Would you stand by him?

OldMrBrennan83 · 29-07-2018 06:37PM

This post has been deleted.

blade1 · 29-07-2018 06:37PM

LaChatteGitane wrote: »

If he said he didn't do it, I would be able to see if he was telling lies or not. Depending, I would or would not be standing by him.

When the OH is telling porkies (which happens from time to time), I just know.

Porkies are a bit different to when he is fighting for his life.

begbysback · 29-07-2018 06:38PM

Donald Trump wrote: »

Life isn't funny.

You didn't go see Bill Burr a couple of weeks back?

Westernyelp · 29-07-2018 06:39PM

Fair enough. I have been meaning to to ask Donald when he is going to get bored of the unfunny schtick for a while also.

Edit. See in this case the phone dropped your quote completely!

paw patrol · 29-07-2018 06:47PM

if they were a good friend (I've about 5) or close family. I'd stand by them regardless.
You can support somebody and still find the crime abhorrent and be vocal on your feeling regarding the crime

If we all rejected people cos of their crimes (or alleged crimes) you pretty much close the door on any rehabilitation and that does nobody any good.

On a personal level , I find it hard to judge somebody's entire worth based on one event , be that good or bad, if I've known them before that.

LaChatteGitane · 29-07-2018 06:51PM

blade1 wrote: »

Porkies are a bit different to when he is fighting for his life.

Obviously ! Can tell when he (or anyone I know well) is lying.

Mocha Joe · 29-07-2018 07:03PM

Donald Trump wrote: »

Life isn't funny.

Ah it is. You're not.

FurBabyMomma · 29-07-2018 07:14PM

It really depends on the situation. Like for people who are child abusers, they are very secretive and manipulative when it comes to their victims and have them terrified into silence. And to the outside world they can be pillars of the community. They have everyone deceived, to the point that family members are shocked and can't/won't believe it. So I think saying "I'd know if s/he was lying to me" is an incredibly naive attitude.

Shenshen · 29-07-2018 07:26PM

paw patrol wrote: »

if they were a good friend (I've about 5) or close family. I'd stand by them regardless.
You can support somebody and still find the crime abhorrent and be vocal on your feeling regarding the crime

If we all rejected people cos of their crimes (or alleged crimes) you pretty much close the door on any rehabilitation and that does nobody any good.

On a personal level , I find it hard to judge somebody's entire worth based on one event , be that good or bad, if I've known them before that.

I was trying to find the right words to express my own opinion, but you've summarised it very well.
To me personally, it would far, far less depend on if they were guilty of what they're accused off, or if they admitted it. It would, if guilty, fully depend on how they behave now. Is he truly remorseful? Is he trying to make amends? Is he taking steps (counseling, for example, or stopping to drink if that played a part) to try and ensure it would never happen again?
Horrendous as it is, I don't think I would give up on someone I loved quite that easily.

Repeated offense, though, that would be very, very different indeed.

Donald Trump · 29-07-2018 07:36PM

Mocha Joe wrote: »

Ah it is. You're not.

I suppose it's hard to be jovial what with all the sand in your gee

Westernyelp · 29-07-2018 07:44PM

Donald Trump wrote:

Oh, yippee - another keyboard warrior

Do you know what irony is?

GreeBo · 29-07-2018 07:44PM

Squall Leonhart wrote: »

A person being found guilty of a crime doesn't always mean the person is guilty. If a brother or son or whoever swore blind to me that they were innocent of said crime, and if I believed them, I don't know that a guilty verdict would change that belief.

Now if its PROVEN to be guilty, that's different.

If you are found guilty it's because it has been proven, let's not have this innocent/not guilty nonsense again on here.

Shenshen · 29-07-2018 07:46PM

GreeBo wrote: »

If you are found guilty it's because it has been proven, let's not have this innocent/not guilty nonsense again on here.

Right, that's the reason we don't have some process in place to appeal a judgement, is it?

JMNolan · 29-07-2018 07:47PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

If a man in your life was accused of rape and it ended up in court. Be it a partner/friend/brother/son/friend/etc. Would you stand by him?

If the man denied guilt then why wouldn't your stand by him?

Donald Trump · 29-07-2018 07:51PM

Joe is Woke wrote: »

You're just not funny. That's all.

I'm not here for your entertainment pal

You'll only be here for a little bit until they figure out why you were banned the last time anyway

:pac:

Donald Trump · 29-07-2018 07:52PM

Westernyelp wrote: »

Do you know what irony is?

Look it up there yourself

Westernyelp · 29-07-2018 07:54PM

Donald Trump wrote:

Look it up there yourself

Hmm. Maybe you are the real Donald

29-07-2018 07:58PM

freshpopcorn wrote:

If a man in your life was accused of rape and it ended up in court. Be it a partner/friend/brother/son/friend/etc. Would you stand by him? I ask this because I have heard some people say no woman would put themselves through a trial if it didn't happen. Well obviously it would depend on the person but if they told me they didn't do it. I'd believe them. If there was a lot of evidence I might change my mind and some people I might be more dodge of than others. I know this question can be turned the other way also.

