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Devastated

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  • 17-01-2019 8:33pm
    #1
    simone79
    Registered Users Posts: 96 ✭✭


    Hi I lost my 9 month old kitten 3 days ago he was hit by a car and suffered catastrophic facial injurys and I found him and that image will never ever leave me his name was TED and to say I adored him is an understatement he was my best fried a reason to get up and smile I spent a huge amount of time with him and our bond was so close I'm now left utterly heartbroken the pain is so bad I've cried nonstop nearly vomiting with heartache and I want to know will it get easier.....I see his face in my mind all day every day since and I well up.....my family bought me a puppy to try ease some of my pain and that has helped except I feel like if I try move on and love the put that I'm not honouring my baby cat please help with advice thank u


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    #2
    VonVix
    Registered Users Posts: 1,688 ✭✭✭VonVix


    Aw, you poor thing. I can feel the upset in everything you said. Utterly tragic circumstances, I'd imagine you are in a bit of shock as well. Consider speaking to a professional (a counselor) if you feel this is impeding your ability to function. Please take care of yourself.

    If our pets could talk, they wouldn't want their legacy to be their owner in constant pain and sadness. That's not what they spend their life giving us, so why would they want to leave us with the opposite to what they give us? Wouldn't you think that's more of a dishonour to his memory, when all he did was to strive to give you joy? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't grieve, 3 days is incredibly fresh, the pain of loss is a massive hole in your heart, but that's not your kitten's legacy. Give yourself time.

    [Dog Training + Behaviour Nerd]



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    #3
    aonb
    Registered Users Posts: 3,277 ✭✭✭aonb


    Horrible experience, to find your beloved cat.
    OF COURSE it will get better
    You will never replace Ted, but your new puppy will help. Dogs are great as a shoulder to cry on - literally in your case. Open up your heart to your new pet, and it will help you heal.


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    #4
    La.de.da
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,010 ✭✭✭La.de.da


    You're grieving, allow yourself to feel these feelings. When I had my little dog put to sleep, I cried constantly and solidly for weeks.
    It will get easier with time

    Sorry for your loss x


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    #5
    loveisdivine
    Registered Users Posts: 2,463 ✭✭✭loveisdivine


    It could be worth talking to a professional. To find any pet that way, it's a type of PTSD, having those images in your mind. It will get easier with time, but a counselor wood definitely help with the process.


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    #6
    razorblunt
    Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    Yes, please speak to someone if you're having difficulty moving on. There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling.

    I'm also so sorry for your loss.


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    #7
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    It's only been three days so you are still being hit with the initial tidal wave of grief. Plus he was a kitten, not an elderly cat and died in horrific circumstances. That will make the shock 10 times worse. If you feel like crying, cry. It's completely normal.

    It feels overwhelming now but it will ease with time. That doesn't mean you've forgotton about your cat, it's just your heart healing. Loving the new puppy isn't doing a disservice to your cat's memory. Your cat will always have a place in your heart. You will never forget him. Your puppy will help you heal so that you can think about your cat and smile, rather than cry.

    Puppies take a lot of time and energy. He can give you something positive to focus on while you sort through your grief, if that's what you want. I'm not sure it was the best thing for your family to do though. Some people get a new pet quickly after one dies. It's not to replace their pet but to have something to love while they deal with their loss. Other people couldn't face the thought of getting a new pet for 6 months to 2 years.

    There really is no right or wrong amount of time to wait. If you feel that three days is too soon and you are not ready for the huge commitment of a puppy, while dealing with your grief and shock, don't be pressured into keeping him out of guilt. It would be better to rehome the puppy sooner, rather than later.

    I'm really sorry for what happened. I've lost pets along the way and it's devastating. I hope it works out for you and the puppy x


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    #8
    DBB
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 9,727 Mod ✭✭✭✭DBB


    You poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I had something similar happen to me many years ago with a dog, a stupid but innocent mistake made by a much younger me cost the poor fella his life in a collision with a car. It still gets to me, so I can really sympathise with your grief, distress and sadness now.
    You do need to let yourself grieve simone79, of course you do. It's testament to Ted, and to your kind nature, that you feel as you do now.
    But you know what? Every pet we have and inevitably lose, makes us a better owner for the next one that comes along. Ted had a lovely life with you, and now it's pup's turn, and I'll bet Ted would want you to heal with pup's help. With time, the pain and sadness will ebb and you'll remember the happy memories of Ted, and now you're making new memories with pup.
    Mind yourself simone79, you'll get through this. And agreed with others above, if you need to talk to a professional about it all, do it... I can guarantee you that bereavement counsellors help many, many grieving pet owners.


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    #9
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    La.de.da wrote: »
    You're grieving, allow yourself to feel these feelings. When I had my little dog put to sleep, I cried constantly and solidly for weeks.
    It will get easier with time

    Sorry for your loss x

    Agree totally. You need to grieve and not to be ashamed of it. Late last year I lost my dog and one of my cats the same day; old age etc. I wept my heart out and the memories still are there. No shame in weeping or grieving. It is natural and normal and healthy. Not pleasant or painless as you are finding.

    And as others say, three days is so short a time. it will ease and soften, I promise.


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    #10
    acequion
    Registered Users Posts: 3,828 ✭✭✭acequion


    God love you. I'm actually crying reading this and my heart totally goes out to you. Of course you're utterly devastated, you've had an absolutely awful shock and you need to grieve and be gentle with yourself.

    Think of your darling baby Ted as he was at his best and allow your little puppy to love you and comfort you. Loss is often followed by new life and that's what you have here. No it doesn't replace but it does help to fill the void and that's only natural.

    Do take care of yourself and I agree with the others who suggest a little counselling. Hugs to you.


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    #11
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    So sorry to hear that OP. It will get better, but it will take time. Don't feel you have to move on. I lost my dog to old age in 2016 and was devastated. Even 3-4 months later when I was discussing it with someone I burst into tears again. It's fine now, but what I took from it was that I had given him the best life I could which I'm sure you did for Ted. It's ok to take your time grieving for him.


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