Parents moving in with You

Graces7 · 10-01-2019 05:33PM

santino wrote: »

Appreciate the feedback, genuinely. Looks like there are some uncomfortable conversations to be had...

(((HUGS)))

StereoSound · 10-01-2019 05:38PM

I wouldn't do it unless it was a very serious situation.... On a need to basis sort of thing. I'm sure they could go into house sharing locally to where they are instead of going all the way out to you. Or rent a a kip for awhile until something better comes along... I'd be looking into their other housing options and deciding for myself if they really have to move in with me. I would probably conclude that they don't.

oLoonatic · 10-01-2019 05:40PM

Maybe ask yourself, Can you afford to rent somewhere by yourself until that works itself out. problem solved!!

10-01-2019 05:43PM

Is the mother in law hot?

Spanish Eyes · 10-01-2019 05:46PM

Apologies if you think I am being too nosey, however, I couldn't help but notice that the people in question are mid fifties and prepared to move to another part of the country i.e. to your property.

Are they working? If so seems odd that they would move far away. If not, they may be in receipt of RA or HAP or the like and could move anywhere affordable themselves.

The big issue to consider is DO THEY WANT TO MOVE IN WITH YOU! The OP is not clear on this.

Anyway best of luck. I personally wouldn't do it, either as the home owner offering or the person in need. Unless there was absolutely no other alternative.

I think they are far too young to be reliant on you and your wife. But I mean that in the best possible way from your perspective. Think long and hard about it please.

Jurgen Klopp · 10-01-2019 08:04PM

A very easy way to make sure they don't stay long is setup a couple cameras in front of a nice rug in the sitting room and have your wife in lingerie and you just in your jocks when they come in some evening

When you see the shocked faces you both simply tell them "sorry lads but this is how we make a living so you'll have to get used to it"

Ronaldinho · 10-01-2019 09:11PM

Have to say I'm a bit taken aback by how many people are suggesting to refuse, even for a short while.
I mean I like my own space and all too - but this is family, close family at that.

Maybe it ends up being a shambles but I would find it unconscionable not to give them a dig out.

r93kaey5p2izun · 10-01-2019 09:12PM

My mother has moved in with me. She had nowhere to go as she couldn't secure a house share having left a difficult situation at home. I was living in a dump house share for the past few years to try save a deposit for my own house so couldn't take her. I've had to rent a house so she can live with me. It's a big financial strain but I like living with her.

GoneHome · 10-01-2019 09:34PM

Jeez I don't think I could do this to be honest, as much as I love my folks I value my own (head) space too much, maybe short term as in two or three weeks but I don't think I could do it beyond that, we're in our 40's they're late 60's and very open minded in every way but god no I couldn't see it working out long term for us or them.

jos28 · 10-01-2019 10:18PM

santino wrote: »

Appreciate the feedback, genuinely. Looks like there are some uncomfortable conversations to be had...

Just imagine how uncomfortable the conversation will be if they move in and you have to ask them to leave when/if it doesn't work out. I think you'd be mad to proceed. I am a similar age to your parents and I have adult children with wives/partners, there is no way I would move into THEIR homes. No matter what the circumstances were I would not impose on them. They are young people with their own lives to lead and do not need me or my husband in the homes they have made for themselves. I'd definitely help finding them a place, help with moving etc but not living with you and your OH indefinitely.

santino · 10-01-2019 10:48PM

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Apologies if you think I am being too nosey, however, I couldn't help but notice that the people in question are mid fifties and prepared to move to another part of the country i.e. to your property.

Are they working? If so seems odd that they would move far away. If not, they may be in receipt of RA or HAP or the like and could move anywhere affordable themselves.

The big issue to consider is DO THEY WANT TO MOVE IN WITH YOU! The OP is not clear on this.

Anyway best of luck. I personally wouldn't do it, either as the home owner offering or the person in need. Unless there was absolutely no other alternative.

I think they are far too young to be reliant on you and your wife. But I mean that in the best possible way from your perspective. Think long and hard about it please.

Sorry for delay, work got in the way

No not being nosy at all. So, without giving too much away in case I 'out' them unintentionally, my parents in law are 'foreign' and are here about 12 years. They made a nice life for themselves in Wicklow, my wife lived with them for a while in her late teens but then left for college /work and hasn't been home since. They live about 10 mins from their work which is handy as my MIL doesn't drive. Hand on heart, I would say they would like to stay in wicklow but failing that, I think they would like to come here so they can be near their daughter/me. Much as I love them they can be quite impulsive, it's my understanding that once they found out the price/availability of other houses in Wicklow they made the decision to move down, instead of doing some homework. I appreciate this sounds mad but that's the way they are, a bit intense, as laid back as they are. I suppose as it's not their country, they have no real roots/ties here. Their other kids are back home.
Job wise, they are very educated people in their home country but have only basic English and this has probably hindered them getting better quality jobs here. The jobs they work at, they should be able to find similar work here. They're not on any benefits/RA.

