Christmas cards after bereavement

I'd send something, let's them know you are thinking of them. The worst thing on your first Christmas without a loved one is feeling ignored. Just don't go for something cheery, pick something muted.

It's an Irish thing (afaik) not sending them after bereavement. I still sent them last year when my dad died, don't think my wife is sending any this year when her mum died. Certainly neither of us mind getting Christmas cards, silly and jovial or not.

In my area/family If you have a death in your house you don't send cards but you still send a card to a family who lost somebody during the year. Some might send them a slightly different card.

lazybones32 wrote: »

The bereaved don't send and shouldn't receive.
Was talking to neighbours recently and this topic came up. Some people who didn't know of a bereavement in their family, never sent a card again after not receiving one in the year of the death. People can get trivially upset over not getting a card...

I wouldn't call it trivial. My dad died in October and that first Christmas was awful. It's really hard grieving when the whole focus is on family and togetherness and happiness. What made it worse was no cards, we knew the tradition and all that but having someone remember us would have really helped.

I would avoid a very jolly type card but I don't think it's any faux pas to let the family know they are in your thoughts and available if needs be.

Zaph wrote: »

But why? Who decided this? It seems such a ridiculously random thing, why not say that the bereaved shouldn't go to the cinema for the rest of the year, or not cut their grass on the third Saturday of every month? Christmas cards have as much to do with bereavement as either of those, so where did this "tradition" spring out of?

Traditionally the bereaved mourned for a year, didn't celebrate anything, wore black etc. My mam is very traditional and I remember her doing this when her dad died. I don't think she was as hard on herself when her mam died more recently. And I remember when my dad's Mam died when I was about 17, my parents subtly trying to talk me out of going out etc during the first year (it stands out in my mind because I had a lot of 18ths).

As to the OPs question, someone very close to me was bereaved during the year, but I will carry on as normal, present and card. It's going to be an awful hard Christmas on her, but I know she wants it to be as 'normal' as possible. She's organising a few things to keep busy and I think it would be too obvious and possibly make her feel that little bit more alone if I didn't get her something small as normal. I certainly don't expect anything in return from her though.

My partner was scolded by his brother for the “disrespect” of our sending cards to him and the rest of the family the Christmas after their father died. It isn’t a custom either of us were aware of. I lost both parents and a sibling in a year and a half and still sent cards as usual, luckily most people did send to us as well and I welcomed the funny cards as much as the thoughtful ones.

Yes I agree...those bereaved do not send but can receive (this is in Dublin by the way)

My very close cousin lost her husband some weeks ago and I sent her a Mass card for Christmas.

My mother died suddenly in October and I won’t be sending any cards this year.

I wouldn’t have a problem with anyone sending them to me though, be they whacky elf ones or single candle ones

lazybones32 wrote: »

The bereaved don't send and shouldn't receive.

I can understand they may be too upset to send their own but I dont understand why they shouldnt receive them.

lazybones32 wrote: »

Some people who didn't know of a bereavement in their family, never sent a card again after not receiving one in the year of the death. People can get trivially upset over not getting a card...

My mam said that growing up, not receiving a card from someone would be how they found out there'd been a bereavement in that family.

We didn't send cards last year after we lost my aunty in April. My mam just didn't feel up to it anyway, but she's a lot more into celebrating this year.