Have you been affected by alcoholism?

Bambi985 · 04-03-2018 11:38PM #1

Bit of a heavy one for AH I know. But I thought it'd be interesting to see how widespread the problem actually is.

Growing up I had an uncle that drifted in and out of my life due to alcoholism. He'd pop back on the radar for years at a time, buy a house, build a business, only to disappear into what I assume was a relapse into his own personal hell and for a time none of his family would know his whereabouts.

That was my experience of alcoholism growing up - that you're either homeless or unable to function in a normal, everyday existence including holding down a job and relationships etc. It was something taboo - we never referred to him as an alcoholic, just hushed tones at family get-togethers, "Joe is off the rails again".

As I've gotten older I've realised that most alcoholics are functional, normal hardworking folks that look like anyone else, not those dishevelled winos you see in the movies. You might not even know they struggle with substance abuse, as it's pretty fecking easy to hide in plain sight in Ireland, along with the 90% of everyone else that enjoys a pint or five at the weekend.

My most recent ex is an alcoholic and it gave me a scary insight into a world I hope to never see again. It took me a year or so to put two and two together. We hooked up at a work party after enough prosecco to knock out an elephant, and it was a long while after that before I realised that my innocent "one too many" episodes a couple of times a year characterised something a lot darker, a lot more sinister for him. It was a very distressing sequel of events that lead to the realisation that something darker was going on - the hidden wine bottles, the boozy smell he'd try to mask with aftershave, the lying about how much he'd drank, the relentless excuses. That progressed in a very scary way and turned me into an insecure wreck of a person and the ultimate demise of the relationship.

I know this is a common disease. We all know that. But I just never hear anything about it. We're not taught how to drink healthily, properly, and we're not taught about the warning signs. We celebrate EVERYTHING with beer and wine and we lend ourselves to each other by regaling stories of how ****faced we were at the weekend, how hungover we are now. Such a laugh!

Do you have an alcoholic in your life? Are you an alcoholic?

jimbobalob309 · 04-03-2018 11:45PM

i know quite a few. lads i went to school with who look about 30 years older than the rest of us. another few in denial that live for the stories, for the banter down the pub but can never leave. one lad lost his job and told by the doc that one more drink could put him in liver failre, still none the wiser.

koumi · 04-03-2018 11:46PM

I've an uncle and an aunt both sober over twenty years but it seemed to be a thing on that side of the family. I never really saw much of them as we were quite removed from them where I grew up and neither of my parents drank (we encouraged our father to have a pint occasionally, which he began to do nearing retirement) and I can't remember the last time I had alcohol, not because I don't drink but because I couldn't be bothered about it. I have a few sisters all have the glass or three of wine after work, I wouldn't call them alcoholics but it is a regular part of their lives.

the_pen_turner · 04-03-2018 11:46PM

i think it depends on your definition.
to me an alcoholic is someone who cant cope without drink, their whole world revolves around it.

by that logic then somone who barely drinks could be an alcoholic and someone who drinks like a fish isnt.
i know 2 guys that i would put in the first group and one in the second
both guys cannot have a conversation without everything revolving around the pub. thye dont drink a huge amount but it consumes their lives.

the heavy drinker goes loads of places and enjoys all sides of life. one small part is going to the pub and watching a match. during this time he drinks a decent amount.
he has a life outside it so i dont see him as an alcoholic but i would see the first to as alcoholics even though the first guy drinks more than the other 2 combined

Noveight · 04-03-2018 11:49PM

I haven't been thankfully. The closest it comes to my door is a friends Da or my great grandfather who was dead long before I was around.

Long may it last.

Dr Brown · 04-03-2018 11:54PM

Alcoholism is great craic.

jimbobalob309 · 04-03-2018 11:58PM

Dr Brown wrote: »

Alcoholism is great craic.

it really is not

northgirl · 04-03-2018 11:58PM

My mum's an alcoholic. A highly functioning one and I've only recognised it in the last year or two. Christmas Day she's usually hopping off walls and nearly falling over. Her mother was an alcoholic and died quite young leaving my mum to rear 5 other siblings. It's definitely not a stereotypically definable illness IMO.

eeguy · 04-03-2018 11:59PM

I know a lad from school that developed health problems in his 20s from alcohol.

