Things you were told as a kid which turned out to be bollox

TheRiverman · 30-07-2017 10:49PM

The whole Santa Claus nonsense.Masturbation will make you blind.

MysticMonk · 30-07-2017 10:58PM

"It happened a boy in england". This covered everything from accidental poisoning to gruesome and gory demises..being run over by a bus was common.
The common thread was that the "boy in england" failed to heed the advice of his mother.

Wibbs · 30-07-2017 11:55PM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

**** doesnt make you go blind

Maybe, but I stopped when I needed glasses. And bottle ends they were too.

Colser · 31-07-2017 12:11AM

We were told that thunder was God moving his furniture around and that sprinkling holy water stopped lightening from striking the house.

corner of hells · 31-07-2017 12:15AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Hector Bellend wrote: »

**** doesnt make you go blind

Maybe, but I stopped when I needed glasses. And bottle ends they were too.

Also I know a bloke who nearly drowned havin' a "Tommy tank".

Apparently he was cracking one off in the bath thinking about Judge Judy when his Mother walked in , him after forgetting to lock the door.

The shock of his mother's entrance caused him to smack his head off the hot tap knocking himself unconscious and slipping under the water.

His mother had to pull the plug and keep his head up above the water line.

Senna · 31-07-2017 12:18AM

If the ice-cream van was playing music, they had run out of ice-cream

threetrees · 31-07-2017 12:30AM

If you hit your mother your hand would stick out of your grave. "I've never seen a hand sticking out of a grave", "well then, you must be the only child to hit your mother"

Get your bum away from the radiator or you'll get piles.

Eat your crusts and it'll turn your hair curly.

anewme · 31-07-2017 12:33AM

We used to be given corn flour to "bind you up" if you were sick, ie vomiting or scuttering.

To make us eat it, we were told it was " hot "ice cream.

Despite the fact that it was horrible and tasted nothing like ice cream, we ate it in the off chance it was.

retro:electro · 31-07-2017 12:43AM

If you knock on the telly the people in there can hear you and wave.
Always thought Anne Doyle was a right rude cow.

FizzleSticks · 31-07-2017 01:02AM

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Delphinium · 31-07-2017 01:16AM

The food colouring you are thinking of is cochineal. I use it nowadays as a fabric dye. The beetles are a dull grey but give a pink colour. I do remember it being used in food and it seems I survived.

cbreeze · 31-07-2017 01:27AM

Step on a crack, break your granny's back. Didn't work. The grannies broke lots of other bones but never their backs

Neames · 31-07-2017 01:30AM

FizzleSticks wrote: »

Chewing gum sticking to your heart!

Not your heart! Your lungs!

Digital Solitude · 31-07-2017 01:31AM

osarusan wrote: »

If your hand is bigger than your face you have cancer.

Did ye punch each other in the face when someone tried to check?

bikubesong · 31-07-2017 01:43AM

When I was a kid, after the concept of a will had been explained to me, I asked my dad 'When do people make their wills?'. 'On Wednesdays,' he told me.

I made it to my late teens believing that it was the done thing to make out your will only on a Wednesday.

He also told me that the bookies was 'a place where men go to sit and scratch their heads'. Obviously, as a kid, I took this literally and henceforth believed the bookies to be some sort of headlice clinic for adults.

jaxxx · 31-07-2017 01:46AM

I was told that more than two shakes and it was playing with yourself... Still don't know what that meant because we were playing Ludo at the time and I was casting the die.

Irish Guitarist · 31-07-2017 06:56AM

I somehow got the idea in my head that the word 'snot' was a swear word and the polite word for it was 'nigger'. I think my mother probably told me this because she didn't want to tell me what a nigger was.

DrPhilG · 31-07-2017 08:09AM

"Eat your vegetables, it'll put hair on your chest like stalks of rhubarb".

"but I don't want hair on my..."

"shut up and eat your vegetables"!

LordSutch · 31-07-2017 08:21AM

That if I didn't go to sleep by ..... the 'sandman' would come & put sand in my eyes!

You don't hear much of the sandman these days.

heldel00 · 31-07-2017 08:21AM

On seeing a very skinny man in town, my husband's granny said,to no one in particular,
"would you look at poor Pat? And him with no arse..."

My husband spent many years wondering what poor Pat sat on/ how he pooed/ what he scratched!

keano_afc · 31-07-2017 09:35AM

During a lightning storm, I was always told that fork lightning only happened down the country. For my own good obviously, and there's nothing wrong with that. Until my first experience of a storm when I went down the country, and was utterly convinced I was about to be struck by lightning.

brainfreeze · 31-07-2017 10:44AM

ToddyDoody wrote: »

There is in fact no man who shows up at the door at around 8.30 to tell your mother it was time you were in bed.

Oh yes there was. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

diomed · 31-07-2017 11:23AM

Where do babies come from?
You find them under a head of cabbage.
We had cabbages in the garden. We looked.

foxy farmer · 31-07-2017 11:39AM

If you pull a hair from the mane or tail of a horse and put it into a stream it will turn into an eel after a few days. I was told this a few yrs ago by a man in his 70s. I laughed, he got insulted and we had a full blown argument over it. Would love to try it and prove him wrong.

The number of chimneys in a house will determine the character of those living in the house. Never marry anyone that lived in a house with only one chimney.

31-07-2017 12:18PM

That weights stunt your growth.

chakotha · 31-07-2017 12:38PM

If you hold a plastic bag anywhere near your head you could suffocate.

maudgonner · 31-07-2017 12:47PM

chakotha wrote: »

If you hold a plastic bag anywhere near your head you could suffocate.

If you stand within half a mile of an open flame while wearing a nightie you will spontaneously combust. :eek:

keano_afc · 31-07-2017 02:11PM

"Dont get too close to that swan, it could break your arm".

Akrasia · 31-07-2017 04:50PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Just when I thought jelly couldn't get more disgusting.

Cows' hooves, and now crushed beetles. Yum, Yum!

And fish scales if it's a shimmery lipstick. Guanine is a crystal found in Herring scales

Beanntraigheach · 31-07-2017 05:48PM

They told us we'd be heroes, that we'd get a parade.
But when we got home they spat on us!

Cub Scouts was hell. I seen things, man!

Things you were told as a kid which turned out to be bollox

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