Humiliated by bully at the Gym

flyovertom

Hi

I would like advice on the following please,

I was seeing a personal trainer at the gym, I am overweight but have lost 2.5 stone so I am doing well and have about 1.5 to go,

Friday night I was completely humiliated, I have worked with a personal trainer for 2.5 months, I notice sometimes when I really struggle he videos me, sometimes with a smirk on his face, I asked him why and he said it's for me to look back on at a later stage to see improvements. Friday evening I noticed him doing it again, I noticed he wrote a post with the video and there was a load of smiley faces but couldn't read the text.

It was my second last set of the evening I was wrecked. I left the gym and cried all the way home in the car, I know this sounds ridiculous for a 34 year old guy, I got home balled and then I went online, I checked his Faceboook and Snapchat and didn't see anything but on his Instagram he posted the video, which I have taken screenshots of. He had a message on it referring to me and but in some emoticons, I just cried all night, I broke my balls to get this far, paying this jerk 30e once a week.

I cried so much I had to explain to my girlfriend, I didn't want her to know I was seeing a personal trainer but I was struggling to lose weight and needed someone to spot me doing weights and tell me if I had correct form, I hurt myself a few months back doing weights on my own.

I sent a message to the PT, to remove the video, he did, and I told him I wouldn't be going to him anymore, he laughed it off saying it was just a joke, I sent him a message tonight saying it may have been a joke to him but it was one set up to humiliate me and it was done in a cowardly way and he was only a bully.

He operates in the gym, but does not work for the gym, I don't know if it is worth my while notifying them of his actions, right now I want to continue going to the gym but I know if I do go he will prob video me again or try some sh*t,

D Trent

Go to your nearest Garda station and you will make a statement.

Go back to the gym and continue as normal, with him staying as your personal trainer.
Let him get a big shock when a Garda arrives at the gym to have his version of events.
In the meantime if he tries recording you again, say something assertive like
"Martin, put that phone away.
Put it away now. I'm not going to say it again."

flyovertom

But he filmed me in a public place? can I still go to the guards?

Toots

I'd absolutely notify the gym, that's completely out of order!

eeguy

Check the contract you signed. Most of them notify you that you may be filmed and material used online.
Personally Id complain to the gym. Totally unprofessional for him to do that.
I doubt the Gardai will do a thing. I've heard of people complaining to them about FB posts but there's absolutely nothing they can do beyond ask the person to take it down.

mrDerek

flyovertom wrote: »

But he filmed me in a public place? can I still go to the guards?

Did you take screenies of the instagram if it's mocking in nature then it's libel I think and you have him dead to rights

At the very minimum the gym will turf him.out the second they get wind of this

Zaph

It's most definitely worth your while making the gym aware of his actions. I'd imagine they'd take a dim view of someone using their premises as a location to humiliate other people. And if word gets out that you made a complaint against him then they might find other people complaining about him as well, because if he's done this to one person the chances are he's done it to others.

222233

That is absolutely horrible and so unprofessional I can completely understand why you were so upset, I would most certainly make a complaint to the gym.

TheChizler

What was the message under the post? I'm guessing it wasn't a positive one talking about how proud he was or the like, but you haven't explicitly said.

I'm just wondering if he intentially set out to humiliate cause it would be an inexplicably stupid thing to do. Of course he shouldn't have put it up without your permission regardless of his intentions.

flyovertom

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I have screenshots, I can clearly be made out in the videos.

I will get straight onto the gym and let them know,

I did send him a message, (I was completely respectful) but did refer to the actions he carried as to one that only bully and a coward would find funny, and I reminded him I did not give him permission to record me.

eeguy

flyovertom wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I have screenshots, I can clearly be made out in the videos.

I will get straight onto the gym and let them know,

I did send him a message, (I was completely respectful) but did refer to the actions he carried as to one that only bully and a coward would find funny, and I reminded him I did not give him permission to record me.

That's the right course of action. Be the bigger man. Complain to the owner, put that bully in his place and move on to someone else for training.

