Parents taking babies to weddings/matches/concerts.

pablo128 · 14-08-2018 08:00PM

mvl wrote: »

but the flights thingy ... now that I call entitlement: various "responsible" adults, complaining about kids behavior on flights - be it economy or business class // same **** to me. think such ppl should complain to the airline company for not getting enough information about who goes on their flights ...

I was on a flight before where the idiot behind me had his young child bouncing up and down on the fold down table. I wasn't long telling him to cut it out. Some people think the world revolves around them and their kids. And before anyone cuts in, my own child was beside me causing no-one any inconvenience.

JustAThought · 14-08-2018 08:08PM

What's continuously worse than the child screaming, kicking, and shrieking is the parents - whose shouts and repeated vacuous threats become increasingly louder and more annoying and disturbing. Instead of one noisy screamer you have two. Parents shrieking and 'playing' with their children in shopping isles and restaurants, parents letting their children roar and shout until it becomes a total farce and then they too join in shouting empty threats AT them which I twitch to fulfill, parents with zero consideration for the fact that others have bought a ticket or are paying over the odds for a meal and nice environment and dont want to have a dvd of peppa pig remorselessly played at top volume in a fancy reataurant for 20.minutes or watch a childs nappy being changed on the floor alongside the table. In most other countries people would be ashamed to behave this way or would be tutted out of the concert/restaurant/location or simply not let in. There are appropriate settings for children and appropriate behaviours for adults managing them - what is so astonishing is that people fail to see the difference between public and private behaviour and what is and is not acceptable to expect other paying guests to accept or tolerate. I'd hate to see the carnage of some of their private lives if that is how they behave when out under public scrutiny. And no - not all of them have autism or aspergers - parents included.

John_Rambo · 14-08-2018 08:42PM

harr wrote: »

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/gaa-steward-bans-female-fan-from-breastfeeding-in-stands-at-match-37078534.html

That's nothing like your yarn!!

mvl · 14-08-2018 08:49PM

JustAThought wrote: »

What's continuously worse than the child screaming, kicking, and shrieking is the parents - whose shouts and repeated vacuous threats become increasingly louder and more annoying and disturbing. Instead of one noisy screamer you have two. Parents shrieking and 'playing' with their children in shopping isles and restaurants, parents letting their children roar and shout until it becomes a total farce and then they too join in shouting empty threats AT them which I twitch to fulfill, parents with zero consideration for the fact that others have bought a ticket or are paying over the odds for a meal and nice environment and dont want to have a dvd of peppa pig remorselessly played at top volume in a fancy reataurant for 20.minutes or watch a childs nappy being changed on the floor alongside the table. In most other countries people would be ashamed to behave this way or would be tutted out of the concert/restaurant/location or simply not let in. There are appropriate settings for children and appropriate behaviours for adults managing them - what is so astonishing is that people fail to see the difference between public and private behaviour and what is and is not acceptable to expect other paying guests to accept or tolerate. I'd hate to see the carnage of some of their private lives if that is how they behave when out under public scrutiny. And no - not all of them have autism or aspergers - parents included.

so its either allowed or its not.

if its allowed, you can have a paying 4/5 years old customer that has done nothing illegal - i hope ppl don't blame the kids for being kids, when they should blame the service provider that sold the ticket / allowed them in ?

my child would be soon a teen now; but I am absolutely certain that was perfectly behaved to so many social events from when a toddler, better than so many adults (with kids/no kids) I was not keen to sit nearby.

my comment re autism: glad kids in primary school are taught how to recognize behavior/be empathetic towards them. at least my child does so.

robindch · 14-08-2018 09:04PM

Pauliedragon wrote: »

I was reading on RTE that a woman isn't happy that she'll have to buy a ticket for her 16 week old son to get him into the Gaelic football final. He's been to 7 games already this season and it got me thinking. [...] I find it a bit strange taking babies to these events.

I took my kid on my shoulders into Landsdowne Road until she was around five years old - never had any problems at all and the stewards were fine with it. Telling somebody to go buy a full match ticket for a four-month old kid is gouging - even most airlines allow babies less than two years old to go for free. Had my kid to a match in Rome at five months old and she had a great time, so far as I made out at the time - made lots of friends with Italian fans as well who just loved to see an Irish baby show up wearing a green jersey

If the parents decide to take the kid to a concert, or a match or any other social event, well, so long as it's not putting the kid into any danger and they're not inconveniencing other people there, then that's fantastic for the kid - seeing and doing things they wouldn't otherwise to, and getting the parent(s) out and used to socializing with their kid(s) too. With a little guidance, most kids figure out that they have to behave themselves in public quickly enough.

