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Hen Party

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    #32
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Triceratops Ballet wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure i'm going to pull out, I'm just so worried about telling the bride, because I'm afraid the the whole thing will come out and I just want to walk away quietly and let sleeping dogs lie. But she's a no BS type and I can't lie so I can't see a way round that

    Say you can't afford it - it's the truth but with no unnecessary drama. You don't need to go into any more details, she'll understand.
    The catty BM won't but screw her


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    #33
    King of Kings
    Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    michellie wrote: »
    What kind of idiot plans a hen and doesn't tell people the price? I've planned many of them and the first thing people want to know is how much it costs them!

    agreed - people don't have unlimited income BM is a dope if she doesn't agree to that.


    Triceratops Ballet wrote: »
    No it's no more complex or fancy than a standard hen, activity, overnight stay, dinner. I can't see how what we're doing comes to that much. I had thought 150 max (I plan team outings in work so I've a good idea of what stuff like this costs)

    I suspect bridesmaid is getting you to cover her too!!

    that's an outrageous price. BTW don't believe the BM that everybody else is cool with it. At that price they should be giving out.

    Don't feel bad if you bail - the BM messed it up


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    #34
    dragonfly!
    Registered Users Posts: 1,056 ✭✭✭dragonfly!


    If you feel the price isnt the fair price you can quite easily call the suppliers and get some prices yourself and then where you go from there is up to you. :cool:

    If you dont want the drama just tell the BM you cant go at that price

    One of my besties sent me a text at the weekend to say she cant make my hen due to xyz that has arisen and she cant afford to do both and essentially the other thing is taking priority

    Im disappointed she wont be there but you'll never get everyone there there will always be something.

    A phone call might be better though and just say that its coming in more than you expected so while you would love to be there you just cant at the moment and maybe suggest doing something just the 2 of you at another date?


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    #35
    FAILSAFE 00
    Registered Users Posts: 5,415 ✭✭✭FAILSAFE 00


    I can't imagine the OP is the only attendee that is looking at the price of this hen and saying WTF. I think others will share your thoughts and come up with an excuse to get out of it.

    I would bet that the numbers will be dropping from 16. Don't feel bad OP. I bet there will be some last minute renegotiation or change of hotel/venue last minute to suit everyone.


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    #36
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,122 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    Triceratops Ballet wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure i'm going to pull out, I'm just so worried about telling the bride,

    Why not give your friend some credit, that she is an adult who will understand?

    There really doesn't need to be any drama behind this, just say that you can't make it. You don't need to go any further than that at all, its not up to you to point out the whys or why nots of the pricing, just say you can't make it, that you can't afford it and end the conversation there.


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    #37
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    I'd throw the BM under the bus. Message the bride and say something like "I'm really sorry but I can't afford to drop more than half a weeks wages on a night out and when I mentioned my concerns about the price to be BM she started screaming and shouting at me so I wouldn't feel comfortable going, I'd love to meet up soon if you're free though"


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    #38
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    GarIT wrote: »
    I'd throw the BM under the bus. Message the bride and say something like "I'm really sorry but I can't afford to drop more than half a weeks wages on a night out and when I mentioned my concerns about the price to be BM she started screaming and shouting at me so I wouldn't feel comfortable going, I'd love to meet up soon if you're free though"

    But that's such a nasty thing to do to the bride - she'll have so much on her plate - so selfish to punish the bride for the actions of a bridesmaid.

    OP, if I was the bride and you purposely started drama like this right before my wedding - I'd be seriously questioning our friendship.


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    #39
    poppies2
    Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭poppies2


    GingerLily wrote: »
    But that's such a nasty thing to do to the bride - she'll have so much on her plate - so selfish to punish the bride for the actions of a bridesmaid.

    OP, if I was the bride and you purposely started drama like this right before my wedding - I'd be seriously questioning our friendship.

    Agree. Just send the BM an email saying you can't afford it and will have to decline, end of. Then I would just take the bride out for a nice lunch/afternoon tea somewhere just the two of you, worry over :)


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    #40
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Ring the BM, and tell her you're pulling out due to the cost at short notice. If she starts screaming, hang up.


