Why do some men hate being called "sir"?

Daledge · 24-08-2017 10:45PM #1

I work in hospitality and as a result use the terms sir/madam quite a lot, it's just part of the formality that comes with the job. But quite often when calling men sir it can be met with "don't call me sir". Sometimes they're joking basically saying there's no need to, but other times they're genuinely annoyed I just referred to them with respect. Frankly I get kind of annoyed when this happens - I'm just doing my job properly.
Why do some people get annoyed? Do they feel they don't deserve it? Do they feel I'm being snobby? Are they being snobby?

Victor · 24-08-2017 10:49PM

Sometimes "Sir" is followed by "you are making a scene."

I can understand it in the hospitality sector, but do realise that it is dated language. It probably goes down better with the older crowd.

When a customer first referred to me as "Sir", I almost had to look around to see who he was talking to.

riffmongous · 24-08-2017 10:50PM

I'd guess nowadays sir is used just as much passive aggressively and snobbishly as respectfully, and using it might make people uncomfortable

whiskeyman · 24-08-2017 10:55PM

I'd rather 'Sir' than some young fella working at a hotel / store etc... I've never met before calling me 'mate'.

wally1990 · 24-08-2017 11:00PM

Often get called sir , doesn't bother me and it wouldn't , I take.no notice
But those would get annoyed , that's just weird

Daledge · 24-08-2017 11:01PM

whiskeyman wrote: »

I'd rather 'Sir' than some young fella working at a hotel / store etc... I've never met before calling me 'mate'.

I've done this too but it usually works well with people closer to my age (20-25), all about reading the scenario I guess.

I just think it's a bit more polite to say something like "are you ready to order, sir?" as opposed to just "are you ready to order?". For me the latter sounds like I'm rushing them.

beertons · 24-08-2017 11:02PM

It's polite. I'd much rather it than bud.

SEPT 23 1989 · 24-08-2017 11:05PM

Wish I had the money to be called Sir more often

Avatar MIA · 24-08-2017 11:07PM

Because it can be taken in the same light as 'have a nice day' fakery. It's platitude, and some might even consider it 'taking the piss'.

Sir, would traditionally be reserved for those of high rank, or even nobility. So, for someone you don't know to call you sir... if they were trying to be formal, could be irksome.

OP, it's definitely not your job to take offence if someone doesn't like being addressed in a certain way. Your employer may make you do it, but that doesn't mean your customers have to like it.

L'prof · 24-08-2017 11:07PM

It just doesn't really roll off the tongue and sounds a bit awkward. I wouldn't tell anybody not to call me it but I do generally feel it's unwarranted and unnecessary

whiskeyman · 24-08-2017 11:09PM

Is it a language thing with English I wonder?
In French, Madame / Monsiour is just used much better I feel.

jsms88 · 24-08-2017 11:09PM

I find it a bit strange to be honest, particularly when it's men much older than me who do it. I don't know why but it feels kind of wrong in some way.

Then again, I was once in a restaurant and the waiters came out calling us buds as if he knew us and I thought that was atrocious.

Duncanwooly · 24-08-2017 11:15PM

It's not for everybody. Is there another term you could use without it being too informal that still has connotations of respect?

Permabear · 24-08-2017 11:17PM

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Victor · 25-08-2017 01:06AM

whiskeyman wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Partially. In English, the salutation (Sir) and honorific (Mister) have different forms.

Permabear wrote: »

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In the fancy restaurant stakes, it is actually safer than calling a married woman "Mademoiselle" - it might imply she was a, err, professional diner.

CIARAN_BOYLE · 25-08-2017 01:12AM

Don't call an American exserviceman who wasn't an officer sir ever.

gammygils · 25-08-2017 01:15AM

Because it reminds me of school. And I hated school. We had to address teachers as Sir. The men of course! I still hate teachers

Pawwed Rig · 25-08-2017 07:22AM

Have to say I don't like it. It reeks of deference which I hate.

