Lies you told as a child

03-03-2019 08:39PM #1

We all were children once, and most of us will have told outrageous lies as primary school kids, or perhaps older. What was yours?

When I was in first class, I told Miss Sheehan that my family had gone to Disneyworld FOR THE WEEKEND. And not even the one in Paris, but Florida.

We were doing 'News' on the blackboard on a Monday morning, and she sort of stared at me cynically and grudgingly chalked it on the blackboard, 'Tadhg and his family went to Disney'. I folded my arms with great satisfaction.

What childhood lies did you spread about? Were you found out? Does it still make you cringe?

Atoms for Peace · 03-03-2019 08:43PM

Lied to the priest giving confession.

Roger Hassenforder · 03-03-2019 08:43PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

We all were children once, and most of us will have told outrageous lies as primary school kids, or perhaps older. What was yours?

When I was in first class, I told Miss Sheehan that my family had gone to Disneyworld FOR THE WEEKEND. And not even the one in Paris, but Florida.

We were doing 'News' on the blackboard on a Monday morning, and she sort of stared at me cynically and grudgingly chalked it on the blackboard, 'Tadhg and his family went to Disney'. I folded my arms with great satisfaction.

What childhood lies did you spread about? Were you found out? Does it still make you cringe?

I told everyone my dad was a Conel Conolel Corneal FFS, Colonel in the Army and drove a tank
He was a corporal in the FCA when he was young. He was morto.

mad muffin · 03-03-2019 08:49PM

I lied about my age to the army recruiting officer so I could go to Europe and kill me some nazis.

Rubberlegs · 03-03-2019 08:50PM

I told my sister we found her in the septic tank. We pulled her out, cleaned her off and decided to keep her

For Forks Sake · 03-03-2019 08:55PM

Rubberlegs wrote: »

I told my sister we found her in the septic tank. We pulled her out, cleaned her off and decided to keep her

Are you from Tuam?

Sorry about that · 03-03-2019 08:59PM

Did you open the tin of biscuits?
"No".

Yer Da sells Avon · 03-03-2019 09:00PM

My brother has a scar across his stomach as a result of a surgical procedure he underwent at two weeks old. I told him he was adopted and that the scar was caused by his real parents stabbing him.

Rubberchikken · 03-03-2019 09:12PM

ive never lied.

:)

Yer Da sells Avon · 03-03-2019 09:13PM

Elizabeth Saxe Coburg und_Gotha wrote: »

If you keep flicking the light on and off the devil will appear and take your soul.

Fuck me, we were just told that the bulb would blow.

"I have your nose"

BrokenArrows · 03-03-2019 09:13PM

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

My brother has a scar across his stomach as a result of a surgical procedure he underwent at two weeks old. I told him he was adopted and that the scar was caused by his real parents stabbing him.

Harsh

Yer Da sells Avon · 03-03-2019 09:18PM

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Harsh

Harsh, but ultimately fair.

Chancer3001 · 03-03-2019 09:19PM

Rented a computer game from xtra vision.

It was pants.

Brought it back and said it wouldn't load and got a better one instead.

Dude behind the counter didnt care less but i overheard the girl working with him saying she didnt believe me while i looked for the other game.

Scared the sh1t out of me

freshpopcorn · 03-03-2019 09:19PM

I was told by family/teachers/etc that the bullies/etc at school didn't go on to be happy/get alright jobs/etc. This was a lie in my experience.

wyf437gn6btzue · 03-03-2019 09:19PM

I once brought in a painting of a dog to school to show my teacher (I was in second class), she made such a big thing of it and put it up at the top of the class and called a heap of students and teachers in to see it like I was some kind of childhood artistic prodigy

I left out the bit that it was a paint by numbers......

03-03-2019 09:23PM

Rubberlegs wrote: »

I told my sister we found her in the septic tank. We pulled her out, cleaned her off and decided to keep her

My brothers told me that I was a traveller and my mum was [local well-known traveller] Every time I arrived home from GAA or soccer or whatever, even my own mother would turn to me and go 'How's your Mam?' Families are cruel places. It proper upset me at the time.

03-03-2019 09:45PM

I told the man in the confession box my fictional misdeeds at the age of eight, him being fully qualified as a psychiatrist/psychotherapist and all. Small price of being encouraged (indoctrinated) into religion.

03-03-2019 09:47PM

I used to love Christmas pudding, but only the ones my Granny made. She'd make about seven or eight for various branches of the family, would steam them and all and you'd only have to slice or reheat them on the day.

Anyway she made the big batch of puddings one year when I was about seven, and they were all left in their bowls with the tops covered with foil and clingfilm on a cool shelf in a room she called the scullery. My cousin and I worked out that we wouldn't ruin the shape of the pudding if we took a slice off the top, it would just look like the bowl was less full than the others (I know this is turning into a long story, but nearly there), but the problem was that once we started we couldn't stop. Every day for a week we took another slice off the top of another pudding, then we started on the second round of slices, and when it came to handing them out our Granny sussed that the bowls were a lot lighter than they should be and took off the tinfoil and clingfilm and there was a pathetically tiny mound of pudding abandoned in the end of each bowl.

