Sexting and dating apps...Do I trust him and stay or go?

Hi everyone,

I'll try not to make this long but I desperately need to hear some thoughts on this situation.

I'm 31, Irish, and have been living in London for the past 7 years. I have been dating an English guy for almost 3 years now.

Our relationship to date has been fantastic, and nothing like I certainly had ever experienced before, and he has expressed the same sentiments. However, something that has been an issue for the last 18 months or so, is that I have questioned his desire to have sex. It doesn't seem to be very often, and he never ever communicates about sex outside of the actual act of sex. He has rarely if ever really sexted me, or sent me any kind of pictures, without my asking, nor has he engaged in it. This has caused increasing levels of tension within the relationship. He claims he has a mental 'block' when it comes to talking about sex. it came to a head in August when we had probably the worst row we have ever had (and we don't generally row) when I lost it over his lack of caring about investigating why he didn't seem to want sex, and why he just wouldn't talk about it with me.

Fast forward 2 months to last week - I notice over a weekend, he is frequently showering and in the bathroom. I noticed his phone being taken with him too. A few days later, I was suspicious, so I looked at What's App on his laptop and got the shock of my life. There were about 12 random girls sending him messages, to which he had been frequently responding to both sexually and otherwise, including pictures from both him and her. His were in his boxers etc, and topless in a towel, but still graphic. As I was on the laptop and he was on his phone (he was on a work night, luckily I know this was true) I could see him live messaging them. I was absolutely livid and shocked. I called him immediately to come home. He admitted it straight away, however, he told me he paid £30 to gain access to the messages he received and then he and girls swopped actual phone numbers for what's app messages. That night, I looked up the website, and found he had actually paid £60 to gain access to the messages. I immediately confronted him and he told me he was too embarrassed to admit how much he had spent.

The next day, I made him leave the flat. I feel totally disgusted. I had thought we had a fantastic relationship with no issues. in June 2016, I found he had been on websites such as Ashley Madison etc, under fake made up profiles, he told me he was 'curious' but I do know the profiles were bogus and he messaged no one on them. However, I still never understood why he would be curious enough to look.

He seems devastated that we have finished. His reasoning for what happened was that he was finding he was under increasing pressure to deliver what he felt he could not to me, i.e. stimulating sexual conversation and interaction. We had chatted a number of times about him going to see a therapist however he didn't go. Instead, he choose to message anon girls to see how sexting felt. This is his reasoning. He says he felt 'bored' with the fact we had the same old negative conversation, and that our most recent argument 2 months prior felt so bad he says it made him feel different about the relationship, and this is why he ended up doing what he did. He joined the site on a Saturday and I found out the following Wednesday. The day I kicked him out, he booked a sex therapist and attended a few days later. I had been softening this week when I heard he went, and thought he really was making an effort, so on Monday I allowed him to come to the flat to talk. Emotions were very high and we ended up arguing, crying, and then sleeping together. He left the next morning to attend the therapist.

I had thought it may be possible to reconcile with him, but on Wednesday this week I was dealt the next blow. I found an app online which tells you when someone was last active on Tinder. I discovered he activated Tinder, Bumble and Happn last weekend and deleted them the day I found them. I immediately rang him and screamed down the phone that he was lying again. Yes, granted, I had told him it was over and technically he was single... but he claimed he was only on them after we broke up because his friends had said at the weekend to go on them as they may make him feel more positive about being single. His defence was he wanted to see what was out there and that he wasn't on there to meet anyone, he was just feeling so low and down after everything that had happened with us, and he joined them independent of his reasoning for the previous episode of sexting. I do know that over the last few months, he has increasingly been beating himself up over me implying he isn't 'normal' when he only wants sex once a week and never talks about or thinks about sex, and this is what subsequently lead to him seeking an outlet where there was little emotional involvement if he practised sexting and he could simply opt out of the conversation, where as with me, he says he panics and worries he will say the wrong thing.

I don't know what to think - until now, there has been nothing wrong in our relationship. I genuinely thought we were perfect. My trust is blown to pieces. I am annoyed he went on apps after we broke up, but it could be forgiven, but given the reason we broke up in the first place I think it was possibly the stupidest move yet.

Can anyone please give me your thoughts on this situation? Do I stay or go? In every other regard, I have had no reason to not trust him or rely on him. I just don't know what to think anymore.

Any questions let me know, I will answer and hopefully it will help me decide what to do.