Girlfriend just broke up with me. Need advice please

shypshnius · 07-11-2017 07:48PM #1

Good evening,

I was just dumped by my girlfriend and i'm currently really confused. I think the main reason why she broke up with me was cause i acted really clingy, super needy and annoyed her during the last week when she went to another city to meet her friends and have a good time. She was already acting quite cold the week before so i panicked a bit and kept messaging, calling her a lot during the days she was away. I could see that she was annoyed with that but i just wanted to understand what was wrong. I could clearly smell that something is not right and had a feeling that she is thinking about breaking up with me. I know it was a big mistake on my part not giving her space during that week. So when she came back, she told me that she needs couple days of space to decide whether she wants to be with me anymore. I've just called her today, and hung up on me, then we chatted a little bit and it turned out that she decided to break up.

But my main concern is, what she wrote me was:

"I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.

I'm not quite sure what that means.. Do you think she still has some feelings for me? She's acting really cold though and doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore. However, he's still checking every single thing i put on instagram/facebook. We been together for 6 months and it seemed that we really loved each. She even cried in front of me at least 3 times, she used to be really comfortable next to me. It was a long distance relationship though. We used to meet twice a week. It's just hard to believe for me that like 10 days ago she said she really loved me and now she decided to break up with me after i was really clingy, needy the week she was away.

What is your opinion? Mainly about that thing she said to me today: ""I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.".

Do you think i still got a chance to get her back?

Thank you.

zoobizoo · 07-11-2017 08:37PM

It kind of means that she's made a decision based on the facts and that she hopes that it won't upset her or be bad for her in the future.

Long distance can be way too much hard work.

Give it a week and then call her. She will either be missing you or glad of the break up. You'll know more then

Caranica · 07-11-2017 09:14PM

To be honest, if it were me and I felt any doubts about the relationship and you hounded me like you hounded her I'd have run a mile too. How could she enjoy her time with her friends when you were constantly messaging and calling her. Relationships are about a balance between me time and us time, sorry OP but I think you blew it

hal9550 · 07-11-2017 09:47PM

zoobizoo wrote: »

It kind of means that she's made a decision based on the facts and that she hopes that it won't upset her or be bad for her in the future.

Long distance can be way too much hard work.

Give it a week and then call her. She will either be missing you or glad of the break up. You'll know more then

Yea id go with the above.. Take a full week off from contact.. Literally no contact man.. then perhaps call her and see how she is doing, or perhaps a simple text, just checking in to see how shes coping. As Zoobizoo said, her tone and how she reacts will tell you all you need to know. And if she is doing well, and moving forward then wish her well.. and move on

Its tough breaking up pal, and i know you will be hoping for a positive outcome, but it probably wont happen. you need to be prepared for that.

As to her line about hoping its not a mistake, it could also be that she is telling you how serious she has taken the decision. Fact is we all make decisions and hope they are correct. Odds are though she made her mind up, so do prepare for her to be moving forward and feeling better apart

Caranica wrote: »

To be honest, if it were me and I felt any doubts about the relationship and you hounded me like you hounded her I'd have run a mile too. How could she enjoy her time with her friends when you were constantly messaging and calling her. Relationships are about a balance between me time and us time, sorry OP but I think you blew it

Different strokes for different folks Caranica. I would be very much the same as you, and several times felt very put off by being inundated by text messages from a lady after a few months of dating. (Also repeated messages asking why i wasnt responding, even though whatsapp said i HAD read the message)

That said, some relationships/Couples/Singltons are very texty with each other. A lady i dated previously refereed to me as a textaholic after a staggering FOUR MESSAGES!

Text frequency is a grey area, and i feel for OP in this situation. He was obviously panicked slightly by GFs coldness, but his texting may have contributed 'slightly'.. but it wasnt the whole picture in my opinion

lazybones32 · 07-11-2017 09:59PM

It's over. She broke up with you. You acknowledge that you drove her away. Think about that rather than her words about whether she'll regret it or not - she won't.

