A record number of young people aged between 18-35 are single than ever before

davidk1394 · 25-03-2019 10:01AM

I’m in that age group. I think most young people between the age of 18-24 should be single. A serious relationship at that age is too early. My personal opinion is you should be off enjoying life and the world at that age. I’m in my mid 20’s now and have a girlfriend and I’m happy with where I am now. A lot of women and men are putting their careers before their relationships. You can see it plain as day around Ireland.

Gimme A Pound · 25-03-2019 10:04AM

Yeah it's more the 30-35 side of things that's concerning.

Of course nothing wrong with being single - but such a huge increase in singledom is obviously being caused by something that's not healthy.

Hoboo · 25-03-2019 10:09AM

Guillermo Few Spout wrote: »

Yeah it's more the 30-35 side of things that's concerning.

Of course nothing wrong with being single - but such a huge increase in singledom is obviously being caused by something that's not healthy.

Started with the Spice Girls. I'm not joking either.

kalych · 25-03-2019 10:19AM

Guillermo Few Spout wrote: »

...
I don't think it's me too or women being self sufficient now (that's been a thing since the 90s) or MGTOW though, I think it is Tinder
...

How could it possibly be #metoo when it is properly a phenomenon in the last 2 years only? There just hasn't been enough time for it to have had an effect we're discussing here. The 90s had a similar moment to metoo with Anita Hill and that did not produce the same effect either.

The internet is a much likelier culprit. Only thing that could have such a significant effect on society.

25-03-2019 10:22AM

NIMAN wrote: »

More entitled perhaps?

"Why should I settle for such and such, I want a George Clooney or Brad Pitt lookalike, I'm entitled to one. I can have anything I want".

???

While I don’t generally think it’s that , it reminds me of one of the girls in my social circle who is like that ... in sane age group as mentioned and she thinks a prince is going to swoop in and spoil her and have her stay at home trophy wife while the future hubby spoils her, earns millions and she lives like a queen ....and ends up doing once a month after going out to town whining no ones good for her a nice person but completely misguided

Widdershins · 25-03-2019 10:27AM

Hm. While I do know a good number of very sensible confident 18+ year olds, I've also noticed when I'm out that a lot of them are very shy and look like they want to go home and hide.

I blame it on the fact that people don't talk to people like they used to .Older people can strike up a conversation with anyone , anywhere , any time . Some younger people find that odd.

I never take my phone out when I'm out anywhere because I even noticed myself closing myself off to people and what was going on around me when I had it in my hand..and I got rid of the smartphone.

Also noticed the young people on my facebook posting a lot of memes about the horrors of Other People. And how they despise small talk and want to talk about loftier things . If you can't cope with small talk how can you get any further ? Not just conversationally but socially or romantically .
Small talk isn't as small as it seems , anyway .

Woke Hogan · 25-03-2019 10:34AM

It's hilarious hearing all the young lads these days complaining about being left on the shelf. I'd say if some of them developed a habit of doing a bit of manual labour or going out for a jog instead of sitting on their arses playing computers all day and brushed their teeth more than ten times a week they might have more luck with women. The so called incel crowd need to release that nobody will love them if they're not lovable themselves.

seamus · 25-03-2019 10:40AM

I'd say this is primarily a manifestation of something that was previously just not acceptable.

Up until relatively recently, coupling up and getting married was one of the basic benchmarks of a functioning adult - job, marriage, home, children.

There are many, many people who never wanted to be in any kind of relationship. And it shows, we all know those families that are clearly together "just because" and should never have become a thing. But social pressure was such that if you didn't, there wasn't something wrong with you.

Everyone on the street knew that the guy in no 10 was a bachelor. Nice guy, but keeps to himself. Probably something wrong with him. Maybe he's gay or likes kids or something.

Now we're moving beyond the need to crave social approval for one's life choices. People are in general more accepting of the decisions someone makes for themselves, rather than shaming them for not having a high-flying job, or having a partner, owning a home or having children. Some people just don't want some of all of these.

Many people now see the reality that life is whatever you choose to make it, not a set path of goals that one must achieve in order to do it "right". There is no "right" way to live.

whisky_galore · 25-03-2019 10:40AM

screamer wrote: »

It’s a bit sad really, they’ll pass 35 into 40 and start realizing they’re left on the shelf. A hookup won’t be there to help you if the **** hits the fan or love you unconditionally. Just really plays to the materialistic selfish sort of lifestyles that the younger generations believe necessary to be a successful person

Some women are awful bitches, shooting down lads, watching them crash and burn and having a laugh at them, no man is good enough, until they start hitting the 30s and they're still on their tod.

