what do weddings cost the couple overall??

Dakota Dan · 25-06-2018 10:28AM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

And good for you .I find it bizarre that people seem to criticise others for how they want their own special day .As long as its not affecting them why the fuss !

Nothing more bizarre than you criticising people that criticise.

JustAThought · 25-06-2018 11:01AM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

The per head price is in fairness not just for the actual food . Its for the venue , the room and tables and staff . For the decorations and flowers etc . The venue for a family member will put up the lights and flowers and lantern etc

I have to say this always annoys me - if you go toa reataurant or normal hotel you expect them to provide decent cutkery,nicr and clean chairs, some trinket wuth a fkower in it or linen on the table - it beggars belief that when to choose to bring 150 or 200 people to dinner and alll that drinking income to a hotel that they sudden are unable to provide basic normal service and you have to contract it in. Its an absolute scam.

theyoungchap · 25-06-2018 11:08AM

The key to breaking even or making money is to invite loads of people, never mind how tenuous the link friggin invite them. That lad you played 5-a-side with in 2000, the lads you met on the East Coast of Australia, they are all good to be shaken down for 200 euro a couple.

Before you know it you'll have a glorified dinner dance and be quids in......the band etc are all paid for so anybody you invite is going to result in you moving closer to a profit.

(While I am being sarcastic, I know several people who have thought like that and had ginormous weddings and one of which would even admit to that).

theyoungchap · 25-06-2018 11:23AM

The only part of a wedding which I have an issue with is the "day after party". Lets be frank, nobody other than the couple and maybe a few family members is arsed with this. People have indulged you for 1-day already, don't inflict another day of your wedding on them. People do feel obliged to go, I know people will say "nobody is making you" but if the married couple say "are you coming to the BBQ today" as you get ready to try and leave, you do feel pressure.
We didn't have anything as we weren't bothered, people have thanked us for it since!!

LirW · 25-06-2018 11:24AM

JustAThought wrote: »

I have to say this always annoys me - if you go toa reataurant or normal hotel you expect them to provide decent cutkery,nicr and clean chairs, some trinket wuth a fkower in it or linen on the table - it beggars belief that when to choose to bring 150 or 200 people to dinner and alll that drinking income to a hotel that they sudden are unable to provide basic normal service and you have to contract it in. Its an absolute scam.

See, this logic is flawed. Hosting an event for 150 people is something entirely different than having an all in of 150 people during your dinner hours. First they need a separated room, running and maybe heating that room is expensive. There need to be set-ups for tables, extra furniture, the table decor is beyond normal restaurant. Preparing a tailored event takes a lot of time and effort and there's so much work in the back done for bride and groom that they never see. You pay them to run your day well. Try coordinating 150 people on your own, good luck with that.
You also don't just have a team of waiters where each has a few tables for the evening, it requires a whole coordinated team of chefs, waiters and runners for an event to run smoothly.
You can apply that to pretty much every supplier in the game.

When you don't want it, don't have it, simples. There is a huge range of suppliers out there to cater for every budget. If you can only pay 25 Euro pP you can have a lovely buffet option for that money, but a sit-down meal for a huge crowd is simply not doable. A wedding isn't a normal restaurant dinner service. If you want that go and take your guests to a restaurant so, if you show up there with 150 people with little to no preparation they'll tell you to get lost.

iamwhoiam · 25-06-2018 11:39AM

theyoungchap wrote: »

The only part of a wedding which I have an issue with is the "day after party". Lets be frank, nobody other than the couple and maybe a few family members is arsed with this. People have indulged you for 1-day already, don't inflict another day of your wedding on them. People do feel obliged to go, I know people will say "nobody is making you" but if the married couple say "are you coming to the BBQ today" as you get ready to try and leave, you do feel pressure.
We didn't have anything as we weren't bothered, people have thanked us for it since!!

I have declined to go to the next day event on many occasions and not once have I felt under any pressure by anyone .A simple No thank you I am exhausted was enough and a big hug for coming to the wedding

iamwhoiam · 25-06-2018 11:46AM

theyoungchap wrote: »

The key to breaking even or making money is to invite loads of people, never mind how tenuous the link friggin invite them. That lad you played 5-a-side with in 2000, the lads you met on the East Coast of Australia, they are all good to be shaken down for 200 euro a couple.

Before you know it you'll have a glorified dinner dance and be quids in......the band etc are all paid for so anybody you invite is going to result in you moving closer to a profit.

(While I am being sarcastic, I know several people who have thought like that and had ginormous weddings and one of which would even admit to that).