As for the people who think that their social life needs to die the moment a baby shows up, and want other familys' social lives to go to zero as well? Makes no sense at all to me. Same for those miserable people inviting people to their weddings, then telling them to leave their kids at home - well, f*ck off right there.

We're social animals, or at least, most of us are and kids need to figure out how all this social interaction stuff works, and they need their parents and everybody else - and social occasions - to help them do it.

14-08-2018 09:09PM

meeeeh wrote: »

It's not up to you is it. If a couple is happy to invite children to the wedding or if babies are allowed to the sporting or music events then it is up to you to decide if you want to attend or not. If you want to avoid children then go to adult only events.

.

The issue is that a lot of parents invite their own babies along even though they were not actually invited. Self-entitled parents who dont realise many couples don't want kids at their wedding.

I just don't get it, what the hell do they want their babies at a wedding for, they cant enjoy the day, cant get locked, cant wait up late etc etc. They would be far better off waiting at home for their own sake and the sae of others at the wedding especially the couple getting married and all the people who are glad to be away from their kids for the day but now have to be annoyed by other peoples kids.

What they want bringing them to matches is also beyond me, leave them at home and enjoy the match ffs. Such a waste of a ticket in croke park if a baby is taking up the seat of a person who could actually watch the match.

I know plenty of parents who have no issue socialising regularly since they have kids and they don't bring the kids anywhere near the event mainly as they want to be out late drinking not minding a kid. They just alternate who gets to go out (one stays at home and the other goes out with their group of friends) or else grandparents or other family members babysit for the night if they both want to go, its easily enough done.

meeeeh · 14-08-2018 09:38PM

Violet Fat Winner wrote: »

The issue is that a lot of parents invite their own babies along even though they were not actually invited. Self-entitled parents who dont realise many couples don't want kids at their wedding.

I just don't get it, what the hell do they want their babies at a wedding for, they cant enjoy the day, cant get locked, cant wait up late etc etc

Well some of us don't need to get locked constantly. I also never came accross people just showing up with their kids. Neither do I get the fuss around weddings.

goat2 · 14-08-2018 09:45PM

I think it is wrong to charge for an infant under one, they sit on the knee of parents, and on Sunday, where will anyone get a babysitter, it is usually a day time event, some people love football enough to bring their child, rather than stay at home, it is the love of the game for them

14-08-2018 10:15PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Well some of us don't need to get locked constantly. I also never came accross people just showing up with their kids. Neither do I get the fuss around weddings.

Just showing up happens, so does writing the childs name on the rsvp as does texting to "let the couple know" that their few month old child will be coming :rolleyes:

goat2 wrote: »

I think it is wrong to charge for an infant under one, they sit on the knee of parents, and on Sunday, where will anyone get a babysitter, it is usually a day time event, some people love football enough to bring their child, rather than stay at home, it is the love of the game for them

Grandparents, sisters/brothers, not all couples go to matches usually just one etc etc or stay at home if its not possible as how can you enjoy the game if you have to be minding a baby imo.

John_Rambo · 14-08-2018 10:21PM

Violet Fat Winner wrote: »

The issue is that a lot of parents invite their own babies along even though they were not actually invited. Self-entitled parents who dont realise many couples don't want kids at their wedding.

I just don't get it, what the hell do they want their babies at a wedding for, they cant enjoy the day, cant get locked, cant wait up late etc etc. They would be far better off waiting at home for their own sake and the sae of others at the wedding especially the couple getting married and all the people who are glad to be away from their kids for the day but now have to be annoyed by other peoples kids.

In fairness your wedding would be entirely unsuitable for children.

John_Rambo · 14-08-2018 10:24PM

JustAThought wrote: »

What's continuously worse than the child screaming, kicking, and shrieking is the parents - whose shouts and repeated vacuous threats become increasingly louder and more annoying and disturbing. Instead of one noisy screamer you have two. Parents shrieking and 'playing' with their children in shopping isles and restaurants, parents letting their children roar and shout until it becomes a total farce and then they too join in shouting empty threats AT them which I twitch to fulfill, parents with zero consideration for the fact that others have bought a ticket or are paying over the odds for a meal and nice environment and dont want to have a dvd of peppa pig remorselessly played at top volume in a fancy reataurant for 20.minutes or watch a childs nappy being changed on the floor alongside the table. In most other countries people would be ashamed to behave this way or would be tutted out of the concert/restaurant/location or simply not let in. There are appropriate settings for children and appropriate behaviours for adults managing them - what is so astonishing is that people fail to see the difference between public and private behaviour and what is and is not acceptable to expect other paying guests to accept or tolerate. I'd hate to see the carnage of some of their private lives if that is how they behave when out under public scrutiny. And no - not all of them have autism or aspergers - parents included.