It's been in my head all day lads!!

andekwarhola · 10-01-2019 10:53PM

I wouldn't be 100% thrilled about it but it's your wife's parents at the end of the day and personally I'll help them out whatever way I could.

SirChenjin · 10-01-2019 10:56PM

On the face of it, it doesn't sound like they have to move in with you. In your shoes, I would be encouraging all other options, tbh. Look at places they could rent local to where you live if they want to live near you.

They have had time to think about this and look around for alternative accommodation, but from what you say haven't really addressed that. I genuinely would not be encouraging the idea of them moving in with you. There is no pressing reason why they should.

Honestly, living with in-laws wouldn't be something most people would want, especially when there are other options.

GoneHome · 10-01-2019 10:56PM

andekwarhola wrote: »

I wouldn't be thrilled about it but it's your wife's parents at the end of the day

This is what it comes down to at the end of the day, what does your wife want to do about the whole situation, what does she want to do for them, maybe set a limit of like 8 weeks staying with you and by then they should have jobs sorted and you and your wife can help them find a place to rent nearby.

josip · 10-01-2019 11:12PM

santino wrote: »

Sorry for delay, work got in the way

No not being nosy at all. So, without giving too much away in case I 'out' them unintentionally, my parents in law are 'foreign' and are here about 12 years. They made a nice life for themselves in Wicklow, my wife lived with them for a while in her late teens but then left for college /work and hasn't been home since. They live about 10 mins from their work which is handy as my MIL doesn't drive. Hand on heart, I would say they would like to stay in wicklow but failing that, I think they would like to come here so they can be near their daughter/me. Much as I love them they can be quite impulsive, it's my understanding that once they found out the price/availability of other houses in Wicklow they made the decision to move down, instead of doing some homework. I appreciate this sounds mad but that's the way they are, a bit intense, as laid back as they are. I suppose as it's not their country, they have no real roots/ties here. Their other kids are back home.
Job wise, they are very educated people in their home country but have only basic English and this has probably hindered them getting better quality jobs here. The jobs they work at, they should be able to find similar work here. They're not on any benefits/RA.

It's been in my head all day lads!!

On a practical note, is your Polish fluent?
If they move in, the de facto language of the house will fairly quickly become Polish.
That in itself can bring additional issues beyond the basic in-laws moving in, if you're not conversant.

As stressful as it will become for you, it will be even more stressful for your wife, who will be privy to complaints from you and her parents without being able to disclose them to either side.

santino · 10-01-2019 11:14PM

GoneHome wrote: »

This is what it comes down to at the end of the day, what does your wife want to do about the whole situation, what does she want to do for them, maybe set a limit of like 8 weeks staying with you and by then they should have jobs sorted and you and your wife can help them find a place to rent nearby.

That's fair comment. Not sure if I said it earlier, my wife is not sold 100% on the idea, maybe 75%. She's very independent and wouldn't be VERY close to them, but from talking to her she's trying to look at it in a positive way. Only problem is, I can see there being issues down the line, not to repeat what people have said here already. One of the big ones is that issue of the parents now effectively becoming the children so to speak and how that would work.

To extrapolate a little bit, we've talked about trying to get pregnant fairly soon (my OH, not her parents, thatd be weird!!) and if it was ever to happen, it might be a good thing having them here with us (that's with my selfish cap on). Apparently it's the done thing in their culture, maybe it's just happening a bit earlier that we thought ha

GoneHome · 10-01-2019 11:18PM

santino wrote: »

To extrapolate a little bit, we've talked about trying to get pregnant fairly soon (my OH, not her parents, thatd be weird!!) and if it was ever to happen, it might be a good thing having them here with us (that's with my selfish cap on). Apparently it's the done thing in their culture, maybe it's just happening a bit earlier that we thought ha

Well yes there could be advantages on that score as in free childcare etc but would that weigh out the fact that your house won't be your own as such

josip · 10-01-2019 11:22PM

Each to their own, but I'd recommend ye to get pregnant before they move in, not after.
Some people are lucky and jackpot first month.
If you don't get bullseye early on, you don't need the added stress of the in-laws in bed arms length away from you on the other side of an Irish stud wall.
A quiet shag becomes incredibly noisy when the in-laws are next door. Been there.