CalamariFritti · 25-08-2017 07:36AM

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Don't call an American exserviceman who wasn't an officer sir ever.

Sir is much more common in the US in the context given by the OP. As in shop assistants, waiters etc addressing customers. Never seen anyone being offended by it. It does seem to be the accepted standard.

Me personally I don't feel the need for that, but I prefer a 'is there something I can help you with Sir' over 'you ok there' which is what retail people seem to think appropriate over here.

I think people who have a problem with it mostly dislike the age implication. Its usually reserved for men of gentlemen age, 30 maybe 35 maybe 40 plus. You wouldn't call a spotty 20 year old Sir.

gucci · 25-08-2017 08:06AM

whiskeyman wrote: »

I'd rather 'Sir' than some young fella working at a hotel / store etc... I've never met before calling me 'mate'.

Although I dislike "Sir" (Not sure why though) the "mate" one really sticks in my throat for some reason. Living in the UK you get it a lot at work, in hospitality and just general actual groups of friends......but I cannot bring myself to adopt it as part of my vocabulary.

doolox · 25-08-2017 08:16AM

In some establishments it may be a requirement of the staff to use the term sir or madam when addressing the public. They may have no choice in the matter and may be in trouble with their boss if they try to reduce the formality in any way.

I see its use as a reflection on the management style of the workplace, more than the individual mannerism of the person performing the workplace role.

I do not get annoyed when addressed as sir but it does remind me of my schooldays in a negative way.

Avatar MIA · 25-08-2017 08:31AM

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Don't call an American exserviceman who wasn't an officer sir ever.

Because they work for a living. :pac:

silverharp · 25-08-2017 08:33AM

sir is fine,just dont call me buddy :pac:

Victor · 25-08-2017 08:59AM

CalamariFritti wrote: »

I prefer a 'is there something I can help you with Sir' over 'you ok there'

Sarcastic "No, I've severe mental health issues."

sbsquarepants · 25-08-2017 09:11AM

I don't recall ever being called sir - I'd imagine it's much more of an American thing in everyday speech, or an English thing as a formal title.

Sir Bob Geldof? No, you're just Bob to me, you've done some good things in your time but I don't do deference.

Can I help you sir? No, just sounds too insincere to me. Can I help you, is just fine without the superfluous sir!

mickdw · 25-08-2017 09:55AM

Dont like it myself. All hotel staff seem to do it and also use Mr surname once they have you name at check in etc.
I would find it much more impressive if all the staff could call me by my first name.
I had this once at a London hotel. Was brilliant.

GarIT · 25-08-2017 10:42AM

For me, it's just something used in the bedroom. I get confused when I hear it outside of that context.

Esel · 25-08-2017 04:18PM

Mobile carpet salesmen are so polite - they always call me 'Sorr'. I prefer 'Boss'.

johnnyskeleton · 25-08-2017 11:57PM

It normally doesnt bother me if its used seamlessly in the conversation. "Good evening, sir" as a greeting in a four star hotel or "certainly sir" in a nice restaurant is perfectly fine.

There was one time that it annoyed me a lot when i was a student buying a copy of an orwell book in a second hand bookshop and the guy behind the counter kept calling me "sir" in a sneering way. I chalked it down to him being annoyed that I was idlly buying books on a tuesday afternoon while he was in work, but again it was more the snide tone and the fact that he repeatedly said it at unnatural points in the conversation that got me.

Other than that it has never bothered me whether someone does say it or doesnt say it.

Walter Sobchak III · 26-08-2017 12:51AM

For me "Sir" is acceptable. I become somewhat perturbed when someone from the service industry addresses me a man, bud or buddy and in one horrifying case a tavern keeper greeted me with "What can I get you mate? To which I replied " Sir, I have no intention of being your sexual partner" With respect to the OP. Sir is fine. Bud, man and mate is not ok.

marcus001 · 26-08-2017 04:02AM

I am no sir.

I prefer my Lord.

Why do some men hate being called "sir"?

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