Girlfriend left me. Taking it really badly.

Kuva · 21-04-2018 07:45PM

mada82 wrote: »

She was texting me today and mentioned I was looking well coming out of the gym. Then said she was having a bad day. Then stopped texting saying it wasn’t fair on me for her to text me.

Confused now.

Today has been a very good day otherwise. I’m feeling good.

Aww, poor her. Change of mind until the next time is it??

Block options available on everything, use them.

Ursus Horribilis · 21-04-2018 08:38PM

mada82 wrote: »

Yea I think deep down those texts today gave me hope of reunion. It’s stupid I know. I should be solely focused on moving on.

Of course they will have. You're still in a very fragile place and would probably take her back in the morning. Is it the right thing to do though? That's the decision for you to make.

Those texts smack of buyer's remorse to me and really need to be taken with large pinches of salt. Let's not forget that she thought so little of you, she dumped you by text and moved out while you were at work. Oh and stuck you with a big loan to pay back. I don't suppose she has offered at any stage to help you out with that? It also sounds like the relationship was unbalanced, what with those comments about you putting her needs above your own. It's almost as if you were in thrall to her and maybe too dependent on her?

After what you've told us, I've changed my mind on the counselling. Go talk to someone and while you're there, bring up these texts and your confusion over it. Don't go making any hasty decisions .

fAzI · 21-04-2018 08:57PM

mada82 wrote: »

Yea I think deep down those texts today gave me hope of reunion. It’s stupid I know. I should be solely focused on moving on.

Now It's the right time to focus on yourself!
She is not worth your love and you should go on!

It is really bad begging anyone for love. You deserve better woman.

Cheer m8

mada82 · 22-04-2018 04:39PM

Hey all. So we continued to text yesterday and this morning and of course I got sucked back in thinking I could persuade her to give it another go. I was given a firm no. Told me she still loved me but she has to do what’s right for her.

I said I can’t text anymore as it’s not helping my recovery and we left it at that. If she texts again hopefully I am strong enough to not reply and just accept she’s trying to make herself feel better about how she handled the breakup.

I did things wrong, I got in moods and we had arguments. I was wrong a lot of the time but I was very good to her over all. I opened up to my family about some of the things that annoyed me during the relationship and they agreed that it would annoy them too and maybe she wasn’t as perfect as I think.

Looking forward to counselling to start. It will help me move on from the guilt and regret of this and work on a few things I could get better at too.

fAzI · 22-04-2018 04:44PM

mada82 wrote: »

Hey all. So we continued to text yesterday and this morning and of course I got sucked back in thinking I could persuade her to give it another go. I was given a firm no. Told me she still loved me but she has to do what’s right for her.

I said I can’t text anymore as it’s not helping my recovery and we left it at that. If she texts again hopefully I am strong enough to not reply and just accept she’s trying to make herself feel better about how she handled the breakup.

I did things wrong, I got in moods and we had arguments. I was wrong a lot of the time but I was very good to her over all. I opened up to my family about some of the things that annoyed me during the relationship and they agreed that it would annoy them too and maybe she wasn’t as perfect as I think.

Looking forward to counselling to start. It will help me move on from the guilt and regret of this and work on a few things I could get better at too.

You deserve better woman!

Ursus Horribilis · 22-04-2018 04:47PM

It's time to block her number. But you don't want to do that, do you?

mada82 · 22-04-2018 07:36PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It's time to block her number. But you don't want to do that, do you?

Blocked on Facebook and numbers deleted.

Sephiroth_dude · 22-04-2018 07:37PM

mada82 wrote: »

Hey all. So we continued to text yesterday and this morning and of course I got sucked back in thinking I could persuade her to give it another go. I was given a firm no. Told me she still loved me but she has to do what’s right for her.

I said I can’t text anymore as it’s not helping my recovery and we left it at that. If she texts again hopefully I am strong enough to not reply and just accept she’s trying to make herself feel better about how she handled the breakup.

