Should I give up potty training.

VandC · 30-12-2017 02:59PM #1

Hi. I have a daughter 2 years and four months old who we said that we were going to try potty training from Stephens day. There's no pressure on her or us it doesn't have to be done. So I've spent a good few months bringing her to the bathroom while I'm going, had her potty out and she sat on it and i explained it to her too so it wasn't new or scary - in my head hoping that when she was ready that she would be at least somewhat familiar with it all. She has been showing signs that she was ready (saying she about to go or has gone in her nappy) wanting to be changed straight away, asking if I was going etc.
So Stephen's day we took the nappy off and have stayed in - and had no visitors - so she isn't out of routine in terms of lots of people in the house. Day one was a few pee and poo accidents even though she was brought every fifteen min and one success in the afternoon - huge fuss made out of this, well done and sticker. But she defo didn't pee as much as she normally would. Second morning nappy was hanging off her it was so saturated. Next day she wouldn't pee except when nappy on for nap and had one little accident, again being reminded every fifteen min. Third and fourth day much the same. She's not in trouble for accidents, and she is showered in praise when she uses the potty. But it seems to be getting worse, pretending to want to nap so she can have a nappy on and at this point im worried she is going to damage herself or get an infection if she keeps holding it. She doesn't really speak so if she has fears or is worried we can't discuss them. Although she is a good communicator, just in her own way.

I suppose I don't know if I should persevere or at what point do you say, it's OK you tried but you're going to wear a nappy again for a while - which tbh I think she be relieved with and not at all disappointed.

It has been suggested to me that when we are in the house that she has no nappy and uses the potty at home and nappy when out but I think this would be confusing and chances are that she would just wait to be in her nappy then if she still wasn't ready.

Appreciate any advice.

margo321 · 30-12-2017 03:12PM

i have no real advice but my experience was you need the world of patience and time. i found i praised too much and my lg just doug in her heels and peed the floor. she actually said she would. i ignored her when she had accidents i said you will remember next time to use the potty. it took 10 days id say but like magic it just clicked with ger then. id stick with it if you can. i was suprised they can hold pee no bother quiet quickly. good luck9

VandC · 30-12-2017 03:44PM

Maybe I'll scale back the praise. Yeah i cant get over how quickly she learned to hold it. They're funny

She dying to get out of house and we did just bring her on a ten min round trip and she had an accident outside then too. Even though we asked her to go before we left - she did the smallest amount ever and we tried to coax her to do more but dont want to get hung up on the quantity even though I know she needed to do more. She didn't even seem bothered that she had an accident - not that I want it to be that she is upset or disappointed more that she acknowledges it, if that makes sense. It's so hard, I defo have all the patience in the world with her and if I had to stick with it for a month I would but at what point do you just say we can try again in a month or two?

Kalimah · 30-12-2017 03:54PM

Having put four through potty training I think she's a bit young to be honest. My two girls were two and a half before they trained, and the two lads were three and three months. All trained in no time. I'd try again around Easter if it was me. She'll have more language by then too.

VandC · 30-12-2017 07:17PM

Thanks kalimah. I'm hoping she'll have more language by then! Another item on the worry list - she's a great communicator but it's in her own language - and she is really not progressing any further with new words. Never mind two or three word sentences!

appledrop · 30-12-2017 08:47PM

I really think she is not ready. All children are different + it seems to be effecting her if she is trying not to go. Leave her for another while.

VandC · 30-12-2017 08:52PM

Thanks appledrop. I wasn't sure if she was holding it cos she was used to the comfort of the nappy, having lived in one for so long. My gut is saying to wait, good to know that what I'm describing most seem to agree. I've no friends with kids as old so no one to ask. You guys are great for bouncing things off, giving unbiased opinions and ideas and advice.

appledrop · 30-12-2017 09:01PM

My nephew was late to potty training. They tried + were getting worried as he was nearly 3. Left him a little longer + then within a few days he was sorted. It's hard you get so many conflicting advice from people but think you can only go by your gut + child's reaction.

jimbobaloobob · 30-12-2017 09:08PM

VandC wrote: »

Thanks kalimah. I'm hoping she'll have more language by then! Another item on the worry list - she's a great communicator but it's in her own language - and she is really not progressing any further with new words. Never mind two or three word sentences!