I find this amazing! I eat out about twice a week and restaurants vary from noodle bars to fine dining and this just doesn't happen! Can I ask where you live justathought? I

Pherekydes · 14-08-2018 10:24PM

Got married December '09, and anyone invited could bring their kids. Well, we did.:pac: I think weddings are the ultimate in inclusivity.

Concerts, gigs, football games? No, you've got to be joking, surely? The noise alone is of a different order. Just no. But we have a new generation of parents who can't seem to moderate their behaviour after becoming parents. Next they'll be complaining about the noise in night clubs for their little darlings, who they can't leave at home.

But yet, when they want a romantic night out with their partners...

lawred2 · 15-08-2018 09:18AM

JustAThought wrote: »

What's continuously worse than the child screaming, kicking, and shrieking is the parents - whose shouts and repeated vacuous threats become increasingly louder and more annoying and disturbing. Instead of one noisy screamer you have two. Parents shrieking and 'playing' with their children in shopping isles and restaurants, parents letting their children roar and shout until it becomes a total farce and then they too join in shouting empty threats AT them which I twitch to fulfill, parents with zero consideration for the fact that others have bought a ticket or are paying over the odds for a meal and nice environment and dont want to have a dvd of peppa pig remorselessly played at top volume in a fancy reataurant for 20.minutes or watch a childs nappy being changed on the floor alongside the table. In most other countries people would be ashamed to behave this way or would be tutted out of the concert/restaurant/location or simply not let in. There are appropriate settings for children and appropriate behaviours for adults managing them - what is so astonishing is that people fail to see the difference between public and private behaviour and what is and is not acceptable to expect other paying guests to accept or tolerate. I'd hate to see the carnage of some of their private lives if that is how they behave when out under public scrutiny. And no - not all of them have autism or aspergers - parents included.

how are you managing with your kids?

And are you dining in McDonalds? Because I don't see any of this carry on anywhere! Nappy changing on the floor of restaurants? Never seen it once anywhere.

And parents who want to go to 'fancy' restaurants don't tend to bring their kids because they get a rare enough chance to go to such places.

Milanos is about as fancy as it gets for most parents when taking their kids out.

To be honest - a lot of your post seems a bit made up tbh.

LirW · 15-08-2018 10:08AM

I think think in relation to wedding when you have a small child and no real option of childcare it's perfectly normal to ask the couple about it before ultimately saying you aren't going to come because you simply can't find anyone.
It also really depends on how close they are. When it's your own sister struggling with it it's something different than a cousin you haven't seen in a while.

Also when I eat out I often do with my children and they simply know how to behave. Quite often we'd go to places with lots of families and it's always grand, the very most kids don't act out. I firmly believe that the parents that don't care about their kids noise levels or that they wreck the place are a minority that spoil it for everyone, even other families. When most kids are acting up they get the same bollocking mine would get if they take the p1ss.
Now I wouldn't go to a fine dining place with them in the event to begin with but I really despise this mentality that kids should be locked away until they're 18 and flawlessly functioning citizen.

PlaneSpeeking · 15-08-2018 10:22AM

LirW wrote: »

I think think in relation to wedding when you have a small child and no real option of childcare it's perfectly normal to ask the couple about it before ultimately saying you aren't going to come because you simply can't find anyone.
It also really depends on how close they are. When it's your own sister struggling with it it's something different than a cousin you haven't seen in a while.

Also when I eat out I often do with my children and they simply know how to behave. Quite often we'd go to places with lots of families and it's always grand, the very most kids don't act out. I firmly believe that the parents that don't care about their kids noise levels or that they wreck the place are a minority that spoil it for everyone, even other families. When most kids are acting up they get the same bollocking mine would get if they take the p1ss.
Now I wouldn't go to a fine dining place with them in the event to begin with but I really despise this mentality that kids should be locked away until they're 18 and flawlessly functioning citizen.

And if every parent thought and acted like that, there wouldn't be an issue - thank you!

