Why do some men hate being called "sir"?

Daledge

I work in hospitality and as a result use the terms sir/madam quite a lot, it's just part of the formality that comes with the job. But quite often when calling men sir it can be met with "don't call me sir". Sometimes they're joking basically saying there's no need to, but other times they're genuinely annoyed I just referred to them with respect. Frankly I get kind of annoyed when this happens - I'm just doing my job properly.
Why do some people get annoyed? Do they feel they don't deserve it? Do they feel I'm being snobby? Are they being snobby?

Victor

Sometimes "Sir" is followed by "you are making a scene."

I can understand it in the hospitality sector, but do realise that it is dated language. It probably goes down better with the older crowd.

When a customer first referred to me as "Sir", I almost had to look around to see who he was talking to.

riffmongous

I'd guess nowadays sir is used just as much passive aggressively and snobbishly as respectfully, and using it might make people uncomfortable

whiskeyman

I'd rather 'Sir' than some young fella working at a hotel / store etc... I've never met before calling me 'mate'.

wally1990

Often get called sir , doesn't bother me and it wouldn't , I take.no notice
But those would get annoyed , that's just weird

Daledge

whiskeyman wrote: »

I'd rather 'Sir' than some young fella working at a hotel / store etc... I've never met before calling me 'mate'.

I've done this too but it usually works well with people closer to my age (20-25), all about reading the scenario I guess.

I just think it's a bit more polite to say something like "are you ready to order, sir?" as opposed to just "are you ready to order?". For me the latter sounds like I'm rushing them.

beertons

It's polite. I'd much rather it than bud.

SEPT 23 1989

Wish I had the money to be called Sir more often

Avatar MIA

Because it can be taken in the same light as 'have a nice day' fakery. It's platitude, and some might even consider it 'taking the piss'.

Sir, would traditionally be reserved for those of high rank, or even nobility. So, for someone you don't know to call you sir... if they were trying to be formal, could be irksome.

OP, it's definitely not your job to take offence if someone doesn't like being addressed in a certain way. Your employer may make you do it, but that doesn't mean your customers have to like it.

L'prof

It just doesn't really roll off the tongue and sounds a bit awkward. I wouldn't tell anybody not to call me it but I do generally feel it's unwarranted and unnecessary

whiskeyman

Is it a language thing with English I wonder?
In French, Madame / Monsiour is just used much better I feel.

jsms88

I find it a bit strange to be honest, particularly when it's men much older than me who do it. I don't know why but it feels kind of wrong in some way.

Then again, I was once in a restaurant and the waiters came out calling us buds as if he knew us and I thought that was atrocious.

Duncanwooly

It's not for everybody. Is there another term you could use without it being too informal that still has connotations of respect?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Victor

whiskeyman wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Partially. In English, the salutation (Sir) and honorific (Mister) have different forms.

Permabear wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

In the fancy restaurant stakes, it is actually safer than calling a married woman "Mademoiselle" - it might imply she was a, err, professional diner.

CIARAN_BOYLE

Don't call an American exserviceman who wasn't an officer sir ever.

gammygils

Because it reminds me of school. And I hated school. We had to address teachers as Sir. The men of course! I still hate teachers

Pawwed Rig

Have to say I don't like it. It reeks of deference which I hate.

CalamariFritti

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Don't call an American exserviceman who wasn't an officer sir ever.

Sir is much more common in the US in the context given by the OP. As in shop assistants, waiters etc addressing customers. Never seen anyone being offended by it. It does seem to be the accepted standard.

Me personally I don't feel the need for that, but I prefer a 'is there something I can help you with Sir' over 'you ok there' which is what retail people seem to think appropriate over here.

I think people who have a problem with it mostly dislike the age implication. Its usually reserved for men of gentlemen age, 30 maybe 35 maybe 40 plus. You wouldn't call a spotty 20 year old Sir.

gucci

whiskeyman wrote: »

I'd rather 'Sir' than some young fella working at a hotel / store etc... I've never met before calling me 'mate'.

Although I dislike "Sir" (Not sure why though) the "mate" one really sticks in my throat for some reason. Living in the UK you get it a lot at work, in hospitality and just general actual groups of friends......but I cannot bring myself to adopt it as part of my vocabulary.

doolox

In some establishments it may be a requirement of the staff to use the term sir or madam when addressing the public. They may have no choice in the matter and may be in trouble with their boss if they try to reduce the formality in any way.

I see its use as a reflection on the management style of the workplace, more than the individual mannerism of the person performing the workplace role.

I do not get annoyed when addressed as sir but it does remind me of my schooldays in a negative way.

Avatar MIA

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Don't call an American exserviceman who wasn't an officer sir ever.