Ursus Horribilis · 07-11-2017 11:30PM

Thing is, break-ups aren't always cut and dried and neatly tied up in a bundle. People end relationships even though they've still got feelings for the other person. They can end things even though they've got doubts. But usually, there is something that has been niggling away at them for a while which has made things feel not quite right. I think your ex girlfriend's coldness before her trip is a bigger clue as to the way things were going. You hounding her on that trip was either the straw that broke the camel's back or accelerated what was going to happen anyway. I wouldn't read too much into her liking things on Instagram. You, being the person who was dumped, will want to of course. For now, the wisest course of action is to leave her alone and wait for the dust to settle. You'll know more in a week or two's time.

LegacyUser · 08-11-2017 09:57AM

shypshnius wrote: »

But my main concern is, what she wrote me was:

"I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.

I would interpret that as her keeping you on a string. The whole relationship sounds immature, melodramatic and insecure to be honest, as do the reactions post breakup on both sides. I think this relationship has probably run its course and the best you're going to get out of it now is to learn from it, grow and move on.

woodchuck · 08-11-2017 10:29AM

OP no offense intended at all, but I think you're in denial about the breakup. A lot of people are in the initial stages when they don't see it coming... it's that "bargaining" stage of the grief process.

I see some people are advising you to give it some time and then contact her. I absolutely would NOT do this. She has made her decision and you should accept that. Especially as part of the reason you broke up was because you were too clingy/needy. You'll just be proving her point if you start contacting her again. Don't start over analysing what she's said, the bottom line is that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

I'd also try to learn from the experience so you don't repeat the same mistakes again with any future relationships. Ask yourself why you were so clingy/needy. Do you have self esteem issues. Try to work on yourself and look to a better future instead of holding onto the past.

Calypso Realm · 08-11-2017 10:46AM

woodchuck wrote: »

I see some people are advising you to give it some time and then contact her. I absolutely would NOT do this. She has made her decision and you should accept that. Especially as part of the reason you broke up was because you were too clingy/needy. You'll just be proving her point if you start contacting her again. .

Exactly what I was going to say. On no account contact her in any form. Given the context it will only reinforce her original decision to break up.

beertons · 08-11-2017 10:55AM

Don't contact her. If she wants to get back together, she'll let you know. Join a hiking club, start cycling, or get a personal trainer at a nearby gym and start a programme with them. Time to focus the mind on something else.

bucketybuck · 08-11-2017 11:08AM

shypshnius wrote: »

But my main concern is, what she wrote me was:

"I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.

I'm not quite sure what that means..

Its worth remembering that when you are dumping somebody you need to say something, you need to put some combination of words there. Very few people are callous enough to just say "You're dumped, get lost", so they dress it up in words to make themselves feel better.

You shouldn't over analyse those words looking for hope, they were only written to soften the blow for you, the important words in the message were "I am breaking up with you". Those are the ones you need to take seriously.

Its done, delete the message and stop overthinking it, cut all contact and go off for a week or two to start the process of getting over her.

WIZWEB · 08-11-2017 11:13AM

OP sometimes a break can be just what either person needs to discover what they really require. It may or may not be each other. Always better than to be strung along or overwhelmed. As surprising as it sounds now after a while she may attempt to come back into your life and by then you may have moved on emotionally. I've did clingy and needy. I've also ran miles from others who have. Use the extra time to work on you as suggested by others. Fill your time with people and activities to manage your grief. Build a strong supportive relationship with yourself to be less dependent on others to meet your future needs.

MartyMcFly84 · 08-11-2017 11:20AM

Sounds like the writing was on the wall and you hammered the nails in the coffin when she was away and looking for some space with friends.

My advice is to give her space now. What happened cannot be undone. But continuing to message her now will just pour cement over it.

ninebeanrows · 08-11-2017 09:19PM

I would ignore every comment here, possibly including mine.. Do what you think is right for both of you. You know her best - deep down you'll know what is right. Best you both come clean about everything and then you can move on.

The worst part is the not knowing...at least if this relationship doesnt work - youll know how to improve going forward.

Some of the comments above are just vicious. Hope things go well

Girlfriend just broke up with me. Need advice please

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