Humiliated by bully at the Gym

flyovertom · 12-11-2017 02:04AM #1

Hi

I would like advice on the following please,

I was seeing a personal trainer at the gym, I am overweight but have lost 2.5 stone so I am doing well and have about 1.5 to go,

Friday night I was completely humiliated, I have worked with a personal trainer for 2.5 months, I notice sometimes when I really struggle he videos me, sometimes with a smirk on his face, I asked him why and he said it's for me to look back on at a later stage to see improvements. Friday evening I noticed him doing it again, I noticed he wrote a post with the video and there was a load of smiley faces but couldn't read the text.

It was my second last set of the evening I was wrecked. I left the gym and cried all the way home in the car, I know this sounds ridiculous for a 34 year old guy, I got home balled and then I went online, I checked his Faceboook and Snapchat and didn't see anything but on his Instagram he posted the video, which I have taken screenshots of. He had a message on it referring to me and but in some emoticons, I just cried all night, I broke my balls to get this far, paying this jerk 30e once a week.

I cried so much I had to explain to my girlfriend, I didn't want her to know I was seeing a personal trainer but I was struggling to lose weight and needed someone to spot me doing weights and tell me if I had correct form, I hurt myself a few months back doing weights on my own.

I sent a message to the PT, to remove the video, he did, and I told him I wouldn't be going to him anymore, he laughed it off saying it was just a joke, I sent him a message tonight saying it may have been a joke to him but it was one set up to humiliate me and it was done in a cowardly way and he was only a bully.

He operates in the gym, but does not work for the gym, I don't know if it is worth my while notifying them of his actions, right now I want to continue going to the gym but I know if I do go he will prob video me again or try some sh*t,

D Trent · 12-11-2017 02:12AM

Go to your nearest Garda station and you will make a statement.

Go back to the gym and continue as normal, with him staying as your personal trainer.
Let him get a big shock when a Garda arrives at the gym to have his version of events.
In the meantime if he tries recording you again, say something assertive like
"Martin, put that phone away.
Put it away now. I'm not going to say it again."

flyovertom · 12-11-2017 02:14AM

But he filmed me in a public place? can I still go to the guards?

Toots · 12-11-2017 02:15AM

I'd absolutely notify the gym, that's completely out of order!

eeguy · 12-11-2017 02:16AM

Check the contract you signed. Most of them notify you that you may be filmed and material used online.
Personally Id complain to the gym. Totally unprofessional for him to do that.
I doubt the Gardai will do a thing. I've heard of people complaining to them about FB posts but there's absolutely nothing they can do beyond ask the person to take it down.

mrDerek · 12-11-2017 02:17AM

flyovertom wrote: »

But he filmed me in a public place? can I still go to the guards?

Did you take screenies of the instagram if it's mocking in nature then it's libel I think and you have him dead to rights

At the very minimum the gym will turf him.out the second they get wind of this

Zaph · 12-11-2017 02:18AM

It's most definitely worth your while making the gym aware of his actions. I'd imagine they'd take a dim view of someone using their premises as a location to humiliate other people. And if word gets out that you made a complaint against him then they might find other people complaining about him as well, because if he's done this to one person the chances are he's done it to others.

12-11-2017 02:20AM

That is absolutely horrible and so unprofessional I can completely understand why you were so upset, I would most certainly make a complaint to the gym.

TheChizler · 12-11-2017 02:24AM

What was the message under the post? I'm guessing it wasn't a positive one talking about how proud he was or the like, but you haven't explicitly said.

I'm just wondering if he intentially set out to humiliate cause it would be an inexplicably stupid thing to do. Of course he shouldn't have put it up without your permission regardless of his intentions.

flyovertom · 12-11-2017 02:28AM

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I have screenshots, I can clearly be made out in the videos.

I will get straight onto the gym and let them know,

I did send him a message, (I was completely respectful) but did refer to the actions he carried as to one that only bully and a coward would find funny, and I reminded him I did not give him permission to record me.

eeguy · 12-11-2017 02:31AM

flyovertom wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I have screenshots, I can clearly be made out in the videos.