This wasn't me or a quote from a man, a former female work colleague said it.

25-03-2019 10:47AM

I have seen a lot of those stats from the US of late but I am not experiencing it here in Ireland in my own direct life. Which of course is limited and anecdotal so I dunno - Is there any sign the statistics are reproduced here?

Everyone I know or meet is either in relationships or trying to be. From both sexes. I see no sign of anyone at all choosing to remain single really. At most all I can say is people who went down that road maybe a little later than people did 20 or 40 years ago - because of career or education.

I even know one guy and one gal who are currently half joking half serious considering just starting a relationship with each other. They have both been on dating apps and dating events and tried all sorts to meet someone and despite being lovely and attractive people have not found anyone. So they are at a stage / age where there is enough mutual affection between them that they both are thinking "Why the hell not?" at this stage. Its not Hollywood but it's better than nothing - they feel.

whisky_galore · 25-03-2019 10:51AM

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Both genders probably have higher standards also, I mean I'm not going to go chasing a guy who is changing jobs every few months, has no ambition etc

Oh Jesus I don't know, plenty people chasing others who are clearly no good for them. And they're well aware of it too.

seamus · 25-03-2019 10:59AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Everyone I know or meet is either in relationships or trying to be.

I guess it depends on what you mean by "trying to be".

I know a good few people who are basically always single. And while most of them are not actively out seeking a relationship, that's not to say they're without sexuality.
They will every now and again dip into the "dating" pool to meet people and have a bit of fun, but the goal isn't to turn this encounter (or series of encounters) into a permanent arrangement. But rather to just enjoy having this company while it's there, and see where it goes.

On the far end of the spectrum there are people (married now in my circle), who are incapable of being single. Where every random encounter must be converted into a formal "relationship" pretty much immediately, the next one coming along no more than a week or two after the last one ends. The notion of spending six months doing their own thing without a partner, almost unfathomable.

I do feel like I know a lot more people who are single by choice (or by circumstance), than my parents would have known. The one main anecdotal observation I do have though is how clustered this singledom appears to be in families. That is, my experience is that families tend to swing towards the "almost everyone is married" or "almost everyone is single", with few families sitting somewhere in between. And this tends to replicate out across cousins and other extended families.

And within the "everyone is married" group, you have further subgroups where all of the marriages in family groups appears to be cesspits, or appear to be reasonably happy and stable, and generally not a mix of both.

Maybe it's pure anecdote and meaningless in a broader sense.

El Tarangu · 25-03-2019 11:01AM

titan18 wrote: »

As a perpetually single person, it sucks.

I get where you are coming from, but as someone who was not fully happy with my last relationship, I would rather be single than going through the motions in a relationship.

25-03-2019 11:03AM

seamus wrote: »

I guess it depends on what you mean by "trying to be".

As I said in the rest of my post - mostly dating apps, speed dating or other dating events, and being generally approachable on nights out. Not just free dating apps either. But actively paying a subscription fee for other kinds.

One guy some time ago got so awfully depressed about it at one point that he approached me and I made it my "project" to help him. Went out speed dating with him and observed where I thought he was going wrong in himself and his technique - worked on him and eventually went speed dating again. He is now happily in a relationship which looks to be going long term with someone he met that last night.

seamus wrote: »

Maybe it's pure anecdote and meaningless in a broader sense.

Yea that's my fear when I see those US statistics and compare it to my own life. While my reality does not match _at all_ what the stats seem to be saying - I realise that although my social circles are relatively large due to all the things I am involved in - it is still quite limited. So I try not to jump to any conclusions from my own life and my own circles.

j8wk2feszrnpao · 25-03-2019 11:21AM

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Or they are wising up and realizing that marriage is a load of bollocks!

Marriage has pluses and minus, but it's certainly not a load of bollocks. It tends to lead to a kids and a family, a bedrock of society to move forward. Marriage isn't essential, and on a personal level it didn't further cement my love/relationship with my wife, but it's something that clearly means something to a lot of people.

