Is my Girlfriend right to be furious with me becuase I never spoke out about racist p

kevkelly90 · 16-10-2017 08:56AM #1

I work in the advertisement industry and last month I received a promotion which now gives me direct with the owner of the company on a weekly basis. On Friday, in what was my 4th interaction with the owner, she complained about the industry and the requests she receives. One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".
Now when I told this to my GF, who is mixed race, she was furious with me for not lecturing the owner of the company by telling her she is wrong to do business with companies like this. My defence is that the owner of the company is not only aware of this but feeling some level of guilt and should I challenge her on it I am out the door. My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.
This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years. I am never one to bite my tongue. In this case I don't believe the owner is racist and I believe she was letting off steam about the industry and I don't see how me giving her a lecture over her ethics would equate to me defending racism.
Am I wrong here?

Jim Bob Scratcher · 16-10-2017 08:59AM

You need to get a new GF

16-10-2017 08:59AM

You're not wrong.

Time and place, work is rarely the right avenue for personal crusades.

16-10-2017 09:10AM

Don't do anything. Tell gf you tore a strip off the owner. Problem solved.

Wildcard7 · 16-10-2017 09:12AM

kevkelly90 wrote: »

One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".

I don't get it. Your boss is disgusted with the blatant racism that customers display, does business with them anyway and then your girlfriend accuses you of being racist? Whaaaaaaat? Why would you lecture your boss? She already said she didn't agree with the clients.

I don't know if your business is swimming in money or only just scraping by, but if you dismiss every client who's a bit racist or sexist or a bit of a c*nt for any other reason, you probably won't stay in business for very long. Especially in a market that's fundamentally vain and superficial, like marketing.

If I'm stocking shelves in Tesco and overhear a customers racist remark, is it my duty as a non-racist to convince my supervisor to not let the customer buy anything? Should it even stop there? Should I demand the bus driver can't pick up that guy over there because I overheard him making a racist joke at the bus stop?

Maybe I'm a bit racist myself because I find that silly.

DontThankMe · 16-10-2017 09:13AM

Dump your gf it's not your responsibility to police the world's racist problems and fight every battle against racism.

biko · 16-10-2017 09:16AM

Have a threesome

Irish Praetorian · 16-10-2017 09:19AM

kevkelly90 wrote: »

Now when I told this to my GF

That's your problem right there, you were happily going along and then you decided to ruin things by telling her about your day. Never forget the danger's of telling people about your day.

Mr. Incognito · 16-10-2017 09:21AM

My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.

Your girlfriend is an idiot.

Don't make other people's personal chips your crusades.

You look after your affairs let her look after hers.

If she doesn't like it. Tough.

Lt Dan · 16-10-2017 09:22AM

kevkelly90 wrote: »

I work in the advertisement industry and last month I received a promotion which now gives me direct with the owner of the company on a weekly basis. On Friday, in what was my 4th interaction with the owner, she complained about the industry and the requests she receives. One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".
Now when I told this to my GF, who is mixed race, she was furious with me for not lecturing the owner of the company by telling her she is wrong to do business with companies like this. My defence is that the owner of the company is not only aware of this but feeling some level of guilt and should I challenge her on it I am out the door. My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.
This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years. I am never one to bite my tongue. In this case I don't believe the owner is racist and I believe she was letting off steam about the industry and I don't see how me giving her a lecture over her ethics would equate to me defending racism.
Am I wrong here?

Lesson 1# Never ever talk to the missus or hubby about work or anything remotely interesting that happens to you. Don't buy into that new age rubbish about sharing everything. It is nonsense. Also, learn to zone out when the GF or hubby etc starts waffling on about something that is way over their heads (which is often a lot of things)

Lesson #2 Don't take that rubbish from her, this will continue in the future. As you said, your boss acknowledged that the requests were wrong, it is for your boss and the shareholders to decide who to do business with

Lesson #3: Lie to missus or hubby, you should have said that you did recommend that your boss should have acted a certain way ie telling your superior that how to do their job/run their business.

Lesson #4 "My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence." What a load of bull. If you can not be charged of serious offences for failure to act in certain cases, how can you on earth can she lay that nonsense on you? It would be best she stop listening to the clowns that she listens to

Frankly, and I am not joking, she has made a serious allegation towards you, this will forever happen, you should demand that she takes that back. That shows complete disrespect and frankly, you may need to reconsider your options here. I am being serious too, and it seems to have seriously annoyed you to have posted here. I mean, girls are prone to say the daftest of stuff , but this was rather strong

"Complicit in silence" , Jesus. This will only be the start , It is stupider that society is getting, using terms that they don't understand . I am sorry if this comes out strong, really not intended.

