NY Times: The lost children of Tuam

Fizzlesque · 30-10-2017 08:54PM

Although I found it difficult to read that article, I felt compelled to read it to the end. During my reading, I oscillated between horror at what could have been and enormous relief that in the late eighties, when I was a pregnant unmarried mother-to-be, the church didn't have quite the same grip it heartlessly and callously enjoyed once upon a time. It was still there, but not quite so vice-like.

It's 28 years since I agreed to have my child adopted and while I wasn't forced to make that choice, it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to keep my baby but my father painted such a bleak picture of how our lives would unfold, I was terrified at the thought of inflicting such an awful 'fait accompli' on my child.

I bowed to the pressure and agreed to let another woman become my child's mother. When I read this New York Times article, it brought back a lot of half forgotten memories and while they make my heart feel heavy, they also bring some relief and a lot of gratitude. The relief comes from remembering that the times back then were very different to how they are now, and the guilt I've allowed build up, like years of debris in an uncleaned gutter, should be stopped in its tracks because I'm using my today-mind to view a years-ago decision. The gratitude probably needs no explanation - mostly that I wasn't sent to a mother and baby home to atone for my "sin" and eventually relinquish my baby, never to hear of her again.

My heart bleeds for the women that were sent to these places, who lost their babies either through death or adoption. To never be able to speak of their loss, to share their pain or to try ease some of their heartache. They punished the grieving and made light of their pain.

I have a semi-open adoption. I know where my child is. I have contact of sorts. I have hope she will come back to me some day. I can talk (and do, freely and often) about my emotions and my loss, but these women were silenced and shamed. Although it is 28 years since I said goodbye to my child, just yesterday I cried like a wounded animal, and wailed to the earless air around me asking it to send a message to her that I miss her and desperately want to see her again. Today, as I read that article, all I could think of was, lucky me, to have at least the chance of reunion. Lucky me to be allowed to express my love and my pain. Lucky me to know my child had a good childhood, was cared for, hugged, loved and always knew laughter, happiness and acceptance.

Those children and those women were treated barbarically. Made out to be filth when the truth was the filth was the church and those who put its obnoxious teachings into practice.

I feel anger when I read that article. Anger for myself, even though I got off lightly. Anger for those that suffered with no respite and no recourse. But, anger is no good and I've cried enough over the last 28 years to drown us all so I will dry my eyes and switch my attention to feeling grateful that among us are wonderful women like Catherine Corless whose tireless insistence on getting to the bottom of this story has brought this terrible truth into the light.

All My Stars Aligned · 30-10-2017 09:17PM

As an adopted child of the early 70's I have always tried to avoid articles such as these. Upon reading I was left with a very real appreciation of how luck I was not to have ended up in a place such as the Tuam Home. My heart breaks for those not as fortunate as myself.

Catherine Corless deserves to be recognised by the Irish people for seeking the truth for those deprived of a voice of their own.

The short video is one of the most moving pieces of film that I have ever watched.

Perhaps this evening you might light a candle and remember those who suffered at the hands of the RCC, both mothers and babies.

Thank you OP for posting this.

leahyl · 30-10-2017 09:34PM

Working class heroes wrote: »

Could do worse than naming the children's hospital after her...

Brilliant idea

captbarnacles · 30-10-2017 09:41PM

I looked up the standing ovation she got on the late late show after reading it even tho it is only a tiny but if the recognition she deserves.

Bambi985 · 30-10-2017 10:00PM

Why isn't that septic tank being treated as a crime scene, if the home was open as late as the 90s and some of the perpetrators may still be alive?

None of these crimes are surprising anymore. We've had the Ryan report, the Murphy report, the McAleese report and now this upcoming report by the Mother and Baby Homes Commission - and it's the same bloody rigmarole every time. The church is "shocked" (but doesn't apologise), the State is "saddened", a commission is deployed to investigate (over years), meanwhile the perpetrators get off scot-free just because they happen to wear religious garments and say mass a few times a week. Why?

