Help me pls

OP there are so many red flags that indicate this man is abusive:

- jealousy (a form of control)
- repeated cheating on multiple partners
- anger
- silent treatment
- double standards (it's okay for him to cheat, but not for you to have a one night stand before you were a couple)
- shaming you for your past (one night stands are nothing to be ashamed about)
- using your past as a weapon against you
- regularly bringing up the past
- regularly interrogating you about the past
- false accusations about your past
- verbal abuse (slagging you)
- verbal abuse in front of your children (normalising abusive behaviour to your children)
- hinting at suicidal thoughts when you stand up for yourself
- little effort to change
- he has no respect for you
- acts normally around other people, only abusive when he can hide it from others

- this relationship has emotionally exhausted you
- you are scared of him
- you feel guilty and ashamed for things you don't need to
- you are making all the effort to improve things (codependency)
- your confidence in yourself is in the gutter

I'm sorry to tell you but abusers rarely change, even with therapy. Couples therapy with an abuser is not recommended as they are highly likely to use it to manipulate or punish, or straight up lie their way through it.

Please protect yourself, you deserve so much better than this. Go to therapy by yourself, specifically a therapist who has experience with victims of abuse. Read up on abuse, there's a book called Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, it would be a good starting point for you and might help to clarify what you are going through. No one should feel like this in their marriage, don't allow him to have this level of control over you any longer.

As for your kids, it will do more damage to them to keep them around him while he treats you like this. It will have a long term impact on them and may affect their own relationships as adults. You don't want them to pick up his behaviour and think it's okay to act like this towards the people who love them.

This is hard, but it will be worth it in the longer term.

amcalester wrote: »

Your husband sounds like a dick.

This in a nutshell.

Your husband is the one who done the sneaking around and the cheating, on both you and on his last girlfriend, but he has a problem with you sleeping with someone while you were single?

He's a bell end!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

What is the hypnosis for?

I really hope it's not for the jealousy issue of his wife's 'indiscretion'. I would find that very irresponsible of a hypnotherapist if so.