"I am never one to bite my tongue" Next time the GF pulls that stunt, put her in her place (obviously, non violently )

No, you were not wrong. It is not your place . You also have to make money, you claimed that your mouth got you into trouble before for speaking up, you don't want to make a habit of it

Lesson #5 Demand an apology and a retraction and an acknowledgment from the gf that she was wrong (good luck with the later) . If not forthcoming, dump her. You do not need or want lectures from the GF, especially not coming from work. Pure door mat is what you may become. I can imagine now, you with the family, and a family member says something and the GF making a mountain of a moehill and putting you in an awkward position . You ain't got no time for that

There are times, when the opinion of the girl friend is neither wanted or invited. That was that time. Get rid of her before she uses crap like this against you. And yes, your girl friend is an idiot, sufficient grounds to dump her

Seth Brundle · 16-10-2017 09:26AM

I presume that there are often requests for no fat people or nor dark haired, etc. - does she get concerned about this?
Would she have a problem if the customer request was for a black person only?

The customer calls the shots and you do what they want (so to speak) or you leave. You generally can't do both.

Lt Dan · 16-10-2017 09:34AM

DontThankMe wrote: »

Dump your gf it's not your responsibility to police the world's racist problems and fight every battle against racism.

Today fighting racism on the que from the GF, tomorrow being expected to take side between her and your family or friends for any alleged issue (real or imagined) that she might have with them.

Run!

Not is not and never will be the place of the GF to give you lectures , there is a thing about boundaries and respect (it works both ways) she crossed the line

Lt Dan · 16-10-2017 09:35AM

kbannon wrote: »

I presume that there are often requests for no fat people or nor dark haired, etc. - does she get concerned about this?
Would she have a problem if the customer request was for a black person only?

The customer calls the shots and you do what they want (so to speak) or you leave. You generally can't do both.

Not sure it would have been wise of him to try and argue with her, he probably would have made it worse with that valid argument. I doubt she likes to be corrected or undermined.

razorblunt · 16-10-2017 09:36AM

Sounds like you need a gf fella.
Put an advertisement out with your company for one.

exaisle · 16-10-2017 09:40AM

I agree with most of the posters here.....RUN!

Except if she looks like Meghan Markle, in which case a certain amount of sh1t can be taken.

A lot, in fact... :-)

Robsweezie · 16-10-2017 11:00AM

Tell the missus to get a job in buzzfeed

Yamanoto · 16-10-2017 11:08AM

What's the context in which clients are specifying the ethnicity of those featured in their ads? Given the fact a product may be of particular appeal to a targeted demographic, it's always been the case that that's been reflected in the advertising.

Also, who calls it the 'Advertisement industry'?

16-10-2017 11:17AM

I wouldn't consider it racist, necessarily. It's a tactic that is often used in advertising, especially depending on your target audience. A business knows their audience, so if they've done their research and discovered that the majority of it is white, then they wouldn't be able to connect to black people, which, you know, is the purpose of ads.

Now, if it is because they don't like black people then that's obviously racist.

pickarooney · 16-10-2017 11:21AM

'no black people' is clearly racist and neither the OP or his boss is disputing that.

A description of the preferred candidate, including sex, age, size, skin colour, hair is fine for this particular industry.

Assetbacked · 16-10-2017 11:24AM

Is your girlfriend a French, Spanish or South American nationality? Whilst difficult to get women of these nationalities to change their viewpoints, you need to just tell her she's wrong and that you need to pick your battles. Stay firm with her and it will turn her on that you are strong willed and reasoned.

0ph0rce0 · 16-10-2017 11:36AM

She's not even full black she only has a tan. Get out now while you can.

pickarooney · 16-10-2017 11:48AM

Assetbacked wrote: »

Is your girlfriend a French, Spanish or South American nationality? Whilst difficult to get women of these nationalities to change their viewpoints, you need to just tell her she's wrong and that you need to pick your battles. Stay firm with her and it will turn her on that you are strong willed and reasoned.

Yeah, tell her exactly this and she'll be in doubt about whether or not you have a tendency to negatively generalise about huge numbers of people.

jca · 16-10-2017 11:53AM

Time to fire up the ole tinder me thinks.

maryishere · 16-10-2017 02:13PM

Get a more reasonable gf. Should not be difficult.

Hector Bellend · 16-10-2017 02:27PM

Your clients pay yur wages

Your gf doesn't.

A Little Pony · 16-10-2017 02:28PM

Tell her to grow up and get into the real world.

Hector Bellend · 16-10-2017 02:28PM

maryishere wrote: »

Get a more reasonable gf. Should not be difficult.

Harder than you think

jca · 16-10-2017 02:30PM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Harder than you think

Only if you're a Bellend....

sabat · 16-10-2017 02:32PM

Maybe the company was Ambre Solaire or the Acme Confederate Flag Co?

StinkyMunkey · 16-10-2017 03:09PM

Run while you still can, that or prepare for a life of abject misery.

Your boss confided in you that she was disgusted by racism. Your GF is either intellectually challenged or jumping on any and every chance to be offended by her heritage.

I've dealt in the past with people who try the racism card, my normal response is "no matter your race, creed or colour your still a twat".

goose2005 · 16-10-2017 03:18PM

Yamanoto wrote: »

What's the context in which clients are specifying the ethnicity of those featured in their ads? Given the fact a product may be of particular appeal to a targeted demographic, it's always been the case that that's been reflected in the advertising.

More likely that the ads are being shown in eastern Europe / Asia / the Arab world, where customers don't want to see black people

Is my Girlfriend right to be furious with me becuase I never spoke out about racist p

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