Because they work for a living. :pac:

silverharp

sir is fine,just dont call me buddy :pac:

Victor

CalamariFritti wrote: »

I prefer a 'is there something I can help you with Sir' over 'you ok there'

Sarcastic "No, I've severe mental health issues."

sbsquarepants

I don't recall ever being called sir - I'd imagine it's much more of an American thing in everyday speech, or an English thing as a formal title.

Sir Bob Geldof? No, you're just Bob to me, you've done some good things in your time but I don't do deference.

Can I help you sir? No, just sounds too insincere to me. Can I help you, is just fine without the superfluous sir!

mickdw

Dont like it myself. All hotel staff seem to do it and also use Mr surname once they have you name at check in etc.
I would find it much more impressive if all the staff could call me by my first name.
I had this once at a London hotel. Was brilliant.

GarIT

For me, it's just something used in the bedroom. I get confused when I hear it outside of that context.

Esel

Mobile carpet salesmen are so polite - they always call me 'Sorr'. I prefer 'Boss'.

johnnyskeleton

It normally doesnt bother me if its used seamlessly in the conversation. "Good evening, sir" as a greeting in a four star hotel or "certainly sir" in a nice restaurant is perfectly fine.

There was one time that it annoyed me a lot when i was a student buying a copy of an orwell book in a second hand bookshop and the guy behind the counter kept calling me "sir" in a sneering way. I chalked it down to him being annoyed that I was idlly buying books on a tuesday afternoon while he was in work, but again it was more the snide tone and the fact that he repeatedly said it at unnatural points in the conversation that got me.

Other than that it has never bothered me whether someone does say it or doesnt say it.

Walter Sobchak III

For me "Sir" is acceptable. I become somewhat perturbed when someone from the service industry addresses me a man, bud or buddy and in one horrifying case a tavern keeper greeted me with "What can I get you mate? To which I replied " Sir, I have no intention of being your sexual partner" With respect to the OP. Sir is fine. Bud, man and mate is not ok.

marcus001

I am no sir.

I prefer my Lord.

dev100

It's fine if you in a situation where it meeting for the first time it shows manners and respect in the service industry etc but on a continuous basis, if it's over an evening I'll ask the person to call me by my first name. I believe I'm no better than anyone else and don't need or want to be called sir.

Nate--IRL--

"Sir" coming from an Irish person feels inherently insincere.

Nate

Neames

I stayed in a hotel recently and all of he staff called me sir, I thought it was nice and polite and showed an appreciation for me as customer.

Shortly afterward, I went to my local ordered a few drinks, the landlord forgot one so I politely asked again for it, was pretty much told that I should have got the order right first time. Big difference in treatment.

ouxbbkqtswdfaw

What drives me crazy is the waiter /waitress saying "enjoy" when presenting your meal.

Dial Hard

ma2l1cr0s6e73i wrote:

What drives me crazy is the waiter /waitress saying "enjoy" when presenting your meal.

What an odd thing to get het up about.

ouxbbkqtswdfaw

I suppose it doesn't drive me mad really, but I could do without another silly Americanism.

lazybones32

Daledge wrote: »

I work in hospitality and as a result use the terms sir/madam quite a lot, it's just part of the formality that comes with the job. But quite often when calling men sir it can be met with "don't call me sir". Sometimes they're joking basically saying there's no need to, but other times they're genuinely annoyed I just referred to them with respect. Frankly I get kind of annoyed when this happens - I'm just doing my job properly.
Why do some people get annoyed? Do they feel they don't deserve it? Do they feel I'm being snobby? Are they being snobby?

I don't call people 'Sir' and don't want to be called it.
In my case, it goes back to school when we were forced to refer to teachers as "Master X" and in secondary it was "Sir/Miss". It struck me as forced respect; authority and superiority (i had to ask permission to pis$) and it was never warranted ime.

lazybones32

Nate--IRL-- wrote: »

"Sir" coming from an Irish person feels inherently insincere.

Nate

Agree with the point.

My issue is with people signing their post with their username. We haven't forgotten who wrote the post but thanks for reminding us, Nigel.

368100

I worked in hospitality too and always called all ages sir. ..never had a bad experience.

Nowadays when I get called sir I think it's nice and respectful. I can't fathom why anyone would be annoyed. If someone take a passive aggressive tone or whatnot from it when there was none intended then they have their own issues.

freshpopcorn

I worked in Hospitality for a while and know a lot of people who still do and I never heard anybody with an issue with being called sir.
Regular customers in good establishments sometimes didn't like being addressed as Sir/Madame tough because they expected you to know their name and remember all about the kids/family/etc. There usually drink/etc. Some place keep it on file.
I don't like being called sir and I wouldn't make an issue of it but if I was anyway a regular customer. I'd tell them my name.

grenache

Daledge wrote: »

I work in hospitality and as a result use the terms sir/madam quite a lot, it's just part of the formality that comes with the job. But quite often when calling men sir it can be met with "don't call me sir". Sometimes they're joking basically saying there's no need to, but other times they're genuinely annoyed I just referred to them with respect. Frankly I get kind of annoyed when this happens - I'm just doing my job properly.
Why do some people get annoyed? Do they feel they don't deserve it? Do they feel I'm being snobby? Are they being snobby?