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    #41
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    Email bridesmaid nice and friendly, be perfectly clear, you have to drop out because it’s over €100 more then you were expecting to pay, and it’s totally outside your budget, you hope that they all have a lovely time etc
    Take the bride out and spend 100 on the night, just you 2.
    Never mention the hens again.
    As an aside, I see these ridiculous completely unnecessary events coming to an end soon. It has turned into something to endure more then something to look forward too.
    But by the Lord Harry €250 for one night?!? Someone is laughing all the way to the bank ?
    What the hell!!
    Can anyone tell me exactly what was wrong with a night in the pub and on to a club?


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    #42
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    splinter65 wrote: »
    As an aside, I see these ridiculous completely unnecessary events coming to an end soon. It has turned into something to endure more then something to look forward too.
    I actually think they're getting worse.
    And the older the bride/bridal party, the more outrageous the outgoings.

    No need to lie.
    We're only invited to these things.
    We can turn down invitations.


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    #43
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    splinter65 wrote: »
    Email bridesmaid nice and friendly, be perfectly clear, you have to drop out because it’s over €100 more then you were expecting to pay, and it’s totally outside your budget, you hope that they all have a lovely time etc
    Take the bride out and spend 100 on the night, just you 2.
    Never mention the hens again.
    As an aside, I see these ridiculous completely unnecessary events coming to an end soon. It has turned into something to endure more then something to look forward too.
    But by the Lord Harry €250 for one night?!? Someone is laughing all the way to the bank ?
    What the hell!!
    Can anyone tell me exactly what was wrong with a night in the pub and on to a club?
    Fortunately I have aged out of having to attend many hens but from what I hear from my nieces and their friends they now dread hens and just wish it would step.


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    #44
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Fortunately I have aged out of having to attend many hens but from what I hear from my nieces and their friends they now dread hens and just wish it would step.

    This is the feedback I get too, but I think pretty soon it will become totally “passé” and will be consigned to the history books, to be forever cringed at, in particular the grown women in matching t-shirts waving blow up giant willies over their heads as they staggered down the Main Street in Carrick on Shannon screeching at total strangers.


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    #45
    Maldesu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Maldesu


    I'm currently organising a hen and plenty of ladies have told me they can't attend. Some give a reason, some don't. Since I'm an adult, I realise that other people have things to do and lives to live, so I'm not going to give them grief over it. I've simply responded that I hope to see them at the wedding and not to worry etc.
    If you can't go, for whatever reason, just say you can't go. If she goes off at you, just ignore her because responding to that behaviour is just rewarding it. You may have said you'd have gone, but €250 is a mad amount to be asking people to hand over.

    Edit: For comparison, I'm asking for €132 for the night which covers the bride, but not travel


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    #46
    Sunny Dayz
    Registered Users Posts: 5,302 ✭✭✭Sunny Dayz


    A few people couldn’t attend my hen. Two had college, one couldn’t get off work, another was heavily pregnant. It was no biggie. Not all invited to a hen can be expected to attend.


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    #47
    mcgiggles
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭mcgiggles


    My advice would be to tell bridesmaid you can't go. (and tell her why if she asks). If the bride asks why you can't go just be honest and say you can't afford it. Be nice but clear..
    Also for comparison I'm booking sisters hen and its 165 for 2 nights - cupcakes, finger food and drinks on night 1 and activity 4 course meal and free bubbly on night 2 and breakfast both mornings!


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    #48
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    I haven't gone to hen parties for various reasons. It has never led to a falling out. You don't need to come up with an excuse, a simple timely decline is enough.


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    #49
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,562 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    A friend of mine is getting married next year and has proposed a 4 day holiday to Marbella for her hen. I'm DREADING it and might just not go at all. I do not understand these big event hen parties. Myself and Mr Molly had a joint dinner and few drinks in town with some friends. We were home by 1am. :rolleyes:

    TB I think it's safe to say that you shouldn't go. I'd try to let the bridesmaidzilla stuff float over your head. It's her own fault that she's done this the lazy way and has ended up paying way over the norm for the night. I'd assume you'd be sharing a room too so whatever company gave her that quote are getting €500 for a double room. FS!


