Bullying and Nastiness on Facebook and Twitter

mdwexford · 19-07-2017 11:42PM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

Had this experience too. That is another form of the psychological bully. Such types would deliberately ignore one's posts as part of their sick mindgames that would also involve abusive messages and hurtful lies. They would also interpret others' actions (where harm was not ever intended) based on their own behaviour.

Plus they also do the same in the offline world. For example, the person I dealt with was a member of an organisation and totally misinterpreted a member of that organisation as not being welcoming to that person and then said that I was not welcome there either. I didn't see any evidence of this whatsoever.

R u ok hun?? xx pm me

andekwarhola · 19-07-2017 11:42PM

valoren wrote: »

I think this is an example what the OP is referring to.

I remember when our cousin completed a marathon, his first, and posted a picture of his medal naturally delighted.
The post was practically liked by everyone. With a notable exception. He wasn't speaking to a close friend of his after a falling out around the same time, I didn't know the in's and out's, I wouldn't see him that often but they weren't on speaking terms that much I knew.

This friend about an hour after he posted it shared an article about Alex O'Shea (a fireman who ran the race in full Fireman gear for charity). Made some comments about what an amazing achievement it was. He also liked some seperate marathon articles from RTE and 96fm.

Obviously he has seen my cousins photo and completely stonewalled him. They hadn't blocked each other but it's that kind of pointed dig that I'm sure happens a lot on Facebook.

To be fair, I know somebody that does similar things to this. Never to me but I've witnessed it. I love the guy but it's a part of his personality I find completely unfathomable.

Widdershins · 19-07-2017 11:45PM

The like function is ridiculous. You don't and shouldn't need constant validation from people telling you with a thumbs-up that they approve of something you typed up on Facebook. Abusive messages etc are a different matter which you didn't originally mention.

If someone starts acting the blatant pr1ck in any shape or form, anywhere, just break contact with them. Sometimes Facebook makes the mask slip for some people. I make friends with people I seem to get on with on my real-life friends discussions but I have collected an oddbal or an eejit over the years, it causes a bit of stress but it's not that hard to fix!

I have seen female friends ganging up on women who fall out of favour and imitating their ringleader/more forward woman of the group without thinking what they're doing, but that happens in life too.

BuilderPlumber · 20-07-2017 12:02AM

Widdershins wrote: »

The like function is ridiculous. You don't and shouldn't need constant validation from people telling you with a thumbs-up that they approve of something you typed up on Facebook. Abusive messages etc are a different matter which you didn't originally mention.

If someone starts acting the blatant pr1ck in any shape or form, anywhere, just break contact with them. Sometimes Facebook makes the mask slip for some people. I make friends with people I seem to get on with on my real-life friends discussions but I have collected an oddbal or an eejit over the years, it causes a bit of stress but it's not that hard to fix!

I agree that the so-called 'like' function in Facebook and other social media is ridiculous. The psychological bully will use it along with abusive messages and perhaps sending offensive material (based on something the bully knows the victim does not like) deliberately to make life hell for their victim.

Your second point is completely true. I think the major problem with Facebook, Twitter and other such platforms is they allow a lot of people one would not meet in person otherwise (or may never meet even) to enter one's life. I know it is not hard to fix and I feel that I can manage without such sites and even if I wanted to go back to them, I'd be very careful who I'd add. A person posing as a friend can enter one's life via social media and can build one's trust only to end up finding out too much about one and being a very negative part of one's life.

B.A._Baracus · 20-07-2017 12:06AM

Social media has given a platform for as$holes to be as$holes

Seriously, there has to be some way to make money off people who just like to post their vile to social media :pac:

20-07-2017 02:43AM

So many people are passive aggressive, or react to passive aggression.

Folks, you're all adults. If you think someone is being an asshole, you say "hey, I think you're being an asshole". If they are doing so on social media, guess what, there is a message function to enable you send them that "I think you're being an asshole" message.

I've sent them. So much simpler than flapping hands about peoples reactions, crying that they don't like you enough. If they're friends, it all gets resolved. If they're not, move on and delete them from the friend list.

Isn't it kinda how adults behave? Getting upset and running here...it's just not very...adult. If I have an issue with what someone says or does, or doesn't do, I'll say it to them.

Annasopra · 20-07-2017 08:16AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

a so-called 'friend' can deliberately ignore a person when online or can deliberately not like or share a post for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad. This sort of thing actually can hurt one more than the nasty comment type of online bullying.

This has to be one of the silliest things I have read on this site.

Silver Lynel · 20-07-2017 08:43AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

I am not confusing genuine disinterest with a deliberate form of bullying by deliberately not liking 'friends' pages, posts, etc. or by talking nonstop to them one day and deliberately ignoring them the next. Facebook and Twitter are full of people who play mindgames I know exactly what I am talking about. I once was friends with a person on Facebook who was very like what I described. When I met this person in the flesh, this person was a bully and very controlling too.

"a deliberate form of bullying by deliberately not liking 'friends' pages, posts, etc. or by talking nonstop to them one day and deliberately ignoring them the next."