I actually heard a couple talk like that and my jaw dropped ! These are two primary school teachers and I actually laughed when they told me the more you invite the less it will cost in the long run !!
I think they were digging up lists of teachers they worked with and SNA's they once had in a classroom etc

awec · 25-06-2018 11:56AM

theyoungchap wrote: »

The key to breaking even or making money is to invite loads of people, never mind how tenuous the link friggin invite them. That lad you played 5-a-side with in 2000, the lads you met on the East Coast of Australia, they are all good to be shaken down for 200 euro a couple.

Before you know it you'll have a glorified dinner dance and be quids in......the band etc are all paid for so anybody you invite is going to result in you moving closer to a profit.

(While I am being sarcastic, I know several people who have thought like that and had ginormous weddings and one of which would even admit to that).

I am very skeptical about anyone who claims to make a profit on their wedding. Even with a huge number of guests.

Gadgetman496 · 25-06-2018 12:11PM

It's all his fault!

valoren · 25-06-2018 12:24PM

We were all set up for a McWedding that was going to cost us the bones of €19,000.

We made out a budget down to the finest detail and seeing it down on paper (Excel) we just thought screw it, we'll go away.
That people in both our families were acting the bollox helped. Ridiculous details such as the hotel charitably agreeing to reduce corkage from €7 per bottle to €5 also.

We're both reserved and we loathed the prospect of being centre of attention for a day.

We got engaged in NY and so our 'away' was downtown Manhattan. Booked a church for a private ceremony, stayed in lovely hotel for the week, hired a photographer, limo, all done and had a great day.

Everything went perfectly. We went alone too so it was zero pressure and then onto a cruise in the Caribbean.

Our out of pocket expenses were about €3,000 (including rings) after family cash gifts, which weren't sought, but given regardless.
3k to get married was very acceptable as I'm a frugal bastard.

gmisk · 25-06-2018 12:57PM

valoren wrote: »

We were all set up for a McWedding that was going to cost us the bones of €19,000.

We made out a budget down to the finest detail and seeing it down on paper (Excel) we just thought screw it, we'll go away.
That people in both our families were acting the bollox helped. Ridiculous details such as the hotel charitably agreeing to reduce corkage from €7 per bottle to €5 also.

We're both reserved and we loathed the prospect of being centre of attention for a day.

We got engaged in NY and so our 'away' was downtown Manhattan. Booked a church for a private ceremony, stayed in lovely hotel for the week, hired a photographer, limo, all done and had a great day.

Everything went perfectly. We went alone too so it was zero pressure and then onto a cruise in the Caribbean.

Our out of pocket expenses were about €3,000 (including her ring) after family cash gifts, which weren't sought, but given regardless.
3k to get married was very acceptable as I'm a frugal bastard.

Fair play!
This sounds right along the line of what I would like as well, both me and partner hate idea of being centre of attention as well.

Mollyb60 · 25-06-2018 01:17PM

We spent around about 10k on ours. And that was with a relatively inexpensive hotel, no big expense on cars, church, dress, rings etc. We had a pretty basic day with a good band and about 80 friends and family. Most expensive things were the hotel, band and photographer but I was happy with all 3. It was about what we had expected to spend so that was fine with us.

marvin80 · 25-06-2018 02:13PM

theyoungchap wrote: »

The key to breaking even or making money is to invite loads of people, never mind how tenuous the link friggin invite them. That lad you played 5-a-side with in 2000, the lads you met on the East Coast of Australia, they are all good to be shaken down for 200 euro a couple.

Before you know it you'll have a glorified dinner dance and be quids in......the band etc are all paid for so anybody you invite is going to result in you moving closer to a profit.

(While I am being sarcastic, I know several people who have thought like that and had ginormous weddings and one of which would even admit to that).

A friend had his worked out financially - big numbers, had it on a Friday (got the hotel a bit cheaper than the Saturday), had the reception in a different county to their own county - the thinking was invite loads of people and the people that can't come will send a card and money anyway.

A work colleague was invited to a wedding by a lad he worked with a few years ago. Never keep in contact but got an invite anyway. Another big wedding - selfish cu*ts trying to get guests to cover their wedding costs as much as possible.

I wonder would people have big expensive weddings if they knew they wouldn't get any cash as presents and consequently be prepared to take on a 20,000-30,000 loan for the 'happiest day of their lives surround by families and friends'?!!

theyoungchap · 25-06-2018 02:17PM

marvin80 wrote: »

A friend had his worked out financially - big numbers, had it on a Friday (got the hotel a bit cheaper than the Saturday), had the reception in a different county to their own county - the thinking was invite loads of people and the people that can't come will send a card and money anyway.

A work colleague was invited to a wedding by a lad he worked with a few years ago. Never keep in contact but got an invite anyway. Another big wedding - selfish cu*ts trying to get guests to cover their wedding costs as much as possible.

