Help me pls

Something I've noticed on these threads is that people use words like "mental health problem", "anxiety", "depression" as if it excuses bad behaviour. OP, sometimes a person is just a grade A pr*ck!! Mental health issues or no, they are horrible human beings. Your husband sounds like one of those people. He cheated on his girlfriend with you, made it out like there's something wrong with you for having ONS, wanted a breakdown of who you've been with, called you a prostitute in front of your kids!!! Jesus! The crack he made in front of your kids would 100% be a deal breaker for me. He'll teach your children to disrespect you. Do you really want that?

His behaviour prior to your getting together and when you initially got together is the kind of red flag behaviour that should give anyone pause. Run far away from behaviour like that if you ever encounter it again. Assuming you do right by you and your kids and dump this "dear husband" of yours.

He is a fruit bat.

Reading your post pained me OP because I could have written it myself. My ex was an abusive psychopath as is your 'dear husband'. He used to grill me about my past, acuse me of having slept with all my male friends and ask for details. When I'd say I didn't he'd call me a lying whore. He used to go through my phone, write messages to people on Facebook pretending to be me, have his friends hit on me to test me. He eventually... I can't even type what he did it was that disgusting and evil. Oh and all the while he was banging Hookers. Leave. For the sake of your children, please leave. We all have inner strength we don't even know of OP, now is the time to be the heroine of your children's story and ****ing leave this monster. Xxxx

Cypher_sounds wrote:

How do you know that work is stressing her out? For lots I know going to work is more calming than staying at home where the tensions are high.

Because in her first post she said she is struggling to act normal for work and kids and is worried about harming her baby with stress. Acting normal for the kids, she had no option there. But work, she does have an option.

She said subsequently that she finds work a distraction which is good, but a poster can only advise on what's in front of them at the time.

Just a few thoughts about your husband.

1) Your personal life before you met him was (and importantly, still IS) none of his business. Even when you slept with the guy when your OH went back to the UK, the two of you were not in a committed relationship. When you marry someone you do not lay any claim to things they consider private, and certainly not things that occurred before you got together. He is being insecure and obsessive about this.

2) He had a gf who he cheated on with you. So he is also being hypocritical.

3) He called you a bike, yet he he has cheated on both you and his ex. He is deceitful and untrustworthy.

4) He tries to convince you that if you are a woman, and you have had sex with more than 1 man, there is something wrong with that. That his behaviour is allowed, but your 'behaviour' isn't. So not only is he hypocritical, he's a misogynist.

5) He has called you names in front of your children. He is disrespectful and verbally abusive.

So in short - your husband is insecure, obsessive, hypocritical, deceitful, untrustworthy, misogynistic, disrespectful and abusive.

It's highly likely that your husband's own record of cheating has made him acutely aware of how people can have the wool pulled over their eyes, and he's projecting this now onto you.

I'm summarising things yes, but doing so to try and give you some clarity as sometimes people are blinded by love and can't see the wood for the trees. His behaviour is not acceptable, and if it's pushing you to the point of being suicidal, you absolutely have to protect your own interests and the interests of your children. If that means getting away from him, then do it.

Feel so sorry for your situation.He's the problem and he definately needs some type of help.Important that you and the kids are in a safe enviornment.

Dh = dick head!!!!

Hey OP,
I'm sorry to hear that you're being treated like this. I wholeheartedly agree with the other posters who've suggested that his attitude is a reflection of what he's up to himself, as I do believe that people focus in on things that they are obsessed with about themselves (just think about yourself physically, if you have any hangups about yourself, like hating your hair or whatever, it's the first thing you look at in other people!)
And I also completely agree with the poster who said that this attitude tallies with someone who feels utterly inadequate, sexually. I have a friend in a similar relationship, although thankfully he's not as confrontational as your husband, but he still spent many years sulking and punishing her for the handful of sexual encounters she had before she met him. He'd also had a handful of sexual partners but of course that didn't matter. Double-standards all the way.
From listening to my friend, and knowing the 2 of them reasonably well, I just kept coming back to the same conclusion; he was desperately afraid that he didn't measure up to her ex partners, and rather than be a decent human being about that insecurity, he tried to turn it all around to make her feel ashamed of her actions, that way he got to feel superior and it ensures that there can NEVER be any sort of banter or jokes about sex that might further threaten him.
It's a way of controlling; for my friend, she was afraid of her life to mention certain pubs / holiday destinations etc, as they were triggers for him to sulk and try and shame her for her "slutty" behaviour, so it basically kept her in line, because God forbid she'd ever get on the wrong side of him - her entire "shameful history" would be thrown at her, so he got to behave terribly towards her and use her as his emotional punchbag (metaphorically speaking), knowing full well that she wouldn't dare to open her mouth.

I actually also agree with Faith above, saying that if you attend couples counselling, you may be leaving yourself very vulnerable to his disgusting abuse when you leave. He doesn't play fair in everyday life with you, so how can you trust him to respect the rules of therapy; you are leaving yourself wide open to even further mocking and bullying, and he doesn't deserve the chance to do that.
Therapy for yourself, as somewhere to vent and to gain the emotional strength you need, is probably the best option for you.

Best of luck with it, it's a horrible situation you're in but all the people who love you would absolutely NOT want you to stay in it.
The last thing you want is for your children to grow in that environment, it will totally skew their thinking and may cause them to look back on you with contempt, viewing you as weak.. you just don't know what way they interpret these situations, as obviously they're too young to understand what exactly is going on, so it's too much of a risk to think that they will remain unaware.
No wife deserves to be spoken to and treated the way he speaks and treats you.

take extra good care of yourself OP you are only responsible for your own behaviour, based on experience counseling didn't work as the OH used it as a platform to put me down and put himself up! I know the counselors can see though this, but at least I can say I tried.
That kind of emotional abuse is head-wrecking, you deserve better.

^^^^
Posters are advising the OP against couples counselling with her partner present. I think most agree, however, that individual counselling for herself would be very beneficial to her.