Parents moving in with You

santino · 10-01-2019 01:07PM #1

So, my parents in-law are renting in Wicklow for the last 10 years. Their lease is not being renewed this year due to sale of the property. They love the area but can't afford another property there, we're all aware of the rent crisis etc etc. My wife and I live down the country in another city and it has been briefly discussed that they might have to live with us for a time, either short or long term. Before I go on, I must say that I love them and we get on 100% BUT we only rarely see each other due to distance etc.
If they move in, I'm expecting some issues but will try to be grown up about it.

Anyone else have similar experiences and what one could expect?

pc7 · 10-01-2019 01:09PM

Have you room for them? Have you children? For me it would be a last resort (and we get on great). Are there other siblings? Will they want to stay with you when the want to visit their parents? I’d look at all other options first. The fact they are there ten years should give them a huge notice period to look at other options.

Deebles McBeebles · 10-01-2019 01:10PM

pc7 wrote: »

The fact they are there ten years should give them a huge notice period to look at other options.

16 weeks for anything over an 8 year tenancy.

SusanC10 · 10-01-2019 01:12PM

I would have an in-depth chat with your wife on this. Talk about as many "what ifs" as possible now before making any decision.
For me it would have to be a last resort for either my own family or my husband's.
Unless you have a very large house or a Granny flat or similar.

pc7 · 10-01-2019 01:14PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

16 weeks for anything over an 8 year tenancy.

Seems to be 34 weeks according to RTB
https://onestopshop.rtb.ie/ending-a-tenancy/notice-periods-that-a-landlord-should-give/

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 10-01-2019 01:16PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

16 weeks for anything over an 8 year tenancy.

That's how much notice a tenant must give a landlord. If the landlord is terminating a tenancy of > 8 years' duration, he or she must give 224 days' notice (32 weeks) to the tenant.

pc7 · 10-01-2019 01:18PM

Quick daft search shows 10 property’s in Wicklow under 1k. Have they looked at any?

Pelvis · 10-01-2019 01:18PM

Why would they have to move in with you? I would have thought a "mature" couple with a reference from a 10 year lease would be snapped up by other landlords. Surely they can find an alternative in the notice period they would have been provided?

Deebles McBeebles · 10-01-2019 01:18PM

pc7 wrote: »

Seems to be 34 weeks according to RTB
https://onestopshop.rtb.ie/ending-a-tenancy/notice-periods-that-a-landlord-should-give/

Right you are, 16 weeks is the notice required by the landlord when ending an 8 year plus tenancy.

Hoboo · 10-01-2019 01:20PM

Can they rent a property near you while they look for something else? There are plenty of properties I'm sure at similar levels further out than Wicklow.

seamus · 10-01-2019 01:20PM

As above, talk to your wife and ensure that you are both on the same page here. You're not the child of the parents, so you're in the tougher position, you have less room to stand up for yourself. She's the child so you are relying on her to be the representative for your family and to be honest and blunt with her parents when necessary.

If you're agreed that them living with you is OK, then you need to sit down like four adults and set the ground rules for her parents. It is your house. Your rules. I'm sure her parents haven't been in this scenario for years, and may expect her to be the child, but the relationship is reversed. They do things your way, or they go somewhere else.

If at all possible to try set up separate living rooms. A TV and a couch where you and your wife can relax, and a separate one where your parents can relax. Even if this is a TV in a bedroom, having a space that's not shared will be essential for everyone's health.

Sundew · 10-01-2019 01:24PM

Avoid if you can......had in-laws living with us for 3 mths whilst renovations were being done on their home. It was a nightmare.....be prepared for your home not to be your own....scowling and frowning at your methods of doing things. We felt like strangers in our home. For the sake of harmony and your own quiet enjoyment of your home......avoid,avoid,avoid!

Mr. Incognito · 10-01-2019 01:44PM

Ask your wife not AH

santino · 10-01-2019 01:54PM

Just the 2 of them, no other siblings. I didn't look at daft but maybe we should... We have room but it'll just be the 4 of us living together.
I think the issue with the property is a developer has bought it. They also got notice about it in November, but kind of sat on their hands I would say...

10-01-2019 01:57PM

What are the general ages involved?

Ghekko · 10-01-2019 02:08PM

I couldn't do it. I'd feel my house wasn't my own. Will you be expected to cook, clean up after them? Or will they take over and want to cook and expect you at the table at a certain time each evening. Will you all sit together in the evenings watching tv, will they want to know where you are going on a night out and comment if you make noise coming in late? Will they pay rent, towards bills etc? There is so much to think about. I'd be open to a couple of months with the view to them finding somewhere else. If it's all going fantastically well then you could offer for them to stay.

jimgoose · 10-01-2019 02:16PM

Not a hope in Hell.

jester77 · 10-01-2019 02:27PM

No chance, my nearest family/inlaws are 4 hours away. That is close enough for me.

Wheety · 10-01-2019 02:31PM

I could not do this unless there was a separate self-contained unit.

zl1whqvjs75cdy · 10-01-2019 02:36PM

No chance. I get on unbelievably well with my in laws but there would be no hope I'd let them move in with us.

The J Stands for Jay · 10-01-2019 02:37PM

You need to set ground rules.
Give them a curfew.
Separate bedrooms: no shenanigans under your roof.
You choose the meals and TV viewings.
They need to let you know where they'll be all the time, and call you if they'll be late.
Set parental controls on Netflix, dvd player, WiFi etc.

Sleepy · 10-01-2019 02:44PM

Not a fvcking chance I'd live with either the in-laws or my own parents.

Cockadoodledoo · 10-01-2019 02:45PM

I will put it very simply:

Did it

Disaster

Never the same since

Run...

Fr_Dougal · 10-01-2019 02:47PM

Don’t do it.

Deebles McBeebles · 10-01-2019 02:55PM

Can I move in too?

santino · 10-01-2019 03:29PM

They're in mid 50s. Lovely people, wouldn't impose, but they have their own way of doing things. They would probably cook, clean themselves.
Have chatted with my OH, she doesn't love the idea but we wouldn't see them out being family and all. I'm just conscious I'm saying that now and not when they've moved in

Spanish Eyes · 10-01-2019 03:36PM

By all accounts it is not a good idea.

I cannot understand how the parents/in laws think it would be either. I would hate to give up my independence no matter what age. Did they specificially ask to live with you?

I would nearly pay half the rent on a property nearby for them if that helped.

The onus is not on you or your wife, it is on them to come up with an independent solution to their issue. They are adults, It can be done.

My answer would be NO. Sorry.

santino · 10-01-2019 03:54PM

Appreciate the feedback, genuinely. Looks like there are some uncomfortable conversations to be had...

pc7 · 10-01-2019 04:07PM

Mid 50’s, so in all reality they could be living with you for next 30 years +. Honestly you’d be nuts.

retro:electro · 10-01-2019 05:08PM

No. If they’re still in good health and aren’t struggling financially then there’s no reason they can’t find another place for themselves. I’d be sending them links to places on daft in the hope they’d take the hint.

josip · 10-01-2019 05:22PM

Depending on the family it can be very hard to say no to them if they ask, especially if you get on well with them.
If you do have to do this, set a hard time limit, sit every one down and agree that no matter how hard ye end up hitting each other over the heads with bricks and frying pans during the time together, that when the time's up it's all water under the bridge and go back to how ye were before.

It'll be absolute hell.
We stay with my MIL for 4 weeks over 2 months in the summer and it's very tough for the poor woman.

She gradually retreats from the common areas but always starts to cheer up 2 days before we leave.
There are a lot of arguments and shouting, but none between in-laws thankfully.

Parents moving in with You

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