But when - as happened not long ago - you have 5 kids allowed to run, shout, scream and generally make a nuisance of themselves whilst mum plays with phone - and then said mother tries to change a toddler's nappy on the train table (and gets VERY cross when you protest!!) - that's not acceptable.

meeeeh · 15-08-2018 10:24AM

I think kids who are used only eating in fast food joints will more likely misbehave because they are not used waiting for their food. On last holiday we ate quite late out with kids and there were no major issues. The five year old actually demanded going to hotel bar after dinner to get her cocktail mixing stick with a star. The waiter gave her one different colour every night, we had one cocktail, they had hot chocolate and then off to bed. Yes we can't do some mad session but we also don't want to compromise overly our lifestyle because of kids. That being said I think adult time is important and we try to go out without them too. I just don't get what the big deal is.

LirW · 15-08-2018 10:32AM

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

And if every parent thought and acted like that, there wouldn't be an issue - thank you!

But when - as happened not long ago - you have 5 kids allowed to run, shout, scream and generally make a nuisance of themselves whilst mum plays with phone - and then said mother tries to change a toddler's nappy on the train table (and gets VERY cross when you protest!!) - that's not acceptable.

But I'd still say that this behaviour is not the norm, you can't change thick people that have no idea on how to behave. There are plenty of people around that act thick without having children, so there's that.

PlaneSpeeking · 15-08-2018 10:36AM

LirW wrote: »

But I'd still say that this behaviour is not the norm, you can't change thick people that have no idea on how to behave. There are plenty of people around that act thick without having children, so there's that.

I don'r remember the last time a 40 year old screamed on the train because they wanted to go to Disneyland and the train was going to Limerick but perhaps we will agree to disagree!

seamus · 15-08-2018 10:39AM

John_Rambo wrote: »

I find this amazing! I eat out about twice a week and restaurants vary from noodle bars to fine dining and this just doesn't happen! Can I ask where you live justathought? I

Indeed, I'm always fascinated by the childless people who seem to have endless anecdotes and continuous problems with children in public places, and here I am continuously surrounded by children whenever I go out in public, and I see none of the crazy behaviour that childless people apparently have to put up with every day.

PlaneSpeeking · 15-08-2018 10:42AM

seamus wrote: »

Indeed, I'm always fascinated by the childless people who seem to have endless anecdotes and continuous problems with children in public places, and here I am continuously surrounded by children whenever I go out in public, and I see none of the crazy behaviour that childless people apparently have to put up with every day.

Ah the old "I can't argue against you, so I'll accuse you of making up anecdotes". Heard that before sadly.

Believe me, when you commute 20 hours a week - especially at this time of year - you see all kinds.

Though I am yet to fathom why if you have taken the kids out for a day why you travel back on the busiest commuter train - why not earlier or later ? You have options, we do not.

SusieBlue · 15-08-2018 10:42AM

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

I don'r remember the last time a 40 year old screamed on the train because they wanted to go to Disneyland and the train was going to Limerick but perhaps we will agree to disagree!

That's your problem, you're holding children to the same standards as adults.

I actually hate the saying "kids will be kids", but unfortunately, at times, they just simply don't have the processing skills, coping mechanisms and maturity to deal with situations that aren't going the way they want - hence the emotional, irrational, outbursts (aka tantrums).

meeeeh · 15-08-2018 10:45AM

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

I don'r remember the last time a 40 year old screamed on the train because they wanted to go to Disneyland and the train was going to Limerick but perhaps we will agree to disagree!

But I remember grown up drunk morons going on stag parties who were very unpleasant and loud on the train. It's public transport you will have some bad behaviour among passengers and kids tend not to be the ones that are most annoying.

SusieBlue · 15-08-2018 10:47AM

OSI wrote: »

Seen plenty of 40+ year olds getting on the train absolutely pissed, shouting and roaring, starting fights, rolling spliffs and being a complete nuisance to everyone around them but I don't see people claiming anyone bring someone over 40 to a match/concert/wedding is an idiot.

+1. A screaming child can be annoying, but there's nothing more intimidating and unsettling than sitting next to a loud, rambunctious group of adults p*ssed out of their heads.
Adults are responsible for their own behaviour and should have more cop on. Children are not, and cannot be held to the same standards as grown adults, no matter how annoying they are.

I know which I'd rather be stuck next to.

John_Rambo · 15-08-2018 10:52AM

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

I don'r remember the last time a 40 year old screamed on the train because they wanted to go to Disneyland and the train was going to Limerick but perhaps we will agree to disagree!

You’re making things up here. Kids don’t scream to go to holiday destinations on the train to Limerick. They might ask if they see something Disney related, but they don’t start screaming to go on holiday when they’re on the train.