Widdershins · 25-03-2019 11:29AM

Marriage isn't bollocks if you love and admire someone .I did it once for the wrong reason (if you're not allowed to make a mistake when you're 16, when are you ) and once for the right reason .Actually there's nothing else like it when you get it right .

Widdershins · 25-03-2019 11:41AM

Ensley Flaky Viewfinder wrote: »

While I don’t generally think it’s that , it reminds me of one of the girls in my social circle who is like that ... in sane age group as mentioned and she thinks a prince is going to swoop in and spoil her and have her stay at home trophy wife while the future hubby spoils her, earns millions and she lives like a queen ....and ends up doing once a month after going out to town whining no ones good for her a nice person but completely misguided

I didn't realise there are girls who think this until I saw a programme on RTE about 2 teenagers with difficulties who went to stay with families they didn't know . The Dublin girl went with the daughter of her temporary family to a farmers market where they sold cakes etc. After a day of helping out with that , Dublin girl said ''I used to want to marry a rich man, but now I know I can make my own money .''

Sabrebo · 25-03-2019 11:42AM

Widdershins wrote: »

Marriage isn't bollocks if you love and admire someone .I did it once for the wrong reason (if you're not allowed to make a mistake when you're 16, when are you ) and once for the right reason .Actually there's nothing else like it when you get it right .

It is bollocks really becuase it removes a key aspect of your sexuality, in most cases the sexual spark of attraction disappears leaving people living lives without an outlet for that key aspect of humanity.

El_Duderino 09 · 25-03-2019 11:44AM

screamer wrote: »

It’s a bit sad really, they’ll pass 35 into 40 and start realizing they’re left on the shelf. A hookup won’t be there to help you if the **** hits the fan or love you unconditionally. Just really plays to the materialistic selfish sort of lifestyles that the younger generations believe necessary to be a successful person

I wonder where they younger people got their values of materialism and selfishness? Couldn’t be that they got their values from older people, could it?

I’m sure I’m straying off the topic of grumbling about da’youff and feminists by questioning those people’s environment which was created by the generations before them.

noubliezjamais · 25-03-2019 11:44AM

Deleted User wrote: »

As I said in the rest of my post - mostly dating apps, speed dating or other dating events, and being generally approachable on nights out. Not just free dating apps either. But actively paying a subscription fee for other kinds.

One guy some time ago got so awfully depressed about it at one point that he approached me and I made it my "project" to help him. Went out speed dating with him and observed where I thought he was going wrong in himself and his technique - worked on him and eventually went speed dating again. He is now happily in a relationship which looks to be going long term with someone he met that last night.

Yea that's my fear when I see those US statistics and compare it to my own life. While my reality does not match _at all_ what the stats seem to be saying - I realise that although my social circles are relatively large due to all the things I am involved in - it is still quite limited. So I try not to jump to any conclusions from my own life and my own circles.

It might be selection bias. People who are single are most likely to have fewer people in their social circle (or no friends at all) and/or less open about it.

It actually makes sense if you think about it. People who struggle with social connections are more likely to be single (whether by choice or not) and thus less visible.

Widdershins · 25-03-2019 11:46AM

Sabrebo wrote: »

It is bollocks really becuase it removes a key aspect of your sexuality, in most cases the sexual spark of attraction disappears leaving people living lives without an outlet for that key aspect of humanity.

I wouldn't know as I wasn't married long enough the second time for that to happen but I don't believe it would have . You're supposed to keep making an effort and that comes naturally if the bone deep respect is there.

Sabrebo · 25-03-2019 11:47AM

Widdershins wrote: »

I wouldn't know as I wasn't married long enough the second time for that to happen but I don't believe it would have . You're supposed to keep making an effort and that comes naturally if the bone deep respect is there.

If you have to make an effort then the sexual attraction is gone. Sexual attraction is effortless and energising.

Ush1 · 25-03-2019 11:48AM

It's no wonder they can't afford houses.

One of the most common ways of acquiring wealth is through doubling earning power.

Floppybits · 25-03-2019 11:49AM

Seems to me that young people are enjoying the freedom of single life and some are not willing to get into a relationship as it can restrict that freedom. With tinder as people have said a date and maybe more is only a swipe away, so why compromise your life when you can have your cake and eat it.

Tacklebox · 25-03-2019 11:51AM

Widdershins wrote: »

I wouldn't know as I wasn't married long enough the second time for that to happen but I don't believe it would have . You're supposed to keep making an effort and that comes naturally if the bone deep respect is there.