Congrats BTW for losing the weight. 2.5 stone is great going!

flyovertom

The video basically said that I wasn't even trying, and had a full rep where I fell flat on my face, he put in a picture of a mouse and a load of laughing emoticons.

flyovertom

eeguy wrote: »

Check the contract you signed. Most of them notify you that you may be filmed and material used online.
Personally Id complain to the gym. Totally unprofessional for him to do that.
I doubt the Gardai will do a thing. I've heard of people complaining to them about FB posts but there's absolutely nothing they can do beyond ask the person to take it down.

It's a very basic contract, an A4 sheet back and front, mainly stuff about pre-existing health conditions.

TheChizler

flyovertom wrote: »

The video basically said that I wasn't even trying, and had a full rep where I fell flat on my face, he put in a picture of a mouse and a load of laughing emoticons.

That's horrendous. Clearly you're trying and succeeding (congrats by the way) so this is him just trying to be a big man. I'd be on to the gym at a minimum.

flaneur

I would make a complaint to the gym and also have a chat with the Data Protection Commissioner.

That’s absolutely unacceptable.

Fakediamond

He's an immature bully, who's making himself feel better by belittling others.

Your revenge will be that you may reach your goal, but he will never be a personal trainer with an attitude like that.

Best of luck with the training, you should be proud of your progress.

Needles73

<SNIP - no need to quote entire OP>

He sounds like an absolute dick. To be honest I wouldn't have made contact with him and gave him chance to remove it but I understand why you did. He must have some relation or arrangement with the gym if he operates there. He doesn't just stroll in and work from there without some form of understanding. Absolutely do not let this go as a minimum make a complaint to gym verbally and in writing. If it was me I'd consider a lot more and seek advice from a solicitor. Well done on weight loss, and don't give because of pricks like this

Tokyo

Notify the gym immediately, with screenshots of said instagram posts. If he's done this to you, then it's likely that he's done the same to others, and any reputable gym will take an extremely dim view of the situation (as in, I'd be surprised if he still had a job next time you went back to the gym).

If for whatever reason, the gym doesn't take your complaint seriously, then vote with your feet, and find another gym.

NIMAN

Whatever course of action you decide upon OP, well done on your weight loss.

That is no mean feat to lose that amount of weight. It shows you have the willpower, desire and inner strength to do it.

Don't let this kn0b upset your efforts or set you back. He's a prat for doing for what he did. I would be inclined to forget about the Gardai angle, and just lodge a complaint with the gym, he deserves to feel some pain himself for this.

If they don't take action against him, there's plenty more gyms out there, move.

First of all, congratulations on your progress so far, that's a serious achievement!

I've worked in that industry and its full of guys/girls like that unfortunately.

If I were in your shoes, I would take control of the situation. Share the post publicly via your Facebook page and name the trainer (and the gym if their response isn't satisfactory). Let the public see him for what it is - that'll have a big effect on his reputation.

Own your progress to date - its something to be proud of. You'll continue to make progress, your fitness, technique will improve which will allow you to work harder and get fitter etc - its a beautiful cyclical effect. .
He on the other hand will always be an asshole!

dudara

Firstly, he should not have posted that without your explicit consent. Even if it had been a positive story.

Secondly, to joke and mock someone like that is childish, immature, not to say unprofessional.

Write a letter of complaint to the gym. Report him to Instagram for sharing your image without your consent. If he is a member of a professional organisation, complain to them also.

And finally, I would seek legal advice on this.

Congrats on your weight loss to date. You have achieved so much,

anewme

What a complete tool.

Agree it's the person who says share it on your own social media and on the gyms page.

This is disgusting and I would not attend a gym who allowed ppl operate there who treated their clients like this.

Well done on the weight loss, don't let this fool grind you down.

dudara

Please do not share this on your own page or on another's page. It may seem right, but could be seen as defamation and could work against you. Go the official and/or legal routes.

Not defamatory if its true!

dudara

Deleted User wrote: »

Not defamatory if its true!

This is off topic, but not necessarily correct. Truth is a defence against defamation. The Legal discussion Forum is a better place for that discussion.

anewme

Fakediamond wrote: »

Your revenge will be that you may reach your goal, but he will never be a personal trainer with an attitude like that.