Try not to take milestones as rules of thumb for each child. Some children talk later than others some need this to develop sense of play etc so don't worry about it or feel it's wrong. 2and half is plenty time for toilet training especially if there's no pressure. Having worked with preschoolers a lot over the years nothing to be panicked about. Enjoy the Christmas

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:10PM

I've had a number of the older generation in the family trying to tell me once you start you can't stop just keep trying and she'll get it. Tbh I feel mean doing something that she's not ready for. I thought she might have been, otherwise I wouldn't be trying, but I was obviously wrong. She's a great kid and I'd hate to undermine or ruin her confidence over something like this. I'll have to listen to hell from parents and in-laws but I'd rather that than force something that's just not ready to happen.

moonshadow · 30-12-2017 09:11PM

Probably get lynched for this , but when we started Potty phase it was definite ...
The nappies were gone and underpants on.
Took two days for them to realise it was not as nice to pee in "cotton" as it was in a nappy and the potty was then the best option by far.
DD 1 day DS probably 2.5 days.
All happy in the end.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:12PM

Thanks jimbob. Hard not to worry when everyone is like she should be able to speak more by now - she only has about twenty words a stranger would understand and maybe about another ten that I know what she means cos I live with her. She gets two languages at home and she understand both but she is prob talking a morphed version of them that I haven't figured out lol

keavebm · 30-12-2017 09:13PM

We used kinder eggs with both ours ane it worked a treat. Might seem crazy but a small price to pay. Choclate and a toy they both couldnt wait to go to the toliet the first couple of days. Then we just weaned them off them with something else

iamwhoiam · 30-12-2017 09:17PM

She sounds exactly like my grandaughter a year ago . I adviced her mam to just give up and try in six werks as the child was so stressed
Six weeks later she was like a different child and done and dusted within a few days .
I have come to realise its not a competition and they all get there in the end

jimbobaloobob · 30-12-2017 09:17PM

VandC wrote: »

Thanks jimbob. Hard not to worry when everyone is like she should be able to speak more by now - she only has about twenty words a stranger would understand and maybe about another ten that I know what she means cos I live with her. She gets two languages at home and she understand both but she is prob talking a morphed version of them that I haven't figured out lol

Not uncommon to be slower to speak if receiving two languages at home so don't worry.
Remember others are always great at dropping suggestions, opinions and comments then you go home feeling pressure from what they say.
You know your child best and feel no pressure from others it's a mindset in parents.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:18PM

moonshadow wrote:

Probably get lynched for this , but when we started Potty phase it was definite ... The nappies were gone and underpants on. Took two days for them to realise it was not as nice to pee in "cotton" as it was in a nappy and the potty was then the best option by far. DD 1 day DS probably 2.5 days. All happy in the end.

I know I could get to the point where it is a definite - such as starting preschool but she doesn't even seem to copping what your kids did. By midday on the first day we were through three pairs of wet pants and one more pair condemned to the bin. I thought that she may as well do the pulling up and down of clothes at the start, with pants only being the easiest, but at that rate I was gonna be out of them by the afternoon. It's been no pants since then and any time we put clothes on she's had an accident - almost like the cotton pants give the security of a nappy. And when she has nothing on from waist down she either holds it or does a dribble. Today was day 5 and there seems to be no real improvement.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:20PM

iamwhoiam wrote:

She sounds exactly like my grandaughter a year ago . I adviced her mam to just give up and try in six werks as the child was so stressed Six weeks later she was like a different child and done and dusted within a few days . I have come to realise its not a competition and they all get there in the end

Could you talk to my parents and tell them that's what they should be telling me lol

jimbobaloobob · 30-12-2017 09:21PM

What languages does she get at home? I have a social story for toilet training made out in English and Irish if any use. It could be edited to any other language also.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:24PM

keavebm wrote:

We used kinder eggs with both ours ane it worked a treat. Might seem crazy but a small price to pay. Choclate and a toy they both couldnt wait to go to the toliet the first couple of days. Then we just weaned them off them with something else

Have tried chocolate on the third day I think, maybe fourth (against my will) and still just a dribble. It's like she'll do the dribble for the treat. I didn't want to be all you have to do more, knowing that she needed to, and stressing her about the amount cos at the EOD she had gone so I gave the treat anyways. It still hasn't convinced her to go more.

Ms2011 · 30-12-2017 09:25PM

My daughter is 2 and 8 month and I won't even be trying to potty train her until April when she turns 3.
If I've learned anything since having kids it's that there are no hard & fast rules when it comes to these things, what works for one mightn't work for another and you know your child best. There's alot to be said for a mother's instincts.
As someone wiser than I said, she won't be going off to college in nappies, they all get it in the end

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:25PM

jimbobaloobob wrote:

What languages does she get at home? I have a social story for toilet training made out in English and Irish if any use. It could be edited to any other language also.

She is learning English and gaeilge! Not many others have that combo, nice to meet another

what's the book and I can look in to getting one

iamwhoiam · 30-12-2017 09:25PM

VandC wrote: »

Could you talk to my parents and tell them that's what they should be telling me lol

My advice to you having worked with kids all my life is relax . They are all different , all wonderful , all will get there and best done when they are ready . She will be fine in time , she needs more time

Jimbob1977 · 30-12-2017 09:26PM

We picked a week where neither parent was at work. I think it was summer or Easter.