The Princess Bride · 10-01-2019 11:23PM

Would rent be more affordable in your area versus Wicklow?
Is there any chance they'd look for work then move down if they're successful?
Then they'd be close by, but not actually living under your roof.

Yeah, could be fun trying for a baby with yo momma in law in the room next door.

mvl · 10-01-2019 11:36PM

unless you're living in a house with separate living spaces for the two families, I wouldn't do it for more than the usual couple of weeks holiday.

- but I would look into helping them get their own accommodation, including financial support if needed.

GoneHome · 10-01-2019 11:48PM

mvl wrote: »

- but I would look into helping them get their own accommodation, including financial support if needed.

I don't know about offering financial support to be honest, christ if they're both in their 50's and working and they haven't enough for a deposit on a handy apartment/house I'd be questioning what they're doing with their money. The OP is obviously a young guy with his own house and a mortgage to boot so has enough financial pressures of his own without having to help out his in-laws.

4ensic15 · 11-01-2019 12:07AM

It is amazing how many people who are quite prepared to move "home" to the parents in a "crisis" but when the shoe is on the other foot it doesn't seem such a good idea.

GoneHome · 11-01-2019 12:16AM

ensic15 wrote: »

It is amazing how many people who are quite prepared to move "home" to the parents in a "crisis" but when the shoe is on the other foot it doesn't seem such a good idea.

Different scenario though, as in the majority of cases the parents would be mortgage free, would have their family reared so no school/college costs etc, I know it's not ideal but it's a different situation to what the OP is talking about, a young guy with a mortgage about to start a family and he's landed with his in-laws moving in

NSAman · 11-01-2019 12:22AM

santino wrote: »

They're in mid 50s. Lovely people, wouldn't impose, but they have their own way of doing things. They would probably cook, clean themselves.
Have chatted with my OH, she doesn't love the idea but we wouldn't see them out being family and all. I'm just conscious I'm saying that now and not when they've moved in

Well at least the hash will be passed around and there wont be a "bang" o dem..;)

Dj Stiggie · 11-01-2019 12:34AM

Aside from everything else posters are saying, I'd be worried about the strain it could put on your and your wife's relationship. Imagine you hate living with them and you end up constantly complaining to your wife. You might not like the solution/side she picks.

There's no way I'd do, especially if there isn't a time limit. But have her parents even suggested it? Sounds like they're pretty settled in Wicklow.

rainbowtrout · 11-01-2019 01:12AM

I don't see why this is the only option (have read the follow up post by OP). So they live in Wicklow, can't find anything else suitable in the area so want to move in with you four hours away and give up their jobs in the process?

So what happens next? Why can't they move out of the immediate area they are in in Wicklow and commute? Depending on what part of Wicklow they are in, can they get new accommodation in Laois, Carlow or Wexford? Are they planning to get jobs where you live? What is the incentive for them to get jobs if they move in with you? Will they actually move out again?

MaryBrosnan · 11-01-2019 03:22AM

Coitis will become an issue.

retro:electro · 11-01-2019 08:07AM

4ensic15 wrote: »

It is amazing how many people who are quite prepared to move "home" to the parents in a "crisis" but when the shoe is on the other foot it doesn't seem such a good idea.

But it’s not a crisis? They’ve been sitting on this since November! I don’t think anyone would mind if the were only moving for a few months/ year due to building or saving for a house deposit, but the move seems to be permanent. It’s not unwise to advise the op of the pitfalls and consequences of that.

Sleepy · 11-01-2019 05:28PM

If you do this OP, it'll be the last time you ever get the ride on the couch, the kitchen table or anywhere besides your own bed or a hotel room. And if the other half is a screamer, you're probably not going to be getting the ride at all for fear of the in-laws hearing. :eek:

Food for thought!

josip · 11-01-2019 05:50PM

Sleepy wrote: »

If you do this OP, it'll be the last time you ever get the ride on the couch, the kitchen table or anywhere besides your own bed or a hotel room. And if the other half is a screamer, you're probably not going to be getting the ride at all for fear of the in-laws hearing. :eek:

Food for thought!

See OP's post #47 above.
From now on, all sex will be baby-making sex.
No more screaming, standard missionary, early on morning of day 13 following a 3 day abstinence, and every morning for 5 days following.

Parents moving in with You

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