Not sure what to make of this

hal9550 · 09-11-2017 11:52PM

lazybones32 wrote: »

Apparently i live in a world where in-depth character judgements are made based on one drunken statement.

Lazybones its not just a drunken comment. Its the fact that when questioned later, the lady changed the story to suggest she had said it, deliberately, to see what OP thought of it. in effect she FLOATED the idea of cheating on her boyfriend, TO HER BOYFRIEND.. to see what he would think. and then had the temerity to claim its because OP doesnt demonstrate that he loves her.

To suggest that OP should "lighten up a wee bit,", and relax, given the obviousness of what the lady said in this case, is bizarre in my mind.

lazybones32 · 10-11-2017 12:35AM

hal9550 wrote: »

Lazybones its not just a drunken comment. Its the fact that when questioned later, the lady changed the story to suggest she had said it, deliberately, to see what OP thought of it. in effect she FLOATED the idea of cheating on her boyfriend, TO HER BOYFRIEND.. to see what he would think. and then had the temerity to claim its because OP doesnt demonstrate that he loves her.

To suggest that OP should "lighten up a wee bit,", and relax, given the obviousness of what the lady said in this case, is bizarre in my mind.

Read the op's three posts. He doesn't paint that bad a picture...really drunk woman says something stupid; instantly regrets saying it and apologises. When the subject is raised days later, she gives a different answer as to why she said it (can she remember saying it or trying to cover her a$$?) apologises; promises fidelity; offers to cancel trip rather than break up (same woman who has the op genuinely convinced of her love for him). But this must be an elaborate trick?

But i totally accept i was wrong in telling him to relax a little: he has only had his trust and faith in this perfect woman undermined by a drunken remark and her less than satisfactory explanation. OTT on my behalfðŸ˜€

hal9550 · 10-11-2017 12:52AM

lazybones32 wrote: »

Read the op's three posts. He doesn't paint that bad a picture...really drunk woman says something stupid; instantly regrets saying it and apologises. When the subject is raised days later, she gives a different answer as to why she said it (can she remember saying it or trying to cover her a$$?) apologises; promises fidelity; offers to cancel trip rather than break up (same woman who has the op genuinely convinced of her love for him). But this must be an elaborate trick?

But i totally accept i was wrong in telling him to relax a little: he has only had his trust and faith in this perfect woman undermined by a drunken remark and her less than satisfactory explanation. OTT on my behalf&#55357;&#56832;

It really depends on your perspective Lazybones..

If i got drunk
Told my GF that while away i MIGHT kiss other women
Apologized said i was messing
Then said ACTUALLY i said it deliberately, but its because she DOESNT SHOW ME how much she loves me -
and that i said it PURELY to see how she reacted
Then recanted again , and offered not to go on my trip

I dont think its 'OTT' to suggest my GF might have some doubts and trust might diminish between us.

And that is what has happened to OP.. in my view

Big Bag of Chips · 10-11-2017 08:30AM

Ploeweag wrote: »

She instantly regretted saying it and said she didnt really mean it and shes drunk and just being overly honest.

"Overly honest".

A weird thing to say if you don't mean what you say and don't understand why you said it. Maybe there's truth in 'in vino veritas'

Sounds like the only mistake she made was actually saying it out loud to you instead of just keeping it to herself and going off and cheating on you in the hope you'd never find out.

Ann84 · 10-11-2017 08:35AM

I think you should listen to what she said - it sounds like (inadvertently) you make her feel insecure, she in fact said it, I think that was honest... it’s not the right way to go about it and maybe your communication as a couple sucks but sounds like she is insecure about going away and just wanted you to tell her you’ll miss her and love her loads and it’ll all be fine...

The fact that she offered to cancel the trip, this is completely out of character and has since tried (poorly) to explain makes me think that she is worrying and it’s not coming out right.

I say this because this is exactly the kind of doomsday nonsense I come out with to my now husband who has learned that I am just upset about something - it’s not right but insecurity and vulnerability don’t suit everyone - I’d suggest talking to her more

bucketybuck · 10-11-2017 09:17AM

lazybones32 wrote: »

But i totally accept i was wrong in telling him to relax a little: he has only had his trust and faith in this perfect woman undermined by a drunken remark and her less than satisfactory explanation. OTT on my behalf&#55357;&#56832;

You keep making sarcastic comments and trying to imply that the OP is overreacting to a silly drunken comment.

No.

I and many others am old enough and ugly enough to know that normal people do not say or do **** like that. Normal people do not tell their partner they intend to cheat on them. They certainly do not joke about it when the question was already hanging there due to one of the partners going travelling for an extended length of time.

You might say crap like that when you are drunk but that is on you, it is not common behaviour in solid relationships.

mada82 · 10-11-2017 09:19AM

Dump her. It will just eat away at you.

MissShihTzu · 11-11-2017 04:06PM

My Gran used to say 'Drunk talk is sober talk'. I would listen carefully to what she told you, and make your own mind up.

I personally think this girl sounds very immature. Saying she 'might' cheat just to see your reaction and saying you don't love her enough? Sounds like a teenage thing to me...

Not sure what to make of this

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