Still not slowing down though. He'll probably die young going the way he's going.

freshpopcorn · 05-03-2018 12:03AM

My parents weren't really drinkers. Well my mother wasn't and my father drank the very odd time and it never agreed with him.
I did have an Uncle who was an Alcoholic he died when he was in his late forties. I don't really remember him to be honest. He always had issues with Alcohol but it really went down hill when he sold land and bought a pub!

Donald Trump · 05-03-2018 12:05AM

Donald Trump · 05-03-2018 12:06AM

jimbobalob309 wrote: »

Dr Brown wrote: »

Alcoholism is great craic.

it really is not

But the man is a doctor....surely he knows what he's talking about

Bambi985 · 05-03-2018 12:09AM

7th Chord wrote: »

I am fascinated by alcoholics.

What fascinates you?

It's a very very frightening disease to witness up close. And there's a sliding scale.

At the end of our relationship, my ex started going to the meetings in an effort to salvage our relationship. I think deep down he got that there was a problem. But then he'd encounter militant AA folks who were years in recovery that had quite literally ruined their lives for the drink. Lost marriages, relationships with their children, wound up in jail or psychiatric wards.

In comparison, he was "grand", in reality he really was not. He'd find an excuse to drink every day ("sure I'm not a real alcoholic like those hardcore lads"), he'd lie and manipulate and hide his intake and throw other people's drinking habits in my face as a way of justifying his own. "A few pints with the lads" would turn into a three-day bender and then the remorse and the empty promises that this will be "the last time" every time.

It's a progressive disease.

dasdenny · 05-03-2018 12:10AM

7th Chord wrote: »

Not affected but I do sometimes wonder about myself and where I'm headed.

I am fascinated by alcoholics.

Part of the problem really, ANYONE who drinks alcohol IS affected, Common misconception which feeds the problem

Dr Brown · 05-03-2018 12:11AM

jimbobalob309 wrote: »

it really is not

It is for some people.

Snowseer · 05-03-2018 12:17AM

Bambi985 wrote: »

Personal hell

That's exactly what it is. I have some experience of it, unfortunately.

JohnnyFlash · 05-03-2018 12:21AM

There's bucks that can go out and sink back 15 pints, and not be an alco. They just like gettin' drunk the odd time. And there's other lads who are falling around the place after 4 or 5, and definitely have a problem. My ex was drinking a bottle of wine an evening by the time I'd had enough (not the only reason, but you can't reason with a drunk). That sort of drinking seems to have become acceptable these days. Which it isn't.

One of my brothers has over 20 years sobriety now. AA worked for him. Amazing worldwide organization that purposefully remains anonymous. No ads, no money, no nothing.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 05-03-2018 12:26AM

One of my grandparents was an alcoholic but died before I knew them. There was whispers that my dads brother is one but I’ve never seen him drink once in my entire life. I suspect two girls I’m friends with are, they’re sisters. They justify their drinking as normal because they’re both as bad as each other. One of them is pregnant and is still drinking heavily but masking it as she needs to drink Guinness as she has low iron. I recently did her makeup and I could smell the booze from the night before off her. She lies about her drinking she pretends she’s not drinking or drinking non alcoholic Becks but there’s bottles of vodka cans of beer and a box of empty bottles all over her room. If you try bring it up with her she just reminds you she didn’t want the pregnancy and the fathers “r*****ed”anyway so the baby will be too whether she drinks or not. The sisters lost numerous jobs for drinking and will often drink from early morning before doing the most menial of tasks (going to an interview or going grocery shopping with her mother). You’d never know she had a drink on her

bb1234567 · 05-03-2018 12:29AM

I was a high functioning alcoholic when I was just 18 years old in first year college.It never caused any problems with my relationships with other people really just caused a lot of self hatred. It only lasted about a year.but I had extreme social anxiety, and was just beginning college. I asked my parents about getting help but I they thought I was just playing it up and being dramatic.
I loved how confident alcohol made me feel..I used to drink during lunch time at college and bring 2 bottles of cider into college and drink it in the bathroom beforehand so that I was more fun and less nervous at lunch time with my friends.
My normal personality is so quiet and reserved that a step up from that brought on by alcohol went unnoticed , as in I got along with people better but nobody knew I was drinking
I still got good grades despite bad alcohol habits

