied it so I cant continue to been eaten alive inside with paranoia. I know its not right to hack her phone and I feel ashamed even thinking it but wat else can I do to find out?

Maybe there is nothing to find out.
Trust your wife, you could end up driving her away if she is innocent

Charles Ingles · 28-04-2019 08:44PM

OldMrBrennan83 wrote: »

If you trust her and she is cheating then that's making an awful twat of yourself though.

This is his wife not a girlfriend.
If you can't trust your wife and take her on her word,your marriage hasn't a chance

MarkR · 28-04-2019 08:52PM

Private investigator? Bear in mind, this is a serious step, showing you don't trust her. If you're sure there's something, you have to find out.

Maybe start sorting out your shared finances etc. Plan for the "what ifs

Tomas81 · 28-04-2019 08:53PM

Baz_12 wrote: »

I have and she has denied it so I cant continue to been eaten alive inside with paranoia. I know its not right to hack her phone and I feel ashamed even thinking it but wat else can I do to find out?

I can't imagine the pain, but maybe she isn't cheating mate. Paranoia can come from deep seated insecurities don't destroy your marriage over that.

rolling boh · 28-04-2019 08:58PM

private investigator is a big step but the situation is eating up the op so he needs to know for sure it may be the only option if talking has not worked and the wife has not changed her behaviour.

tara73 · 28-04-2019 09:01PM

where is she going when she's dressing herself up? what is she saying who she's meeting up with?
is she not telling you where she's going and with whome or are you already at a stage were you don't talk anymore?

I think it's pretty natural to let your spouse know where you going and who you meet.

And if you feel so suspicious, based on what she's telling you, you could check yourself if she is where she says.

I think some information and more background is missing here for us to give you decent advise.

Big Bag of Chips · 28-04-2019 09:21PM

People are always told to trust their gut. Your gut is telling you something. You've known this woman for 12 years, so you know her intimately and you'll know when something is a bit different.

Has she always been cagey with her phone? She may just be at a stage where things are "boring" and she's trying to improve herself. She may be feeling the aging process and has started to take more care of her personal appearance. Or, she may be cheating on you. Where does she tell you she's going? Do you go out together? How is your relationship in general?

I wouldn't go with hacking her phone, but I would try find out what's going on. I would ask her for a loan of her phone to look something up. Asking her isn't going to be much good. If she's cheating she will deny it. Even if you find undeniable proof she will still deny and minimise.

I take it if you feel she is cheating, then maybe things aren't good in your marriage? Would you suggest marriage counselling to her? Tell her you feel things have gone a miss and you want to try get things back on track.

cannotlogin · 28-04-2019 11:33PM

Would also agree with those who say trust your gut but there's a huge leap between having suspicions your wife is having an affair to phone hacking & hiring a private investigator.

Is she also making more of an effort with her appearance when you both go out?

Has your sex life changed recently?

Are her explanations as to where she is going and with who believable?

Have you suggested a weekend away for just the two of you lately? How has she reacted?

What is her response like when you raise the issue of the changes you've noticed? Dismissive? Defensive? etc.

Without trust there's nothing, if the explanation is innocent then there's no reason why she can't explain it.

wiggle16 · 29-04-2019 12:22AM

OldMrBrennan83 wrote: »

If you trust her and she is cheating then that's making an awful twat of yourself though.

Mod note:

OldMrBrennan, if you haven't got constructive advice for the OP, please don't post.

Thanks.

OldMrBrennan83 · 29-04-2019 05:40AM

<SNIPPED>

Mod Warning:

If you have an issue with a moderator's request or action, report it, or PM the mod. Do not argue it in the thread.

Johnnyhpipe · 29-04-2019 06:37AM

Whatever you do will be seen by her as being waay worse..

“You cheated on me..”

“YOU HACKED MY PHONE!!!??”

It may be nothing. Talk to her.

waffleman · 29-04-2019 07:24AM

Lot of people saying "talk to her" like it's the obvious solution

What exactly would you recommend saying in this situation?

punisher5112 · 29-04-2019 08:00AM

waffleman wrote: »

Lot of people saying "talk to her" like it's the obvious solution

What exactly would you recommend saying in this situation?

Exactly as if you would ask....

This would show you don't trust them and are actually accusing them of something they may well not be at.

You would want to be sure before going down the chat route.

Op could obviously try and get her to go out more with him or arrange some time away etc and this may show up as an issue on her side so worth a shot.

rolling boh · 29-04-2019 08:26AM

The op has already spoken to his wife and she has denied doing anything wrong. She has been alerted now that he has his suspicions so would maby more careful if she is up to something. We don't really know what reason she is giving him for going out just to start going out dressed up a bit is certainly fishey.
But he needs to find out what is going on because its doing his head at the moment. They may well be able to talk when this is cleared up.

LegacyUser · 29-04-2019 08:58AM

OP.... as someone pointed out earlier, if you have a gut feeling something's not right, then something's not right.
As it's been pointed out before, you've been with this woman for 12 years. You can read the signs when something's not right.
Just because your wife denied having an affair, does not mean she's not having an affair.
That said, she might be telling the truth.
You need to decide what you want to achieve.
Do you want to stay with your wife, irrespective of what the results of your findings are?
Do you want to split?

Personally, I didn't go down the phone hacking route, tracking, or hiring a private detective.
All of these things did cross my mind, but in the end I just got hold of her phone and found the messages that proved she was having an affair.
If you ask for the phone and she's not willing to let you see it, you need to tell her WHY you want to see it.

Communication is key. You need to talk to her.
Ask about her friends.
Who is she spending time with?

This is s tough time OP....I've been there and I know what you're going through.
I'm 18 months past discovery and confrontation.
We went to counselling and our marriage is improving as a result.
You need to communicate with your wife.

Affairs generally come about as a result of greater problems within a marriage.
For a man, its almost always physical attraction and then sex that leads to an emotional attachment.
For women, its the other way around. THEY form the emotional attachment before any physicality.
There are some great contributors to this forum. You'll know who they are if you pay attention.
Talk to your wife OP. Don't settle for compromise on this one. You need to lay things out in Black and White and explain why you have your doubts.
Be sober, coherent and concise when you outline your case.
This process takes time.
Best of luck OP - sincerely.

peckerhead · 29-04-2019 09:10AM

OP, surely you've been together long enough to be able to tell by now if your wife is lying to you about something like this. Otherwise your gut instinct would not be as strong as it is. And, on the face of it, something is off - these are classic tell-tale signs of cheating, or imminent cheating/dancing close to the edge. Possibly still at the stage of 'emotional cheating' - or possibly there's nothing at all there, and you really are just being paranoid.

You say that you asked her about it and she denied it. What exactly did you say, and how did she react? Did she blush and look away, or get flustered/defensive? Did she laugh out loud, hug you and tell you not to be ridiculous? Did she get offended? Did you have the feeling she was taken aback by the question at all, or did her answers seem somehow 'prepared'? If you asked specifically where she was going, or had been on any specific occasions, did she give plausible replies?, etc.

I agree with the others that for the moment you should forget about tracking devices/hacking her phone and the like. Besides, as was pointed out to you on the other thread you started, hacking her phone after you've confronted her is pointless. Any incriminating evidence will have been deleted as soon as she knew you were suspicious.

Like others above, I'm curious as to what sort of answers/reactions you got when you expressed your concerns.

Cheating spouse

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