Why do some men hate being called "sir"?

dev100 · 26-08-2017 03:36PM

It's fine if you in a situation where it meeting for the first time it shows manners and respect in the service industry etc but on a continuous basis, if it's over an evening I'll ask the person to call me by my first name. I believe I'm no better than anyone else and don't need or want to be called sir.

Nate--IRL-- · 26-08-2017 03:41PM

"Sir" coming from an Irish person feels inherently insincere.

Nate

Neames · 26-08-2017 04:59PM

I stayed in a hotel recently and all of he staff called me sir, I thought it was nice and polite and showed an appreciation for me as customer.

Shortly afterward, I went to my local ordered a few drinks, the landlord forgot one so I politely asked again for it, was pretty much told that I should have got the order right first time. Big difference in treatment.

ouxbbkqtswdfaw · 26-08-2017 05:08PM

What drives me crazy is the waiter /waitress saying "enjoy" when presenting your meal.

Dial Hard · 26-08-2017 05:10PM

ma2l1cr0s6e73i wrote:

What drives me crazy is the waiter /waitress saying "enjoy" when presenting your meal.

What an odd thing to get het up about.

ouxbbkqtswdfaw · 26-08-2017 05:31PM

I suppose it doesn't drive me mad really, but I could do without another silly Americanism.

lazybones32 · 28-08-2017 12:33AM

Daledge wrote: »

I work in hospitality and as a result use the terms sir/madam quite a lot, it's just part of the formality that comes with the job. But quite often when calling men sir it can be met with "don't call me sir". Sometimes they're joking basically saying there's no need to, but other times they're genuinely annoyed I just referred to them with respect. Frankly I get kind of annoyed when this happens - I'm just doing my job properly.
Why do some people get annoyed? Do they feel they don't deserve it? Do they feel I'm being snobby? Are they being snobby?

I don't call people 'Sir' and don't want to be called it.
In my case, it goes back to school when we were forced to refer to teachers as "Master X" and in secondary it was "Sir/Miss". It struck me as forced respect; authority and superiority (i had to ask permission to pis$) and it was never warranted ime.

lazybones32 · 28-08-2017 12:39AM

Nate--IRL-- wrote: »

"Sir" coming from an Irish person feels inherently insincere.

Nate

Agree with the point.

My issue is with people signing their post with their username. We haven't forgotten who wrote the post but thanks for reminding us, Nigel.

28-08-2017 12:49AM

I worked in hospitality too and always called all ages sir. ..never had a bad experience.

Nowadays when I get called sir I think it's nice and respectful. I can't fathom why anyone would be annoyed. If someone take a passive aggressive tone or whatnot from it when there was none intended then they have their own issues.

freshpopcorn · 28-08-2017 01:00AM

I worked in Hospitality for a while and know a lot of people who still do and I never heard anybody with an issue with being called sir.
Regular customers in good establishments sometimes didn't like being addressed as Sir/Madame tough because they expected you to know their name and remember all about the kids/family/etc. There usually drink/etc. Some place keep it on file.
I don't like being called sir and I wouldn't make an issue of it but if I was anyway a regular customer. I'd tell them my name.

grenache · 28-08-2017 08:20AM

Daledge wrote: »

I work in hospitality and as a result use the terms sir/madam quite a lot, it's just part of the formality that comes with the job. But quite often when calling men sir it can be met with "don't call me sir". Sometimes they're joking basically saying there's no need to, but other times they're genuinely annoyed I just referred to them with respect. Frankly I get kind of annoyed when this happens - I'm just doing my job properly.
Why do some people get annoyed? Do they feel they don't deserve it? Do they feel I'm being snobby? Are they being snobby?

