Age when your realized you were not straight

I was about 11 or 12 when I fully realized I was attracted to other males. So no, 12 is by no means too young. TBH I have been gay for as far back as I can remember but could only put a name to it in my early teens. Some LGBT youths come to the realization earlier than others, but being gay is almost certainly inborn. Well that’s my opinion on it in any case.

Then came the years of self denial and trying to be straight until I finally came to my senses at 21/22 after a few relationships with girls. I’ve never looked back. I’m 42 years of age now.

I grew up in a very homophobic society in my youth which made me struggle and hide away. My parents used to make casual homophobic comments to stuff on TV. The 1980s was a truly horrible time to be gay. Yes, the fledging LGBT community had been set up, David Norris and Mary Robinson were fighting the courts to legalize gay sex, but wider society ridiculed gay people at best and were very very hostile to them at worst. Gay bashings were commonplace. Unsurprisingly the deeply unhealthy relationship between the Catholic Church and the State was to blame to a large degree. Extramarital sex was condemned as was any open discussion sexual issues, contraception and divorce were proscribed, let alone gay rights. It was an utterly stifling environment in terms of sexual freedom for everyone. Rape within marriage was still legal until well into the 1990s FFS. Sex education was virtually non existent. Look at the tragedy of Ann Lovett and the Kerry Babies case, both in 1984. Meanwhile single mothers were stigmatized, the Magdalene laundries were still running and ignorance and intolerance reigned supreme. A sizable minority to their credit rejected this nasty status quo and directly challenged the orthodoxy of sexual repression. Many simply emigrated in order to gain some sense of freedom and self-expression.

Gay men were murdered and the Gardai didn’t seem too bothered in catching the perpetrators. Gay people were pariahs - marginalized, often desperately lonely, and hugely discriminated against. Most were deep in the closet in any case. As we approach 2020, sadly many still are. It wasn’t much - if any - better for LGBT people in the UK or the States (even after the so-called “sexual revolution” of the 1960s and 70s) except that in the bigger cities the “scenes” were more developed and accepting to those rejected by their hometowns and families. Those early gay pride events were angry protest movements to fight to gain tolerance and gain even some legal equality.

My mum died suddenly when I was 15, long before I came out but I know in hindsight she would have accepted me as she deeply loved me. My dad, who once opined when I asked him about AIDS said it was “Gods punishment against gays” when I was about 13, completely changed his views in the 1990s (as so many people did) and accepted me unconditionally when I came out to him at 22/23.

The 1990s, particularly the latter half, were a decade of huge change in terms of LGBT acceptance. The decriminalitation of gay sex, the coming out of a number of celebrities, and for me going to university opened my mind and gave me the confidence to come out. It was a time of huge social change for Ireland and the beginning of the collapse of the power of the Church was instrumental in these changes.

Anti-gay attitudes were simply ignorance on my parents’ generations part. No gay friends that they were aware of, camp stereotyped characters on TV that were the object of ridicule, the horror of HIV/AIDS, gay sex being illegal and religious indoctrination. Of all my relatives and wider clan, only one aunt rejected me when I came out. Her sad loss. She was a bitter individual anyway. We did decide not to tell my grandfather who was in his late 80s about me being gay. I just don’t think he would have understood. I do know I was fortunate compared to many as gay youth continue to this day to be rejected by their families - despicable the the year 2018.

To see gay people getting married to each other with the full love and support of their families is something I could not have dreamed of as a struggling teen. Also even though I’m no fan of Leo Varadkar’s policies, the fact that Ireland is one of the first countries to have an openly gay leader is very significant. We have come a huge way. But there is still quite a way to go. There are still an awful lot of people trapped in the closet and the issue of gay people, especially gay men, in professional team sports, has an awful long way to go. Professional soccer is a total disgrace in particular. Northern Ireland is still rife with homophobia and same-sex marriage has yet to be legalized there.

And then there are our LGBT comrades in deeply homophobic parts of the world like the Middle East, most of Africa and Russia and Central Asia who remain persecuted and oppressed. Parts of the USA remain virulently homophobic. They need our support in every way. And trans acceptance has quite a long way to go. I’ve always believed there’s a strong connection between women’s rights and LGBT rights.