I would stand by anyone in court as they are innocent till proven guilty. If convicted though that's a different matter.

Snugglebunnies · 29-07-2018 07:58PM

I've been in this situation, I didn't stand by him.

GreeBo · 29-07-2018 08:01PM

Shenshen wrote: »

Right, that's the reason we don't have some process in place to appeal a judgement, is it?

Joe is Woke wrote: »

Are you saying men have never been falsely imprisoned?

If you are found guilty then you are proven guilty.
I didn't say it means you did it.
Just that there is no difference between found and proven guilty.

freshpopcorn · 29-07-2018 08:03PM

JMNolan wrote: »

If the man denied guilt then why wouldn't your stand by him?

Well one reason might you simply don't believe him.
Another might be you'd be one of those people who's believe no womam would never put themselves through a trial.

Whiplashy · 29-07-2018 08:06PM

It depends on the man in question, and the situation. I’m not blindly going to believe him just because I know him. I’m also well aware that although rare, there are instances where women lie. I hope I’d be able to weigh up the facts and make an informed decision on whether I was willing to stand by him or not. If he actually admitted it, not a hope I’d stand by him.

GarIT · 29-07-2018 08:14PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I ask this because I have heard some people say no woman would put themselves through a trial if it didn't happen.

I'd say half the rape cases I've heard of didn't happen but I can only think of 3 of each right now.

Mattress girl was a famous one, and then there was an english women who accused 21 men of rape all on separate occasions, each one had their personal and work lives destroyed, before she was eventually sentenced to 4 years for the false allegations.

I've had an ex say something on the lines of "if I don't get what I want I'll say you raped me" in the middle of an argument.

My granddad was on the jury for a false allegation within the last year. I never heard if she got done for it but she had sent several texts asking for sex and called him 150 times during the day before the alleged incident happened, after she contacted the gardaí she was told to go to the hospital for an examination for evidence but she decided to have sex with another randomer and then shower before going in for the examination. Her housemates when questioned said that she was desperate to have sex with the guy and she was just angry and accused him afterwards because he left immediately after. The guys life was ruined, lost his job, lost most of his friends that probably won't even believe him even when he was found not guilty, some of his family members has disowned him, it's awful what damage can be done on a whim. I think it's disgraceful that so much damage can be done to someone before a case is heard. We need protections making it illegal to fire someone over an accusation before a case is heard. It's a disgrace that the rugby players were kicked off the team too.

29-07-2018 08:17PM

People can convince themselves of anything ignore all the evidence.

There was a case a few weeks ago when a defendant was found guilty of raping a woman he met on a dating ap, but his fiance was standing by him, so he was cheating on his fiance and raped the woman he met, got a custodial sentence and will be on the sex offender register and she was still going to stand by him.

freshpopcorn · 29-07-2018 08:25PM

mariaalice wrote: »

People can convince themselves of anything ignore all the evidence.

There was a case a few weeks ago when a defendant was found guilty of raping a woman he met on a dating ap, but his fiance was standing by him, so he was cheating on his fiance and raped the woman he met, got a custodial sentence and will be on the sex offender register and she was still going to stand by him.

Some people stick by there loved one through anything.

Westernyelp · 29-07-2018 08:31PM

freshpopcorn wrote:

Some people stick by there loved one through anything.

That's madness though, in fairness

Naydy · 29-07-2018 08:42PM

I have an immediate family member who was convicted of rape. Took his victim (another family member) 6 years of being dragged through courts and humiliating interviews to get that far. He has always denied it publically (despite making crude jokes to friends about "getting what he wanted that night") and is out now after a few years inside, straight back to his old life more or less. His victim is still destroyed over it. Blatently obvious he did it. I wouldnt spit on him if he was on fire. I have nothing more to do with him and have ignored him in the steet. A surprising amount have stood by him, it split the family in two.

HappyAsLarE · 29-07-2018 09:15PM

Thread title should be would you stand by him/her.

IvyTheTerrific · 29-07-2018 09:23PM

There is an RTE radio documentary is all about a family with someone who was convicted of rape and how they reacted to it differently. Very interesting. I can't post links but google RTE Doc on one Suburban Hideaway.

JayRoc · 29-07-2018 09:51PM

Naydy wrote: »

I have an immediate family member who was convicted of rape. Took his victim (another family member) 6 years of being dragged through courts and humiliating interviews to get that far.

I have a close friend who was accused last year of a rape he didn't commit. He was exonerated quickly enough but obviously it was an awful time.

Prior to that I honestly had a hard time believing that any woman could actually falsely accuse an innocent man of such a terrible thing and it has probably made me a little more cynical about the issue.

But in my opinion the worst thing this woman did was make it harder for genuine victims like your relative above to be believed, resulting in the additional trauma of a long-drawn out investigation.

Anyone found guilty of false allegations like that should face similar sentences to those found guilty of rape

Would you stand by him?

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