I will get straight onto the gym and let them know,

I did send him a message, (I was completely respectful) but did refer to the actions he carried as to one that only bully and a coward would find funny, and I reminded him I did not give him permission to record me.

That's the right course of action. Be the bigger man. Complain to the owner, put that bully in his place and move on to someone else for training.

Congrats BTW for losing the weight. 2.5 stone is great going!

flyovertom · 12-11-2017 02:32AM

The video basically said that I wasn't even trying, and had a full rep where I fell flat on my face, he put in a picture of a mouse and a load of laughing emoticons.

flyovertom · 12-11-2017 02:35AM

eeguy wrote: »

Check the contract you signed. Most of them notify you that you may be filmed and material used online.
Personally Id complain to the gym. Totally unprofessional for him to do that.
I doubt the Gardai will do a thing. I've heard of people complaining to them about FB posts but there's absolutely nothing they can do beyond ask the person to take it down.

It's a very basic contract, an A4 sheet back and front, mainly stuff about pre-existing health conditions.

TheChizler · 12-11-2017 02:41AM

flyovertom wrote: »

The video basically said that I wasn't even trying, and had a full rep where I fell flat on my face, he put in a picture of a mouse and a load of laughing emoticons.

That's horrendous. Clearly you're trying and succeeding (congrats by the way) so this is him just trying to be a big man. I'd be on to the gym at a minimum.

flaneur · 12-11-2017 02:42AM

I would make a complaint to the gym and also have a chat with the Data Protection Commissioner.

That’s absolutely unacceptable.

Fakediamond · 12-11-2017 02:43AM

He's an immature bully, who's making himself feel better by belittling others.

Your revenge will be that you may reach your goal, but he will never be a personal trainer with an attitude like that.

Best of luck with the training, you should be proud of your progress.

Needles73 · 12-11-2017 03:24AM

<SNIP - no need to quote entire OP>

He sounds like an absolute dick. To be honest I wouldn't have made contact with him and gave him chance to remove it but I understand why you did. He must have some relation or arrangement with the gym if he operates there. He doesn't just stroll in and work from there without some form of understanding. Absolutely do not let this go as a minimum make a complaint to gym verbally and in writing. If it was me I'd consider a lot more and seek advice from a solicitor. Well done on weight loss, and don't give because of pricks like this

Tokyo · 12-11-2017 04:49AM

Notify the gym immediately, with screenshots of said instagram posts. If he's done this to you, then it's likely that he's done the same to others, and any reputable gym will take an extremely dim view of the situation (as in, I'd be surprised if he still had a job next time you went back to the gym).

If for whatever reason, the gym doesn't take your complaint seriously, then vote with your feet, and find another gym.

NIMAN · 12-11-2017 05:30AM

Whatever course of action you decide upon OP, well done on your weight loss.

That is no mean feat to lose that amount of weight. It shows you have the willpower, desire and inner strength to do it.

Don't let this kn0b upset your efforts or set you back. He's a prat for doing for what he did. I would be inclined to forget about the Gardai angle, and just lodge a complaint with the gym, he deserves to feel some pain himself for this.

If they don't take action against him, there's plenty more gyms out there, move.

12-11-2017 09:25AM

First of all, congratulations on your progress so far, that's a serious achievement!

I've worked in that industry and its full of guys/girls like that unfortunately.

If I were in your shoes, I would take control of the situation. Share the post publicly via your Facebook page and name the trainer (and the gym if their response isn't satisfactory). Let the public see him for what it is - that'll have a big effect on his reputation.

Own your progress to date - its something to be proud of. You'll continue to make progress, your fitness, technique will improve which will allow you to work harder and get fitter etc - its a beautiful cyclical effect. .
He on the other hand will always be an asshole!

dudara · 12-11-2017 09:30AM

Firstly, he should not have posted that without your explicit consent. Even if it had been a positive story.

