Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Enforcing boundaries

2»

Comments

  • #32
    Lackey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭Lackey


    igotissues wrote: »
    I hear you BBOC. It's just the aggressive way he goes about everything with me and kids. First I knew he was pissed off was his slamming stuff in kitchen and saying ****ing forget all this. Sick of all this ****.
    I take issue with his severe criticism of our son (**** sake, you lost out on 1/5th marks, it's not ****ing good enough) for e.g.

    YOU are teaching your kids that is acceptable to do to someone else and it’s acceptable for it to be done to them.
    YOU are an adult and have full control over this situation
    Your kids don’t have any choice but to live in this sh!tshow and that’s really sad.

    YOU either chose to protect your kids from this, and teach them what’s an acceptable way to be treated and treat other people. Or you don’t.
    It’s that simple.


  • #33
    Honeydew3456
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 107 ✭✭Honeydew3456


    So sad to read all this but the good news is I think the door is wide open and you are standing there in front of it, ready to walk through it now and find that peace for you and your children.

    I happy happy to see that you recognise the emotionally abusive relationship you are in. That is half the battle. You see it now from the outside, you know it is wrong, you know he will never change or embrace the real, beautiful you. So f&ck him. Off with him and off with you to where you want to be.


  • #34
    LolaJJ
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 289 ✭✭LolaJJ


    Hey OP

    My first thought was to respond with "Get out"

    This of course is pretty unhelpful to you when clearly these things are complex and as you say there are deep-rooted but I would suggest that you are in a kind of "can't see the wood from the trees" scenario here.

    We get so caught up in the detail we fail to see the bigger picture at times. For one, from your communication issues. The best advice I have ever gotten is "Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting"

    If you constantly want (and need) to discuss certain topics and he knows that his silence frustrates you, then this is where he is getting his power to abuse you. I would try as best as you can to exclude him from decision making, reduce the need for his input, have other people collect the kids or just find ways to reduce the need for his input. Take away his power to abuse you in that way.

    Long term though, and I think you're getting there, please do try and figure out an exit strategy, life does not and should not be this difficult. Even take a breath to read how much time you have invested in creating and contributing to this thread. I can only imagine how much of your emotional resources are being exhausted by this and that has to leave less for your kids who can't avoid picking up on all of this.

    Whatever you do and however you do it, best of luck x


  • #35
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,916 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    From your last post OP, I think you do love him and just want him to be the husband you need him to be - but you are beginning to accept that he probably won't ever be like that, and that you have had enough. I guess that's the first step to the way out.



    Best of luck. I hope you manage to find your peace.


Advertisement