I did things wrong, I got in moods and we had arguments. I was wrong a lot of the time but I was very good to her over all. I opened up to my family about some of the things that annoyed me during the relationship and they agreed that it would annoy them too and maybe she wasn’t as perfect as I think.

Looking forward to counselling to start. It will help me move on from the guilt and regret of this and work on a few things I could get better at too.

Don't give her the opportunity to text you again, block her everywhere, she'll only end up wrecking your head again and giving you false hope.

Arrival · 22-04-2018 07:41PM

mada82 wrote: »

Blocked on Facebook and numbers deleted.

Block her number too

mada82 · 23-04-2018 09:45AM

Thanks all. Feeling a bit better today. Still have a lot of regret popping into my head though and not sleeping well.

It’s all about adjusting to living on my own, finding a new routine so I’m not bored or lonely.

I’m going to go to two yoga classes during the week evenings to keep busy and might try find something else to do too.

Problem is after all this I’d still take her back if she asked now. I have to work on changing that.

cailin. · 23-04-2018 10:21AM

mada82 wrote: »

Problem is after all this I’d still take her back if she asked now. I have to work on changing that.

Hi OP,

Had a read through your thread.

In some ways you come across as self aware, and are obviously very attuned to the hurt you're experiencing since the break up.

The above statement that I highlighted is a problem. For every day that you move forward, you're moving two days back again because you still haven't decided that this person is not good enough for you.

I think this is a real opportunity for you to focus on some self-growth. It's concerning to me that you said that you have been in relationships for 10 years. I would really recommend some time to develop positive routines and habits that benefit YOU. It's great joining the clubs and doing yoga but to be honest it comes across as an extreme attempt to be "busy" so you don't have to process the emotions that you are feeling. It might work on a superficial level, but deep down you are going to take this girl back at the first opportunity.

You should really want and expect more for yourself at this stage. If she walked away from you once in the circumstances above what's to say she won't do it again?

The real breakup recovery won't begin until you cut contact.

Iseedeadpixels · 23-04-2018 10:32AM

Only seeing this now, you mention you made a mistake that required couples counselling, was it this that made her break up with you?

On another note breaking up with you while you're in work....wow

mada82 · 23-04-2018 10:41AM

We had a good few arguments. And I got into moods and shut down on a good few nights out.
If we were out with her friends and family I would sometimes feel left out. She was a group pleaser and it felt like my opinion was irrelevant in these situations. There wasn’t always rows in these situations either. It probably happened mostly when the most drink was had.

Most of the time it was probably my fault for not handling the situation better but sometimes she did inappropriate things that I dwelled on.

Basically if she was doing things that I wouldn’t do to her it annoyed me.

I’m fully aware this is something I need to work on going forward. I always took responsibility and apologised but I guess the well ran dry.

Looking back she rarely took responsibility for things she may have done.

My friends and family say they have never seen any of the above traits in me so I’m not sure why it happened.

On the whole the relationship was good though. Day to day we got on really well, had a great craic together. I pretty much let her decide everything we did.

....... · 23-04-2018 11:21AM

This post has been deleted.

mada82 · 23-04-2018 11:41AM

If something annoys me or I’ve something on my mind I need to say it. She reacted very badly to any criticism or anything like that and got really defensive. So I guess we weren’t any good at disagreeing.

mada82 · 24-04-2018 07:36AM

Awake since 3am this morning but still got up for gym at 6.30.

I got sleeping tablets from the doc but not sure if they are a good idea or not.

The sleepless nights are a killer. If I was getting a full nights sleep I think it would help a lot.

I’ve wrote down a list of all her bad habits for me to look at when I’m feeling sad. Hopefully it will help give me some perspective.

I bought the feeling good handbook too so I’ll give that I read too when it comes.

amdublin · 24-04-2018 07:42AM

I'd follow your doctor here. They were given for a reason. Even just take one tonight to get a good nights sleep. Get into bed at 9pm, take the tablet, you'll be out until your alarm rings

amdublin · 24-04-2018 07:56AM

Ps. I think you are doing great and doing all the right things. Good luck at the counselling.