You need patience, uninterrupted free time and plenty of fresh clothes.

Day One had 13 accidents, but we stuck with it.

Day Two was much better. The number of accidents fell to approximately six as the 'cause and effect' took hold. If you wet yourself, it will feel uncomfortable.

Day Three and Day Four had a few accidents, but they had it nailed by the end of a long week.

It will seem futile in the beginning, but worth the investment.

jimbobaloobob · 30-12-2017 09:29PM

VandC wrote: »

She is learning English and gaeilge! Not many others have that combo, nice to meet another what's the book and I can look in to getting one

I created it myself. I'll scan it and arrange to send you a copy it's about 7-8 a4 pages.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:29PM

Ms2011 wrote:

My daughter is 2 and 8 month and I won't even be trying to potty train her until April when she turns 3. If I've learned anything since having kids it's that there are no hard & fast rules when it comes to these things, what works for one mightn't work for another and you know your child best. There's alot to be said for a mother's instincts. As someone wiser than I said, she won't be going off to college in nappies, they all get it in the end

Lol, I'm sure she won't. At least I hope not!! Ha ha. Ah it's just that I thought I'd try her cos she seemed ready. Now because I have no friends with kids similar or older the parents are being real "once you've started don't give in to her". And I've no one to bounce this off as the grandparents are like she manipulating you etc, don't give in to her and so on. It's good to hear that what my gut is saying is what others are saying too.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:30PM

jimbobaloobob wrote:

I created it myself. I'll scan it and arrange to send you a copy it's about 7-8 a4 pages.

Oh wow, that's great! Thank you so so much

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:34PM

Jimbob1977 wrote:

We picked a week where neither parent was at work. I think it was summer or Easter.

Jimbob1977 wrote:

You need patience, uninterrupted free time and plenty of fresh clothes.

I'm on mat leave at the moment and daddy was off for Xmas so this is one of the reasons we tried now - easier with daddy cos she is guaranteed to want to go if it was just me here and in was changing baby's nappy, the usual

. We told friends and family so we have stayed at home just the four of us, took the rugs up so any messes were real quick to clean up. I still have some time before I return to work so it might be an option to do again, maybe hold her back with me for week when baby starts creche, so it's just the two of us.

Ms2011 · 30-12-2017 09:38PM

VandC wrote: »

Lol, I'm sure she won't. At least I hope not!! Ha ha. Ah it's just that I thought I'd try her cos she seemed ready. Now because I have no friends with kids similar or older the parents are being real "once you've started don't give in to her". And I've no one to bounce this off as the grandparents are like she manipulating you etc, don't give in to her and so on. It's good to hear that what my gut is saying is what others are saying too.

Even if she were manipulating you ( and I don't think she is ) why is she doing it?
The answer is still the same because she is not ready.
I stopped midway through training my son as I was in the early stages of pregnancy & v.sick, we came back to it when I was feeling better with no I'll effects.

VandC · 30-12-2017 09:46PM

Ms2011 wrote:

Even if she were manipulating you ( and I don't think she is ) why is she doing it? The answer is still the same because she is not ready. I stopped midway through training my son as I was in the early stages of pregnancy & v.sick, we came back to it when I was feeling better with no I'll effects.

I dont think she is manipulating me, it's just them saying she is. One of them offered a treat if she never put a nappy on again which I thought was a bit unfair. I know they meant well but I hope she has forgotten about it cos I dont want her to be disappointed for missing out - I might do something special with her just for trying. When you decided to stop did you tell your son or did you give him the option? A bit of me is just tempted to give her the option so that she feels like she is choosing to wait as opposed to a nappy being forced on her cos she's not getting the potty quick enough.

Ms2011 · 30-12-2017 09:53PM

VandC wrote: »

I dont think she is manipulating me, it's just them saying she is. One of them offered a treat if she never put a nappy on again which I thought was a bit unfair. I know they meant well but I hope she has forgotten about it cos I dont want her to be disappointed for missing out - I might do something special with her just for trying. When you decided to stop did you tell your son or did you give him the option? A bit of me is just tempted to give her the option so that she feels like she is choosing to wait as opposed to a nappy being forced on her cos she's not getting the potty quick enough.

No I didn't give him the option, he's a v.laid back child who just goes with the flow so it didn't phase him but it might not be a bad idea to give her the option to let her know she has some control & take some pressure off her.

moonshadow · 30-12-2017 09:53PM

Ok this may sound strange, but for my boy it worked a treat..give them something to aim at..in the bowl.
Girls I'm not so sure..

Should I give up potty training.

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