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Kind Gestures Are They A Dying Trait In Irish Society?

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  • 27-01-2018 4:44pm
    #1
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭


    I ask this question because I saw a very kind gesture been offered to a student today by an elderly woman when I was on a bus both myself and most of the passengers I suppose were taken aback as I really see kind gestures been made now a days. Any way I was sitting on the bus and just as the bus was about to pull away a student came running to try and get the bus driver to stop the bus. I must say the bus driver was very ignorant and I thought at one stage he wasn't going to stop. He did stop and the young asked if he had the change of fifty euro as he didn't have the proper amount of money for the fair. The bus driver snapped back at him and said no. The young student then asked if he could wait a couple of minutes so he could go to the shop in the bus station and get change again the bus driver said no you will have to get the next bus which was not going to be leaving for another three hours. As the student turned to get off the bus an elderly lady called him and offered him the money he said that he would pay her back at the next stop. The elderly woman said no I would like to think if I was in that situation someone kind would help me out. The student kept thanking her and offered her the money back a few stops later. The old lady refused to take the money and just said to the student please say a prayer for me and that will make me very happy. So I would just like to ask if you saw something happening like that would you have stepped up to the mark and helped the person or just let it go?


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    #2
    Farmer Bob
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭Farmer Bob


    There are loads of kind people out there.

    The number of ignorant bolloxes seems to be growing however...


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    #3
    Rumpy Pumpy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,048 ✭✭✭Rumpy Pumpy


    Using the indicators on your car is a kind gesture that indicates where you are going.


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    #4
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,216 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    I personally find that their is a lot of nastiness out their to be honest and if you look at these people on social media there all about Darkness into light and it's okay not to be okay.
    However most people are kind to family/friends and one of the biggest barriers to people being kind in public to strangers is they fear being robbed/scammed!


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    #5
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭h7nlrp2v0g5u48


    Farmer Bob wrote: »
    There are loads of kind people out there.

    The number of ignorant bolloxes seems to be growing however...

    Of course I agree I would not paint everyone with the same brush but looking at the situation I whitenessed I would hope this particular bus driver would have learned that it doesn't cost anything pardon the pun to treat his passengers with a bit more respect as they are the ones that are keeping him in the job.


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    #6
    igCorcaigh
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 11,100 Mod ✭✭✭✭igCorcaigh


    I don't think so. Just today, I saw a young man help an elderly lady cross the road. Small gesture I know, but it made me smile.


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    #7
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Honestly I live in London where I’ve learned to go into social shutdown to get through the day, and I find Ireland a softer and friendlier place in general. People more likely to engage with you, polite gestures towards you (“no you go ahead, I insist” etc)

    Sometimes I have to remind myself to be human over here, but what I’ve noticed is the kinder you are as you go about your day, the more kindness you see in a general sense. Stopping to give that clueless tourist directions when everyone else is rushing passed them, smiling at people when the default is to look through them, buying a sandwich for a homeless person, etc. The more I give, the more I see. I saw a woman take her gloves off and give them to a homeless man on a particularly cold day last week.

    It’s there, if you tune into it. Problem is the w@nkers tend to be louder & more visible.


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    #8
    igCorcaigh
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 11,100 Mod ✭✭✭✭igCorcaigh


    Yeah, not just London though, I lived in Preston a good few years back, and I found it difficult to ask for directions on the street. People seemed to be very wary of strangers.


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    #9
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭h7nlrp2v0g5u48


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    I personally find that their is a lot of nastiness out their to be honest and if you look at these people on social media there all about Darkness into light and it's okay not to be okay.
    However most people are kind to family/friends and one of the biggest barriers to people being kind in public to strangers is they fear being robbed/scammed!

    What really struck a chord with me was the age gab between this particular student and the elderly woman and if I was to be honest I think the student couln'd believe another person would make a kind gesture like this elderly lady did. And as you say there is a lot of nastiness out there and I agree in todays society people are more aware of how the vunrable can be taken advantaged of by this nastiness and by people who don't care about what it takes to get what they want.


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    #10
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    The kinder you are as you go about your day, the more kindness you see in a general sense.

    Yup.


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    #11
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    natashaob6 wrote: »
    What really struck a chord with me was the age gab between this particular student and the elderly woman and if I was to be honest I think the student couln'd believe another person would make a kind gesture like this elderly lady did. And as you say there is a lot of nastiness out there and I agree in todays society people are more aware of how the vunrable can be taken advantaged of by this nastiness and by people who don't care about what it takes to get what they want.