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The best revenge is living well and you are killing so far it with 2.5stone..

Him on the other hand as a PT is supossed to motivate people, well he's a big failure at that anyway.

ebbsy

You tell him and the gym that you are going on Joe Duffy to talk the whole thing through.

Always focuses the mind.

leggo

Deleted User wrote: »

Not defamatory if its true!

Defamation is a deliberate attempt to lower someone's reputation in the eyes of most right-minded people. You don't even need to prove that the attempt was successful, just the fact that they tried to do it is enough, the law implicitly states as much. Truth is difficult to prove, effort is nigh on impossible to do so. It's clear and easy to prove that the PT was trying to do the former, it's impossible for him to counter and prove that the OP wasn't making any effort (and even then stuff like his significant weight loss would stand in the OP's stead as proof of effort, weakening the PT's case dramatically). It's an open and shut case.

Also, remember that defamation is a civil matter and not a criminal one, so the Gardai have nothing to do with it. It's all done through solicitors.

However, having gone down that route before, OP I would go through the formal process of complaining to the gym first (though feel free to use the word 'defamation' in doing so). You could threaten to shut your account with them down and tell people you know about this incident and the unprofessionalism of the trainers they allow to work there if they continue to allow this fool to do so. That should be enough to get him booted, which is entirely fair, he needs to find a new career if this is how he carries on in this one. If it doesn't, then you can go to a solicitor and many will take a consultation and write a letter for you for free. That'll almost definitely get the job done if the first part doesn't. But to actually go through the motions of a full case is both unpleasant and more effort than it's worth if the post has been removed.

On another note: if I saw a PT put that up on social media, it'd just tell me that they were an arsehole and bad at their job. A PT is only as good as their client's success stories. Most people would see it that way, so it was not only a dick move, but an incredibly dumb move on his part. I can't imagine he's doing well for himself in an ultra-competitive field these days with that kind of carry on (and he'll be doing worse once he gets kicked out of this gym), if that makes you feel any better OP.

Malayalam

He's a horrible person. You have done amazing work on yourself and most of us are vulnerable when it comes to dealing with personal issues like weight gain, no wonder you felt really hurt to find yourself mocked. But you are the one who is winning here. He is an asshole, sorry you had to encounter someone like that. Onwards and upwards!

silverharp

for sure gather up all the evidence you can, report the guy to the gym and request a return of whatever money you paid him and that you want a written apology from the trainer and the gym.

Sephiroth_dude

Oh please report him for what he did , he will do it again too someone else, if there decent people they'll kick his ass out the door, if not well **** them, go find yourself a new gym and a better P/T, don't let what this dickhead did discourage you, keep going, you're doing great.

MAJJ

You are courageous and brave by trying to better yourself. You have done brilliantly so far and I'd not let this fool stop you with your goal. Focus on what you have achieved so far and know you can keep going. He is simply a horrible ass hole, no gym would want him near their customers.

Keep going with pride and best of luck to you.

retro:electro

Jesus op! That is horrendous and I feel so bad for you. I would absolutely report him to the gym. What a horrible, horrible thing to do. Please don't let this put you off training. There are great trainers out there who would never humiliate you like that and who would only love to help you and fill you with confidence.

He is not a trainer. Trainers don't mock and deride people when they're trying to better themselves.

Yellow pack crisps

Report him. Demand your money back from him via through the gym, it's overall their responsibility as he is training on their grounds. Then move on and don't look back. The guy sounds unhinged to be so unawares as to not understand the seriousness of what he did. Why a PT needs a phone is stupid anyway and I know they claim to use it for going back over things but they don't really as if you are doing something wrong they should correct it there and then! In future take control of them and realise they work for you and if you don't want a phone in the session then demand that. Plenty of PT will oblige. Well done on the weight loss very impressive.