If they’re tired or bold they’ll scream fo treats or screen time.

seamus · 15-08-2018 10:58AM

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

Ah the old "I can't argue against you, so I'll accuse you of making up anecdotes". Heard that before sadly.

I didn't even respond to you, or a post responding to you.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

Though I am yet to fathom why if you have taken the kids out for a day why you travel back on the busiest commuter train - why not earlier or later ? You have options, we do not.

Why do they have options and you don't?

You have exactly the same options that they do.

And FWIW, like others virtually all (like 99.9999%) of the annoying and anti-social behaviour I've encountered in public, has been adults.

gutenberg · 15-08-2018 12:19PM

I wonder whether the expectation that children should attend weddings has come about because it is now much more common for parents to have kids before getting married themselves? The last few family weddings on my dad's side, all the couples had kids already. So naturally, the kids of the bride and groom attended, which meant that younger cousins etc. were invited. Seems it is becoming more the norm to have small kids (meaning 10 and under, say) at weddings. When we got married, we said absolutely no kids under 10. My now-husband and I fought over it somewhat, but I have been to enough weddings where a bored, fidgety baby or toddler has started screaming the place down during what should be a relatively serious moment, like the ceremony. My brother & I were never brought to weddings as kids, and that's how I personally think it should be, though I can see how others disagree.

Babies do not belong at concerts however. I can imagine it must be frightening for them!

Guy:Incognito · 15-08-2018 01:11PM

BuboBubo wrote: »

.

They're damned if they do, damned if they don't. Sadly the most judgemental of all are other parents.

Who's damning anyone for not going out because they have kids or not bringing kids to events with them?

seamus · 15-08-2018 01:40PM

gutenberg wrote: »

I wonder whether the expectation that children should attend weddings has come about because it is now much more common for parents to have kids before getting married themselves?

I think these things ebb and flow tbh.

In my experience if you look at any wedding photos from before the 1980s, there are kids everywhere, group shots crammed with nieces and nephews.

After then, it seems to have dropped off; I never attended any weddings as a kid except a couple of afters in my teenage years.
I wonder if it's because the trend has been for weddings to become later and later affairs and people have realised that your 3 year old banging around a dancefloor at 2am surrounded by drunks, is just not cool.

In my experience, it has become less and less common for people to assume they can bring kids. In fact it seems to have become a polarised issue - people either love kids at weddings, or ban them completely. And it's usually a rural/urban thing.

gutenberg · 15-08-2018 02:24PM

seamus wrote: »

I think these things ebb and flow tbh.

In my experience if you look at any wedding photos from before the 1980s, there are kids everywhere, group shots crammed with nieces and nephews.

After then, it seems to have dropped off; I never attended any weddings as a kid except a couple of afters in my teenage years.
I wonder if it's because the trend has been for weddings to become later and later affairs and people have realised that your 3 year old banging around a dancefloor at 2am surrounded by drunks, is just not cool.

In my experience, it has become less and less common for people to assume they can bring kids. In fact it seems to have become a polarised issue - people either love kids at weddings, or ban them completely. And it's usually a rural/urban thing.

Very possibly, and the ebb and flow is also related to wider demographic trends, such as the numbers of people who have kids before getting married. It's all interlinked.

In the case of myself and my husband, he expected that kids would attend since in Italy (where he's from), kids are always invited. However, many Italian weddings (at least in the north) finish around 6/7pm, after a very long lunch. So kids would still be home at reasonable hour, so it's not quite like with like when comparing with the typical Irish wedding nowadays. Some of his friends became a bit stroppy when told their kids were not invited to our wedding.

Electric Sheep · 15-08-2018 08:41PM

gutenberg wrote: »

Very possibly, and the ebb and flow is also related to wider demographic trends, such as the numbers of people who have kids before getting married. It's all interlinked.

In the case of myself and my husband, he expected that kids would attend since in Italy (where he's from), kids are always invited. However, many Italian weddings (at least in the north) finish around 6/7pm, after a very long lunch. So kids would still be home at reasonable hour, so it's not quite like with like when comparing with the typical Irish wedding nowadays. Some of his friends became a bit stroppy when told their kids were not invited to our wedding.

I remember weddings being full of kids until around the 90s. I guess up till whenever it became the expectation that the bride and groom would not "go away" at around 10pm, and guests started to be expected to stay overnight and carry on in the Resident's Lounge.

Parents taking babies to weddings/matches/concerts.

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