I wonder would people have big expensive weddings if they knew they wouldn't get any cash as presents and consequently be prepared to take on a 20,000-30,000 loan for the 'happiest day of their lives surround by families and friends'?!!

I have previous experience in being invited where I felt I was being invited to make up numbers, I can smell a mile away where somebody is inviting me for the sake of a wedding present. Don't attend, don't give present.

I will always give present where a genuine friend is getting married and I can't make it.

ongarboy · 25-06-2018 03:40PM

bear1 wrote: »

We kept ours as simple as possible.
In the end the whole day cost I think about 3k? Went on our honeymoon the very next day which was about 3k I would guess.
Got about 5k in gift money from everyone.
Why anyone would spend 27k.. going a years salary for some on 1 single day is beyond me but if you can afford it then have at it.

The thing is it seems people can't and will foolishly get themselves into debt over it. Note the earlier poster who mentioned someone who took out a 5 year credit union loan for a marriage that lasted 3 years less than the term of the loan.....

_Dara_ · 25-06-2018 04:00PM

theyoungchap wrote: »

The only part of a wedding which I have an issue with is the "day after party". Lets be frank, nobody other than the couple and maybe a few family members is arsed with this. People have indulged you for 1-day already, don't inflict another day of your wedding on them. People do feel obliged to go, I know people will say "nobody is making you" but if the married couple say "are you coming to the BBQ today" as you get ready to try and leave, you do feel pressure.
We didn't have anything as we weren't bothered, people have thanked us for it since!!

I never go to the second day. I find that couples have been fine with that but maybe only because so many others have said yes. If there was mass-declining of the second day invite, they might be more put out.

Last summer my hubs and his mother dragged themselves to the second day event of one of his first cousins. Father-in-law and I stayed behind, happily watching films in the cosy sitting room, drinking cups of tea. Hubs and MIL were looking at us enviously as they were leaving. We pointed out that they could raincheck but they felt obliged. They went and said it was only so-so because everyone was absolutely dying at the event.

But the obligation was there. The bride was the daughter of the sister my MIL is closest to. She wanted my MIL there for support. It’s all such a load of shite.

Sycamore Tree · 25-06-2018 04:11PM

Ours cost 9k about 7 years ago and we were clever about where we invested the money.
128 people attended.

I think anyone that spends 15k+ always regrets it down the line especially when they realise all their guests forget about the "experience" or ordeal very soon afterwards and most did not want to attend in the first place.

I knew one idiot who spent 3.5k on the wedding album alone!

facehugger99 · 25-06-2018 04:13PM

The only second day event I've ever attended was as my sisters' wedding and that was different anyway because she got married abroad.

Any others, I've just said "no".

Wouldn't even cross my mind to feel anyway guilty about it either.

_Dara_ · 25-06-2018 04:15PM

I never feel guilty either but some do, especially if something has been organised and paid for as opposed to “Let’s all just congregate in the pub”.

miezekatze · 25-06-2018 04:25PM

I think a lot of people do go a bit crazy in this country when it comes to weddings. If you're on an average salary then you can't really afford a huge party in a 5-star hotel or manor house, followed by a 10k honeymoon. Nobody should have to take out a loan for their wedding. If you can genuinely afford it then fair enough, but if the average cost of a wedding is around 25k and the average income isn't a whole lot more than that then I'd say a lot of people probably spend a bit more than they can afford.

My fiance and I never wanted to have a big wedding so we'll have a very intimate one, will probably spend around 3k. Honeymoon will probably be another 3-4k.

25-06-2018 04:51PM

Don't get the hate for the second day at all, I'm totally the opposite I'm disappointed when a wedding doesn't have a second day as they are always great craic and a very good excuse to start on the beer again the next morning/early afternoon after a wedding and cure the hangover :pac:.

There was no question at all about whether we will have a second day for our own, in fact it will nearly be 3 days as lots of people will be around the day/night before the wedding also and we plan to meet up for some drinks etc that evening too.

Sycamore Tree · 25-06-2018 05:15PM

Phoenix Stale Viking wrote: »

Don't get the hate for the second day at all, I'm totally the opposite I'm disappointed when a wedding doesn't have a second day as they are always great craic and a very good excuse to start on the beer again the next morning/early afternoon after a wedding and cure the hangover :pac:.

There was no question at all about whether we will have a second day for our own, in fact it will nearly be 3 days as lots of people will be around the day/night before the wedding also and we plan to meet up for some drinks etc that evening too.

You're making your wedding into a festival. People will hate you even if they don't let on. You'll find that most people don't want to spend a summer Sunday drinking away a hangover.

The 2nd night expectation adds unnecessary cost and can force people to take leave on the Monday (if wedding on Saturday). Trust me, most people just want to go home after 1 big night. It's pure self-indulgence on the part of the bride/groom.