I'm sorry but this does not make any sense to me at all.

Under what circumstances am I obligated to "like" someones posts or pages on Facebook?

What if I don't log in on Monday and Tuesday and don't have the time to scroll all the way through the timeline to like everything that's deemed important enough to like?

What if I have a lot of friends and liked pages who are posting sometimes 10 times per day? I can't go through all of that. I will generally scroll down a little bit and then get on with my day. It's simply not possible to see everything.

So, yeah, I might be talking to someone via Facebook on Friday evening as I get ready to pack things up for the weekend and they might be telling me about their wedding or their marathon they will do on Saturday and that's all great.

So now I have to make sure I am online on Saturday and on Facebook and then have to go to that specific persons page to give them likes?

If I don't do that I'm a bully?

That you would honestly demand that people like your stuff on Facebook, else they be labelled a bully, seems an almost unbelievable sense of entitlement.

evolving_doors · 20-07-2017 08:47AM

Tl;Dr

Boards.ie is great
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And the MODS do a great job too.
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Wanderer78 · 20-07-2017 08:52AM

Facebook certainly comes across as being a congregation of drama queens! But I'm sure it has a few positive reasons to exist

bmwguy · 20-07-2017 09:03AM

OP I haven't thanked your posts in this thread but I think they are all really good and interesting. I thought giving you this little note would be worth far more than cheap thanks on posts.

I just wish for 3 things

This gives you the ego boost you want

You don't see me as a bully or a psychological torturer

That you cop on to yourself now that you have (presumably) some pubic hair

Seriously, cop on to yourself. If it's a wind up though fair play, it's a good one

20-07-2017 09:06AM

People who put all their stock ie their daily mood into Facebook really need to cop on. I've seen people in their bloody 40's and 50's fall out over it. Ridiculous.

The other side of the coin, people who can't wait to tell you how they're not on FB are probably just as painful. Yeah, you're so against the establishment, stick it to the Man!

OP, if you feel someone isn't interacting with you on FB, as in not liking your ****, just hide them from your newsfeed or delete them if it's that big a deal. It's that easy. Then if they are actively and purposely ignoring your posts, the power (which you're giving to them tbh) is gone.

conorhal · 20-07-2017 09:12AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

I know what I am talking about and have been the victim of an online bully who also was a bully in person. This person was and is not violent but plays very deliberate and hurtful mindgames. Pages and posts not getting liked by friends on Facebook and the like happen all the time and not deliberately to hurt one. Most often, it is because people do not see them. I used the word DELIBERATELY ignored for a reason and this deliberate ignoring would be preceded by the opposite of the said person liking all one's posts and pages. This person also bombarded me with abusive messages both online and on phone, tried to ruin other friendships I had and also tried to blacken other people in my eyes. I am not the only person who had problems with this person and this person has upset so many.

Well I don't use facebook, but I beleive that there is an 'unfriend' button.

Frankly though, if your self esteem is so dependent on sombody you are not close to 'liking' a post then it's probably a good thing you deleted your account, craving the validation of 'likes' from people you don't like is ... unhealthy to say the least.

weldoninhio · 20-07-2017 09:19AM

This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever seen on Boards!!

Dravokivich · 20-07-2017 09:41AM

valoren wrote: »

I think this is an example what the OP is referring to.

I remember when our cousin completed a marathon, his first, and posted a picture of his medal naturally delighted.
The post was practically liked by everyone. With a notable exception. He wasn't speaking to a close friend of his after a falling out around the same time, I didn't know the in's and out's, I wouldn't see him that often but they weren't on speaking terms that much I knew.

This friend about an hour after he posted it shared an article about Alex O'Shea (a fireman who ran the race in full Fireman gear for charity). Made some comments about what an amazing achievement it was. He also liked some seperate marathon articles from RTE and 96fm.

Obviously he has seen my cousins photo and completely stonewalled him. They hadn't blocked each other but it's that kind of pointed dig that I'm sure happens a lot on Facebook.

What are you on about?

I've a friend who constantly reposts competitions on Facebook. So I "unfollowed " him. No problem.

Chances are if them too lads aren't mightly keen on each other right now, one of them could have unfollowed the other.

Also, the facebook feed is terrible. It shows you things it thinks you'll be interested in. It's likely depending on how much other stuff runs through facebook the other guy never saw your cousin's post.

Yourself isit · 20-07-2017 09:46AM

I actually feel that FB might die of in a few years.

El Weirdo · 20-07-2017 09:47AM

Yourself isit wrote: »

I actually feel that FB might die of in a few years.

Die of what? Don't leave us hanging!

kunst nugget · 20-07-2017 09:51AM

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

This has to be one of the silliest things I have read on this site.

I was going to like this but then I deliberately didn't just to make you feel bad…

20-07-2017 09:53AM

weldoninhio wrote: »

This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever seen on Boards!!

Bully.

Permabear · 20-07-2017 09:56AM

This post has been deleted.

razorblunt · 20-07-2017 09:56AM

FFS, you didn't share my update, stop bullying me!