Secondly, to joke and mock someone like that is childish, immature, not to say unprofessional.

Write a letter of complaint to the gym. Report him to Instagram for sharing your image without your consent. If he is a member of a professional organisation, complain to them also.

And finally, I would seek legal advice on this.

Congrats on your weight loss to date. You have achieved so much,

anewme · 12-11-2017 09:47AM

What a complete tool.

Agree it's the person who says share it on your own social media and on the gyms page.

This is disgusting and I would not attend a gym who allowed ppl operate there who treated their clients like this.

Well done on the weight loss, don't let this fool grind you down.

dudara · 12-11-2017 09:49AM

Please do not share this on your own page or on another's page. It may seem right, but could be seen as defamation and could work against you. Go the official and/or legal routes.

12-11-2017 09:50AM

Not defamatory if its true!

dudara · 12-11-2017 09:52AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Not defamatory if its true!

This is off topic, but not necessarily correct. Truth is a defence against defamation. The Legal discussion Forum is a better place for that discussion.

anewme · 12-11-2017 09:53AM

Fakediamond wrote: »

Your revenge will be that you may reach your goal, but he will never be a personal trainer with an attitude like that.

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The best revenge is living well and you are killing so far it with 2.5stone..

Him on the other hand as a PT is supossed to motivate people, well he's a big failure at that anyway.

ebbsy · 12-11-2017 09:54AM

You tell him and the gym that you are going on Joe Duffy to talk the whole thing through.

Always focuses the mind.

leggo · 12-11-2017 11:57AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Not defamatory if its true!

Defamation is a deliberate attempt to lower someone's reputation in the eyes of most right-minded people. You don't even need to prove that the attempt was successful, just the fact that they tried to do it is enough, the law implicitly states as much. Truth is difficult to prove, effort is nigh on impossible to do so. It's clear and easy to prove that the PT was trying to do the former, it's impossible for him to counter and prove that the OP wasn't making any effort (and even then stuff like his significant weight loss would stand in the OP's stead as proof of effort, weakening the PT's case dramatically). It's an open and shut case.

Also, remember that defamation is a civil matter and not a criminal one, so the Gardai have nothing to do with it. It's all done through solicitors.

However, having gone down that route before, OP I would go through the formal process of complaining to the gym first (though feel free to use the word 'defamation' in doing so). You could threaten to shut your account with them down and tell people you know about this incident and the unprofessionalism of the trainers they allow to work there if they continue to allow this fool to do so. That should be enough to get him booted, which is entirely fair, he needs to find a new career if this is how he carries on in this one. If it doesn't, then you can go to a solicitor and many will take a consultation and write a letter for you for free. That'll almost definitely get the job done if the first part doesn't. But to actually go through the motions of a full case is both unpleasant and more effort than it's worth if the post has been removed.

On another note: if I saw a PT put that up on social media, it'd just tell me that they were an arsehole and bad at their job. A PT is only as good as their client's success stories. Most people would see it that way, so it was not only a dick move, but an incredibly dumb move on his part. I can't imagine he's doing well for himself in an ultra-competitive field these days with that kind of carry on (and he'll be doing worse once he gets kicked out of this gym), if that makes you feel any better OP.

Malayalam · 12-11-2017 12:08PM

He's a horrible person. You have done amazing work on yourself and most of us are vulnerable when it comes to dealing with personal issues like weight gain, no wonder you felt really hurt to find yourself mocked. But you are the one who is winning here. He is an asshole, sorry you had to encounter someone like that. Onwards and upwards!

silverharp · 12-11-2017 12:14PM

for sure gather up all the evidence you can, report the guy to the gym and request a return of whatever money you paid him and that you want a written apology from the trainer and the gym.

Sephiroth_dude · 12-11-2017 12:15PM

Oh please report him for what he did , he will do it again too someone else, if there decent people they'll kick his ass out the door, if not well **** them, go find yourself a new gym and a better P/T, don't let what this dickhead did discourage you, keep going, you're doing great.

Humiliated by bully at the Gym

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