I know it's hard to believe but you WILL come out the other side of this

doylerkelly · 25-04-2018 08:04AM

Have you ever heard the impression 'If you have to beg someone to be in your life, they don't belong there'. Unfortunately she no longer wants to be in this relationship, it wouldn't be fair on either of you if she just stayed cos you begged her.

You are feeling lousy now but these feelings wont last forever. the best way to get over her is to delete her number and remove her from any social networking sites, get out with your friends and try to keep yourself busy. I know it's easier said than done but be strong and positive and take care of yourself.

mada82 · 25-04-2018 09:54AM

Good news folks. Think I’m finally starting to accept it. Slowly but surely since Saturday I’ve been feeling better about things.

I can now see a life without her in it.
It’s all about adjusting now and being happy with my own company.

Iseedeadpixels · 25-04-2018 11:12AM

mada82 wrote: »

Good news folks. Think I’m finally starting to accept it. Slowly but surely since Saturday I’ve been feeling better about things.

I can now see a life without her in it.
It’s all about adjusting now and being happy with my own company.

2 years single and the thoughts of giving up my freedom is sickening :pac:

yourdeadwright · 27-04-2018 03:36PM

Sorry to hear ,
Just keep the head up and remember you had a life before her and no doubt will after her, You are you not an extension of her, You can still be the best you without her,
Try take all the positives moving forward and try look at it as something that will help you grown into a better more well rounded person ,
Id a sad break up years ago and it made me a way better person made me realise it wasn't someone else that I needed to make me happy it was just to be happy in myself ,
I'll always remember a friend saying some times things fall apart so better things can come together, he was right

mada82 · 29-04-2018 10:04AM

Thanks everyone. Had a bad day yesterday. Ended up texting her and being told in no uncertain terms it was over. Hopefully I don’t contact her again now. Seen her on tinder too so it was pretty rough emotionally yesterday. Good side is I ended up having a ONS last night so hopefully it’s onwards and upwards from here.

utyh2ikcq9z76b · 29-04-2018 10:14AM

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

2 years single and the thoughts of giving up my freedom is sickening :pac:

MGTOW life

amdublin · 29-04-2018 11:23AM

mada82 wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Had a bad day yesterday. Ended up texting her and being told in no uncertain terms it was over. Hopefully I don’t contact her again now. Seen her on tinder too so it was pretty rough emotionally yesterday. Good side is I ended up having a ONS last night so hopefully it’s onwards and upwards from here.

If you're tempted to text again. Post here instead.

I'd actually suggest getting someone to go into your phone and delete her number.

Onwards and upwards. Small steps. You'll get there

Ursus Horribilis · 29-04-2018 11:30AM

Yes, I agree with the poster above me. Unless you have a reason to stay in contact with her (i.e. practicalities relating to your former home) it's time to block her on everything and delete her number. You've been told in many different ways now that it is over but it's going to take you time to accept that. Last night's one night stand doesn't matter one jot in the grand scale of things and don't fool yourself into thinking it is.

Iseedeadpixels · 30-04-2018 11:14AM

Sullivan Poor Nose wrote: »

MGTOW life

No I'm nothing like them!

Bigbagofcans · 30-04-2018 11:22AM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Yes, I agree with the poster above me. Unless you have a reason to stay in contact with her (i.e. practicalities relating to your former home) it's time to block her on everything and delete her number. You've been told in many different ways now that it is over but it's going to take you time to accept that. Last night's one night stand doesn't matter one jot in the grand scale of things and don't fool yourself into thinking it is.

I completely agree with the first part of your post.
I disagree with the last sentence though. I think it's great the OP has been out and got with someone. It shows he's open to meeting new people now and he's allowed to have some fun and consider it a stepping stone towards his new life as a single man!

Girlfriend left me. Taking it really badly.

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