You've hit the nail on the head there.
Too many people nowadays aren't willing to talk about underlying issues.

I'm dating at the moment and we're going the old fashioned route.
We don't do stay overs, meet twice a week and have e every second Saturday together to do something like surfing or have a Saturday drive.
She has a young kid so he's first, which is totally understandable.

My lads nearly 18 now.

We're happy not seeing too much of each other, and there's something to look forward to.

El_Duderino 09 · 25-03-2019 11:52AM

Woke Hogan wrote: »

It's hilarious hearing all the young lads these days complaining about being left on the shelf. I'd say if some of them developed a habit of doing a bit of manual labour or going out for a jog instead of sitting on their arses playing computers all day and brushed their teeth more than ten times a week they might have more luck with women. The so called incel crowd need to release that nobody will love them if they're not lovable themselves.

The incels are a strange one. They could definitely do with going for a run and work on personal hygiene. But I think here’s more to it than that.

Lots of people are socially awkward and can’t really work in the subtle world of seduction. I think it’s coming to light how prevalent autistic traits are in the general population. Most people with autistic traits are grand. They have jobs and friends but they miss some of the subtle things In Social interaction.

In the past those people would have been set up and married off to someone. As long as they worked and were a breadwinner, they were a successful husband. Now it’s not so simple for those lads.

I always cringe when I see people take the p1ss out of incels. They aren’t a charming bunch but they don’t get what they’re doing wrong. They need help more than they need derision.

Widdershins · 25-03-2019 11:55AM

Sabrebo wrote: »

If you have to make an effort then the sexual attraction is gone. Sexual attraction is effortless and energising.

But if you're not madly in love when you marry then you'll have to . A lot of people aren't. Do you not make an effort to let your friends and family see your best side and spare them the bad? Consciously think of things you caan do to make them happy ? Doesn't mean they're unimportant because it takes effort .So expect to feel like you're working at it.

MzMurfy · 25-03-2019 11:57AM

I've not really seen too much evidence of that tbh. most people I know around my own age are in relationships. I think times just change, back when I was born my mother gave up her job to mind us whilst my dad was the breadwinner, it was the done thing. Nowadays women are more independent and whilst we may not be in relationships at the moment, it's more than likely that we are waiting to meet someone who treats us well and we can get along with, the same for men. I also think the likes of tinder etc complicates things, back in the day you would meet a person organically and get a feel for them, but online I think wrong uns can hide their bad parts very well which i'm sure puts people off dating for a while. I actually hate the thoughts of tinder it seems a very robotic way to meet someone.

seamus · 25-03-2019 11:58AM

Widdershins wrote: »

I didn't realise there are girls who think this until I saw a programme on RTE about 2 teenagers with difficulties who went to stay with families they didn't know . The Dublin girl went with the daughter of her temporary family to a farmers market where they sold cakes etc. After a day of helping out with that , Dublin girl said ''I used to want to marry a rich man, but now I know I can make my own money .''

Thing is, this notion isn't "novel". In fact, it was the de facto standard 60 years ago. A woman's role was to find a husband who would provide and she would tend the home. Her only way to maximise her lifestyle was to find a sufficiently wealthy man. "I will marry a rich man" was the standard life goal for a woman in the 1950s.

These people stand out now because the attitude has died, but they have raised by people who continued to push the archaic ideas in spite of the world changing around them.

It happens on both sides of the spectrum; the "nice guy" archetype becoming increasingly more of the exception - "why won't these women let me pay for dinner, why won't they let me buy them drinks, why won't they sleep with me after I treated them like princesses?".

And people raised with these anachronistic perceptions of a relationship are getting ever more frustrated that they can't form a relationship; because it's getting harder to find a partner who matches what they expect.

Sabrebo · 25-03-2019 12:00PM

Widdershins wrote: »

But if you're not madly in love when you marry then you'll have to . A lot of people aren't. Do you not make an effort to let your friends and family see your best side and spare them the bad? Consciously think of things you caan do to make them happy ? Doesn't mean they're unimportant because it takes effort .So expect to feel like you're working at it.

This just adds to my point, marriage is bollocks, it robs people of a key element of their humanity which I think can manifest itself in depression, anxiety or other issues.

A record number of young people aged between 18-35 are single than ever before

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