Why do you need to use the word 'sir'? Are you told to do this by bosses? I've worked in hospitality before but wouldn't have felt the need to use it with customers.
I do feel uncomfortable when waiters call me 'sir' in restaurants. I just find it weird that they feel a need to put a title on me! I feel like saying don't call me anything, just be cordial and attentive!

musiknonstop · 28-08-2017 08:26AM

Being called 'sir' reminds me I'm getting older :eek:

jimgoose · 28-08-2017 08:38AM

Tad over-familiar, but I'll allow it. Other acceptable forms of address would be Sifu, Your Excellency, and "Hoo-YAH Instructor Goose!".

Nate--IRL-- · 28-08-2017 12:15PM

lazybones32 wrote: »

Agree with the point.

My issue is with people signing their post with their username. We haven't forgotten who wrote the post but thanks for reminding us, Nigel.

It's force of habit at this stage. Apologies

Nate

flaneur · 28-08-2017 10:14PM

I find it uncomfortable, somewhat artificial, grovelling and sort of implies we're not in an equal relationship.

I don't expect anyone to call me "sir" and don't find it particularly polite.

I don't see someone serving food, working in a hotel or selling clothes as on any different level to me. They're doing a job I'm the customer we're both the same. I don't expect grovelling and find it a bit awkward.

The problem is English is missing a ability to call someone you don't know a non loaded term. French has Monsieur / Madame which aren't grovelling terms they're just Mister / Missus.

Sir / Madam in English sounds like you're either some kind of Victorian servant or you're a brown-nosing American service representative of some sort.

It also whiffs of the class system, slavery and so on.

Pawwed Rig · 28-08-2017 10:27PM

flaneur wrote: »

The problem is English is missing a ability to call someone you don't know a non loaded term. French has Monsieur / Madame which aren't grovelling terms they're just Mister / Missus.

Comrade works

The_Conductor · 30-08-2017 07:58PM

mickdw wrote: »

Dont like it myself. All hotel staff seem to do it and also use Mr surname once they have you name at check in etc.
I would find it much more impressive if all the staff could call me by my first name.
I had this once at a London hotel. Was brilliant.

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

Avatar MIA · 30-08-2017 08:39PM

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

'What's in a name...' Quite a lot apparently :rolleyes:

leggo · 31-08-2017 11:28AM

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXp96Um-TAs

testaccount123 · 31-08-2017 11:32AM

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

Are you from Victorian England? Weirdo

jimgoose · 31-08-2017 11:39AM

testaccount123 wrote: »

Are you from Victorian England? Weirdo

Two of us in it. I agree with him. You may address me as Rittmeister Freiherr Von Goosenberg.

HalloweenJack · 31-08-2017 11:48AM

The_Conductor wrote: »

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin.........

You must think very highly of yourself then as referring to someone as "voce" is as formal as you can get and "voces" is the plural form. Similarly, in Spanish they have "usted" and "ustedes". "Doutora" means "female doctor", btw. For all your ridiculous whingeing, you're also showing your ignorance.

Personally, I loathe formality. I don't think people should be treated any differently because of status. I'm reminded of Bishop Brennan: "You address me by my proper title, you little prick" and, equally, I'd associate people who get offended by such nonsense with that same kind of self-importance and officiousness.

I live in Spain and, as I mentioned above, it's quite common to talk to people you don't know, in official settings or those older than you using the "usted" form, which is a more neutral and polite way to talk to people. Instead of saying "How are you?", you say "How is he/she?".

I hate it and don't use it. It just throws up an unnatural barrier to communication in my mind and establishes a hierarchy in the conversation, like you have to "talk up" to certain people. Being a foreigner, I can get away with the excuse that I don't "know" how it works but I have heard people lamenting the "lack of respect", etc., if it's not used. Respect isn't based on words, it's based on actions, imo.

I don't have any problem with people calling me "mate" or "pal" or whatever it is. I find it friendly and it would make me relax. Being called "sir" always sounds odd to me.

farmchoice · 31-08-2017 11:54AM

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

how would you feel about ''insufferable ass''? for if nothing else it captures the spirit of your personality.