I used to be so embarassed buying alcohol in morning times, felt like I was doing something illegal. It all cost me so much money and was probably very bad for my health and it was a very bad way of dealing with social anxiety. I went to my gp for help, she referred me to somebody and I began using a few different meds she prescribed me, nothing heavy duty, just stuff that calmed me and stopped my heart from thudding out of my chest when speaking to a stranger

Anyway, Im glad Im a lot better now, I graduated college with good grades and have a great boyfriend and social circle. Obviously not the worst alcohol habit story, but Im ashamed of myself for trying to deal with anxiety that way, it was incredibly stupid and could have led to a very serious alcohol additction if I had continued to rely on it
Drinking most alcoholic beverages nearly stimulates a gag reflex for me because I hate the taste so much so that helped a lot in not becoming very addicted.

Ajsoprano · 05-03-2018 12:31AM

Everyone is addicted to something.
10 years from now kids will be acting out because dad was always on the laptop or Xbox. Get on with it your parents weren’t perfect human beings learn how to be better in yourself and stop blaming other people you came into contact with as a cop out.

dark crystal · 05-03-2018 12:32AM

Evan Lazy Rudder wrote: »

One of my grandparents was an alcoholic but died before I knew them. There was whispers that my dads brother is one but I’ve never seen him drink once in my entire life. I suspect two girls I’m friends with are, they’re sisters. They justify their drinking as normal because they’re both as bad as each other. One of them is pregnant and is still drinking heavily but masking it as she needs to drink Guinness as she has low iron. I recently did her makeup and I could smell the booze from the night before off her. She lies about her drinking she pretends she’s not drinking or drinking non alcoholic Becks but there’s bottles of vodka cans of beer and a box of empty bottles all over her room. If you try bring it up with her she just reminds you she didn’t want the pregnancy and the fathers “r*****ed”anyway so the baby will be too whether she drinks or not. The sisters lost numerous jobs for drinking and will often drink from early morning before doing the most menial of tasks (going to an interview or going grocery shopping with her mother). You’d never know she had a drink on her

Poor child doesn't stand a chance.

northgirl · 05-03-2018 12:34AM

bb1234567 wrote: »

I was a high functioning alcoholic when I was just 18 years old in first year college.It never caused any problems with my relationships with other people really just caused a lot of self hatred. It only lasted about a year.but I had extreme social anxiety, and was just beginning college. I asked my parents about getting help but I they thought I was just playing it up and being dramatic.
I loved how confident alcohol made me feel..I used to drink during lunch time at college and bring 2 bottles of cider into college and drink it in the bathroom beforehand so that I was more fun and less nervous at lunch time with my friends.
My normal personality is so quiet and reserved that a step up from that brought on by alcohol went unnoticed , as in I got along with people better but nobody knew I was drinking
I still got good grades despite bad alcohol habits

I used to be so embarassed buying alcohol in morning times, felt like I was doing something illegal. It all cost me so much money and was probably very bad for my health and it was a very bad way of dealing with social anxiety. I went to my gp for help, she referred me to somebody and I began using a few different meds she prescribed me, nothing heavy duty, just stuff that calmed me and stopped my heart from thudding out of my chest when speaking to a stranger

Anyway, Im glad Im a lot better now, I graduated college with good grades and have a great boyfriend and social circle. Obviously not the worst alcohol habit story, but Im ashamed of myself for trying to deal with anxiety that way, it was incredibly stupid and could have led to a very serious alcohol additction if I had continued to rely on it

For what it's worth I think it's very brave to recognise and own it like you have. Plenty out there don't and sounds like you've learned to cope with anxiety in more effective ways.