We told her a burglar must have broken in and eaten them. She TOTALLY believed us.*

*No she didn't, but she was so amused she pretended she did. We still haven't owned up.

dellas1979 · 03-03-2019 09:51PM

Not really a lie I suppose, but...

Around 7 years old, I told all the kids at school that their mammy at home wasnt their real mammy...

That Mary in Heaven was.

Kids crying and bawling every where...I remember skipping off, chewing a ball of gum and pigtails bobbing.

I also remember my mother (not Mary) being called and I being marched out of the school.

03-03-2019 09:56PM

I told my parents that I categorically had not watched horror films when they were out, even though I woke up screaming for a week with night terrors that Dracula was climbing up the wall to climb in my bedroom window. My sister let me watch them but told me to cover my eyes at the scary bits, and I looked through my fingers. I didn't want to get her into trouble, but she confessed in the end which got me into trouble for lying.

Lorelli! · 03-03-2019 10:06PM

Nowadays parents wouldn't allow you to go but when we were around 12, we use to walk or get the bus to the nearby beach.

We were exhausted going home and we would sometimes thumb a lift to save our bus money. Once we got a cab driver, the back of a builder's van etc. Once a limo stopped for us but it happened that day that a neighbour's dog followed us to the beach and we were that naive, we went to get into the limo with the dog but the driver wouldn't allow the dog in so we wouldn't leave him and did the trek home.

Anyway once we got a lift from this woman and we told her that we had our bus fair but when we were at the beach, we asked someone to mind our stuff and we said that they stole it. This didn't happen. She was flipping out and was saying that she was going to ring a radio station about it and drop us off individually to each house and chat to our parents about it! As far as our parents were aware, we had our bus money and they'd have freaked out if they knew we were thumbing lifts so we told her that all of our parents were in a local pub and to just drop us off there :pac: our parents were not alcoholics or always in the pub but it must have sounded that way

She was like 'all of your parents are in the pub? Together?' and we said 'yep!'

She must have thought we were complete skangers! :pac: We weren't though and she was a very nice lady and dropped us off safely

_Brian · 03-03-2019 10:07PM

I constantly see kids, even those in secondary being told to work hard, reach for the stars and you can be anything you want in life.

What a crock of **** to be telling kids, at least be honest and tell them to work hard and be the best they can. But telling them they can be anything is just silly.

is_that_so · 03-03-2019 10:10PM

Brought the bogeyman into the house! He lived under a bed.

03-03-2019 10:14PM

is_that_so wrote: »

Brought the bogeyman into the house! He lived under a bed.

Obviously a lie.

There's no room under the bed, that's where the evil clowns live.

retro:electro · 03-03-2019 10:21PM

I “taught” my neighbor how to rollerscate and managed to convince her I was en expect skater despite not ever setting foot in a pair in my life. She was a few shoe sizes smaller than me so I used to “teach” her how to skate on the tiles in my socks, while she’d be beside me following my instructions to a T and listening intently to my professional advice. A few weeks later my mam got me rollerblades for my confirmation and I was found out to be a fraud :pac: I put them on and tried to stand, my two legs went from under me and I went from one end of the kitchen to the other in a manner that resembled a baby lamb trying to stand, while on ice, and high, with arms flapping about. All while under the watchful and judgemental gaze of the girl I had spent weeks “mentoring”.

Pidae.m · 03-03-2019 10:24PM

My brother told me Eddie vedder killed Kurt cobain!

lbc2019 · 03-03-2019 10:25PM

I like girls

VeryTerry · 03-03-2019 10:26PM

Pidae.m wrote: »

My brother told me Eddie vedder killed Kurt cobain!

Your brother is a saint.

03-03-2019 10:31PM

Not a lie I told, but a lie I was told. On a family holiday in France when I was little, my dad took me out to lunch in a love cafe with pavement tables and we sat outside and he ordered for me.

One of the sides was ratatouille, which I loved and when I was finished eating it my Dad told me it was called ratatouille because it was made from bits of rats. The thought of eating rats made me so sick that almost immediately I projectile vomited all over the table (and across it, I got him too), on the plates, in the glasses, on the tablecloth, everywhere. Poor dad.

03-03-2019 10:40PM

Candie wrote: »

I told my parents that I categorically had not watched horror films when they were out, even though I woke up screaming for a week with night terrors that Dracula was climbing up the wall to climb in my bedroom window. My sister let me watch them but told me to cover my eyes at the scary bits, and I looked through my fingers. I didn't want to get her into trouble, but she confessed in the end which got me into trouble for lying.

Your folks sound proper responsible, in fairness.

My Mum let us stay up and watch Crimeline *as a treat*

Many's the night I went to sleep worrying about Sophie Tuscan Du Plantier, in full certainty that the murderer was hiding in my wardrobe.

freshpopcorn · 03-03-2019 10:47PM

I stole beer off a relative in the past as a teenager.
I did it once when we were bringing her on a day out.
When we got home my mother found the beer and I told her. She must have left it behind in the car. My mother believed it and never said anything about it. She thought my relative had a problem.

Lies you told as a child

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