Catherine Corless is an embodiment of what happens when you keep asking "why" - you face immense intimidation and scrutiny from the church, from the community, from politicians and from fuddy duddy rent-a-gobs like Terry Prone who will protect their own interests and biases at any cost. We don't like change. We don't like to challenge the beliefs and the traditions we've been raised on. But for the love of fcuking christ how many more "reports" do we need to face before deciding that enough is enough and someone has to pay the price for these heinous crimes against the most vulnerable members of society?

I don't give a sh1t if they're 80 now. Lock them up and let the Catholic Church reform itself to prove it has a rightful place in the 21st century.

Hotblack Desiato · 30-10-2017 10:15PM

The Tuam home closed in 1961.

I don't hold out any hope of anyone still alive being held accountable, unfortunately.

30-10-2017 10:19PM

A person close to me was born in the 50s, one of a large family in a small house in a poor area. His mother died when he was young. His father remarried. For obvious reasons, the children didn't really bond with their stepmother.

And then his father died. Leaving a stepmother with a large young family...which was not hers. And she worked a number of jobs to put food on their table, ensure they went to school, got jobs.

And it's only in recent years he fully understood why she did it. Because if she didn't...and there was no obligation on her to care for them...they would have gone into State care, they would have been split up and fostered out.

It's one of the most selfless acts I've heard. She sacrificed her life for a family that were not hers. And to spare relative strangers the possibility of ending up abandoned to the care of the State, as those poor children at Tuam and other places were.

Cookie_Monster · 30-10-2017 10:19PM

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

The Tuam home closed in 1961.

I don't hold out any hope of anyone still alive being held accountable, unfortunately.

The Catholic Church as an organisation surely can be held at least partly responsible?

EPAndlee · 30-10-2017 10:34PM

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

The Catholic Church as an organisation surely can be held at least partly responsible?

They should be at least made to answer questions over this. After all the pain,hurt and trauma the Catholic church has put people of this country through over the years they can't be allowed to just cover things up and get away with it. Who's know what else they've covered up

lazygal · 30-10-2017 10:41PM

I honestly cannot understand how parents of my generation willingly hand their children over for baptisms, communion and confirmation.
It isn't always to get into schools. Most schools do take most children. It is always spoken about as though they've no choice because the grannies will be upset and because they don't want their children being left out.
If people still use the church for getting married while giving out about Tuam and saying they're only doing it to keep the other half happy nothing will change.
Why would any religious order change. So many willingly choose to give them money and power, with all the excuses they tell themselves and each other. Of course nothing will change. We know the Catholic Church abused and killed children but most parents still indoctrinate their children.

Hotblack Desiato · 30-10-2017 10:48PM

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

The Catholic Church as an organisation surely can be held at least partly responsible?

In Ireland that is just not going to happen. They literally can get away with murder.

lazygal · 30-10-2017 10:49PM

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

In Ireland that is just not going to happen. They literally can get away with murder.

We hand billions to the Catholic Church every year, millions of which it uses to evangelise to children.
Ireland has a totally dysfunctional relationship with the Catholic Church.

30-10-2017 10:49PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Well I don't think you can solely blamed the church because the people were allowing this to happen too. Although I would say it was the church who had the people look down on these unfortunates in the first place.

There was a really moving report on RTÉ Radio 1 about 5 years ago and the journalist (Cian McCormack?) described how the local doctor, local solicitor, local garda and local nurse all conspired to help the RCC religious organisation involved to put the name of American adoptive parents on a child's birthcert and omit all mention of the child's real mother. Then the child was sold for a handsome profit by the named organisation.

There's something extraordinarily evil about knowingly omitting a child's real birth parents and denying them rights to know their own people and their people's history and place in the world.

SEPT 23 1989 · 30-10-2017 10:51PM

There was a story on the radio last week about another place where a couple of nine year old girls were left by the nuns to tend to a baby who was coughing itself to death no doctor called and the child died after a few days as they watched on helpless

Worse than any horror film

lazygal · 30-10-2017 10:51PM

A HSE social worker recently organised an "exorcism" for a child. Most health services continue to be delivered through Catholic charitable bodies using 100% state funding. Not much has changed.