Malayalam

Just for completeness, I thought to post the rest of my opinion...
I kind of also weirdly feel sorry for the personal Trainer guy, because to be honest that's his career down the drain. When you report him he will most likely lose his access to that gym, maybe even other gyms and then he will not be able to work in the field he has chosen. My son - an awesome person - is working in that field, in fact both my sons are to some extent, and they would never treat someone like that. But maybe you encountered a person who is young, immature, foolish, idiotic, riding a brain fart that he has not seen for what it is. Another option is to tell him up front and clearly that you have the evidence of what he did, that it was very hurtful on a personal level but also highly unprofessional for him, that you could tell the gym, and that he would likely be let go as a result, that you don't want to work with him any more because of his chosen behaviours, but that you also do not wish to see him go down in flames. Move on from him, be self -confident in your own self as you have done amazing but give him the chance to better himself. In the longer run you might feel better about yourself for having given him the chance to be a a better human being?
Just an option? It's one I would go for myself, but i tend to be soft that way. Soft in the head maybe

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

retro:electro

I don't feel one bit sorry for him. Only a horrible person would do something like that. He can get a job elsewhere, where his soul purpose isn't to encourage and motivate people- features that he severely lacks.
He should be let nowhere near a gym.

Yellow pack crisps

Malayalam wrote: »

Just for completeness, I thought to post the rest of my opinion...
I kind of also weirdly feel sorry for the personal Trainer guy, because to be honest that's his career down the drain. When you report him he will most likely lose his access to that gym, maybe even other gyms and then he will not be able to work in the field he has chosen. My son - an awesome person - is working in that field, in fact both my sons are to some extent, and they would never treat someone like that. But maybe you encountered a person who is young, immature, foolish, idiotic, riding a brain fart that he has not seen for what it is. Another option is to tell him up front and clearly that you have the evidence of what he did, that it was very hurtful on a personal level but also highly unprofessional for him, that you could tell the gym, and that he would likely be let go as a result, that you don't want to work with him any more because of his chosen behaviours, but that you also do not wish to see him go down in flames. Move on from him, be self -confident in your own self as you have done amazing but give him the chance to better himself. In the longer run you might feel better about yourself for having given him the chance to be a a better human being?
Just an option? It's one I would go for myself, but i tend to be soft that way. Soft in the head maybe

Complete projection! The guy abused his position! That is abuse. Do you have any idea the mental strength needed to lose 4 stone in weight ace to lose 2.5 stone and be publicly humiliated! Another person might be so traumatised that they never go to a gym again, gain back the weight and suffer serious health consequences as result, mentally and physically. The PT should never be let near a gym again in the capacity as a person who looks after another's wellbeing for profit.

noodler

Malayalam wrote: »

Just for completeness, I thought to post the rest of my opinion...
I kind of also weirdly feel sorry for the personal Trainer guy, because to be honest that's his career down the drain. When you report him he will most likely lose his access to that gym, maybe even other gyms and then he will not be able to work in the field he has chosen. My son - an awesome person - is working in that field, in fact both my sons are to some extent, and they would never treat someone like that. But maybe you encountered a person who is young, immature, foolish, idiotic, riding a brain fart that he has not seen for what it is. Another option is to tell him up front and clearly that you have the evidence of what he did, that it was very hurtful on a personal level but also highly unprofessional for him, that you could tell the gym, and that he would likely be let go as a result, that you don't want to work with him any more because of his chosen behaviours, but that you also do not wish to see him go down in flames. Move on from him, be self -confident in your own self as you have done amazing but give him the chance to better himself. In the longer run you might feel better about yourself for having given him the chance to be a a better human being?
Just an option? It's one I would go for myself, but i tend to be soft that way. Soft in the head maybe

Yeah, sounds like you are too close to this, perhaps projecting in relation to your kids?

Don't feel like you have to go soft on him OP.

Malayalam

Lol at the projection accusations! I just choose different ways of dealing with horrible people sometimes, ways that may not be the normal. I offered it only as an alternative. Everyone in life is suffering at some level, even this utter bollox of a personal trainer, everyone. I'm not a door mat or projecting. The world is more complicated than the reflexive instinct for outrage and revenge. I take my husband as an example, he will never stick in the knife when the opportunity or reason arises, and will always make allowances for human fraility. I admire that so much in him, so it is his example and wisdom that inspired me to make the suggestion.

retro:electro

Good for you?
But there was a clear breach of privacy and professional conduct here. He needs to be sanctioned.