That's right up there with 1 Like = AMEN, scroll past if you don't care aboudedyinnnbaabbbbies.
I've gotten into a few arguments with a friend of the wife as I don't "like" or "follow" the pages she sets up for businesses when she sends blanket invites to all her contacts. She's since been defriended, which went down very well!

I do agree, though, that a lot of people are operating under the assumption that they're untouchable behind their monitor. In essence they're true keyboard warriors. Some of them aren't smart enough to not put their employer on the Bios. I've heard of two lads being fired for their FB activity.

retro:electro · 20-07-2017 09:56AM

Maybe someone just doesn't agree or like what you've posted? It doesn't mean they're bullying you. Good grief how do some people manage to get by day to day. I never like or share anything on Facebook. I guess I'm a big bully.

Dravokivich · 20-07-2017 10:03AM

hehe, I just remembered this from a few years ago.

:pac:

angryIreGamer · 20-07-2017 10:06AM

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

In general the internet is not for everyone

it is.

valoren · 20-07-2017 10:14AM

Dravokivich wrote: »

What are you on about?

I've a friend who constantly reposts competitions on Facebook. So I "unfollowed " him. No problem.

Chances are if them too lads aren't mightly keen on each other right now, one of them could have unfollowed the other.

Also, the facebook feed is terrible. It shows you things it thinks you'll be interested in. It's likely depending on how much other stuff runs through facebook the other guy never saw your cousin's post.

It's not a case of you didn't like it....ergo you're bullying me. Or not liking their inane posts.
It's the blatant, calculated digs at someone that nobody else would suspect that is my point.

For example, if I privately loaned money, say a couple of hundred euro, to a friend on my facebook list, but they're haven't paid me back yet. I could easily bully that person by sharing and liking random posts from other FB pages such as memes of pictures including phrases like 'Don't you hate it when you loan money and it never get's repaid?"....or...."People who take money and weasel out of repaying are assholes!" etc etc.

I would be taking a calculated, pointed dig at the 'friend' but everyone else would see those same posts and be completely ignorant of the malicious intent behind it. They might even 'like' the content of the message unaware of the real life situation. If the target of the bullying actually said anything about my tactless digs, I could easily twist it around on them accusing them of the bullying, declaring that I didn't post it myself, I merely liked/shared it, what's the problem etc etc. It's how a psychological bully operates. Provoke, then play the victim, if called out on the provocation.

Dealing with such bullies in real life is akin to this; (an absurdist example obviously)

You are a fool!
Are you accusing me of being stupid?
Are you accusing me of making accusations!?!
What you said is untrue and totally uncalled for
More accusations! And you are calling me a liar now too? You’re being hostile and just name calling now..it’s pathetic...leave me alone.
Why would you say that to me!?
You are harassing me now. You were told to leave me alone.
No, I want an explanation. Why would you say I'm a fool?? Explain what you meant by that.
I TOLD you to stop harassing me! Look everyone, I am being victimized by that evil person! And for NO reason!!!!!!!

messy tessy · 20-07-2017 10:18AM

andekwarhola wrote: »

I didn't give this post a like.

There were some other fantastic posts that I did like though.

Deliberate mindgames yo!

messy tessy · 20-07-2017 10:19AM

Dravokivich wrote: »

hehe, I just remembered this from a few years ago.

:pac:

This thread is absolutely bonkers but was worth reading for this alone!

BuilderPlumber · 20-07-2017 10:58AM

Silver Lynel wrote: »

"a deliberate form of bullying by deliberately not liking 'friends' pages, posts, etc. or by talking nonstop to them one day and deliberately ignoring them the next."

I'm sorry but this does not make any sense to me at all.

Under what circumstances am I obligated to "like" someones posts or pages on Facebook?

What if I don't log in on Monday and Tuesday and don't have the time to scroll all the way through the timeline to like everything that's deemed important enough to like?

What if I have a lot of friends and liked pages who are posting sometimes 10 times per day? I can't go through all of that. I will generally scroll down a little bit and then get on with my day. It's simply not possible to see everything.

So, yeah, I might be talking to someone via Facebook on Friday evening as I get ready to pack things up for the weekend and they might be telling me about their wedding or their marathon they will do on Saturday and that's all great.

So now I have to make sure I am online on Saturday and on Facebook and then have to go to that specific persons page to give them likes?

If I don't do that I'm a bully?

That you would honestly demand that people like your stuff on Facebook, else they be labelled a bully, seems an almost unbelievable sense of entitlement.

Read the REST of what I posted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BuilderPlumber · 20-07-2017 11:00AM

anna080 wrote: »

Maybe someone just doesn't agree or like what you've posted? It doesn't mean they're bullying you. Good grief how do some people manage to get by day to day. I never like or share anything on Facebook. I guess I'm a big bully.

It HAS to be done along with other things as I already explained. You will KNOW when you are dealing with a mindgames bully. Believe me.

20-07-2017 11:02AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

Read the REST of what I posted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, you're coming as a bit 'emotional' in your posts there friendo.

Bullying and Nastiness on Facebook and Twitter

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