Ipso · 30-10-2017 10:52PM

lazygal wrote: »

We hand billions to the Catholic Church every year, millions of which it uses to evangelise to children.
Ireland has a totally dysfunctional relationship with the Catholic Church.

It's a two way relationship, people shouldn't deflect too much blame away from society.

mahamageehad · 30-10-2017 10:53PM

I read this piece earlier, it's heartbreaking. I also came across this blog detailing some of the Bessborough questions, that's the next bombshell we should be expecting by the looks of it. I mean, I'm not surprised that Tuam wasn't an isolated incident but I am surprised that there seems to be a certain reluctance in Ireland to investigate these places. The abuse that Ms. Corless put up and the resistance that she met with is astonishing.

lazygal · 30-10-2017 10:54PM

Ipso wrote: »

It's a two way relationship, people shouldn't deflect too much blame away from society.

As I said parents still actively choose to hand their children over to this church for sacraments. They've obviously no problem with the fact the church has abused and killed generation after generation.

Nettle Soup · 30-10-2017 10:55PM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I read the article yesterday.

Back then the church basically told the Government what to do and with around 90% of the population weekly Mass goers who hung on every word that came out of the mouths of priests and nuns we went from being ruled by the Brits to being ruled by the church.

I'd be a christian myself but there's no defending the cover up that went on in this country for decades and the stalling that went on releasing information about abuse and compensation for victims.

This is still happening today.

lazygal · 30-10-2017 10:56PM

mahamageehad wrote: »

I read this piece earlier, it's heartbreaking. I also came across this blog detailing some of the Bessborough questions, that's the next bombshell we should be expecting by the looks of it. I mean, I'm not surprised that Tuam wasn't an isolated incident but I am surprised that there seems to be a certain reluctance in Ireland to investigate these places. The abuse that Ms. Corless put up and the resistance that she met with is astonishing.

Not astonishing at all. People don't like having to confront uncomfortable truths. They'd prefer not to have to ask themselves why they support a church that's done so much harm.

cml387 · 30-10-2017 10:57PM

When I was going to school, now over forty years ago, we used to pass by a cottage , one of those standard labourer's cottages built by the government in the 1940's.
In there lived a man and a girl. We only ever saw her going up to the local shop (about a half mile from the house).

Everyone around knew her , and knew she was illegitimate. I still remember her, she had red hair and she had those round state supplied glasses which were the mark of poverty in those days.

She would never say hello, or exchange a word as she passed on her bicycle.
Whenever we met her on the road she always looked frightened.

As far as I know her world existed between the house and the shop, as I said a distance of about half a mile.

I have no idea who she was, what her relationship was with the man she shared the house with other than I assumed he was a brother or more likely half brother.

She would I guess be about twenty years old at the time but her life was short, she died many years ago.

I suppose I must have asked my parents who she was but I don't remember getting a definitive answer.

I'm not sure why I'm telling this story except to bear witness to the truth of the fact that illegitimacy was a prison sentence for many unfortunates who had committed no crime.

lazygal · 30-10-2017 11:00PM

No one is "illegitimate". It'll surprise no one that religious bodies argued against reforming the law around illegitimacy in the late 1980s. I'm sure the religious men who's children were known didn't want to deal with possible consequences.

Mrs OBumble · 30-10-2017 11:01PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

How can people still associate themselves with the church after all this? It wasn't a few bad eggs abuse was endemic.

How can people still associate themselves with Ireland after all this?

It wasn't a few bad eggs: abuse was endemic in Irish society. Doctors, food and clothing retailers, county councillors, national politicians - various wealthy, educated people knew exactly what was going on. But they did nothing.

Every single home baby had a father, as well as a mother. A father who made an unfortunate woman pregnant, and then fecked off. Or rather ensured that she was got rid of. Many of the babies had a grandfather who was still alive, too, and who provided transport to take the mother to the home.

It was all the church's fault? People, even educated ones, had no moral compass or independent thought capacity and did exactly what the church told them on every front? Yeah right. Especially the Church of Ireland members, Quakers, Methodists etc - who WERE living in Ireland at the time.