I have anxiety and deal with it in a bad way still and there were certainly times in my life that alcohol factored in too but now I avoid it more or less completely as I know the knock on results could be fatal for me.

the_pen_turner · 05-03-2018 12:35AM

bb1234567 wrote: »

I was a high functioning alcoholic when I was just 18 years old in first year college.It never caused any problems with my relationships with other people really just caused a lot of self hatred. It only lasted about a year.but I had extreme social anxiety, and was just beginning college. I asked my parents about getting help but I they thought I was just playing it up and being dramatic.
I loved how confident alcohol made me feel..I used to drink during lunch time at college and bring 2 bottles of cider into college and drink it in the bathroom beforehand so that I was more fun and less nervous at lunch time with my friends.
My normal personality is so quiet and reserved that a step up from that brought on by alcohol went unnoticed , as in I got along with people better but nobody knew I was drinking
I still got good grades despite bad alcohol habits

I used to be so embarassed buying alcohol in morning times, felt like I was doing something illegal. It all cost me so much money and was probably very bad for my health and it was a very bad way of dealing with social anxiety. I went to my gp for help, she referred me to somebody and I began using a few different meds she prescribed me, nothing heavy duty, just stuff that calmed me and stopped my heart from thudding out of my chest when speaking to a stranger

Anyway, Im glad Im a lot better now, I graduated college with good grades and have a great boyfriend and social circle. Obviously not the worst alcohol habit story, but Im ashamed of myself for trying to deal with anxiety that way, it was incredibly stupid and could have led to a very serious alcohol additction if I had continued to rely on it
Drinking most alcoholic beverages nearly stimulates a gag reflex for me because I hate the taste so much so that helped a lot in not becoming very addicted.

wow . great to see someone catching themselves before it became a serious situation. how did your parents react later on after all that

Hellywelly · 05-03-2018 12:39AM

My dad was an alcoholic. Died at 42 from the booze. It was 100% horrific living with it and 100% horrific that he died, when he died, and how he died (jaundiced with a massively distended liver/tummy area).
It affected everyone in my family. Still does.
An awful awful disease. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Bambi985 · 05-03-2018 12:45AM

Very sorry to hear that Hellywelly. That sounds incredibly difficult. I can completely understand how that would affect a family in profound ways too.

JupiterKid · 05-03-2018 12:49AM

Yep. Alcoholic here in early recovery. Normal drinker - if drinking can ever be called “normal” - until my early 30s, then a work related crisis caused a personal crisis which led to alcoholism and severe anxiety and depression. It got very very bad in the end - a spiral into oblivion. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

Parents were both moderate drinkers and didn’t go to pubs but I had an uncle on my mother’s side in the UK who drank himself into an early grave (liver packed in in his 50s). Grandfather had a gambling addiction but in later years managed to moderate that somewhat.

Alcohol destroys lives and families. If I knew at 16 what I know now, I would never have started drinking in the first place. Given how pervasive booze is in Irish society I would say that most if not all Irish families are negatively affected by alcohol in one way or another.

bb1234567 · 05-03-2018 12:49AM

the_pen_turner wrote: »

wow . great to see someone catching themselves before it became a serious situation. how did your parents react later on after all that

They weren't very cooperative at the beginning. So I told them I was going to find help with or without them because I wasn't happy with my life. They had that very common view a lot of irish people have on any kind of mental health issue, that its not right and its shameful, those psychiatric drugs are for proper mental people, unless you're fit to be bound in a straight jacket and wheeled off to a mental asylum then you don't have a mental illness, you're just being dramatic

Once they began to see it was helping my life so much then they were in the end very happy I had pursued it, which is really quite frustrating

I never told them anything about the alcohol because well Ithink it'd really upset them. Understandably, I mean Id feel I really had let my child down if they felt they needed to resort to alcohol to carry out normal social situations and I didn't even know about it to try and help them, or was ignorant and a bit blind to it and underestimated how bad the anxiety was. Im better now and I don't think theres any reason to make them feel like **** parents, they're really caring good parents in every other way. But as I said just have that mentality a lot of irish people have or had, that mental illness only exists in mental asylums

05-03-2018 12:51AM

I'm very sorry you've had to go through that, OP, and I hope you're doing ok.

I've an alcoholic in my extended family. He's lied, manipulated and stolen, has been lovingly given chance after chance after chance but never maintained sobriety for more than two years. His children are broken from the chaotic way they were brought up, his wife a phantom with no life or strength left. I'm grateful that he wasn't a big part of our lives as everything he touched turned sour. He's really only spoken of in the context of a cautionary tale.