Why do you need to use the word 'sir'? Are you told to do this by bosses? I've worked in hospitality before but wouldn't have felt the need to use it with customers.
I do feel uncomfortable when waiters call me 'sir' in restaurants. I just find it weird that they feel a need to put a title on me! I feel like saying don't call me anything, just be cordial and attentive!

musiknonstop

Being called 'sir' reminds me I'm getting older :eek:

jimgoose

Tad over-familiar, but I'll allow it. Other acceptable forms of address would be Sifu, Your Excellency, and "Hoo-YAH Instructor Goose!".

Nate--IRL--

lazybones32 wrote: »

Agree with the point.

My issue is with people signing their post with their username. We haven't forgotten who wrote the post but thanks for reminding us, Nigel.

It's force of habit at this stage. Apologies

Nate

flaneur

I find it uncomfortable, somewhat artificial, grovelling and sort of implies we're not in an equal relationship.

I don't expect anyone to call me "sir" and don't find it particularly polite.

I don't see someone serving food, working in a hotel or selling clothes as on any different level to me. They're doing a job I'm the customer we're both the same. I don't expect grovelling and find it a bit awkward.

The problem is English is missing a ability to call someone you don't know a non loaded term. French has Monsieur / Madame which aren't grovelling terms they're just Mister / Missus.

Sir / Madam in English sounds like you're either some kind of Victorian servant or you're a brown-nosing American service representative of some sort.

It also whiffs of the class system, slavery and so on.

Pawwed Rig

flaneur wrote: »

The problem is English is missing a ability to call someone you don't know a non loaded term. French has Monsieur / Madame which aren't grovelling terms they're just Mister / Missus.

Comrade works

The_Conductor

mickdw wrote: »

Dont like it myself. All hotel staff seem to do it and also use Mr surname once they have you name at check in etc.
I would find it much more impressive if all the staff could call me by my first name.
I had this once at a London hotel. Was brilliant.

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

Avatar MIA

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

'What's in a name...' Quite a lot apparently :rolleyes:

leggo

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXp96Um-TAs

testaccount123

The_Conductor wrote: »

Honestly- if someone had the termity to expect to use my first name- unless I was familiar with them, and accepted them as an equal- I'd leave, regardless of the business, and go elsewhere. If I don't know someone- why would they presume that its in order or acceptable behaviour to use my first name? There are some people- who I have volunteered my first name to- of my own volition- who I am happy for them to use my first name- however, the manner in which US companies in particular- go to unusual lengths to determine what your first name is- and to use it- as some sort of familiarity- drives me bonkers.........

Its the same way- if you're in a shop and a personal shopper follows you around to try and push products on you (happens most often in stores that showcase specific 'brands' that are up their own arses)- I often tell them that while I had entered the store with the express intention of buying a particular product- such as a nice bottle of 19 year old Glenfiddich I had intended to get my Dad last week in CDG- that they were stressing me out- I like to browse- and in whiskey shop in CDG- I was checked in with lots of time to spare- and had intended taste testing a few different single malts- but felt hounded by the French guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on every whiskey as I passed it........... In the end- I nipped into Celtic Whiskey on Dawson street- and got it there- albeit for thirty quid more than I could have gotten it in CDG- but they know me in there, and I am at ease there (got a nice bottle of strawberry wine for the wifey while I was there too).

I just do not get this enforced familiarity with people- my boss and my immediate colleagues can call me by my first name- as can my family, friends and anyone else I invite to do so- however, this does not include the world and his dog- and I find the trend to insist on calling someone by their first name- particularly irksome.

If you don't know me- why the hell do you expect to call me by my first name.

Ps- I happily avoid Starbucks- then again- I love my coffee and I consider their mechanically harvested brew to be cheap tat- you can get a better cup of coffee even in McDonalds- for less- and not be expected to volunteer your name to be written on the cup.

I don't mind being called 'Sir' or 'Monsieur' if I'm in France- or 'o senhor'- or 'doutora' in Portugal. If you called me by my first name- or used a term like 'vocês' in Portugal- I'd stand up and leave. In Germany- they normally use my academic title- which I never, ever, use- or even Professor- which I most certainly am not- however- I don't remember the last time someone there tried to use my first name- unlike here in Dublin..........

I don't think I'm odd or old fashioned- I just don't think anyone has the right to presume a familiarity with someone they aren't even a passing colleague of.

Are you from Victorian England? Weirdo