Of course things have changed, and such behaviour wouldn't happen today.
Except if your name is Garda McCabe. Or Maria. Or you live in Aras Attracta. Or you've an asylum seeker.

Ipso · 30-10-2017 11:04PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How can people still associate themselves with Ireland after all this?

It wasn't a few bad eggs: abuse was endemic in Irish society. Doctors, food and clothing retailers, county councillors, national politicians - various wealthy, educated people knew exactly what was going on. But they did nothing.

Every single home baby had a father, as well as a mother. A father who made an unfortunate woman pregnant, and then fecked off. Or rather ensured that she was got rid of. Many of the babies had a grandfather who was still alive, too, and who provided transport to take the mother to the home.

It was all the church's fault? People, even educated ones, had no moral compass or independent thought capacity and did exactly what the church told them on every front? Yeah right. Especially the Church of Ireland members, Quakers, Methodists etc - who WERE living in Ireland at the time.

Of course things have changed, and such behaviour wouldn't happen today.
Except if your name is Garda McCabe. Or Maria. Or you live in Aras Attracta. Or you've an asylum seeker.

Hearing about this stuff and other things like corruption always made me think that Ireland was very much like a class based society.
If you were a priest, teacher, doctor, solicitor, business man you were sorted. Everyone else was just a sh1t muncher.

SEPT 23 1989 · 30-10-2017 11:17PM

Which FF minister did the deal with the catholic church. = then you will realise why they got off scott free

Nasty little country

Hotblack Desiato · 30-10-2017 11:19PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How can people still associate themselves with Ireland after all this?

It wasn't a few bad eggs: abuse was endemic in Irish society. Doctors, food and clothing retailers, county councillors, national politicians - various wealthy, educated people knew exactly what was going on. But they did nothing.

Every single home baby had a father, as well as a mother. A father who made an unfortunate woman pregnant, and then fecked off. Or rather ensured that she was got rid of. Many of the babies had a grandfather who was still alive, too, and who provided transport to take the mother to the home.

It was all the church's fault? People, even educated ones, had no moral compass or independent thought capacity and did exactly what the church told them on every front? Yeah right. Especially the Church of Ireland members, Quakers, Methodists etc - who WERE living in Ireland at the time.

Of course things have changed, and such behaviour wouldn't happen today.
Except if your name is Garda McCabe. Or Maria. Or you live in Aras Attracta. Or you've an asylum seeker.

Pure whataboutery.

Every single one of these people who did their church's bidding had been indoctrinated from birth that that church could do no wrong.

Ipso · 30-10-2017 11:21PM

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Which FF minister did the deal with the catholic church. = then you will realise why they got off scott free

Nasty little country

Wasn't the deal that the state paid a lot of the abuse claims? I don't see the big deal, the state was just as complicit as the church in the mass abuse.

Hotblack Desiato · 30-10-2017 11:26PM

Ipso wrote: »

Wasn't the deal that the state paid a lot of the abuse claims? I don't see the big deal, the state was just as complicit as the church in the mass abuse.

That's an incredible blame shift, from those who perpetrated and profited from abuse onto the victims of their abuse. The Irish people unwittingly bankrolled this abuse at the time and now you want them to have to pay again for the abusers' crimes. Even though hundreds of thousands of Irish people are victims of these crimes, as taxpayers you want them to pay while this vastly wealthy organisation walks away scot free.

I don't fcuking think so.

If the state is complicit, it is only because its leaders did as they were told, as 'good catholics'.

Woods, that man should be strung up and how what he did was legal or constitutional beats me.

SEPT 23 1989 · 30-10-2017 11:28PM

Ipso wrote: »

Wasn't the deal that the state paid a lot of the abuse claims? I don't see the big deal, the state was just as complicit as the church in the mass abuse.

As I said have a good look at the minister who did the deal

The church did very well out of it

lazygal · 30-10-2017 11:29PM

The state paid for the Tuam home. There's a misconception that somehow religious orders paid the bills. State money was used in all schools, industrial schools, hospitals, charities etc. All donations in mass etc were used to accumulate property. They used our money to abuse and kill.

NY Times: The lost children of Tuam

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