Yellow pack crisps

Malayalam wrote: »

Lol at the projection accusations! I just choose different ways of dealing with horrible people sometimes, ways that may not be the normal. I offered it only as an alternative. Everyone in life is suffering at some level, even this utter bollox of a personal trainer, everyone. I'm not a door mat or projecting. The world is more complicated than the reflexive instinct for outrage and revenge. I take my husband as an example, he will never stick in the knife when the opportunity or reason arises, and will always make allowances for human fraility. I admire that so much in him, so it is his example and wisdom that inspired me to make the suggestion.

Revenge? No. Taking action so it's not repeated. You are bringing revenge into it,nobody here did. People's lack of actions can have significant damage to lots of people, surely being in Ireland we know this better than most.

Sam Quentin

A lot of 'gym instructors' seem quite young nowadays, they may well have the fitness and skills for the job!? But a lot of them lack the maturity and understanding it takes and the privacy a personal trainer job entails...
I know a couple of 'fitness trainers' in my area, and because of my work>> I would see them out drinking getting drunk and socialising every weekend... Surely this isn't acceptable!?

retro:electro

Are you being serious? Why wouldn't they be allowed drink and socialise?! Do you expect them to be benching, 24/7?

There for sure are more personal trainers than you can shake a stick at nowadays, but hey you get cowboys in every profession.

Mitch Connor

Sam Quentin wrote: »

A lot of 'gym instructors' seem quite young nowadays, they may well have the fitness and skills for the job!? But a lot of them lack the maturity and understanding it takes and the privacy a personal trainer job entails...
I know a couple of 'fitness trainers' in my area, and because of my work>> I would see them out drinking getting drunk and socialising every weekend... Surely this isn't acceptable!?

What?

Why on earth would it not be acceptable? I can't think of a legitimate reason why.

mfceiling

I would let the gym know what happened and that you will cancel your membership if no action is taken.

I would also make other gyms in the area aware of this fools behaviour...would be a shame if he got away with this carry on again.

Sam Quentin

Read my post properly before getting crazy. Relax now.
I said a couple of trainers, I said some are very young, drinking EVERY weekend and seem very immature for their position... Jaysizzzz we all know someone who was at the gym for 6 months... Next their telling everyone and their mother that their starting in the local gym next week as a personal trainer. LMAO.
Anyway of course trainers should socialise and maybe just maybe have a couple of beers every now and then!?

Ursus Horribilis

I have no sympathy for this guy. It would appear that he lied to the OP about why he was filming him in the first place. "Before" and "After" my foot. It shows a lack of empathy for the people he's working with. Many people who hire personal trainers do so because they've got weight to lose and need extra help and motivation. In other words, they're very different to the people who are working in these gyms and are into fitness anyway. If this guy sees the people he's training as figures of fun, then he has no business working with overweight folk.

OP, I'd definitely try to get money back out of this gym as well as raising the issue with them. I hope they will take this matter very seriously and treat this guy accordingly. I certainly wouldn't put it down as immaturity. It's a meanness of spirit and a reflection of what sort of person he really is.

retro:electro

I'd say he has done a lot of damage by posting the video. If I followed him I'd be disgusted by his conduct and would make it my business to avoid ever using him, and would never recommend him to anyone who is looking for training. I bet there were many of his followers who were extremely unimpressed by that video. It reveals more about him than it ever could about you.

harr

Let gym know first off then on his Facebook page and what ever other pages he has I would put as many negative reviews as possible and would encourage others to do same..
Post it to your Facebook page and make it public and include the screenshots.
I would not care less if it ruins him he deserves everything he gets for doing that..
If it was me he probably would be needing a new set of teeth by now

Sephiroth_dude

Malayalam wrote: »

I kind of also weirdly feel sorry for the personal Trainer guy, because to be honest that's his career down the drain.

How can you feel sorry for this muppet?