I feel anger at him for how he's treated family members, but I do feel so sorry that he's now in his sixties, estranged from everyone who ever loved him, living from one drink to the next and all alone in the world with only a bottle for a friend. It's a waste of a life and a families love, it caused devastation to those around him. That's no life. Addiction affects the lives of everyone the addicts life touches.

Sephiroth_dude · 05-03-2018 12:56AM

My second eldest brother is one, I've often wrote about him on here,I live at home with my parents and him, we always suspected he had a drink problem and he was very good at hiding it until about four years ago, he was drunk literally all the time, he was falling all over the place drunk everyday, muttering nonsense , refused to get help, all he cared about was drink. I've been threatened by him that if I ever came between him and his alcohol he'd punch the face off me , he told me he wished I was dead,i was still there for him though when he needed me, picked him off the ground and put him into bed, brought him home when he was passed out in a ditch, I wanted to leave him there but I didnt, I called ambulance for him when he would have one of his alcohol related seizures, do you think we ever got thanked for looking after him ? No. I witnessed him being abusive to my mam and dad calling them every name under the sun, I came down countless mornings last year in particular to my mam bawling her eyes out in the kitchen because he wouldn't go to the doctor or he wanted his drink back and she wouldnt give it to him so he called her all these nasty names

. I wanted to kick his ass out the door so many times but my mam wouldn't let me.

Last may she suffered a TIA and that really was when the situation changed , the morning she went to hospital I was in bits and very angry, I blamed him because of all the stress he caused her and of course no he wouldn't accept responsibility for it, he tried to put the blame on me , anyway a week later he was in a treatment center but not because he wanted to be there but because he was given am ultimatum go get help or you're out of the house, that was thanks to two of my siblings.

He was there for three months, came out in August, within three days he was back drinking, we found him passed out in a wooded area near my house and had to bring him down home in a wheel chair my mam had from when she looked after my gran , I was so angry with him I wanted to leave him there but no the caring person that my mam is she wanted to being him home.

He then ended up in another treatment place and besides one relapse at Christmas we think he's sober, I was very upset with him at Christmas , I felt constantly on edge and couldn't relax, without sounding dramatic it really ruined my Christmas, I've had nightmares and continue to have nightmares about him being drunk and abusive, I'm hoping he'll find a place of his own and not come back here, I'm afraid of going back there again.

I had an uncle who moved to the u.k in the 70's that died of alcoholism, he ended up with wet brain I think its called and was confined to a bed for the last two years or so of his life, one of his sisters would be a bad alcoholic as well, so it runs in the family I guess unfortunately.

JupiterKid · 05-03-2018 12:56AM

Evan Lazy Rudder wrote: »

One of my grandparents was an alcoholic but died before I knew them. There was whispers that my dads brother is one but I’ve never seen him drink once in my entire life. I suspect two girls I’m friends with are, they’re sisters. They justify their drinking as normal because they’re both as bad as each other. One of them is pregnant and is still drinking heavily but masking it as she needs to drink Guinness as she has low iron. I recently did her makeup and I could smell the booze from the night before off her. She lies about her drinking she pretends she’s not drinking or drinking non alcoholic Becks but there’s bottles of vodka cans of beer and a box of empty bottles all over her room. If you try bring it up with her she just reminds you she didn’t want the pregnancy and the fathers “r*****ed”anyway so the baby will be too whether she drinks or not. The sisters lost numerous jobs for drinking and will often drink from early morning before doing the most menial of tasks (going to an interview or going grocery shopping with her mother). You’d never know she had a drink on her

That girl’s child when it is born will almost certainly have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome spectrum disorder. Very debilitating condition, very low IQ and severe mood and behavioral disorders. It will essentially be destroyed from the very start.:(

Given how heavily she appears to drink the best thing that woman could have done when she found out she was pregnant but could not stop drinking very heavily would have been to terminate. That’s what I’d have done if I was a woman in her situation.

05-03-2018 12:57AM

JupiterKid wrote: »

Yep. Alcoholic here in early recovery.

Best of luck, Jupiterkid. Keep at it, don't give up.

Have you been affected by alcoholism?

Comments