    She was just a really kind lady. Not all old people are nice,so I don't think random acts of kindness were more of a defining generation of older people any more than the younger ones. Theres just good and bad people, of all ages imo


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    #12
    Farmer Bob
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭Farmer Bob


    natashaob6 wrote: »
    Of course I agree I would not paint everyone with the same brush but looking at the situation I whitenessed I would hope this particular bus driver would have learned that it doesn't cost anything pardon the pun to treat his passengers with a bit more respect as they are the ones that are keeping him in the job.

    Passengers are an inconvenience for some bus drivers, who'd be better suited to driving a cattle truck or something where they don't have to interact with other humans. :D


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    #13
    igCorcaigh
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 11,100 Mod ✭✭✭✭igCorcaigh


    Funny, the age thing. In Poland, I found young people very friendly, but the older generation were sour.


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    #14
    The Rape of Lucretia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,440 ✭✭✭The Rape of Lucretia


    While you do see old style kind gestures in Ireland still, they are dying out. We were a kindness culture, but that was when we were poor.

    When you are just about surviving, kindness works to everyones advantage : even if you have damn all, you still give that little to help someone else out, because you will likely be in the reciprocal position pretty shortly and need someone similarly poor to help you out.
    But those days are gone. We are rich now, making kindness sort of obsolete. People in general are not that close to struggling to get by (and no, the 'squeezed middle' 'struggling' to pay the BMW repayments, upgrade to a €1000 euro iphone, and go to Paris for the rugby are not really struggling, they have just lost touch with reality), and so it pays, and works for affluent society to leave kindness in its poor past.

    It works better to retain what you have, invest it, save it , spend it on Champagne, and let the other look out for himself. Kindness doesnt pay any more.


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    #15
    flatty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,089 ✭✭✭flatty


    Ireland is individually very kind and institutionally the absolute opposite.
    It's very strange.


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    #16
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    igCorcaigh wrote: »
    Funny, the age thing. In Poland, I found young people very friendly, but the older generation were sour.
    They were soured by growing up in a rigid oppressive regime .


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    #17
    mad muffin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    Paragraphs. Paragraphs are a kind gesture the the brain and the eyes.


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    #18
    igCorcaigh
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 11,100 Mod ✭✭✭✭igCorcaigh


    Teresa Sticky Graphics wrote: »
    They were soured by growing up in a rigid oppressive regime .

    That's my impression too. Maybe Ireland is a bit similar for the same reasons, less so though.


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    #19
    Gaia Mother Earth
    Registered Users Posts: 65 ✭✭Gaia Mother Earth


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    I personally find that their is a lot of nastiness out their to be honest and if you look at these people on social media there all about Darkness into light and it's okay not to be okay.
    However most people are kind to family/friends and one of the biggest barriers to people being kind in public to strangers is they fear being robbed/scammed!

    I actually agree with you about the Darkness into Light. I find some people are very self serving about it.

    I worked in a school and I had a very good friend working there too (or so I thought). My mother died over the summer quite suddenly and my so called friend never once acknowledged my mothers passing to me. She never once asked me was I ok or did anything to help me. She knew I was in the depths of despair about it too.

    Next thing I know, there are photos flashing up on Facebook that she went to the Darkness into Light. How heroic of her.

    In my view, charity begins at home first. Help those around you in need and if you see ways to help others in every day life, do that too.

    Kindness is definitely contagious but I think there are very few truely selfless people in the world.


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    #20
    kneemos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,409 ✭✭✭✭kneemos


    wakka12 wrote: »
    She was just a really kind lady. Not all old people are nice,so I don't think random acts of kindness were more of a defining generation of older people any more than the younger ones. Theres just good and bad people, of all ages imo


    Don't give an old person an inch in a queue,they'll leave you in their dust.

    Also paying for prayer sounds well dodgy.


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    #21
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Most people are kind, they're not always able or willing to express it but its there. Londoners are an example of people who ignore each others existence most of the time but when something happens like the Grenfell tragedy, that's when they show their mettle and pull out all the stops to help each other. Sometimes it takes extraordinary circumstances for people to demonstrate their goodness, but it's still there all along. I think it's there in most people, it's just life has us distracted most of the time.

    I'm generally nice to people, they're generally nice back. That's how it goes.


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    #22
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭h7nlrp2v0g5u48


    wakka12 wrote: »
    She was just a really kind lady. Not all old people are nice,so I don't think random acts of kindness were more of a defining generation of older people any more than the younger ones. Theres just good and bad people, of all ages imo

    I come from a generation where friends and neighbours really looked out for each other it was a time when people had just enough to get by and if it were anyone whether it be neighbours, friends or strangers that needed a helping hand they would do their utmost to help them out. I suppose I shouln'd compare my generation to today's generation but when I saw that old lady making that kind gesture it brought back a lot of fond memories of how many people young and old helped each other get through difficult times when I was growing up.