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    #50
    Triceratops Ballet
    Registered Users Posts: 4,894 ✭✭✭Triceratops Ballet


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    A friend of mine is getting married next year and has proposed a 4 day holiday to Marbella for her hen. I'm DREADING it and might just not go at all. I do not understand these big event hen parties. Myself and Mr Molly had a joint dinner and few drinks in town with some friends. We were home by 1am. :rolleyes:

    TB I think it's safe to say that you shouldn't go. I'd try to let the bridesmaidzilla stuff float over your head. It's her own fault that she's done this the lazy way and has ended up paying way over the norm for the night. I'd assume you'd be sharing a room too so whatever company gave her that quote are getting €500 for a double room. FS!

    thing is if I was going to Marbella, I'd be all over it! I wouldn't mind paying if I got the value!

    TBH I found another dissenter and we talked about it among ourselves for the last week and we're just going! It's going to be such a sh1t show I kind of need to see how it plays out. I made my peace with it. (kind of!)


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    #51
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,562 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    Triceratops Ballet wrote: »
    thing is if I was going to Marbella, I'd be all over it! I wouldn't mind paying if I got the value!

    TBH I found another dissenter and we talked about it among ourselves for the last week and we're just going! It's going to be such a sh1t show I kind of need to see how it plays out. I made my peace with it. (kind of!)

    I wouldn't normally mind going but I've been to Marbella and really didn't like it. There's nothing to do there at all and it's really expensive for Spain. I wouldn't mind if there was something to see or do but all the girls are sunbathers who have no problems with lying by the pool all day drinking cocktails. That sounds like a nightmare to me.

    I suppose you can chalk this down to experience and have a laugh about it when you look back. It had better be fuppin amazing for that price!


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    #52
    Triceratops Ballet
    Registered Users Posts: 4,894 ✭✭✭Triceratops Ballet


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    I wouldn't normally mind going but I've been to Marbella and really didn't like it. There's nothing to do there at all and it's really expensive for Spain. I wouldn't mind if there was something to see or do but all the girls are sunbathers who have no problems with lying by the pool all day drinking cocktails. That sounds like a nightmare to me.

    I suppose you can chalk this down to experience and have a laugh about it when you look back. It had better be fuppin amazing for that price!

    listen, I'll be drinking my weight in comp prosecco to get the value if I have to!


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    #53
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    A friend of mine is getting married next year and has proposed a 4 day holiday to Marbella for her hen. I'm DREADING it and might just not go at all. I do not understand these big event hen parties. Myself and Mr Molly had a joint dinner and few drinks in town with some friends. We were home by 1am. :rolleyes:
    This is insane. She wants her friends to go on holiday because she's getting married?!
    The sooner the whole hen/stag party thing dies a death the better. Totally pointless celebrations.


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    #54
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    lazygal wrote: »
    This is insane. She wants her friends to go on holiday because she's getting married?!
    The sooner the whole hen/stag party thing dies a death the better. Totally pointless celebrations.

    It (hen party) had a point when it was genuinely a last night out for a single girl before she commenced her new life as an unpaid servant to a man.
    Because she’s genuinely never be out again, either pregnant or minding small babies for the next 15 years.
    It was an opportunity for her already married sisters to hint darkly at the horror that would be her wedding night and give her tips in how to put him off as many nights as possible after that!
    Also to let her know that she had them to support her.
    None of that applies now nor has it for 30 years.
    It’s just a nonsense.


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    #55
    _Dara_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,971 ✭✭✭_Dara_


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    A friend of mine is getting married next year and has proposed a 4 day holiday to Marbella for her hen. I'm DREADING it and might just not go at all.

    Be forthright and just say you won't be going. When I was first a bridesmaid, I was fresh out of college and pretty broke. My friend, the bride, briefly considered having a hen holiday. I gave a firm no to attending and she took it very well. She didn't go through with the holiday in the end.


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