LirW · 25-06-2018 05:18PM

Sycamore Tree wrote: »

You're making your wedding into a festival. People will hate you even if they don't let on. You'll find that most people don't want to spend a summer Sunday drinking away a hangover.

The 2nd night expectation adds unnecessary cost and can force people to take leave on the Monday (if wedding on Saturday). Trust me, most people just want to go home after 1 big night. It's pure self-indulgence on the part of the bride/groom.

Funnily enough I've seen couples planning really huge lavish affairs running for days and then when it comes to RSVPs they're devastated that only 50% are coming. Not my taste, especially getting hammered days in a row, but his wedding, not mine.

erica74 · 25-06-2018 05:22PM

A wedding should cost what you can afford and you should only invite who you want, nobody outside of the couple getting married should have any input into either.

My husband and I got married 5 years ago. There was 13 guests at the reception, 2 additional guests at the dinner and then an additional 5 guests to the evening part. We had a civil ceremony, dinner and evening party all in the same room of the venue.
We paid €9000 for the our rings, civil ceremony, dinner, use of the room for the evening, my dress and shoes, my sister's dress and shoes, my husband's suit (everyone else was told to come dressed whatever way they wanted (some wore jeans and it didn't make any difference)), the honeymoon suite, one other suite and 6 additional rooms for some of our guests, some chose to go home as the venue was local to everyone and a free bar for our guests.
My husband is friends with a cake maker so that was free, my husband is friends with a florist's husband so that was free, my husband is also friends with a jewellery designer/maker so we got a great discount on our one of a kind handmade rings and they mean a lot having been made by our close friend, someone my husband has been friends with since she was just an apprentice 25 years ago.
Oh and I found the photographer on boards!

We chose to invite our very close friends only, people we see all the time, people who know us in our relationship so that they could witness the next stage in our lives beginning, nobody else needed to be there. The only family member either of us had there was my sister as my husband's family are all deceased and I don't have a relationship with my parents or my brother and there is nobody from my extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) who I thought had a place at the wedding.
Because we had such a small wedding, we were able to pay for everything ourselves, including rooms for those who stayed the night, the bar bill and taxis for those who chose to head home and not stay over). It was very important to us that our friends not feel obligated to attend, shell out loads of money or give gifts.
We waited until after the wedding to announce that we were married, I posted on Facebook the following day. Some people were annoyed but they got over, not my problem anyway. What, is someone going to stay annoyed at you forever because they weren't invited to your wedding?! :pac:

lenscap · 25-06-2018 05:40PM

LirW wrote: »

I think what a lot of people don't see there is that weddings are huge events and events of that size require a horrendous amount of planning. Everything is tailor made, you pay these vendors for them to run your day smoothly. Staff and preparation cost a lot of money and some prestigious companies have done it 100 times and they know exactly why they charge you that.
The photographer will spend days at home editing your pictures. The band spends a lot of time working on a tailor made playlist. The celebrant spends a lot of time preparing a really lovely bespoke ceremony. It just seems so easy peasy because they are veterans in what they do.

I was a professional wedding photographer for 30 years (now semi retired). I have seen what goes on behind the scene and the amount of work and effort, the amount of attention to detail on everything from flowers, car hire, make up hair, ceremony music, photography/video, hotel, band etc.

These are professionals that know their job and work together with all the others on the day to make it all run smoothly. (NOTE: if it looks easy then it's not) When things go wrong on the day it is usually because a non professional was allocated the job.

Yes, I know the professionals make mistakes but (most importantly) they resolve them seamlessly and nobody is any the wiser (except those working the gig).

facehugger99 · 25-06-2018 05:52PM

Phoenix Stale Viking wrote: »

in fact it will nearly be 3 days as lots of people will be around the day/night before the wedding also and we plan to meet up for some drinks etc that evening too.

I really tried to imagine something I would hate more than this and had to give up after 5 minutes.

Donald Trump · 25-06-2018 05:56PM

They cost your independence, your soul and your happiness :pac:

theyoungchap · 25-06-2018 06:38PM

facehugger99 wrote: »

Phoenix Stale Viking wrote: »

in fact it will nearly be 3 days as lots of people will be around the day/night before the wedding also and we plan to meet up for some drinks etc that evening too.

I really tried to imagine something I would hate more than this and had to give up after 5 minutes.

I love a good wedding and a session and the likes but it sounds like torture to me too!

_Dara_ · 25-06-2018 06:49PM

I’m always wrecked the day after weddings. Even if you don’t drink much, it’s such a long day and honestly, after that marathon, I usually need a bit of a breather from my friends even.

what do weddings cost the couple overall??

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