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    #23
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭h7nlrp2v0g5u48


    kneemos wrote: »
    Don't give an old person an inch in a queue,they'll leave you in their dust.

    Also paying for prayer sounds well dodgy.

    I take it you don't believe in offering kind gestures.


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    #24
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    I was in a similar situation as the student in the OP. Getting a nightlink from town home and Ihad no change. Last bus home. I was with friends but no one had change and the driver wouldn't wait. A very nice lady jumped up and gave me the change I needed. Tried to give her the twenty euro I had but she was having none of it. Fair play to her :)

    Just to add, I see kind gestures daily. It's definitely not lost


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    #25
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭h7nlrp2v0g5u48


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    I was in a similar situation as the student in the OP. Getting a nightlink from town home and Ihad no change. Last bus home. I was with friends but no one had change and the driver wouldn't wait. A very nice lady jumped up and gave me the change I needed. Tried to give her the twenty euro I had but she was having none of it. Fair play to her :)

    Very kind indeed. For me I always believed if you do a kind deed it will come back to you furtner down the road when you need it most.


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    #26
    pc7
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,001 Mod ✭✭✭✭pc7


    The last bitter cold spell we had I was having something to eat. A homeless man came in I’d say late 50’s and the staff knew him and were so kind. Filling up a takeaway box, putting more on his plate than would fit, telling him to come back up for a refil of tea. (He must go there regularly). He paid, but it was a small amount, they all spoke so nicely too him, I was expecting them to throw him out to be honest. He had newspaper in his shoes (to keep warm I think). It was a bitter bitter day. After I paid I walked past his table and gave him a few bob discreetly to get something warm later and sat down. Two other people did the same, whether kindness is contagious or what I don’t know. But it was so sad thinking someone was out in that cold. But it was lovely to see people just be nice and not throw him out or ignore him.


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    #27
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Gaia Mother Earth wrote: »
    I worked in a school and I had a very good friend working there too (or so I thought). My mother died over the summer quite suddenly and my so called friend never once acknowledged my mothers passing to me. She never once asked me was I ok or did anything to help me. She knew I was in the depths of despair about it too.


    I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you're coping better now. :)

    I'm sorry that happened you too, it's hurtful when friends turn out to be less than we expect. She might be one of those people who are helpless when called on to express sympathy and that maybe she regrets not being there for you. Of course, she may just be selfish, but there are people who are scared of anothers grief - though it doesn't excuse her. At least you learn who your true friends are when tragedy strikes.


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    #28
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,635 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    I think a lot of the nastiness is online, where people can feel free to rant about this and that in a way that would have their teeth removed if they said it face to face. Or maybe it's the other way round. It's not that online comments bring out the nasty, its that people are nasty and unpleasant beneath the friendliness that society requires them to display and the internet has just brought it out for all to see.
    Just look at YouTube comments, it really shows the very nasty side of people when they think they can hide behind online anonymity.
    Or any other discussion board, the hateful and the crazy have found each other and they are now locked into their echo chambers where they hear nothing but confirmation of their beliefs.
    And I mean all sides with that. Too many to list. But it's everyone.


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    #29
    Farmer Bob
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭Farmer Bob


    dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »
    It's not that online comments bring out the nasty, its that people are nasty and unpleasant beneath the friendliness that society requires them to display

    You could be on to something there...


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    #30
    h7nlrp2v0g5u48
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭h7nlrp2v0g5u48


    The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »
    While you do see old style kind gestures in Ireland still, they are dying out. We were a kindness culture, but that was when we were poor.

    When you are just about surviving, kindness works to everyones advantage : even if you have damn all, you still give that little to help someone else out, because you will likely be in the reciprocal position pretty shortly and need someone similarly poor to help you out.
    But those days are gone. We are rich now, making kindness sort of obsolete. People in general are not that close to struggling to get by (and no, the 'squeezed middle' 'struggling' to pay the BMW repayments, upgrade to a €1000 euro iphone, and go to Paris for the rugby are not really struggling, they have just lost touch with reality), and so it pays, and works for affluent society to leave kindness in its poor past.

    It works better to retain what you have, invest it, save it , spend it on Champagne, and let the other look out for himself. Kindness doesnt pay any more.

    As I do agree with your point that people are richer today I must say for me been kind someone these days sometimes does pay and I do get great deal of satasfaction known that I have been appreciated by the person I have helped.


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    #31
    callaway92
    Registered Users Posts: 14,343 ✭✭✭✭callaway92


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    the kinder you are as you go about your day, the more kindness you see in a general sense.

    Spot on


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